59: Fml

Skye

After our second supremely long, passionate kiss I pulled away again to emotionlessly ask, "Didn't everyone see your wings? Thought you wanted it a secret?" I had still tried pushing him away, but he continued to not let me go and gently lifted my face with his finger under my chin again.

"For all they know I'm a shapeshifter too that just never shifts in front of them and used angel wings to save you because they're easy to think of shifting to. They probably all smell my scent as shapeshifter anyways." He answered, a small smile on his face.

I moved my face away from his hand and looked back at the ground as I questioned, "how can you smile after that... You just not care that I want to die...?"

"I'm smiling because I finally have you back in my arms, because I can finally look at your beautiful face in person instead of drawing it every minute of every day. Because I know you're going to get better and not want to die anymore." He strongly answered, making more tears well in my eyes.

"You say that as though this is a recent thing I've been wanting to do... I've been wanting to just die my entire life, I was just able to hide it until that stupid cunt of a bitch touched you... I know you stalked me, watched me while I was home or with those dumbasses... tried talking to me whenever I was hiding in my house..." I stated, unable to look at him.

"I knew you'd either implode or murder me so I tried keeping my distance... as hard as it was... I couldn't just stay away from you, I love you and miss seeing and talking to you every day. Making you smile, scoff or laugh at my jokes. I've missed your sass and honesty and the way you glare at me but there's nothing but pure love behind it." Dylan explained, pulling my face back up to look at him.

"Then why only save me now if you see shit in my eyes, clearly there would have been something for you to notice and stop me from getting this far." I slightly demanded, still trying to physically and verbally push him away.

"You wouldn't let me in, you locked every door, window and crack to yourself. I figured if I tried forcing my way to your thoughts I'd just seal your fate for you and didn't want to risk it..... I made myself watch as you lost yourself... and for that I'm sorry, but I'm never leaving you alone ever again. Even though you could just teleport away from me.... but if you do that ever again I promise I will fucking chase you to the ends of the earth and make you believe me all over again that I love you. Even if it takes five years again, I will remind you and prove it to you over and over." I couldn't hold it in anymore and just caved, crying into his shirt again as I balled fistfuls of his shirt in my hands. I feel like as terrible of a human being as all those I've met in my life. All the pain I've felt from everything and pushing him away was throwing all that pain on him, causing him to hurt as much as me without purposely doing that to him...

He let me cry, just holding me tightly as I did so, but after awhile when I finally stopped he asked gently, "You ready to go tell everyone you're not dead?"

"I feel pretty dead inside but sure why not." I retorted flatly, staying with my face in his shirt.

I felt him chuckle slightly as he replied, "Well they're all extremely concerned about you, especially your sister and Lily. They're blaming themselves for not knowing." I sighed and pulled my face away to look up at Dylan's face, that I've honestly missed looking at all the time... I noticed his eyes were glossy and a tear or two were on the verge of falling, breaking my heart more from how much I've hurt him. He doesn't deserve it and I don't deserve him, he deserves to be with someone who isn't so utterly broken...

"Does it look like I've just been here bawling my eyes out? I'd like keep my crying in front of people down to only when you tried dying on me. And the little bit that happened before coming down here..." I questioned. He tucked my hair behind my ear then left his hand and rubbed my cheek with his thumb.

"You look how everyone would expect Quetzal, but no you can't really tell you were crying. Aside from my shirt being soaked." Dylan answered with a soft smile on his face.

"Okay... Oh well I guess.." I quietly said, giving the tiniest of shrugs. He hugged me as he picked me up to fly us back up to everyone else.

"So when are you able to shift again?" He asked casually as we slowly flew up.

"Probably like fourty-five minutes..." I answered emotionless, expression resting in a completely deadpanned, soul left, clearly spacing out kind of face.

We were close enough to the top now that I heard Kelsey say, "Maybe her mind is literally unable to face us so soon after doing that."

Once we could see everyone I replied, "It's not able to but someone's forcing me to be here anyways." Most people yelled my name as they practically hurled themselves at me, the volume causing me to emotionlessly flinch. Kelsey pushed the air out of my lungs in a hug I still sort of wish she didn't give, but I'll accept the fact she cares. I know she's always cared, like most of the people in my life, but I've always felt like I'm this annoying burden on them... They always put up with me being an emotionless, hardass bitch. They're bound to be sick of it... She scolded me in a sister way then finally stopped hugging me to ask when I drugged her with the no shifting stuff. I answered her questions, refusing to look at anyone while my expression remained how it was. Dylan then asked why I gave him the note so I answered that too, I know I hurt him but there was no other way to answer. And it was the truth, I had legitimately thought he wouldn't care about me dying. After a few silent minutes I asked to go home, mainly cause I can't teleport myself right now since that serum suppresses all my magic. It would've let Kelsey's still work except for shifting because I made it specific to my powers so I couldn't save myself. Dylan agreed to take me home but Lily and Kelsey insisted on coming with so the four of us, plus Roxie, jumped through a portal Dylan made to my house. I had taped up all the suicidal drawings, paintings and such to the walls instead of directly painting them on since I didn't want them permanently covering the work I was actually proud of. I would have teleported them all to a pile in one of my drawers or something, but obviously I couldn't.

