Chapter 5

Monday: 24 August

I can see the love cliff and I'm headed to it. But wait a second... is it too early? I mean to fall in love?

Travis is a great guy, he's awesome. When I started speaking to him the whole idea was to distract myself from thinking about Duncan, now I find myself in a whole different situation.

But when I say Travis is different I mean he's totally different, I'm just attracted to different guys, or that's just what I tell myself. I'm mostly into bad boys but when I met Travis he didn't pose as a bad boy but still, I gave him attention since he seem very nice and knows how to treat a girl. I've known Travis for some time now and the reason I didn't let him too close to me was the fact that I was dating Duncan.

Flashback: the day I met Travis.

It's a hot Saturday, my feet are killing me since I've been standing the whole day and all I need is to get home and rest.

"Hey", Duncan stops me as I'm about to step in the bus. It looks full but I wanna get home. "Call me as soon as you get home", he says and I smile, disappearing into the full bus.

I run my eyes around checking if there's any seat open but how could there be one if already there's people standing in the passage way. I walk my way a bit to the back then decide to stand right before the middle part of the bus.

"You can sit on my lap", a guy says with a smile. He's cute, handsome and what gets my attention is how he approaches me. He says I can sit on his lap as if he knows me.

"Oh really?", I smile back at him. "I'm too heavy for you", I can feel my legs begging to be off the floor, so why decline this generous offer.

I take a seat on his lap making him smile. "No you're not heavy, you're actually as light as a baby", he chuckles.

"Yeah, whatever", I giggle.

"You're Nina right?", he asks. I frown, getting all confused from how he knows my name.

"Yes, do I know you?", I ask.

"I don't know, but it's not my first time seeing you", he says. "I'm Travis, we take the same bus every morning",

"Oh really? How come I've never seen you before?",

"I don't know", a soft laugh escape through his lips, showing off his deep dimples. "Maybe I'm one of those guys a beautiful girl never really notice",

I ignore the last part. All I'm thinking is I have a boyfriend and he's a very jealous boyfriend.

"I know you have a younger brother and a twin sister if I'm not mistaken", he says.

"You are mistaken, she's not my twin",

"Really?", he frowns.

"I'm older", I smile my attitude smile, the one that says I really am older. "She's younger by 2 years",

"2 years?", he gives me a surprised look. I don't blame him. Most people think Nala and I are twins. Just that we look a lot alike and mum dressed us the same outfits since we were kids. Now we all grown up and we dress differently, but people still think we twins.

"Yes",

"Alright, thought you guys are twins", he says and I nod.

I pull out my phone and check for notifications. I have a WhatsApp message from my online friend Kusam. Well, he sends me messages everyday and calls everyday. We've been friends since I was in grade 10 I think.

"I always see you when headed to the shopping Center", he says grabbing my attention.

I quickly reply Kusam then turn to him with a smile. "Really? And why haven't you ever said hi?", I ask.

"I guess I've been a chicken. I felt like you were gonna turn me down or something", he shrugs his shoulders.

"Yeah, you just never know right?",

Reality

If I had to compare Travis to the guy I met a few years ago, he's changed. He's still a good guy but now he's got a bit of mystery. Hey... maybe that's the trigger, that's what got my attention.

I do wanna give Travis a chance, but I can't. My heart says no everytime I think about it. Whenever I'm with him, it's just weird, my whole body wants him but my heart denies him.

I was with him last night. Yeap, we were together. He came over to see me around 9:30 PM and we chilled outside my house, in his car and talked. He said he's scared, he's scared that when he gets to let out all his feelings I'll change back to who I was to him. The friend who's always been moody and rude towards him. He's actually crossing his fingers that I don't change my mind about whatever we starting right now. This guy has been through a lot with me and he's still crazy about me.

I don't wanna break his heart, that's why I don't wanna rush into a relationship with him. This thing of love is just too much.

For now, Travis and I see eachother on weekends. I don't know why, guess that's when he gets time. We don't talk much on the phone either, just that I don't want him getting too attached. It's just that I don't wanna end up in a serious relationship with him since he has a child. Yeah, I'm not a fan of baby daddy's, plus Duncan once made me promise that if it happens we separate, I should never go for someone who has a child, those ones never break bond with the baby mama. I told him how I feel about him having a child and I'm starting to feel like he thinks I don't like his child.

"What are you doing?", mum's standing at my bedroom doorway. Im laying on my bed with my diary open and a red pen in hand. That's what I do, I write all my feelings when they get too much.

"Em...", I stare at her then at my diary.

"We going out to see your aunt, wanna come?", she asks.

I shake my head no. I don't feel like going out. "Go, I don't feel like it",

"Okay. Come lock the door then, Kourtney isn't home",

I get up from bed and follow her inside the house. It's 6:15 PM and thank God today was my day off.

"Tell her I say hi", I say as she goes out. Dads already in the driver's seat waiting for mum.

"Yeah, I will",

After locking the door behind them I throw myself on the couch. Luckily the remote is right next to me so I don't have to search around for it. I grab it and browse through the channels to see what's interesting, well, nothing. That's when I remember that Ty, a guy friend of mine who lives 3 streets away from me sent me a movie. I jump off the couch, rushing to my room to get my earphones so I can watch it.

