45- Silence
Sirius blinked his eyes and suddenly, he was back in The Estate with Saoirse, disoriented. He realized he was clutching her hand tightly, which was rested on her belly. She was petting the soft mixture of feathers and hair on his head as she stared past him, lost in thought. The gentle motion smoothed the divide between the black on one side of his head and the white on the other.
Her face still had the remnants of dry tears. When he awoke from his vision, she didn't smile at him like she normally did.
"Hey," he said, his voice hoarse from sleep. "The doctor hasn't come yet?"
"He did," she said quietly.
"What?" Sirius pushed himself up on his elbows, he had been kneeling at the side of her bed but now he shot up to stand. "What did he say?"
Her lips pressed into a thin line. "He took some blood and left. Then he came back and said I'm not testing positive for pregnancy. He said the second line on the test was probably a fluke, but since I'm the Luna, I can stay and rest if I'm still worried." Her tone was devoid of emotion, detached, and her eyes stayed fixed on a spot beyond him.
Sirius frowned. Normally, he would've exploded at the doctor's dismissal, demanded an ultrasound or something more definitive. But the weight of his vision he had just experienced lingered, his unanswered questions weighed on him, tired him out. He studied Saoirse's face—her calmness felt forced. He didn't want to add to her distress.
"Do you want to go back to the apartment then?" he asked.
She shook her head silently.
"Are you hungry? Since you threw up earlier?" he tried again.
This time, she nodded, just barely.
The experience he had just gone through put a lot on his mind. He wanted to ask Saoirse if she knew what happened next, between the time that her parents had gotten pregnant to the time that they had run into Alastor again.
As they stepped into the brisk night, Sirius' mind was lost in thought about this. He wasn't trying to be unconcerned about their baby. Truthfully, he doubted that worrying right now would do much good. His mind felt a little apart from his current situation now after living so many years watching someone else's life. It was a lot to process.
Saoirse shivered a bit when she stepped outside and instinctively coated herself in a bit of fur, though in this moment, she didn't care if she felt the cold. Her body wasn't particularly bothered by it ever since she had connected with her ice powers that one time. If she was interested in it lately, she would have tried to figure out how she had done it, but not now.
Naturally, Sirius ran hot, so cold didn't bother him either. He glanced down at his bloodied clothing, because it wasn't appropriate for the weather.
Right. Linus…. His gaze darkened. The fight with his father, Linus's death—it all felt like a lifetime ago, but now he had found himself back in reality.
He wasn't sure why Amali had revealed her past to him, or how, but he made the sudden realization: Even if I change the past, someone would have died, and Saoirse' would have still gotten hurt.
He pondered if all of his life's hardships were really Amali's fault.
Sirius didn't think that it was all her fault. In the end, Alastor had become evil by himself. Sirius determined that even if he lost his beloved, he would stay good. He would be on Odin's side. Perhaps, by befriending Alastor, Amali had only sealed her fate. Sirius wouldn't fall for his father's charm. He wouldn't give him pity. He knew better.
As his thoughts rambled on, word that the Luna had been discharged circulated and as they went outside, it only took around ten minutes for the news to reach the crowd of news reporters and pack members that eagerly waited for an update.They rushed over towards them and shoved each other frantically, taking pictures of the couple and trying to ask them questions about the Luna's pregnancy. About the Alpha's death. But he dismissed their questions and guided Saoirse into a car that had pulled up for them.
"Leave now. The Luna is fine. It was just a scare." He said harshly. Not confirming or denying the pregnancy, which made the gossipers more eager.
"Did the doctor say if she will be alright? Is there really going to be an heir?"
"I said leave us!" He snapped.
He ignored the frenzied follow-ups, stepped into the car, and pressed a button. The windows darkened, shielding them from prying eyes.
Saoirse leaned against the window, her breath fogging the glass. "It wasn't just a scare," she whispered, barely audible.
Sirius hesitated. "We'll be fine once we've eaten something," he said gently. "Honestly, I don't trust the doctor. Linus said he saw our daughter when he died—maybe we just need to stay hopeful."
Saoirse turned to him, her eyes burning with unshed tears. "So she must have died before anyone hit me, then?" Her voice cracked, trembling with restrained grief.
"What? No... I don't know," he admitted, his own voice faltering. "That's not what I was trying to say!"
"I know, but…." She broke into a sob at the thought. "Oh Sirius, something must be wrong with me….."
"Saoirse, we just… have to be patient."
This made Saoirse sob. "I've been patient!" She cried.
"Nice going." His beast seemed to mutter. "I thought I was the one who was insensitive."
Sirius swallowed hard and struggled to think of what to do. He didn't know what to say. They pulled into the restaurant that Saoirse had recently become fond of.
As the car came to a stop, Saoirse didn't unbuckle her seatbelt. "Just order food to go. I don't want to see people right now." She said as she watched families entering the establishment, holding the hands of their kids.
Sirius sighed. "It will get better, you'll see…."
"I don't want to hear that from you! Just go!" She snapped. For a moment, her eyes grew harsh, the blue sapphires glowing with indignation, resembling her mother's.Then, as quickly as her anger had appeared, she turned back around again.
He got out of the car hesitantly.
When he came back, she had fallen asleep exhausted, and was curled up on the seat in the form of a wolf. Her soft breathing was undesturbed as he opened the car door and got back in.
He sat beside her and ate, watching the steady rise and fall of her ribs. His gaze drifted to her belly—slightly swollen in his opinion. His jaw tightened. He wished that the doctor had checked on her more. Perhaps she wouldn't be in such a sorry state right now if he had.
Over the next few weeks, Saoirse continued throwing up, but refused to see a doctor again. She refused to have an ultrasound, and stayed in bed all day.
Sirius didn't know what to do about her depression.
He did his best to take care of Lachlan on his own. He moved all of his things out of their bedroom and put it all back in the empty room that it used to be in, and set up some blankets on the floor for himself.
Lachlan woke up multiple times in his sleep, seeming to have nightmares that terrified him. Occasionally, Sirius felt an uneasy aura emitting from him, bearing a sinister resemblance to his own demon. He began to wonder just who was this child's mother.