(This is feedback on the first chapter uploaded)
Hello, dear author. As I hope for your growth, please do not take this the wrong way. I found this chapter boring. The way it was written is weak. From the very beginning (the synopsis), it could've been better. I'll break it down the best I can for you. To be honest, the way it was written felt like a report than a story. It's like when you get homework from school to summarize a chapter in a novel, this is the summary. It didn't help much for the reader to imagine the story. Since you started the chapter by introducing the main protagonist, I think you could've explored on that more. Regarding the main lead you conjured, I find her too unrealistic. To make her seem more appealing, you could use more descriptive sentences to describe her beauty and personality. It just said she's a beauty and then the next sentence is about a totally different aspect about herself. While I read that, I was like "That's it?". It fell flat to me. Her background story is too common for a main lead, in my opinion. Her mother is a prostitute, she's a beauty, she was bullied and underestimated. Her resolve to never become like her mother and prove her enemies wrong is great, but then she decided to get a sugar daddy after one mention from a friend. If she was greedy since before, then I'd understand it better if she just dropped out of school to find a sugar daddy, but it says she graduated-- another thing to elaborate on. Also, I found the way this was written too fast paced. She went to a night club, saw Jin Mingze drunk and took advantage of him. It would've helped to introduce who this Jin Mingze was. While reading that part of this chapter, I would typically assume she just slept with a random drunk person who seemed wealthy. This whole scene could've been written more elegantly. It started from her wanting a sugar daddy to her being in a night club and then they have sex. Then it's "the next day". It was also mentioned "Don't they usually leave a check?"-- I think that highly contradicts her resolve to not become a prostitute like her mother. She was expecting to get paid for having slept with him. That's prostitution, girl.
Next is the scene afterwards. She was going to use the excuse that she got pregnant after that one night stand. It would help to mention how long has passed since their last encounter. She was able to produce an sonogram right away. She conceived a child that quick, which is pretty bizarre. Just to comment on how she barged in the company, a high-end company like that wouldn't entertain her with just the reason of being the Chairman's girlfriend. At that situation, the receptionist would either pass it on to a manager or contact the person in reference to confirm before letting her in. Having the receptionist get intimidated by her spoiled ***** getup is unrealistic. If it's a wealthy company, seeing women dressed and exuding confidence as such would be normal for a receptionist who receives all forms of guests in a building. Plus, with that scene, mentioning she's wearing a beautiful red dressed that hugged her figure followed by her being a woman with limited money is contradicting. It would help to mention how or where she got the dress. Then she got to the top floor so easily. Normally, those floors are restricted and can only be accessed by a special key card to be scanned by the elevator. Then there's the secretary who's got a short fuse. A well-seasoned professional wouldn't lose to temper over a kid like the protagonist. Yes, she is a kid. It would be more convincing if she had gone through years of torment before resorting to getting a sugar daddy, but she just graduated and that's her goal already. Again, all these situations are just unrealistic. Several factors weren't taken into consideration and would do well for the story if it had. Finally, with that last scene with her meeting the chairman and denying money for marriage, to be honest, it is laughable. If they met at a night club and the chairman was drunk, it would be more plausible if he doesn't recognize her at first, then she would have to jog his memory. Perhaps that's where she can use the seduction skills she got from her mother. Then actual negotiations could begin. Honestly, it went all too quickly. The chairman just accepted it like snap. Everything went too easily for the main lead. Again, unrealistic.
Aaaand, he has a daughter. With that, I can pretty much guess what will happen next.
I do spot some good points, not to worry. The ***** and wealthy chairman of some unknown company is a common trope. I like that you made the main lead confident despite her naive age, albeit too good to be true. I also like that the chairman has a child. Another thing I like is the choice of names for the characters.
Now for the grammar. I spotted so many. To name a few:
"Because of her mother's work, she got impregnated with one of her customers and that's how our lovely female lead was born."
"She got impregnated" strikes me as an odd way of saying it. It could be just "she got pregnant", no need to complicate it. Also, it was misleading. You started the sentence with "because of her mother's work", that led to the next part of the sentence to seem like it's about the main lead when it's still about her mother. It could be written as "Her mother worked as a prostitute and because of that, she got pregnant and that's how the protagonist was born." Something along those lines. Basically, "Her mother worked as a prostitute" and the next sentence could be merged together.
In a lot of paragraphs, you kept mentioning the main lead's name that it's redundant. Try using pronouns when you're still talking about the same person. I've mentioned it before that the writing was weak. Reading more stories and how descriptive sentences are constructed would do you well. Everything was on point which made it seem fast paced.
I'm not sure what else to say. Regarding the chapter title, I dunno if it's webnovel's fault, but it shows up on my end as "Chapter 1: Prologue: Sugar Daddy"
The first chapter and the prologue should be different. Speaking of prologue, if you intended to write more eloquently in the coming chapters and had purposely written this chapter this way because it's a prologue, I'd understand better. I skimmed through your other work "Ten Years Later: The Bullied Husband" and I like the way it was written better than this.
Sorry for the long comment, but know that I wish for your growth and improvement in writing. If you would allow me, I would be happy to give my opinion on your other and/or future works. :) Have a great day and stay safe not only during this pandemic but always! ^_^
(Regarding the rating, it's just the first chapter and can't really rate how stable the updates are and how the story is developed so I just chose the middle rating for most)
