Chapter 14

I slept like a baby, for the first time in weeks. I stretched out my limbs like a lazy feline and basked in the glow that I was no doubt feeling after meeting with Micah last night. I still couldn't get over the fact that I had lied to his face and proceeded to make out with him like it wasn't a problem keeping him in the dark.

I was fucked, my moral compass was completely askew and I couldn't even blame anyone but myself for that. If I really possessed that steely Belikov resolve I would have told Micah the truth and we would have worked through it together regardless of the new exiting things Declan was awakening inside me.

Andrei had kept his promise and accompanied me back to my dorm after Micah and I had talked out our differences, not like there was a lot of talking done if I was being honest.

He also wore a huge grin on his face once I exited the room and I could just guess that by looking at my flushed skin and bruised lips he knew what had happened behind the closed door he'd been guarding.

Micah understood that there was nothing I could do if my father had appointed Declan as an instructor and he said as much, I just wasn't prepared for how gut-wrenching it would feel knowing full well that I was deceiving him.

Nothing in the world could have ever prepared me for that specific feeling, knowing Micah loved and trusted me but not being able to return those feelings fully. I mean I can't say I trust a person if I'm lying to them. While I did know it wasn't my secret to tell, and Micah would understand once he found out, I couldn't give myself to him so completely knowing that I was hiding something so big.

Thinking about hiding something big made me remember something Andrei had told me the previous night. Declan has your fathers' ear. What was I even supposed to do with that information? I couldn't tell Micah because I'd again have to leave half of it out and he wouldn't understand why it makes me so mad.

I couldn't tell Lexi and I sure as hell couldn't tell James, that was his fathers' problem.

It would only raise unnecessary questions if I went to my father directly and those weren't questions I'd be ready to answer just yet.

Maybe I should just go to the source then and ask him point blank, Declan wouldn't lie to me – or rather I didn't think he would.

It was yet another Saturday, two weeks since we ran away and one week since Declan showed up. I was starting to hate what my life had become when a knock at my door startled me and as quickly as I started thinking I shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind.

I opened the door and was shocked by what I saw. James and Lexi were standing there like it was the most normal thing in the world. James gave me a look that said I had to compose myself which I immediately did when I saw their wardens flanking them. I didn't know what all this was about but I also wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"We need your help."

Lexi said almost dejectedly, though I had no idea what she was talking about. She shoved a binder in my hands and came in with James following closely behind, thankfully the wardens stayed outside.

Lexi took in my tiny room with a look of disgust and then turned to me whispering so no one could overhear us.

"We managed to convince our guardians that we needed help with the project and that your expertise was highly valued."

Then James chimed in.

"We're actually here to pitch an idea, we're breaking out. Or rather playing an extreme game of hide and seek, you in?"

I stared at the ground, jaw practically on the floor. Has the trip to Atlantic City taught them nothing? Are they really such hot heads that they think it would even be remotely possible for us to pull something like that again. I was staring at the folder in my hands, at least Lexi had used some part of her brain to bring an actual project. While I was all for a prison break, I didn't actually believe we could pull in off a second time. We were caught the first time and that was without a guardian presence, how on earth would we plan factoring in six personal guardians? The isolation was making them delusional and it must have had the same effect on me, because despite the voice of reason echoing in my head, I was actually contemplating helping with the plan, however idiotic it might be.

"Have you guys learned nothing?"

I exclaimed and James immediately shushed me while the door flew open and I could feel the guardian – I think belonged to Lexi – stare daggers into me, but I was hyper focused on the open folder in front of me.

"This compound won't work, you need a binding agent."

I quickly said showing an interested looking James what I was talking about in the folder.

"We can't really work if you are going to keep barging in here, so unless you need something I suggest you leave."

I said as I lazily looked at the guardian whose intrusion had interrupted our fake project. When he closed the door Lexi and James both high fived me for my quick thinking.

"I wasn't kidding this is really not going to work, this formula needs a binding agent."

Lexi stared past me at the door with wide eyes, I was completely off of my game, because I hadn't even noticed him come in before he spoke. For such a big imposing guy he really had the art of treading lightly down to a T.

"Beauty, brawn and brains is a dangerous combination Lils, leave something for the rest of us."

"Not in front of the guests, Declan."

I shot back which caused both of us to laugh, but Lexi and James were too stunned to comment. I motioned for Declan to follow me out and told both my friends that I'd be back in a couple minutes. I hadn't seen Declan since I'd dismissed his teachings and used fatigue as an excuse.

Declan followed me out, Andrei gave me a stern look but after I told them we'd be back in a couple of minutes, they had no problem letting us leave. I took a page from Micah's book the previous night and didn't waste any time once we were in Declan's room, away from any eavesdroppers.

"Okay, I'm aware I need your guidance and you've really helped me this last week. I'd like to believe that we've established some kind of trust between us, so how you answer my next question will determine if we…"

Declan was standing impossibly close and I had suddenly forgotten my train of thought, but thinking about Micah steadied me for long enough to snap out of it.

"Do you know my father?"

