What the fuc-

Chapter-1

Peter Parker.

A 17 year-old boy whose life got turned upside down for the worse ever since a radioactive spider bit him. It gave him various superhuman abilities along with one of the worst fates compared to his fellow heroes. And I'm not using that word lightly. From getting cheated on by his girlfriend with his literal nemesis to suffering from depression every 10 panels. 

I have hated and even sent a zip bomb to one of his writers after 'sins past'. Don't know if it did anything though.

He's always been my favourite for his funny and kind personality and down to earth character compared to the other heroes. If his writer didn't fuck him up every issue I'd have read all his comics.

He was kinda the childhood hero for me.

So obviously I was fucking suprised when I got here, to this world specifically.

It all happened when the spider bit Peter. And from then, 'Peter' was no longer just 'Peter' but 'me' to. I don't know how the fuck that works, but hey. I'm here now.

The pain felt in my hand was immense, like a hot iron pressed up against my skin when the spider bit me. By Instinct I killed that spider, an act that I very much regret. I knew how valuable that spider was. I'm still very unsure if I killed that thing since nobody mentioned it afterwards. All I remember was realising how hard the floor was when hitting my head there after fainting and the screams of some students.

Now I'm on a hospital bed. Just hoping that the doctor didn't take my blood. 

"Mr. Parker!" Someone shook me.

I blinked and looked at the doctor who was talking to me.

"I'm sorry doctor, I was spaced out." I must be trippy.

"It's fine. A common effect of hitting your head" I almost pushed him away when he tried to touch my swollen forehead but managed to sit still. "You're surprisingly healing fast. The swelling is much smaller."

Must be because of the spider bite. It's very hard to control myself too, my eyesight, hearing, sense of touch and physical strength all got much better than what I'm used to as a normal human.

"Tell me, do you feel any discomfort?" He asked me while noting something down on his tablet.

"Just some confusion." of why the fuck am I here?

"That's a normal thing, you don't need to be scared." He stood up from his chair, "From the scans you don't seem to have suffered any kind of internal injuries either, if you wish to be discharged now then you can leave."

"Yeah.." I answered absentmindedly, "I'd like that."

...............

'What the fuck?' That's been the only question running in my head for a while now.

It took me a day to fully come to terms with what has happened to me. I pretend to still be sick everytime...aunty May or….uncle Ben….woah those names were strange to say. Anyway, I pretended to be still in need of bed rest and they left me alone.

I spent a day trying to remember just what the hell had happened. I was alive and well in another body, another life. And now I was here, in the body of Peter Parker, somehow with all his memories and his genius mind.

It was almost like I was Doc Ock and I took over Peter's mind in an effort to become the 'Superior Spider-man' or something. Though last I checked I wasn't fucking smart.

I checked my memories, or rather Peter's. The spider bite had just happened, that was the pain I felt when I...arrived? into his body.

I tried to figure out what kind of world I was living in. You know, classical Spider-man, Ultimate Spider-man, maybe one of the movie verse Spider-men? But so far I have had nothing. I did however find out that in this world Tony Stark had outed himself publicly as Iron man, so there was a big chance I was currently living in some version of the Marvel movie universe.

Another thing is that I'm no, Peter's smart, too smart no scratch that he's scary smart. This brain is running faster than my last one, could be due to the spider bite but that doesn't explain the fact that Peter made an unlimited wi-fi router… using a fucking gameboy of all things.

It sounds absurd but now I can even make one. It just works by taking the nearby wi-fi network and making a whole new network from it. It doesn't work on new routers but old ones are a piece of cake to crack.

Now if I wanted to I can access any devices that are connected to the new network my gameboy created and collect all data from them. 

It's scary to think that Peter read and knew about all this stuff when he's 17. Just in second year of highschool.

I do wonder how the hell this happened. How did I end up in this body? If the Marvel universe was real, and my world was one where they just existed as comic book characters, did that mean all those celestial beings were real?

Did one of them do this to me? Put me in Peter's body just to see what would happen? A test?

