9.01

The light above Helena, as her eyes fluttered opened, made her let out a small, upset noise. It wasn't the sun this time. No, it was not nearly as warm and yellow. This time, it was pure white.

"Dr. Campos?" Someone asked, Helena's eyes going to someone pointing light directly to her eyes.

"W-what's- what's happening?" The short girl asked, the drugs in her system contributing to her confusion. "Am I- is this it? Am I dead?"

"You're at the hospital, Dr. Campos. Your plane crashed, remember?" The doctor confirmed, the memories from the past four days catching up to Helena.

Arizona's screams, Lexie's lifeless body, Meredith's sobs, Derek's yells as they sutured his skin, Mark's muffled cries of pain...

"Mark..." She exhaled, sitting up through the pain. ", my husband, I need to see Mark. H-he has cardiac tamponade, I-I need to see him!"

"He's currently in surgery, Dr. Campos." She explained, as Helena looked around her, still confused. "We're taking good care of him."

At the sight of Bailey and Webber in the hallway, carrying her baby girl, Helena's breath caught in her throat, and she stilled.

The two entered the room, looking at the small woman in shock, as Miranda pointed out. "Hey, Ali. It's your mama."

"Oh, Alice. Give me, give me." Helena whispered, almost in awe at the sight of her daughter. The sight of the girl she though she wouldn't get to see again. As Bailey passed the girl to her mother's lap, Helena held her closer than ever, whispering in her ear with tears in her eyes. "Mama's here, . I've missed you so much."

At first, the girl seemed uncomfortable in her arms, almost not recognizing the woman that held her. The woman that had been in the woods for four days, that had lost her friend and whose husband was in risk of dying.

But, as Helena began whispering Alice's favorite Portuguese lullaby, the girl relaxed in her arms, as she let out. "."

"Yes, baby. I'm your mama. I'm here." She cried, as Bailey and Weber watched with worry in their eyes.

Helena Campos's face was filled with cuts and bruises, the dark circles under her eyes more prominent than ever. Her body seemed frail, weak, smaller than ever. But, most shocking off all, her eyes seemed empty, devoid of their characteristic warmth.

This was not the Lena they knew.

——

Helena held her breath as the doctor checked for her baby's heart beat. She was propped up on her elbows, her face now cleaned up and the wound on the back of her head patched up.

As the woman moved the probe over her gel covered belly, she struggled to find any kind of heartbeat. After a minute, the small girl barely able to breathe, the woman turned to Helena with a face that she recognized, a face that she had used before.

The face they wore to tell someone that their loved one was dead.

"No." Helena shook her head, her voice rasp and low. "Try again. You're just not- try again."

"Dr. Campos, there's no-" She started, compassion in her eyes.

"No!" Helena snapped, her tone now unpleasant. "I said ."

"Doctor, there was been complete placental abruption." The young girl, probably still starting her residency, explained. "That means-"

"I know what that means! I'm a neonatal surgeon, for God's sake." Helena snapped, her voice harsher than she meant it to be. As the young girl froze, the surgeon took the probe from her hand, her eyes tear filled. "Give me that."

Helena positioned the probe on her stomach, frenetically looking around for a heartbeat, as she muttered. "I felt him- I felt him , he's alive. My Henry's alive."

"Doctor, the baby is floating around in amniotic fluid. You might have just felt the swishes and swirls of that movement." She suggested, making Helena snap again.

"No! Just, . He's alive. My baby is alive."

Helena kept looking for any sound. For any sign that her son could be alive. And, the longer it took for her to find one, the louder her sobs grew, until the doctor had to practically rip the probe out of her hand.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Campos, but you're baby is dead." The woman told her, as Helena sobbed. "My official recommendation is induced labor."

"." Helena shook her head, sniffling. "This baby isn't coming out u-until I see Addison Montgomery. I want to see her in Seattle."

——

"Cristina's not speaking." Meredith told Helena, laying down her her on her hospital bed. "She hasn't spoken yet."

Helena was silent, looking to the blond for a moment. "They're taking us home on a plane, tomorrow, because of Mark and Arizona. I told Bailey to just sedate us, sedate all of us. And then we won't know it happened. Right? Lena?"

Helena's eyes were tear filled as she looked to her friend, her lower lip trembling. "They can't find a heartbeat, Mer. T-they say he's..."

The last word of the sentence was left unsaid. They both knew what it meant, even if Helena was not ready to accept it.

——

Still at the hospital in Boise, Helena sat in a wheelchair by her husband's bed. Her hand rubbed circles in his palm, as she listened to the man's labored breathing, through his intubation.

"So, Addy has agreed to meet us in Seattle." She informed, her voice coarse and tired. "I th-think if anyone can fix Henry, it's her, right? Uh, they say that we'll- we'll have to fly to Seattle, Meredith told me. But she asked that they sedate us, so that we don't- we won't even know it happened. So, it's gonna be ok. We're all- we're gonna be ok. We have to be." A tear fell down her cheek as she sniffled. "Just wake up for me, ok? Just please wake up, ."

——

Helena laid in a hospital bed, now in the city she called home. Her eyes burned a whole into the wall in front of her, nervously playing with the hem of her hospital gown as Addison looked over at her ultrasound.