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The Life of Tim

Volume 1: The Life of Tim In a world of magic and heroes, Tim, an ordinary law abiding citizen, experiences absolutely nothing bad. Life is just hunky-dory for him. His life definitely does not get ruined by any heroes not doing their jobs, and he totally does not commit several war crimes in the course of getting his life back on track. You cannot prove anything. Nothing out of the ordinary here! Very wholesome, 10/10 experience. -- A proofreader that is definitely not being held at gunpoint Volume 2: The Life of Ellie In a world of magic and otherworldly heroes, Ellie is a good girl that goes around singing happy songs. At no point in time are there any terrible grudges she has to pursue. I swear by my dear old mother that she most definitely does not break the Geneva Convention multiple times in order to make things right. She's just a sweet little girl with a blanket poncho who most certainly has not put two-and-two together to realize that the heroes are why she has lost everything twice over. Please. I swear it's the truth. -- Cato and Dentatus have my wife and kids. This is a legitimate plea for help. Updates every Tuesday. Cover art by Dentatus Discord: https://discord.gg/576xkHb9aB

CarthagoDelendaEst · 奇幻
分數不夠
102 Chs

Prologue: In Which the Heroes do a Good Thing

The castle of the Demon Lord was silent. Formerly a bustling, thriving castle the center of demon culture and commerce, the castle was instead silent and riddled with holes. Gray bodies of fallen demon warriors could be seen strewn about like ragdolls, their flesh mangled into almost unrecognizable messes. The gates, punctured by a single mighty attack, hung askew. The mighty demon lord, ruler of the castle and of his race, lay still and tired upon the cold flagstones that made up his floor. His great body shudders and moves no longer.

"Damn, that guy took forever to take out! Hope he drops some good loot!", a somewhat large, almost piggish man exclaims with a cheerful grin. The man steps forward, over the corpse of a fallen maid demon, sheathing his precious katana as he greedily imagines what the "final boss" would give him. To his left, a teenager twirls his knife in his hand. His slim body looks out of place among this gathering of warriors, but his almost homicidal grin makes up for his obvious physical failings. "Careful porky, if you drop your guard and get killed because of it, you'll never have a chance to live out your disgusting fantasies." The teenager chuckles, managing to make even a gesture as innocent as that appear threatening and sick.

"Enough! Kevin, Adrian, we didn't come this far just to argue and bicker among ourselves. The deed is done and our world is safe. Give at least some respect and dignity to the dead." The heavily armored cleric to their right shakes her head. "Seriously. Working with these psychopaths is even worse now that they got an ego boost. The next chance I get, I'm ditching these guys." She thinks to herself, dropping closer to the fallen demon lord's neck and checking for a pulse. Feeling relief at finding none, the cleric stands back up and addresses her companions, looking mainly at the man and the women hiding in back, behind Kevin and Adrian.

"Come on everyone, the job is done. Let's just take what will help the kingdom and leave the rest. I do not wish to stay in this evil place for longer than I have to." Pointing at the timid-looking man and woman in back, the cleric gestures forwards.

"Are you sure it's safe, Elena? That battle was super scary!" The timid-looking man shivers, his face turning green as he glances at the carnage scattered around the room.

"Ha! I know what you mean, coward!" Adrian exclaims, finally sheathing his knife at his side. "Even I didn't expect the demon lord's own maids to sacrifice themselves for his wellbeing! At least those grunts provided a nice, soothing break from fighting that tough bastard." Almost to follow up on his point, Adrian lifts up one of the severed heads on the ground near him. He pinches its jaw and moves its mouth with his free hand. "Hi! I'm just some stupid demon who got in the way of the big boys! Please don't worry about stabbing me to death and cutting of my head to atone for my mistakes! I've been a bad girl!"

A heavy smack, followed by a shout of anger, ended the teen's macabre joke. "Don't desecrate corpses, Adrian. Next time you do, you will face worse than a punch." Elena angrily growls, brushing her hands on the hilt the longsword at her heavily armored waist. "Warren, Eleanor, don't worry. The battle is finished. Just get over here so we can leave this foul place and return to the capital." Meekly following the cleric, Warren and Eleanor, with Adrian following, walk towards the door, the castle silent once more. That is, until behind them, the four hear an excited shout. "Yes! He dropped his sword! Best! Final! Boss! Ever!"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

After the heroes left, a minor demon pulls itself out from under a beheaded corpse. It limps to the fallen demon king and collapses, shoulders trembling as it cries silently.

After a time it whispers: "My liege. I will avenge you, thine will be done! This I swear." The demon takes its obsidian blade and slashes his palm, then presses the wound to its forehead. It takes away its hand, and presses it trembling to the breastplate of the fallen king. It rises and leaves, the crimson slash on its forehead shining brightly against its ashen skin.

And on the Demon King's breastplate, the blood sizzles and burns black.

Here's the prologue, and your introduction to the dastardly 'heroes' of this poor world.

Sincerely,

Cato

One of two authors

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