I sighed as I opened the window to my room and stepped outside, sitting on the window sill as I watched the sun rise on my first day in this fucked up universe.

Still this is beautiful too, the red sky and weirdly shaped clouds. Peter's neighbour or should I say my neighbour watering his plants and his dog pissing on one. Funnily he didn't notice it either.

I took a deep breath and looked around at the beauty around me, I was right now at an impasse. Should Spider-man live? That was the question.

Being Spider-man was something Peter did out of responsibility and guilt for getting his uncle killed. But with me, I don't really think that's going to happen. I wasn't going to let the old man die, it would be too much of a burden on my shoulder. 'With great power comes great responsibility' that bullshit is the main culprit.

I also didn't particularly like the fact that being a hero basically ruined Peter's life in so many aspects. Romantically, socially, heck even his superhero lifestyle was stressed with JJ always harassing him. If this was 2024 and my old world, I'd have get him cancelled by spreading fake news on discord.

Plus to be fair, I wasn't a fucking hero. Why the hell should I risk my life for others? I was a genius, maybe I should just invent gizmos to help people, I could be the next Reed Richards and save more lives as Peter Parker the inventor than I ever could as Spider-man!

I checked my abilities, I can shoot webs, lift my bed easily, stick to walls and make things stick to me too. My spidey-sense is like usual too. Unlike Miles, I didn't hit the lottery with the spider that bit me, sadly I only have the classic spider-man abilities. But I have the brains to match it.

With new determination I exited Pet- no my room.

I went downstairs to find Aunt May cooking something for breakfast and Uncle Ben sitting on the dining table reading the newspaper.

I blinked awkwardly and said, "Good morning?"

I'm still taken back by their appearance. Ben legit looks like George Clooney and May looks like Angelena Jolie both are fucking hot.

"Ah! Peter! You're awake and alright. Are you feeling fine dear? You can rest at home if you are feeling uncomfortable." Aunt May looked up and asked with a warm smile.

"Morning.."

Their replies couldn't be different. 

"I feel great but I think I'll rest home today." I don't want to go to school. I have a lot to research about this world.

"That's good. Come have a seat." Uncle Ben motioned me to sit on the chair.

I shrugged as I sat down at the dining table. May placed a stack of pancakes before me. I eagerly grabbed one when I found it looking a bit dry, but I didn't want to complain so I ate the whole thing.

"The pancake's dead, May." But Uncle Ben wasn't shy to complain.

"That's because it's a Zen pancake," May exclaimed with a grin, "I found the recipe on internet! It's supposed to help you with unhealthy foreign auras So eat up!"

So facebook's a menace here too I see… should have guessed that.

I grumbled, "didn't anyone ever tell you not everything you read on the internet is true?"

"He's right." Ben nodded.

"Oh hush you two, eat up Peter, I want you at full strength today!"

I shrugged as I dug into my pancake, "so what's so special about today?"

"Well you see, Anna Watson's niece is coming over today, the poor dear had to move due to family trouble. She's going to be staying with Anna, and we were wondering if you would talk to her, helped her settle in."

My mouth froze as it opened to swallow the disgusting pancakes. I turned to May with wide open eyes, "you're kidding."

So the story does start with the spider bite, I was wondering why there was no Mary Jane in my new memory. This is a fucking AU.

"Peter she's a perfectly fine girl, just a little shy. But if you're not feeling up for it then-"

"-No!" I yelled quickly, surprising them both, I quickly added, "I mean, I would love too! I feel great! Better than great in fact! When is she coming?"

I want to know her character, I'd stay away from her if she turned out to be a bitch like in the movies.

"S-She should have already come I think" She answered with a little uncertainty, taken back by my new enthusiasm. "It's totally fine if you don't want to. I don't want to stress you."

"Stress? You think I'd get stressed talking to a girl? You should see me in school, girls stand in line to talk to me. If anything, I'm afraid I'd make the girl stressed." I continued biting the pancake. 

"Good one bud." Ben laughed and patted my back.

"Geez.. you're taking after your father too much. How did the pancake taste" May chuckled too.