A loud knock on the door sounds as I plug in my earphones.

"Open the damn door woman", Kourtney yells. I roll my eyes and open the door for him.

"You took forever", he jokes.

"Where were you?", I ask.

"Out, obviously", he grabs the TV remote and browse through the channels just like I did. I guess this my cue to head back to my room.

"I'm gonna be in my room", I say as I walk out.

"Yeah, whatever", he yells, mimicking Mordecai from the cartoons The regular Show. We watch those cartoons too much.

I lock my bedroom door, close my blinds since it's dark now and press play on the movie The Old Guard as I get comfortable between my European pillows. I have my light off and the only light I'm getting is from the moon outside and my phone's screen.

It's a romantic, action movie. I love any movie with romance in it. I guess I'm some kind of hopeless romantic.

After watching the movie I text Jullian. I tell her all about the movie and actually download the best scene and send it to her. She's as much as a romantic as I am.

Dude, love will kill you, you know-;

I'll die happily-; I reply along with a smiling emoji.

How are you copying?-; Jullian knows how much I love Duncan and it really hurt her to hear me hurting.

I'm okay. Gosh with this new/old guy, I guess I'll be fine-; I reply.

Oh... listen to you-; she sends blushing emojis with her message. She then starts telling me about the new guy she's been texting a lot. The one she meet here Nelspruit before moving back to her home Town in George.

We text back and forth, laughing, and sharing every story about what goes on in our lives. She's become my best friend in a very short period of time, and I miss her now that I don't see her everyday.

Around 10 PM Nolan calls, "Hey", I pick up.

"Hey what's up? Are you good?",

"Yeah sure", I reply. "Where you working today?", I ask.

"Yeah, was super boring without you", he says.

"Yeah, even though you ignore me most times", I bite my lips as I hold in a laugh. I know by saying this it'll piss him off. He ignores me whenever he can't control his feelings for me.

"Yeah, whatever. You know why I ignore you", he says.

"I don't", here I go again, pushing buttons.

"Nina, I'm not in the mood for your games. But let me ask, why is it that you don't wanna give me chance? Don't you like me?", he asks.

"Like you said, let's not play my games",

"Man", he sighs. "That's actually what irritates about you",

"Then why keep chasing?", I ask.

"Because I wanna be with you. And I know you said let's be friends but I can't do friends. I don't wanna be friends",

"Nolan, baby, what's wrong? We could be great friends. We'll do everything boyfriend and girlfriend do. You'll get to watch me change clothes like a gay friend", I joke. I'm probably getting under his skin by now. If we were at work, he'd leave me standing and walk away.

"You know, are you working tomorrow?", he asks.

"Yes",

"See you at work. Bye", he hangs up.

I must have pushed him too far.

I don't know why I don't let Nolan out of the hook, cause seriously I know I won't date him and I know how strongly he admires me. But yet, I toy with his feelings.

I roll around bed trying to catch some sleep. I haven't been an early sleeper these past few months, I usually sleep around midnight or after midnight.

I log in on YouTube and watch a bit of romantic clips, mostly sad ones. That's when I start missing Duncan. I really miss him.

Tears fall out of my eyes as I think of all the things we used to do together. He's my best friend. He's always been my forever, and now he's not.

I start punching his numbers as tears run down my checks. I'm ready to press the call button but my mind screams NO.

What the fuck am I doing? Do I really wanna call my ex boyfriend at this hour? Why do I fucken show how badly I miss him? He dumped my ass. He cheated and dumped me so why act like an idiotic bitch? Gosh... with that thought, I actually cry myself to sleep.

...

I wake up the next morning with swollen eyes. "Oh great", I murmur as I head to the bathroom.

"Agh", Kourtney rolls his eyes. "What happened to you now?", he asks. He's running around preparing to go to school as much as I'm about to run around preparing to head to work. Mum's already dressed for work and making herself some breakfast. Dad is long gone by this hour.

"Were you crying?", mum asks.

"No", I shake my head. I don't care if she sees right through me but I'm not about to admit that I've been crying cause I don't wanna explain why. "I slept on the wrong side of the bed", I shrug my shoulders.

"Yeah, and that gets your eyes looking like that", Kourtney says sarcastically. "You look like a bug, those ones that live under the ground with big popping eyes", he laughs. "No no, you look like that alian from the movie-",

"Hey stop it", mum scolds him. "Shes your older sister, don't forget that",

I stick out my tongue at him and laugh a silence laughter. He flips his middle finger at me.

"Ha!", I frown. "Mum!", I call out.

"What?", mum replies.

"Did you see what he did?",

"I didn't do anything", Kourtney runs up to mum. "Whatever she's about to tell you, it's a lie", he says. I walk up to mum with a huge smile on my face. I'm about to rat out my brother.

"You're both acting like children right now", mum rolls her eyes.

"But I am a child", I throw my arms over mum's shoulders for a hug.

"Yeah, a big baby", Kourtney jokes as he walks away.

"Nina stop, you too old to be a baby", mum says making me laugh.

After dressing up in my black and white outfit, I head out. I start my shift at 9 AM and by taking the 7AM bus, I'll get to town at 8.