LENIEY...

When birthdays come up, people think of champagne, drinks, some cakes, some enjoyments, and occasionally a full-time celebration for the person with the birthday. As I had said, that was Kelvin's birthday, and Kelvin was my boyfriend. Some say beer never breaks people's hearts; others say trust what one says when drunk for the truth is hidden in that; well, I say, I wish I had never drunk.

That day, after our game, we drove to one of his friend's family's house in London. The house was empty as the dude had stated; it was used to being rented out to major occupants in the area, but those who lived there had left and it was empty, therefore, helping us save money. Kelvin's friends and company had prepared everything: cakes, party nights, and bitches were all over the place; most of them were his course mates and some other friends; they all were hot, I ain't gonna lie. I was forced into drinking, and I of course had a lot on my mind: my reencounter with Leniey, Azzin I don't know if anyone understands the situation I am in or if there is someone somewhere in this world who does. So we enjoyed the night, a lot of shot taking, weed smoking, smashing, passing, gridding, some threesomes, crazy as hell, but that night was hell to someone like me. At first, it was nice. We sang to the birthday boy, gave him cake as usual, and washed him down with the champagne and spirits that were available. We then left together for the rooftop, which had a small pool. Kelvin was never a fan of noise or a party pleaser. He preferred a quiet, serene setting where he could enjoy nature. As we were resting, his friends came in and started screaming at us to take shots since it was his birthday. And that's when I messed up. When drunk, I sometimes speak a lot, sometimes am quiet, sometimes am horny, and other times I pass out. That day I was drunk, too drunk; my phone was off; and I did not even have an idea of where it was.

Sitting in a cabana, I started thinking about my life and everything. This is what happens to me when I'm drunk. I rethink the past and just think, and later on I pass out. My mind froze, and started rewinding, from the time I spent with Jake, my best friend. I wonder how he is even now. Did he stop being gay? Does he miss me? He was too cute to be gay, but I loved him regardless—his crazy stories, his love, and everything about him—but the moment he graduated, he never reached out to me. He kept his accounts private and couldn't reach out to him since he had then changed his username on Instagram and Twitter. My thoughts revoked from that to my psychology course mates. As I have seen, some of them are doing their masters, others are in jobs that do not account to the course, and those who were luckily sponsored by a certain bank have had the opportunity to work with them. Then a thought of Leniey flashed through my mind—the acts he had done in the stadium, the way he wanted to kiss me or something like that—and honestly, I ain't gon lie that day, I would have kissed Leniey back, and I would have cheated on Kelvin for the first time. I guess I zoned out through my thoughts and woke up in some bed; next to me was Kelvin, and with his morning sound, he greeted me, calling me a sleepy head, a light weight drinker, and stuff. I always shunned him and laughed it out. That day went pretty much well, as I would say, the whole week, when today, Kelvin started a curious conversation with me in the car as he was driving me to school because we had a radio session with Eva, as usual. "I have been meaning to ask you this for some time." Honestly, at that moment he looked calm and curious, just trying to accept the thought, "Who is Leniey?" He finished. Of course, I knew how well I talked about Leniey; he was an illusion, and so I stated with a laugh, "We aren't talking about this again? You already know I don't know someone like that. C'mon, love." He did not say a word but continued driving for some time and then calmly stated, "You called me Leniey, on my birthday." I knew, despite how calm he was, he was burning inside, but honestly, how the f*ck would I blurt Leniey's name on Kelvin? How stupid of me. Also, if my girlfriend or boyfriend would do this, I don't think I would ever forgive them; it would hurt me daily, for it's everyone's wish for their loved ones to call out their names when asleep. We did not talk much, for I kissed him goodbye to join Eva and start our session. Either way, the day has been busy. We are doing some clearance and follow-ups in regard to graduation, so today, we haven't met with Kelvin; he hasn't either texted or called me. But honestly, this time I don't know how to talk to Kelvin. Should I come clean with him? Or should I lie? What if he realizes Leniey is the guy providing them with the opportunity of a lifetime to pursue a modeling career?