"I would have preferred cardboard with salt." I never knew one could make pancakes taste that bad, it's honestly impressive. "I'll be in my room, call me if the girl comes." 

I ran to my room after finishing that awful breakfast and turned on my potato PC. I refer to it as that because of its appearance but this thing is nuts. Peter built it himself for under 200$ with scraps and trash. The only expensive things were the graphics card and some other important stuff. It runs a Minecraft server of 30 people without lagging at 60 fps. I'm sure that's enough to explain how great this thing is.

It's currently 2010 so the internet exists. But it is nowhere close to the hype it had in 2024. I opened up chrome and searched for all the big things as much as I could.

Tony Stark is Iron man. I already knew that…. But a stark expo in 3 months huh? Sounds like the plot of Iron Man 2. Wonder if I'll get to see Black widow there, just wish she was a hot muscular woman like in the comics. 

Reports of a huge green monster… so hulk's already a thing. I wonder if his pants are still indestructible in this universe. I hope they are, the world isn't ready for the true beast hulk's hiding inside his pants.

What is the unmovable hammer… Thor's also a thing… wait a fucking minute! The hammer's been there for more than a decade and a whole new research facility is built around it and is running for more than 4 years led by Jane Foster.

"Is this comic accurate Thor? But then again the comics weren't like this."

.

.

. 

This is fucking confusing man… X-men, brotherhood and mutants are a thing and Latveria and Sokovia also exist. Fantastic Four aren't yet a thing… but they are already in space for about a month. They're probably getting their powers there.

"Fu-" "Peter!" "-dge. Yeah Aunt May?" I put the computer to sleep and opened my door.

May was standing right out the door, "Anna called us, the girl has arrived. Come let's go, I'll introduce her to you."

"Huh? I thought she'd come here." 

May looked at me speechlessly, "Do you really think a girl who's new to town would feel fine going to a stranger's house?"

"Ah.. maybe" I didn't really think this through.

"I raised a brick stone." May shook her head and went downstairs.

"Was that supposed to be an insult?" I muttered and followed behind her.

I honestly didn't know why I was so excited. Maybe it was because I was going to meet a pretty girl, maybe it was because I wanted to see Mary Jane in real life. I honestly didn't know what I should expect.. Would she like me?.Did I even want her to like me?

What am I saying, of course I did. This is MJ we're talking about, all said and done by the writers, at the end of the day if she's my headcanon accurate then I'll try to rizz her up as much as possible.

"Aren't you a bit overdressed?" I asked her, she was wearing her best sunday dress I've seen her in.

"You're one to talk. I haven't seen you dress that good even for your birthday."

Well… she's right.

We crossed the road and knocked on the door of the house directly across from us. A few moments later, Anna Watson, a kind older lady with grey hair and a warm smile welcomed us.

"Ah Peter! So nice to see you! I heard about your little accident. Are you sure you're alright to be up and about?"

I smirked, "I'll be fine mam, it was just a spider." I'm worried about the spider to be honest, I just pray it didn't bite another man and bit a hot girl like in the comics.

"That's my Peter." May patted my shoulder, "When I told him about Mary he was really excited."

A blush probably grew on my face, you really gotta put me under the rug like that May?

"Well come on in then," Anna invited us in, showing us her home. It was homely, pretty pictures hanging up, a TV and fully furnished with antique looking furniture.

Just then a girl with wet hair came rushing down the stairs, two at a time, wearing green shorts and a purple tank top, holding a hair dryer. "Aunt Anna, the damn thing's broken again-"

She stopped as she realised she wasn't alone. I looked at her, and her eyes landed on me, widening in alarm. They were so green, her wet red hair clung to her scalp making her look that much more desirable.

I couldn't help it, it was the perfect timing, I whistled and smiled, 'damn, looks like I just hit the jackpot.' for a highschooler she got a rack that ig models would wish for.

Her face turned red as she blushed. May and Anna looked surprised. I chuckled at the silence, "so, you're Mary Jane?"

The girl nodded with the blush still on her face, "Y-yeah. Hi"

I nodded and looked down at the hair dryer, "Busted?"

