Memories of a Child

"Ms. Takahashi and Mr. de Leon, please do write an apology letter for coming in late in class. Please do pass it before lunch." Said Mr.

Remind me why am I writing an apology letter? It's not my fault! I was only dragged into this!

Stay calm Rin. Stay calm. Don't be irrational.

"Noted Sir. "

I immediately packed my things to change in the locker rooms. As I was changing, I hear a bunch of girls talking outside. Gossips huh.

"I heard that new student was popular in his old school before. You know? De Leon? He's the young prodigy before. You know the musician? He's kind of hot, I mean no one could resist his glorious face."

"He's so dreamy."

Dreamy my ass. Maybe they're hallucinating or something.

"I'm irritated by that stupid girl that has been following him. You know that stupid class rep of their class? I hate it when she follows him around."

Irritated huh.

I walked out of one of the locker rooms and faced all of the girls who were talking behind my back. Their eyes widened when they saw me while I was just there, standing with fear. This was the same feeling I experienced in middle school.

"Oh here is Ms. Lovey Dovey. And why are you following Mr. Handsome around? Are you his pet or something? Oh please, we knew you were so intelligent and all but following him? We just can't accept that. And please your existence is irritating us. Please stay out of sight of Phil."

Yeah. Exactly the same. The bullies. The hurtful words I've received.

"Oh if that's what you want, then fine. Don't worry you won't see me following around Phil. Now if you excuse me-

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere. Come and follow us, if you don't want any more trouble."

I smiled and followed the group of girls who faced me in the locker rooms. They led me to the gym closet full of gym equipment and garbage.

"As a punishment, you'll be staying here until someone will notice you are here. It's still 9 AM so I guess you'll be staying here the whole day. Oh! I'm very sorry if you'll be missing your classes. Well, that's not my fault. Anyways, we'll get going."

The girls left me inside the gym closet. I heard that they have locked the doors so I can't get out. The doors would open if the locks would be open from the outside.

I sat on the floor and I realized that this was all planned by that bratty group of girls. The floors were wet and buckets of water rained down on me as I sat down. I guess I do deserve such mess.

I closed my eyes and tears started falling. I never knew that I would be bullied once again. Maybe this is the destiny God gave me. It hurts.

I closed my eyes as I fell asleep.

What is this? The coldness of my surroundings is making me choke and I have a hard time breathing.

My eyes widened when I saw myself as a child in a corner, crying and trembling in fear. My tears were falling as I was watching those bullies kicking and saying harsh words to me. Sticks and stones may break my bones but their words feel exactly like daggers piercing into my heart.

I realize how sensitive and weak I was. I was like a stray dog on the streets being beaten up by people who hated my existence. And now, I am experiencing the same pain and terror.

"Are you okay?"

My child-self faced the person who approached me that time. As he wiped the tears off of my eyes, I stood and ran away, fearing that he might do the same thing to me like how those bullies are hurting me. This moment of silence allowed me to really think about the day I ran away and how this pivotal period time affected my entire life.

"Rin! Rin!"

A faint voice was calling my name.

"Rin! Wake up!"

I opened my eyes and saw Yelena beside me, looking at me worried. I guess that was all a dream.

"Huh?"

"What do you think you're doing Rin? You worried us to death! Why did you lock yourself up in here? It's already 5 PM in the afternoon. Your parents might be worried sick!"

So a day has passed and I didn't get to have the chance to eat lunch. My tummy is already grumbling but I guess I have to get home first. Mother and father would go home late tonight.

"It's okay Yelena. I will go home now. I have to pass by the faculty room to ask permission to Mr. Kobayashi that I skipped class because of this. I might have to stay here for the meantime if Mr. Kobayashi would let me write another excuse letter. Thanks for worrying. You can go home now. Your parents might be looking for you by now."

"It's fine Rin! I already asked permission from my mom to-

"No it's okay Yelena. I'm going to be fine. You can go home now."

I stood up and walked towards the inside of the school building. I looked through the window and the golden light of the sun rushed through my face. The golden scenery is making me think that I would have another bright day to live, but I am only living in the darkness and shadows. There would be no chance for me to have one bright future ahead of me. I guess this is destiny.