I questioned, abandoning the whole pre question speech I had prepared. It wasn't how I imagined this conversation going at all and I hadn't wanted to be quite as blunt, but apparently it was all I could do to not fall into the Ivashkov trap. Knowing that Adrian wasn't Declan's father did nothing about the fact that he had raised him and in turn he's picked up on all of his father's charms. He was just as much an Ivashkov as James was – if not more.

"Who doesn't know the great Dimitri Belikov?

He answered my question with a question and I sighed audibly. Declan grew pensive and I was growing impatient.

"Of course I know your father, him and your mom were the ones that helped my mom and dad hide me in Maine."

From my facial expression Declan knew he had said something that I was clearly unaware of and threw his hands up in the air like he had no idea. I was positively fuming at this news, couldn't I trust anyone in my life. Obviously it was impossible if my parent weren't even honest with me. No wonder I had issues with trusting, somewhere in the back of my mind I must have known this. It's literally the only plausible explination.

All this time they have been making me believe that I was one of a kind, special, and while it is still pretty special being one of two – it just bothered me that they knew and lied to me about it.

I also understood that they were just keeping Declan safe, but why did they have to hammer the "only one" speech so hard when they knew it wasn't the truth. I knew they probably didn't want me to find out like this, but they had to know it was coming. How long did they think they could keep this from me, the fact that they knew and lied just didn't sit right with me.

All my life my parents had preached honesty and trust, but they lied to me and I wasn't sure I knew how to get past that or if I ever could. Honesty and trust, where was the honesty when it came to me – their own daughter – and because they omitted the truth it did make me feel like they didn't trust me and why would I trust anyone that couldn't return the favor. My sanity was slipping and my psyche was showing little cracks that would probably become a problem later.

I had sat down on Declan's bed after he'd told me the truth and he was kneeling in front of me, a look of concern on his face. I wanted to tell him to not to worry, that I'll be fine, but the words didn't want to escape my throat.

It's then I realized he was talking, but for some reason I couldn't hear him. I could read something that looked like breathe on his lips. Really Belikov, hyperventilating again? The voice said in annoyance

Hyperventilating usually leads to panic and that's exactly what I was starting to do. I wanted to suggest that Declan go get someone who can help, but I knew in my heart he wouldn't leave me by myself. Not while my thoughts and emotions were in as much of a mess as it currently was.

It didn't matter how infuriating he could be or how many meaningless jokes he made, I knew he legitimately cared about me – it's just something I could clearly see in his eyes, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

Declan looked like he was waging an internal war between the right thing and the necessary thing, but I never blamed him for what happened next. He took a deep breath and kissed me, and much to my surprise I didn't push him away.

Like I said I didn't blame him, but I did blame myself for not having more self-control so the kneejerk reaction was to punch him, hard. Well that and running back to my own room, of course.

While I did know why he did it, we had cable and I did see Teen Wolf. If I wasn't mistaken the whole premise is that when someone kisses you, you hold your breath and that causes endogenous CO2 accumulation that counters panic attacks. I had no idea if this was really true, but it's basically the same as breathing into a paper bag.

"Yes!"

I exclaimed as soon as I was back in my room. James and Lexi looked at me in confusion so I reiterated.

"Your earlier question, my answer is yes. I'm absolutely in."

If I couldn't trust my parents, then why was I actively trying to have them trust me? I had only said yes so I could get my revenge and while I knew that no amount of explaining could get my sentence reduced once we were caught, that didn't really bother me

Again they lied to me and I wasn't accustomed to deal with it in a mature way, so I figured regressing back into being a rebellious teenager might just do the trick. It might even have them re-evaluate the strict life lessons I'd been taught on honor – I couldn't quite see what they had done as anything even minutely resembling honor.

James and Lexi looked at each other, huge smiles playing on their faces and I couldn't help but wonder what I had gotten myself into.

We brainstormed in hushed voices for the better part of the morning and later Declan had also joined us, like nothing had happened in his room. I hadn't told James and Lexi and I wasn't planning on ever telling them either.

We came up with some really great ideas, but none of them really seemed like they were foolproof, but before we went our separate ways we decided that we'd all think up some plans on our own and promised we'd meet in the library that evening – an hour or so before curfew.

Our guardians – albeit reluctant – couldn't really keep us from doing school work, but I was a little scared it might backfire especially if they start enquiring about this secret project and figure out it doesn't exist.

We had to move quickly if we really wanted this to work, but my mind was wandering. I kept thinking about both Micah and Declan.

I didn't particularly want to admit it, but there was some magnetic force that was pulling me towards Declan. The way that simple kiss had opened up a well of confusion in my mind and heart, while at the same time making me feel like the whole world had completely faded away and we were the only two people in existence. That kiss that didn't even last five seconds, silenced all the chaos and noise, made the entire world fade to nothingness. All there had been was him and I. That scared me more than I'd ever be able to admit

Again I didn't want to admit that Declan had put some real doubts in my mind, doubt I wasn't even really prepared to deal with. Doubts that made me wonder about my future with Micah, though for now I didn't want anything to change and Micah was the one I could trust in to keep things the same.