As I am rethinking the thoughts, I see from some distance Kelvin, Leniey and some people talking, with which he sees me but assumes my existence, something he has never done to me. Am currently sitted outside the mass communication head of department office, waiting for Ana to finish talking to some of our listeners. We usually have schedule dates for each person and today being her day, she sure had to do the job. Seeing the assume, I am offered, I decide to start sketching pictures on my note pad. I was actually drawing nothing, or maybe that that could be something to some people. I didn't know how much I was drawn to the art when I heard two people talking "…okay." Was what I heard and so I rose my head to observe who was talking, when I saw it was Leniey talking to the Eva. Why? Do they know each other? However, Eva smiles at me and they both walk towards me when Eva starts, "today's people are really broken." "Why?" I replied, "the confessions, the words, the radio station has turned into therapy session, sometimes I don't know even the advice to give them." She replies in agitation, with which Leniey and I look at each other, when Leniey blurts, "Angel? Weren't you doing psychology course back in your motherland?" This was something I had never told anyone not even the closest person in my life; not even Kelvin. Kelvin just knew this was a scholarship, period. I preferred not to share much of my past for I was scared of remembering this guy and my sins with him. As soon as he had spoken those words, he corrected as if reading my thoughts, "Oh sorry, Have remembered you are doing literature now." Ana laughed to that, for she was starting to make faces unto me. Leniey, knew me presumably, he knew when I was mad, sad, hurt, angry and unsatisfied, how else wouldn't you know your course mate, with whom you seem to like? "So Angel, what do you like? Food." Leniey asked. I did not know what to say to that, every question Leniey gave me since meeting has been some kind of trap and so I answered, "Why is that? I have a boyfriend." Leniey smirked to that and continued, "You think I wanted to take you out?" after that Eva interrupted, "maybe you want to steal her from the secretary general." This made me nervously laugh, and I knew this laugh Leniey knew so well, the type of laugh without genuine feelings and so he stated, "why? Isn't she unstealable." And Eva replied, "Unless you will give her a life like he does. Do you know he has always driven her on and off school since they've known each other? Plus the numerous adventure and everyone in the school admires this couple." Leniey seemed hurt from the words and for the first time, the eyes, with which I adored so much looked straight in my eyes as if asking, 'why? Or is she speaking the truth? Can't I have a chance?' but he just looked at me and plainly said, "well, am soon to be a known model, I am the brand ambassador of many companies. Why wouldn't I fill the spaces of richness she'll have left behind?" Ana knew my story, I had told her the truth, she knew it was this Leniey and she knew everything and she was pushing, pushing much off and being curious and I knew she would tease me with the random eye contact we would make with Leniey. The looks of nervousness and anxiety. When she started, "Leniey, do you think Angel is pretty?" Leniey just laughed. I knew he thought she was playing, but the truth was she was excavating some hidden things we both Leniey and I, the subjects shared. As we were chatting and awkwardly trying to reach out eye contact with each other, Kelvin arrived and stated, "Hello Ana, Leniey, Angel, c'mon, let's leave." Kelvin had never called me by my name and I knew we would have the busiest discussion ever which might turn from soft talk to range or from range to love or from love to heartbreak or from togetherness to losing one another.

On the road, Kelvin didn't alter a single word; he just whistled to some Central European song that was hitting the speaker. Through the front camera, I could see Leniey side-eyeing me and then watching outside when Kelvin spoke, "Hey man, Leniey, I have some errands; I'll be coming at around twelve. Can I trust you with my girl? Then we will head to my apartment; I don't wish to drive back and forth." And with a nod, Leniey replied. We arrived at my department, and Kelvin hugged me goodbye, entered his car, and left. Entering through the hallway to my apartment was a quiet encounter, during which I opened my door and requested Leniey to come in. There was pretty much only food on the fridge that I could quickly prepare, and so as I was heading to the kitchen corner, Leniey followed me. He did not feel like talking, and neither did I. At this time, I was so evading to look at his eyes, for I knew my weakness lay there, when he stated, "Are you evading me?" I just looked at him and continued keeping myself busy when he continued, "Let me help." I gave him a knife, and we started preparing the food together. He talked so much, and I answered by either nodding or shaking my head. His questions were not private; he just asked me about London, the school, graduation, and my future plans, my live sessions, and all that. After the food was ready, we parked it well and headed to the sofa sets, and I opened the large screen and put on a certain random movie. Honestly, today, I did not want any disturbances, any confusion, or any regrets. I was scared to lose Kelvin; he had been nothing but good to me, and losing him would mean losing someone with a big heart. I don't think he would ever be the same again. He had already lost all trust in me but still stuck around because he loved me. Leniey, luckily, understood the assignment and didn't say a word. We watched the movie silently, and only the small breaths from our nostrils could be heard. I was so caught up with the movie when looking back, I realized Leniey had removed his jeans, and then he flatly stated, "They were burning me, and it's at night." I did not care about the words, his package, the way it drew across his boxers, I knew he noticed, and how I so much wanted to avert my eyes, how I so much didn't want this, sexual frustrations, and it was him for goodness sake. I took all my courage and just left for the bathroom to freshen up. Leniey knew I still had feelings for him, but his removing his trousers was one thing I never understood; Kelvin would kill him for this. I then left the bathroom, and he was still watching the movie, sitting like a model in his Calvin Klein boxers; he however, looked great honestly. I did not want any interruption, and so I stated, "Let me go and sleep. Goodnight. Wake me up when Kelvin arrives." As I was heading for the door to my room, Leniey from behind hugged me. The hug was tight; it made me feel everything—the blood rush, the goosebumps, everything. And then he stated, "I can't control myself when you are around. I don't know how to impress you anymore. You enjoyed me being quiet and cold, but this time you don't even look for me. How do I get your attention, Angel?" His voice was deep, and when he lowered his face and kissed my neck, it was a spot he alone awoke, he alone impacted, and I knew this might lead to us doing some sins. His bulge had grown bigger, and I could feel it tightly pointing at me on my lower back near my ass. He then lightly turned and looked at me in the eyes. I was already helpless; within his presence, I had no control. He cupped my face between his hands and, with my consent, kissed me. The first kiss was a light blush, and then the urge followed, not just from him alone but also from me. I don't know what happened, but he was already carrying me towards the bedroom, as if he knew the place, when a knock distracted everything; Kelvin it was, and we had to reorganize. Especially, Leniey, whose bulge was now visible. As fast as I could, I looked for one of my sweat pants and some of Kevin's long t-shirt and offered Leniey, when he whispered, " I have messed myself?" With that, I pointed to the bathroom, and as he was heading towards it, I went to open the door, fixing my hair. Kelvin entered, stating with a kiss, "Hi, honey. I hope Leniey was a good boy." With just that, I laughed, with Leniey coming out of the bathroom looking fresh of course and the bulge hidden by the long t-shirt. "You offered him my shirt?" Kelvin asked. "Yea, his got caught with some paste." "Oooh, I thought he wanted to stay for the night." He finished. And with that, they both hugged me goodbye and left.