As I walked down the school corridors, I felt my legs shaking from not eating lunch. I stumbled down when I arrived in front of my classroom door. I reached for the door knob to help me stand up but someone took my hand.

"Are you okay?"

My eyes filled with tears. That was the same warmth I've felt that day. The warmth that came from that one person who never hesitated to help me. But all I did was run away.

"Hey. Why are you crying? Are you hurt? I heard that you were in that gym closet. Are bullies attacking you?"

He got me. But I would not cause any trouble and I'll just have to make up a story myself.

"No! I'm totally fine! It's just my legs were tired from that PE class. Thank you for your concern."

Yeah, lies.

"Are you sure? It seems like you didn't eat lunch today. Why don't we stop by a convenience store to eat something?

"Nah, I'm fine don't worry. Besides why are you here anyways? It's already past 5 PM."

"Huh? Is it? I thought it is still 4 PM. Anyways, I've been dreaming to watch the sunset from school. I never get to watch it from our place."

I watched him from afar how he watched and admired he beautiful golden sunset. I immediately grabbed my bag but it was just too heavy.

Crap! Maybe if I'll leave some of my books in my locker it would be fine.

"I know you can't carry your bag. Let me help you-

"No I'll be fine. You can go home now. Maybe your parents are already looking for you."

I quickly went out of the room and went to my locker. I left some of the books that I don't need. I guess I'll have to leave literature and science since we have a test tomorrow.

I grabbed for my shoes and changed. Maybe I'll just have to email Mr. Kobayashi since he is our homeroom teacher. I'm not feeling well today.

I walked down the school grounds to find myself facing that group of girls again.

"So that lockdown in the gym closet wasn't enough huh? I saw you following Phil in your classroom. I guess you do like him and I don't like that. Be sure to keep your distance from him or else you'll face consequences you'll never forget. Understood? Ms. Class Rep?"

I nodded and just walked past them. I really wished I could tell my parents how I feel right now. I never get to tell them my feelings and experiences in each and every day of my life. But I don't want to add to the problems they get to face every day. I don't want to be a burden for them.

As soon as I arrived at the station, I sat down to wait. I grabbed my phone from my bag and look at the time. I guess I'll wait 15 minutes for the next train to arrive.

I browse in through my phone as I wait. I browsed through Facebook to watch all the memes in my timeline. Then, I opened my gallery to browse some pictures. I found one picture of me, and my parents. We were complete here. I wish we could be like this forever. But they have work, and it's for our future as well. I need to understand that they are both busy.

The train has arrived and I went in. My house is a little bit far away so I took a nap as soon as I entered the train.

As soon as I heard the train open its doors, I know that it was time for me to get out. I looked into my watch and it's already 6:30 PM. I need to pass by the store to buy some goods at home.

Hmm, I guess I should head home first to find some things to buy.

As soon as I arrived home, I opened the lights in the living room and took off my shoes. It's the same old scenery I've seen for years. It feels like I'm the only one living inside this house.

Loneliness is a place of darkness. It is like being by yourself in a room at night and feeling like this is forever. It's like being with a thousand people in a position but feeling invisible to any of them. It's like walking without any guidance on a route, without any idea when it's going to end. Loneliness sounds like you are meant to suffer on your own; loneliness alone is misery.

Loneliness is grief and misery; it is mourning without hope. Loneliness is deafening and blinding. Loneliness feels incapable. It feels discarded, undesirable, and unloved. Nothing and nobody captivates isolation. Loneliness is a bad dream, so you can't wake up, you can't see sunshine.

I went up into my bedroom and changed my clothes. I have to get to the supermarket early so that I would be able to cook something for mother and father.

I searched for things that could still be used in the pantry. I guess I just need to buy a few things.

When I was on my way to the supermarket, I heard a loud bang coming from the other side of the street. I was concerned that whoever may be involved in that accident may be safe and alive but when I arrived at the scene, my eyes widened in shock.

"No. Please no."