She Is Suffering... I Should Let Her Go, Aren't I?

Tsubaki and Ren stayed at the sanatorium until Masami regained consciousness. The sky had already darkened by the time there was movement from the weak middle-aged woman. The last ray of sunlight hovered over the horizon before it was completely devoured by the darkness.

"Mom! Mom, you're awake!"

Tsubaki lunged forward once she saw Masami opened her eyes. Ren carefully held her back, afraid she would hurt herself if she fell.

"Mother, do you feel uncomfortable? I'll call the doctor for you," Ren asked calmly. His tone was in contrast to how anxious Tsubaki's voice was.

"Don't make a fuss," Masami curved up a smile. Only a weak and shallow voice came out of her mouth. Her eyes lingered on Tsubaki, "Silly, Mom is alright. You don't have to stay here until now."

"How could I not? Mom, are you really okay? It's dinner already. Do you want food?" Several questions popped out of Tsubaki's mouth. She stretched out both of her hands and held her mother's right hand.

Her mother's skin was so dry, leaving a waxy feeling under her fingertips. It was so pale until she could see the blue veins underneath.

Tsubaki swallowed the lump in her throat. Her eyes turned red again.

Masami felt a pang of heartache. She lifted up her hand to brush her daughter's face but, even the action of lifting a finger required a tremendous effort from her. In the end, she could only lightly gripped Tsubaki's hands that were covering hers.

"Tsubaki, you know this would come," Masami smiled dryly, "Don't cry, my sweet daughter..."

She knew her body well.

To Masami, the day she would reunite with her beloved Takahisa and her daughter Hinata was nearing.

Another stream of tears fell from Tsubaki's eyes. She brought her mother's hand to her face, she slowly rubbed her cheek against the weak hand.

"Mom, I really wish you'd live for ten or twenty more years..." She choked on her sobs.

Masami didn't say anything. She could only smile bitterly.

Both of them had understood the fact that Masami might depart soon. No matter how unwilling Tsubaki to accept it at first, Ren's words helped to comfort her.

While her mother was still unconscious earlier, Tsubaki only cried with Ren embracing her. Granny Sumiko was sent back to her room as she was exhausted after waiting for a long time.

"Mom is suffering... I should let her go, aren't I?"

Those were Tsubaki's words after she cried hoarsely.

Then, a voice so gentle came from above her head.

"Sweetheart, you're sad but, it's better than we let her lives in sickness."

Although his words were frank that it made her sadder, Ren still used the gentle tone he always used with her. It made Tsubaki calm and frustrated at the same time.

"...heart? Tsubaki?"

Tsubaki's thoughts shattered. She blinked, regaining her focus and looked at Ren and Masami back and forth.

"Ren..." Masami turned to her son-in-law, "Bring her back home... It's not good for a pregnant woman... to keep staying here..."

Masami wasn't a superstitious person yet, she felt bad letting her heavily pregnant daughter continued staying in a place like this sanatorium.

Tsubaki was pregnant with twins. Masami knew how hard it was for her daughter to carry two babies at the same time, it was what she had felt before.

"Yes, Mother," Ren immediately agreed as he was already contemplating bringing her back.

"No, let me stay here for a bit," Tsubaki shook her head, "Okay, Ren? Just... for another hour?"

Ren's eyes sank at the sound of her pleading. He wanted to refuse but he didn't have the heart to do so.

His wife appeared so haggard like the early days they went to the mountain resort the other day. Her ghastly appearance was the same as the day of the near-missed accident. She was easily frightened by the slightest possibility now.

"Tsubaki, go back home," Sensing her son-in-law's difficulty, Masami took the lead to persuade her daughter, "If you want, come here tomorrow but, get a night of sleep first, en? You look terrible."

"But... I want to stay..."

Her voice was so low yet her grasp on her mother's hand was becoming tighter. Her little actions spelled the desperation of her heart.

Ren and Masami exchanged a glance. Both of them were worried but, they couldn't force Tsubaki at this time.

