I Won't Leave You. Not Now, Not Forever

Now that her memories returned, the heartbreaking anguish and grief that overwhelmed her during that night forming claws around her heart, strangling it until the pain almost suffocated her.

"Ha... Ha..."

On that fateful and dreadful night, she thought he had died.

She thought he had been killed by the car explosion.

Tsubaki rubbed her face repeatedly. The tears kept streaming down her face. The sound of her panting heavily in the washroom dispersed and slipped out from the tiny gap of the door. Before she could collect herself, a loud bang came from the door.

"Tsubaki!"

"...Ren?"

Her eyes had yet to look at him but the man had already secured her in his embrace. Tsubaki's tears welled up again. She desperately clutched on his shirt, bringing him closer and closer to her until there was no gap between them.

Once again, she cried.

Her cries carried the despair she concealed in her memories five years ago.

He's safe.

He didn't die.

He's still breathing, full of vitality right in front of her.

Ren swore he could hear his own heart shattering into pieces. He quietly held her close to him. One of his hands supported her back while the other was tenderly stroking her head. He tried so hard to calm himself but his entire body was trembling as if his own body was affected by the shivering of hers.

Right after he woke up, he didn't find her next to him. While his mind was blurred by the last trace of exhaustion, he suddenly heard painful cries coming from the washroom.

The moment he saw her figure was crouching weakly on the floor while wailing, his heart broke.

"Sweetheart, Tsubaki... I'm here, everything's fine... I'm safe..."

Ren could only attribute his wife's crying to the incident that happened a few hours ago. She must have suffered a tremendous shock, seeing him almost losing his life if one thing went wrong.

"Hush... My little sweetheart, you'd exhaust yourself if you keep on crying," In his panic, Ren just blurted out the words passing through his mind.

Surprisingly, his wife had really stopped crying.

"Eh, what did I catch?" Ren drew a faint smile. His eyes were blurred by his own tears as he looked at his wife. He gently brushed the hair that was plastered on Tsubaki's face to the side, "A fairy who has just cried?"

Tsubaki pursed her lips tight. She wanted to show him a smile but her face was twisted by the onslaught of emotions warring inside her heart.

"Ren..."

Her voice sounded so hoarse as she called for him.

"En, Tsubaki?"

His voice was no better either.

"I love you... I really love you, so... don't go... don't leave me, okay? Please? Don't ever leave me again..."

She didn't want to experience the pain she felt on the night she thought his body was caught in the explosion. Even though it only happened for a split second before she lost her consciousness thus losing her memories of him next, she still did not want to.

Ren swallowed a lump down his throat. He wanted to speak, to comfort her but he couldn't find the most suitable words to do so.

His wife looked so pitiful.

Her eyes were swollen with tears continued rolling down her face. There was a faint light of hope in them yet the fear in her eyes overshadowed it.

He really, really didn't want to see her like this.

"I won't leave you," Despite the surge of his emotions that made it difficult for him to speak, Ren forced those words to flow out of his mouth, "Not now, not forever. And, I love you. I love you."

Tsubaki's lips finally curled up even though tears were still brimming in her eyes.

This was enough.

She just wanted him to say them for her to hear, for her to lit up even the tiniest of anticipation for their future.

As he saw that his wife's emotions had stabilized, Ren helped her up from the floor. He gathered her messy hair into a loose bun before he wiped her face with a clean, wet towel. Tsubaki was quiet as she let her husband did everything for her.

"You haven't eaten for hours," Ren brought Tsubaki back to the bed. He gently pushed her shoulders for her to sit down, "I'll order some food. What do you want to eat?"

Tsubaki lowered her head. She fiddled with her fingers, "...Anything."

She didn't have any appetite but, considering the babies inside her belly needed nutrients, she still had to eat.

Ren didn't push her further. He asked in a low and soft voice, "How about your favorite chicken and corn porridge?"

"En," Tsubaki assented quietly.

Ren pursed his lips. He opened his mouth to say something yet, in the end, he couldn't. He placed his broad palm over Tsubaki's head. His other hand went to gently lift up her chin for them to look into each other's eyes.

Tsubaki's pupils were slightly trembling even though she had stopped shedding tears. The two petals of her lips shivered as Ren brushed a thumb over them.

"Sweetheart, Tsubaki, I am sorry," Ren enunciated each word softly. The warmth of his breath fanned against her face, "I have made you worried. I won't make any excuses for what I've done. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

If he was in her shoes, to see her in the face of danger, he couldn't even keep his calm even after she was safe.

Although his sole intention was to save the baby, a precious child of someone else, the shock that impacted his wife in the process made him wallow in guilt.

"Stop... Stop it," Tsubaki shook her head, "It's not your fault, really..."

How could she tell him the real reason for her tears?

How could she tell him that, five years ago, she thought she saw him dying in front of her eyes?

How could she?

Realizing that Tsubaki was uncomfortable with the topic, Ren dropped it. He stepped forward to let her nestled in his embrace.

Tsubaki quickly hooked her arms around his waist. She really didn't want to let him go at this moment.

With different thoughts warring inside their minds, they quietly holding each other.