Thankfully we had landed outside of my house so I asked, "Can I just.. have a minute to uh.. clean a little..?"

I was too drained and exhausted to lie better, so they all crossed their arms and Lily stated sternly, "You're not going alone. One of us is going in with you so who do you pick?" I couldn't answer, so I said nothing and just stared at the ground.

"I'll go, we'll be back in a sec. Come on." Dylan piped up, pulling me into my own house. "Now what's the real reason you wanted in here alone." He asked crossing his arms. I went to answer, but then he noticed the papers hung in my hallway and he furrowed his brows. I stared at the floor dejectedly as he looked over probably every single page. "So... this is what you've been drawing all this time...?" Dylan asked quietly, sounding hurt. I glanced over at him to see him staring at me in sadness, so I faintly nodded in response then went back to looking at the floor. He knew they were what I was trying to hide and started taking them down for me. I slowly stepped over to help him so it'd be faster. Once we had them all taken down from everywhere in my house I put them all in the top drawer of my dresser. We headed back downstairs and opened the door for my sister and best friend to come in. Even though I knew they wouldn't under these circumstances, I still waited for one of them to make some form of comment for us being in here alone for so long. They obviously never did since I ruined the fun atmosphere we usually had.

"Wanna play Halo or something?" Dylan asked, sounding the slightest bit hopeful. I shook my head and just sat cross legged staring at the floor. From the corner of my eye I saw the three of them share a look of concern, however I acted as though I didn't notice since I don't have energy for anything. They should've let me die... I know they'd be upset about my death at first, but the realization that their lives are so much more peaceful without me would settle in and they wouldn't be sad anymore...

"Want to draw or anything..??" Lily gently questioned after. "Uhh... no..." I answered, fuck I suck at lying now..

"Well what do you want to do? Aside.. from.. uh... you know.... the obvious..." Kelsey spoke awkwardly at the end, trying to tiptoe around the major sensitive topic. She blatently failed at it but I appreciate the boldness.

I shrugged and replied, "Can watch something on Netflix if you guys want, I'm good with just sitting doing nothing." They collectively sighed and Lily got up to turn everything on and sat back down with the controller to select something to watch.

"Guys wanna watch this?" She asked flatly, sounding unimpressed and defeated. Dylan and Kelsey sighed again and nodded so she picked Rise of the Guardians to watch.

Once the movie was over I guess Kelsey and Lily got bored and knew there wasn't really anything they could do to make me feel better so they decided to leave. Dylan on the other hand refused to leave, which is probably at least partially why they decided to go. Cause they knew I wouldn't be left alone. After they managed to drag their feet home Dylan tried getting me to walk myself up to my bed, I didn't have any energy for it though and couldn't muster enough to get myself off the floor. So he picked me up bridal style and carried me upstairs.

"You gonna at least change into pajama's or do you need me to do that for you too?" Dylan lightly teased as he set me back on my feet, trying for his usual smirk but it looked kind of forced.

I managed to roll my eyes a little playfully and answered, "No, I can just sleep in this. Or you know change without changing." I teleport‐changed my clothes into pj's and stared blankly at Dylan, feeling more hollow and empty than I ever have before.

"Well at least you can use your powers again." He said, folding my blankets down for me to get in bed. I sighed and laid down, waiting as he fuckin tucked me in. "I'll be here when you wake up Quetzal." Dylan told me as he turned off the light and went to sit on the floor or something.

"You're not gonna lay up here..?" I quietly asked, making his eyes spark with happy surprise.

"Wasn't sure you'd want me to." He replied, walking back over to my bed. I waited for him to get under the blanket then forced myself under his arm and snuggled tightly into his chest.

"I missed you..." I whispered. Still felt weird being this open but deep down I know he loves me even more when I'm actually honest with him. Geez sounds like all I do is lie but pf I know what I mean.

Dylan rubbed my back gently as he hugged me protectively with his other arm and whispered back, "I missed you too..." I felt him kiss the top of my head and eventually fell asleep after the long silence.