"Then, we could eat together with Mother. After that, we'll go home," Ren announced firmly.

Tsubaki nodded. She ran her eyes from her husband. She understood he was being patient with her right now despite being unsatisfied with her request.

Ren smiled bitterly. He lifted up a hand and gently stroked her head. He cast an apologetic look at his mother-in-law.

Masami smiled faintly. She gave him a reassuring nod.

Both of them were the same. They worried about Tsubaki's fragile state yet, there was little they could do. If they forced her to leave, the effect wouldn't be good.

It was a dreary meal. Tsubaki couldn't eat much as her appetite was diminished due to her mother's current situation while Masami herself couldn't stomach the food. The latter just have a few bites of porridge.

Not long after, it was time for the couple to go home.

Tsubaki was reluctant to leave but her husband and her mother kept persuading her. She could only listen to them.

The ride home was filled with silence. Ren didn't even open the radio. At times, he would cast a glance at his wife who sat next to him.

Tsubaki looked so exhausted. She closed her eyes, trying to find some sleep but the creases of her brows showing that her heart was troubled.

Ren clenched the steering wheel tight.

If this continued, his wife's future days would only be filled with anxiety as she dreadingly waited for her mother's last breath.

And... if her mother really left at the nearest time, it would inevitably become a huge blow to her.

Ren was exasperated as he realized the situation was a hopeless one.

Death came timely without a warning, no matter how one hoped to delay it.

That night, both of them were sleepless.

No matter how much Tsubaki and Ren forced themselves to sleep, they could only toss and turn on the bed, waiting for sleepiness to come.

It was not until the night grew long did Ren manage to close his eyes. Even so, he could only sleep lightly.

Rustle...

Ren was startled awake by the sound. He immediately looked at his side.

"Sweetheart, where are you going?"

His voice sounded hoarse in the dimness of the night. Ren watched his wife getting out of the bed. Her shoulders slumped down, making her looked pitiful.

"...Can't sleep," Tsubaki replied faintly.

"Wait for me, I'll go with you," Ren moved away from the mattress, wore his slippers and ran to her side.

"No... You're tired, go to sleep," Tsubaki kneaded her husband's hand that was now grasping her shoulder, "I just want to stay in the sunroom for a while."

"I'll accompany you," replied Ren firmly.

"Then... okay," Tsubaki finally agreed.

She was sorry for him because she knew he was exhausted but, her heart was selfishly demanding her to have him stay with her.

If she was alone, she didn't know what bad image she would conjure up in her mind next.

The husband and wife went downstairs. The entire city was blanketed in silence and darkness. Only the neon lights of the gray skyscrapers and the lamp poles lit up parts of the city.

Tsubaki and Ren sat on the couch with Tsubaki curling up and snuggling against his chest. Ren leaned one side of his head to rest on top of her head. He rubbed a lazy circle on her waist.

The silence invoked another wave of restlessness and sorrow in Tsubaki's heart. She bit her lip hard, almost leaving a wound yet once again her tears fell.

"Sweetheart, you'd stress yourself," Ren was at a loss on what should he say as he embraced her tightly.

"I don't want her to die... I don't want her to leave... Can I?" Tsubaki whispered incoherently.

They had just met. Why can't her mother stay longer?

Her mind was in chaos.

Tsubaki understood how bad her distress would affect her and her babies but her heart was like being eaten alive. She really didn't want her birth mother to leave her after she lost her adopted parents.

"It's hard, sweetheart, I know but... we want her to be comfortable instead of living in pain. Mother... her time is near."

In this crucial time, his wife didn't need any empty promises or comforting words. Although his heart ached terribly to see her crying nonstop, he could only brace through it.

"What if Mom would go now? I want to stay with her... I don't want her to leave without me knowing..."

That was the reason for her reluctance to leave her mother's side.

Tsubaki didn't want to be away from her mother as she was battling with the remaining of her life force.

She didn't want the next time she met her, her mother's soul already left her body.