When people spoke of rebirth, the first thing that comes to my mind is Taylor Swift in 2017, with her hit song "Look What You Made Me Do". I had always envied her for taking such a bold step, killing herself even when I knew she didn't (and be reborn into a bad bitch). Of course, she was probably fed up with being the nice guy, constantly taking shit from people and the countless years and years of heartbreaks. It probably was the hardest thing she had to do, but as I stared down at my lifeless body in my room, my life hanging by a thread, with each end being held by two women I'd never met, telling me that my life was in my hands, and the next turn it would take, depends on my answer; I realized that I was right to envy her, her's was child's play.
Explaining how I went from sleeping in my room, after the most disturbing body pains and scattered mental state, to my soul refusing entry back into my body, would seem like something off a book, but it wasn't.
I had wished for death. I wasn't suicidal, neither did I try to hurt myself, ever, but there are times life dealt horribly with me and made me want to drop dead, leave this world for good and never return, and this time it was no different, I was fed up with living, and I wanted it to end, but I was too much of a coward to do anything myself.
When I was younger, I was the healthiest girl out of all three kids in my family, and I took great pride in it. My sisters, Lia and Dinah, were always sick, and I'd take care of them with joy in my heart. Being the middle child with no weight to my being a part of the family, I was extremely glad that I had something to do, that I had a way to stay relevant. I would squeal in joy when. I heard one of my sisters complaining about any discomforts, and maybe my joy for nursing them back to health was taken the wrong way, maybe I wished for something darker without realizing it, because that could be the only reason why my two sisters and my parents died in a car accident, while coming back from the hospital on that day, two years ago.
I had never been the same after their deaths, I constantly felt ill. I harbored hate in my heart for myself and my family, and even when I tried to be happy, when I tried to make friends and live a normal life as people urged me to do, it didn't feel right.
I never knew what made me sick, and doctors didn't know either, because all my tests and full body scan always came out clean, free from sickness, but I wasn't okay, I was sick and I knew it.
The pain had gotten worse, it came with full force and was too much for me to handle, there were no drugs to take and no one to call, so I lay on my bed and called for death as people do in movies. I prayed for the angel of death to take me away. My prayers seemed to have been heard, because the next jolt of pains that coursed through my body, I wasn't ready for them, and like the coward I am, I cried for help. I asked the universe to help me, to save me, to make me whole again. I was too late.
Fate and Order, they called themselves, the women that stood before me, with smiles on their pale faces. Fate was slightly shorter than Order, she had chubby cheeks and a soft smile, the kind you'd call "home". Order looked a bit strict, she looked like the type of person to beat you up and take your things, she looked mean, but she was far from being mean. The two women wore identical white robes that had gold streaks in the embroidery. It looked hella expensive and something you won't get in the real world, but it was simple and tailor-made to fit their heavenly bodies.
"Child, the choice is yours," the corners of Fate's lips coiled; the smile taking control of me, as she waved her gloved hands towards me when she spoke. It was the third time she had said, "the choice is yours,". The choice didn't feel like mine when all I could see were her empty eyes, telling me where to go and what choice to select.
"You're scaring her off, let her make this decision herself," Order warned, probably noticing my state of confusion. I sighed. This was far from the life I planned for myself. Even when I wished I would die, I wished I would find myself in a valley filled with the best flowers, fruits, and more importantly, my family. I wished I would die and be reunited with them since we all died untimely deaths, but I was wrong.
"Not everyone gets a second chance at life. I want to know what she will make of it," I closed my eyes. Why was this happening? I was going to get a second chance at life, so I didn't understand the uneasiness that took hold of my being.
I shot a glance at my body. I had no one, no one but myself, and usually I didn't feel bad or bothered by it, but now, as I watched my body lie helplessly on the bed, I realized how sad my life was. No one would look for me, no one would notice me gone, no one would miss me.
"Why did I live such a sad life?" The hand placed on my shoulder startled me but I didn't move, knowing it was one of the two women behind me.
"Child, don't think about the past, come, make the right choice and explore a world beyond your imagination,"
"Fate! It's her decision to make," Order interjected. Both women seemed to only want what's best for me, but I was too scared to make a decision.
I had a chance to change the course of my life; to make friends, to live the life I've always wanted to live and to die happy and fulfilled.
"Child, if you need more time to think about it, you can go ahead. We don't want to force you into doing something you don't want to or something you'll regret," Order grabbed my shoulders.
Warm.
Order's hands on my shoulders were warm, and as I reeled into her touch, a part of me that felt like my heart, felt the warmth. This was what I wanted, this was all I ever wanted; a soft and warm touch to keep me sane, to keep evil away. I deserved at least one warm touch like this one.
I made up my mind.
"I've made my decision!" I turned to both women, who were startled at my sudden bravery.
"Child."
"I'll take it. Let me make peace with myself. I want to live again," the tears welling up in my eyes was the proof of my will to live, to love, and to be loved.
"Although we must warn you," Fate sighed.
"You have to be very careful, Child," both women said in unison.
The last thing I recall before everything faded to black, was Fate's coy smile.