My friends don't see me

I stood up from my sit ignoring the irrelevant questions in my head, questions I had no answers to. Questions I didn't Even want to know the answers to.

I walked to the front of the class to meet my best friend. She was the class representative of my class hence she was important, and I was not. I was just a mere tag along.

My lecturer before leaving gave her a lot of handouts to sell to the class and right about now she was surrounded by my classmates who wanted to purchase the handouts. I was completely ignored by her.

Of course you will be ignored. Don't forget you are a nobody. Pain whispered into my ears chuckling darkly.

I ignored him. He's a sad demon. He won't get me this time.

"Sofia, are you not coming down with me?" I asked my busy best friend. While I gave way for a girl and her group of friends to pass.

I could barely make her out from the crowd of people that surrounded her. This was because she was pretty much shorter than I was, coupled with the fact that she was as dark as many of the people who surrounded her.

My voice was drowned in the crowd, unheard. In the crowd I wasn't noticed because I wasn't who the world needed and even when I was noticed I yearned for isolation. Solitude was my drug and I was addicted for life.

Yet, a part of me wished to be noticed even a little, even if only by my best friend.

She doesn't want to speak to you can't you see! Leave her alone and go crawl up into your cave. No one wants to speak to you. No one knows you. You are nothing. You should die.

Sofia drowned in the crowd, so many shouting and impatient voices filled the air making a sound that pained my ears and chest.

I stood by the corner of the class waiting for her, I stood alone. I kept waiting but she never looked back to acknowledge my presence. In the crowd I became lost, that's why I never followed the crowd. She was lost, she followed the crowd.

Even when solitude was the only thing I desired I still became sad when I got it. I wanted isolation with people, yet I wanted them to see me. Like me being in a transparent cave. But how was it possible. Can you eat your cake and have it?.

You will always be alone. I am your only companion. Give in to me already. Take the pain away finally. No one will notice, no one will care, you are just an insignificant number. Life will go on without you. Give in Lora!

I need to be saved.

No one cares about you Lora can't you see that

I wanted to walk with Sofia but then again I wanted my solitude and even if I didn't desire solitude I still could not have walked with her because she has left me. She didn't even notice me. Pain is right no one cares about me.

She chose the crowd over me over and over again and I was used to it. But if I was used to it why did it hurt like it did the first time.

Finally giving up I turned away ready to leave. Then I saw my other close friend Amaya. She was a queen too.

It's funny you know, how a slave like you can surround herself with so many royalties. Are you hoping that their class would rub of on you and you will become royalty too? Pain laughs.

I feel sorry for you. You know nothing. They are not your class you belong with the very scums of the earth. You cannot escape me. You must give in to me and as long as I am here you will remain enslaved to me. Pain threatens.

"Lora? Are you going to your room now? Follow me I have to buy something for someone, " Amaya called to me. She was looking at her phone and paying me no mind. But I was grateful that she called me so that at least Pain could finally let me be

"Yes, I am going now, I was waiting for Sofia but she's lost in the crowd already, " I replied her looking at the door, looking into the distance, looking for a light to go on to. Pain wanted to drown me in darkness.

I wanted to leave now. The crowd had become so much more now since carryover students had decided to join in the struggle for the material.

I didn't want to get lost in the crowd too. it was in the crowd I felt lonely the most. Pains voice became louder in the crowd.

"I pity her! so much stress! anyway let's go" Amaya said, licking her lips. She walked out of the class with her phone still in hand and me following behind like a lost puppy.

You will always be behind. Pain says.

She greeted some of our school mates on the way to the store and I joined in. We laughed and joked about stuffs and I smiled.

They all greeted her but only talked to me because I was with her, her shadow.

My laugh was always fake because in my heart their was a sadness that consumed me, a sadness that I was accustomed to.

A sadness that I couldn't let go of because it had come to define me. No one noticed that my laughter was fake either they didn't care or maybe I was a really good actress.

All of the options seemed probable but it hurt all the same because in my heart I knew that I was a very bad actress so they didn't care.

No one cares. How many times will I tell you this Lora? No one cares. No one will ever care. Just do it. Give in to me girl!