"Ahm, yeah, it just kind of stopped," she nodded slowly.

I held out my hand and she passed it over, I took a look at it and using Peter's remarkable knowledge of mechanics realised the problem pretty quickly "the motor's fried, I can probably fix it for you Ms. Watson, shouldn't be too hard."

The motor was literally smoking, it wasn't hard to figure out.

"That would be lovely, thank you Peter," Anna nodded before turning to MJ, "Mary Jane, maybe it's time for you to put on something more decent."

"Ah, right," the redhead nodded quickly before turning around and walking upstairs. She looked back at me one last time, and I met her gaze. She was looking for something, I knew it, I just smiled back.

Ahh.. an innocent girl she is. 

When she finally closed her room door I turned to Anna and May, "I'll go to the hardware store and get the parts to fix it Ms. Watson, I'll be back soon."

"Why don't you wait for Mary Jane to get ready Peter? Maybe you two could go together," Anna oh so subtly suggested.

I shrugged, "sure. No problem." Anna, you're the best wingwoman.

"Oh look at you, acting so innocent," Anna giggled, "didn't I tell you they would hit it off May?" I turned away from the two old women out as they proceeded to gossip about me and MJ. Well saying May isn't technically old but anyone older than 40 is basically a senior citizen.

It took a while but soon the redhead returned, this time she wore a pair of jeans, a hoodie and sneakers.

'I liked the other dress better.'

"Mary, Peter said he wanted to go to the hardware store to buy things needed to repair the hair dryer you should go with him." Anna suggested while handing her wallet to Mary.

"Fine." She put the wallet in her jeans and looked at me.

"Are you sure you can walk? It's quite long from here." It's about a 20 minute walk. 

"Peter! That's not how you talk to a girl!" May gasped.

"It's fine aunt May," Mary didn't seem to be bothered by my comment and just smiled, "You don't have to worry about me Mr. Parker, I can handle walking long distances."

"Just wanted to inform." I shrugged, "It's about a 20 minute walk."

Immediately I noticed her smile strain a bit but she didn't admit it. "It's a cake walk."

"If you say so," I walked outside and I heard Anna whisper to Mary, "buy lunch outside after getting the dryer fixed"

Damn Anna, you're a bro for this.

In no time MJ and I were walking side by side.

"So what do I call you? 'Mary Jane', seems like a handful" 

"Hmm?" 

"Do you have a nickname or something?" I knew she did, but small talks are necessary to avoid awkwardness.

She thought for a second and said, "Most people call me MJ."

"That's cool and all, but isn't very creative." I want her to remember this first meeting, "How about Red?"

"That's supposed to be creative?"

"We can figure out something else on the way too. You can call me anything too. My friends usually call me either Peter or Parker."

"You have friends?" She asked, shocked.

I stopped and looked at her in confusion. "Why wouldn't I?"

She immediately got embarrassed, "Well.. you look like a typical nerd… so I assumed.."

"Hahaha…" I immediately laughed, this girl really thinks like a cliche teenager, "We live in the 21st century and you still think that?"

"Hey," She punched my arm slightly, annoyed by my laughter. "In my defence I come from the countryside."

"That doesn't mean shit. And do you honestly think a guy with a body like this won't have any friends." I flexed my newly developed muscles after the spider bite. Peter had friends even before this but that's not the point here.

And the plan succeeded as MJ seemed to be impressed.

"No wonder my aunt wouldn't close her mouth about you. I think she may have a crush on you." She teased.

"That's tempting. She's my type, a hot woman." I replied back with a smirk.

"What!?" Her eyes went wide."You're joking right?"

"Of course…not. I've seen her young pics. She looks like Marylin Munroe." 

"You-"

"Kidding," I chuckled, "I actually like redheads."

My comment stopped her from saying something and blushing again.

"So.." We talked all the way to the hardware store a few streets away. She told me how she was joining my school on Monday. I gave her a few tips but generally avoided topics like social circles since Peter was considered generally to be a loner with a few friends.

