The yellow mouse

It was just another normal day. I was playing Jenga with Fiviana. She took out the brick in the middle. The tower collapsed onto the ground, causing all the bricks to fall on the floor.

"Aw, you win again sis."

"I just remembered, I gotta do something real quick."

I hurried over to my writing desk and wrote a letter.

*Happy birthday!*

It was just a plain and simple text with the words Happy birthday. The person who would be receiving this letter would be my long-distance friend, Hanao.

Back when we were children we would draw cute fictional animals together and give them out to people. We talked at school and had fun. People didn't like Hanao for some reason, they repudiated her. I couldn't see why they hated her so much. Even if people were against being friends with her, I continued to stay by her side and have fun.

But one day, her parents decided to move to the neighboring country of Nautilus, the desert city of Aridune. There they found a higher paying job. Hanao and I would still write letters to each other and send them via mail. It would take around one week before we could get each other's responses but it was still fun being able to connect with her.

She told me about the city she moved in, about getting a cat. She would go on and on about her cat, describing it and how it behaved. I would usually talk about random stuff that recently happened to me which I think she didn't find entertaining.

Our letters never stopped arriving in our mail, until one day. We got an urgent mail from Hanao's family, saying that Hanao had gone missing. It was the first time something like that happened and I didn't know how to react. I didn't know if I should have cried or gone around being anxious, I just felt empty. In the end, not a single tear was shed but I felt worried. But deep down I knew she had to be alive somewhere out there. The first few weeks, I remembered her daily but after months passed by, the memories of her started to fade.

My thoughts told me that I was being inconsiderate and an unloving human for slowly forgetting her. But there was nothing I could do.

Her lips were wet and glancing, her eyes closed, the hair all messy and cascading down all over the place.

As I stared at her, I reminisced about all the memories we had together, those drawings we made. The times we were sending each other letters. Hanao, what happened to you? Why did this happen to you?

"Marlowlia… what's happening?" Zeri asked with unease.

I couldn't just leave Hanao like this, I couldn't bear to see her in such a state. After 5 years, Hanao. I told Zeri to follow me and we ran back in the direction we came from earlier. We went into the storage room and I asked Zeri to pick some clothes that a girl would like.

Zeri slowly pulled her hands away from her face and looked. As she was sniffling she grabbed a sweater and a pair of long jeans. She tapped the pockets of the jeans to make it even out but realized that something was inside the pocket.

She turned the pocket inside out and a piece of folded-up paper fell. I pick it up and look at it. Zeri asks me if she could look at it first, she unfolds it and with teary confused eyes she blurts out:

"A mouse?"

She turned it around to show me.

A pen for a pen, Hanao got the red one and I got the yellow one, we traded pens. With my red pen, Hanao drew something and with her yellow pen, I drew something.

A slot in my memories flowed forth. It was lucent imageries of my past. The drawings we gave out and the happiness we got when people accepted our masterpieces.

I couldn't help but smile as the flashbacks hit me. Hanao was my best friend back then, and I still consider her by that title. But now… she had left me all alone. Everyone keeps walking so far away, even if I maintain a steady fast pace, they keep moving farther away from me.

I can't catch up with them, Fiviana, Hanao, and my friends, they all are so far ahead of me.

Being left behind is so terrifying because there is no one to walk beside with. If there was something in this world that I desired, it would be that I move on faster, so I can keep up with everyone I love.

The picture that I gave Hanao that day, was the same one from 6 years ago. She had kept it for 6 years, it had crumbled and weathered down but it was still the original drawing I drew.

Seeing the picture made me realize how childish I am and how I haven't yet moved on from my past. It showed me how much farther ahead Hanao was than me, how much stronger she was.

I couldn't bear with it anymore and drops of tears dripped down the floor. My eyes had created a flood down my red cheeks and I couldn't stop it. Stammering in between words I asked Zeri to show me the picture again.

She placed it in my hands and sat down on her knees to hug me by the side.

I stared at the yellow mouse I had drawn. The puffy red cheeks the cute zigzag tail. The drawing got bombarded with droplets that fell. I hugged it tightly to my body, we sat there for a good long time. Both were crying, Zeri holding me and me holding the picture.

We went back to Hanao's corpse and put on the clothes Zeri had chosen. Zeri did the same technique as me, stare into the wall and walk at the edge of the blood. We got Hanao completely dressed.

I stood there looking at her one final time. I folded and placed the piece of paper back into her front pocket just as we found it.

"Hanao, thank you for being my one and only best friend for those years."

I couldn't stop the drops of water from flowing down my eyes. This time it was more controlled and I didn't feel overwhelmed by it anymore.

"I'm sorry Hanao, I wasn't able to grow up after all."

Zeri and I turned our backs and walked away, I looked back one final time, seeing Hanao sitting there all alone covered in blood. It was time for me to move on, I had to grow up, for her sake.