Chapter 135

Lucifer is once again lying down in the dungeon, which is swiftly becoming his favorite place in the bunker. The roof used to hold the title, but he never knew if someone would accidentally run into him up there. At least in the dungeon, he's guaranteed some time alone.

Well, guaranteed some time alone. Tonight is apparently the exception because it's not long after Gabriel leaves that Michael shows up. Well, if he isn't the most popular archangel on the planet, huh? The only thing that would be better than this is... well, anything.

"What?" Lucifer asks, exasperated. What does it take to get some alone time here? At this rate, he'll be dragged into yet another conversation with Chuck just to ruin his night even more.

"What game are you playing?" Michael demands.

Lucifer sits up and looks over at him. "At the moment, I'm playing a wonderful round of 'how many people can annoy me in one night' and I'm getting real close to a high score."

Michael doesn't seem to find that amusing. "Why were you talking to Jo?"

"Uh, 'cause she's kinda my only friend here," Lucifer says like it's obvious, which, like, it should be. "And I wanted to tell her something. Whether you get to hear it too is all up to her." He'd assumed she would tell him, but if she feels more comfortable keeping it to herself, that works, too.

"Bullshit," Michael snaps, and now Lucifer's confused. Usually the dramatic one, not Michael. "What are you trying to do?"

Lucifer rolls his eyes. "Look, if she doesn't want to tell you what we talked about, that's on her. I'm sure she's got a reason, and I ain't trying to meddle in your shit."

"No, she told me what you said," Michael says.

"Then..." Lucifer cocks his head to the side. "Why are you mad at me?"

"Because 'meddling in our shit' is exactly what you're doing," Michael snaps. "What are you trying to do, Lucifer? Because I you're not trying to help."

Lucifer pushes himself to his feet so he and his brother can have this conversation on equal standing. "Look, I was just passing the message along. You don't care, that's fine, but I don't know why you're so insistent on making this a problem."

"Because I know you, Lucifer," Michael says. "I have tried time and time again to be your friend, and every time you throw a fit. There is absolutely no way you decided on your own that you wanted to be friends again. What are you playing at?"

"Nothing!" Lucifer insists. "What, you think I'm to break you up by warning you that Chuck is trying to break you up?" Though he says it sarcastically, Michael's reaction is all he needs to know that his brother hasn't dismissed the idea. "Look, if I actually wanted you two to break up, I have a lot of ways I could go about it, and this is not one of them." Just bringing up the fact that they slept together a few months back would rock the boat, and that would just be the tip of the iceberg. If he were to really try... well, they wouldn't last long. There's a reason Chuck went to him, after all.

"Do you honestly expect me to believe you were trying to help?" Michael demands. "After all the shit you've pulled since Chuck locked us in here, you think I'm going to believe you decided to change ?"

"Honestly, I don't give a shit whether you believe me," Lucifer says. "I did my part. What happens now is none of my business. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a wall to stare at."

"So, what, that's it?" Michael asks. "You came back just to tell Jo that Chuck supposedly wants us to break up, and now you're going back to your little abandoned dungeon?"

"Uh, yeah, that sounds about right," Lucifer says. "I don't understand why you have such a hard time believing this. Like, seriously, take a chill pill. Better yet, take the whole bottle of chill pills. You need them."

"I'm going to ask you one more time, and I want an answer," Michael says. "What were you trying to gain from this?"

"I'm really not expecting to 'gain' anything from it," Lucifer says. "I am fully aware that until we get out of here, I'm going to be stuck wallowing in my own self-pity and nothing is going to change that. Doesn't mean you can't have your happily ever after or whatever."

Michael just looks at him for a moment as if gauging his sincerity. "So that's it? Chuck said he wants us to break up and you're just trying to warn us."

Lucifer nods. "Yeah, pretty much."

Michael hesitates. "I still don't know if I believe it, but for now, I'll take your word for it."

"Cool, great, thanks," Lucifer deadpans. "Now can you let me mope in peace?"

Michael just rolls his eyes and disappears. Lucifer groans and sits back down. At least now he knows he did the right thing by telling her, though -- he never gets this much shit when he does the wrong thing. Being a decent person is .