Yearning heart

Isabelle arrived a few minutes later to the dinner than usual. Annette and Cassian were already sat down and talking casually. She curtsied and sat down at the far end of the table which was the closest to the door, but furthest from Cassian.

She was silent as they ate but she looked at Cassian curiously a few times. He might have spoke casually to Annette but he sat straight as if he had a rod in his back, his movements were calculated, and somehow, he still seemed reserved and unapproachable to the outsiders. His answers were mostly short and emotionless, regardless of how much enthusiasm Annette has showed.

Isabelle's mind, however, was occupied in trying to see through him. Not literally, of course.

There was someone that he loved deeply and for whom he risked his own life and safety of his knights, soldiers, and kingdom. This man who was seen by many as a good ruler but also unforthcoming. He sat beside his friend with whom he has known for years but yet, he showed no emotions.

This man loved someone so dearly… he mistook Isabelle for someone when he was delirious while injured. Someone he didn't want to leave.

Isabelle's heart ached for him. He married her instead of whoever he truly loved. He married her instead of real Adeline. He sacrificed his love and was so cruelly tricked into marrying her.

Isabelle was deep in thought when she realised that Cassian looked back directly at her and his eyes were piercing through her. She froze. She wasn't sure how long she stared at him and how long he noticed it for.

And now, his eyes entranced her and she struggled to look away. For the first time ever, Isabelle could see pain in his eyes that he tried to conceal. She saw so much sorrow that she felt her insides twist. She felt pity for him. She bowed her head in shame, the top of her head burning from his gaze. She never dared to look at him like that.

Annette hasn't noticed anything as she continued talking about something frivolous. She didn't even notice that Cassian stopped paying attention. After catching Isabelle's gaze, he looked at her with interest. She looked directly at him for a good few moments, her eyes not diverting, but instead studying him. He felt a flood of emotions: excitement, curiosity, worry. He hoped that Annette's influence will make Isabelle more confident and this was a reassurance that he was right.

He smiled as Isabelle looked down and blushed in embarrassment. It was the longest that she looked at him since before everything that happened, nearly eight years ago.

It was true, Isabelle had eight years of life experience that he knew nothing about. She was seventeen when he last saw her. Barely weeks later her grandfather passed away and she moved to the castle.

In the meantime, he went to study abroad. When he returned he learnt of the war spreading through Galbore and he fought for three years straight. And after their victory, he was so battered that it took him months before he could claim his prize - Isabelle. The best prize he could have ever asked for.

In those years, he changed immensely. The war tore him apart, physically and mentally. What he saw and did was oftentimes an unbearable burden.

Maybe she didn't recognise him because of how much the war destroyed him? He wondered to himself.

Isabelle excused herself straight after their dinner, eager for a warm bath and a warm bed after getting soaked earlier. Cassian looked after her longingly as she vanished down the corridor. He almost completely forgot that Annette was still talking to him as he was hypnotised by Isabelle's hair bouncing around with her every step. The rain washed off all the powder that stiffly held her hair up in the morning bringing her hair back to its natural state.

Whilst Isabelle took a bath and contemplated about Cassian and his private life that she knew so little about, Cassian thought of her and her mesmerising eyes that looked directly at him.

The next day, Samuel invited Annette over for tea to give Isabelle some free time that she could spend in the greenhouse. He also used that opportunity to try to find out what Annette was up to but nothing obvious came up. Instead, they reminisced on their shared past when they were younger over the tea.

After that, Isabelle returned to her lessons and she did her best to learn of all the poems she was supposed to know, all the little etiquette rules such as that she must cut up her meal one bite at once, or that she should only stir the sugar in her tea from top to bottom and never clockwise.

And every minute she could escape, she would be in the greenhouse or in the library learning of things Annette wouldn't teach her, of the wars and battles of Ariadna, of great famish a century earlier, of the plague.

Isabelle was so occupied that she hasn't really noticed that she spoke to Cassian less and less during the meals. However, Annette was keen to tell him of what they did that day, often answering questions intended for Isabelle. After a while, Isabelle just expected her to answer them and didn't even make an attempt in opening her mouth. She didn't mind.

She glanced at Cassian more often, trying to read him and decipher his personality.

And it was one evening when she looked at him and Annette that she started to wonder if she were the person that he held so dearly. They were a beautiful and fitting pair in Isabelle's eyes. It made sense that he would want her close to him, even if he couldn't have her by marriage.

Isabelle always made sure to be kind to Annette, regardless of her own frustrations, but since she thought of how important Annette must be to Cassian, she tried even harder to be nice to her and to not cause her trouble during the lessons.

The life in a castle was uneventful for the week or so already.