Which isn't quite true, the principal is my man. Peter helped babysit his daughter so basically, I can do whatever I want without getting suspended.

We had to talk a little further away to reach a restaurant to get lunch, though I didn't mind, and neither did MJ. We sat and ate, I threw about a few jokes, she laughed, she teased me, I blushed, it was a great first date. Well...maybe not a date….

We sat on the restaurant's table after finishing our meal where I started repairing the hair dryer.

"You sure they won't kick us out?" MJ asked while observing me fixing the hair dryer.

"Don't worry, I know the guy here." I lied, I just slipped some bills to the waiter and winked at him. Lucky he was a bro and winked back.

"you're pretty good at this, huh?"

I smiled, "very good. As you said, I'm sort of a nerd."

"I knew it!" She pumped her fist like she figured out what the one piece is, "I know a nerd when I see one."

"Do you like nerds?" I asked in a suggestive tone.

She pushed her hand forwards and grabbed mine which was on the table, "Well~ what do you think Mr. Parker?"

Holy cow her hands are soft. "I think you hate them."

"Maybe I do~" She smiled and pulled her hand back.

"So is this what you want to be when you grow up?" MJ asked as I replaced the motor.

"A repairman? Not at all. I aim to be something bigger than that.", I smirked.

"Like?"

"An interdimensional conqueror maybe?"

"Pftt~! I should have guessed it when you kept talking about Star wars!" She laughed for a long time.

I finished repairing the hair dryer by this time and assembled the screws back. 

"Are you done?"

"Sorry…" She finally stopped, "But it's not impossible, you can build a metal suit and fly around."

"Like Stark? I should have at least a billion dollar net worth before that."

"Maybe you can start slow, after all the rumour is that he built that in a cave with a microwave and paper pin." She took the hair dryer and put it inside the bag she brought.

"Who do you think he is? He does engineering, not voodoo." I chuckled.

"Maybe." She too chuckled. "But he still did it in a cave, that's the main point."

The writers really fucked up her character, she is not the bitchy and needy girl the comics showed her to be. If anything she's really interactive and actually wants to be friends.

MJ and I spoke a lot, mostly about school and her life before moving here. We also talked about superheroes, though she quickly learnt it was a touchy subject for me and started talking about the internet and films.

I learnt that she's a very active Diablo and League player. I asked about acting and stuff and she didn't seem to really be interested in those yet. Maybe Diablo changed her? Could be.

We had some small talk until we reached our houses which means we should separate now. Which I won't like kinda sucked. I really liked spending time with her and listening to her point of view on some stuff was really interesting and productive. 

"So see you on Monday I guess?" I said a little awkwardly. I really didn't know what to say.

"Why can't we meet tomorrow?" She asked back.

"If you want to, we sure can. I just thought you'd need time to settle down and didn't really wanna waste your sunday." The ship hasn't sunk yet.

"Then… can you give me your number?''

Heh

"Of course" The game has officially begun.

The next day I spent with MJ, I helped her catch up on some homework and taught her some basic chemistry. We did get distracted a lot, talking about books and t.v. shows, but that gave me a reason to come again tomorrow to complete our lessons.

She actually leaned onto me more than once when I showed her some stuff I made. Her boobs were like the best shock absorbers. Honestly made me consider if I should add something similar to my suit for extra defence.

After all, I'd get less hate if I became Spider-woman right? 

About my suit though, I may not be a hero but coming to this world and not making a suit is such a waste. I also practised my web slinging skills a bit. I can now make basic designs through my webs.

And I only realised after checking, the webs I shot are fucking fast and hits hard. If I try really hard, I can shoot those things at 140 mph. And anything more than 10 grams at that speed hurts. Especially a thing with a blunt-end like my webs.

I also read many courses from Harvard about many engineering and chemical topics from the internet to have a wider idea about stuff. I have to say this world's on a different level, many advanced and new stuff much different from my old world exists here.

AI now is already a pretty big thing, and it came nearly a decade earlier than the og world. 

"And yet cancer's a thing." Maybe it also has a plot armour. Then again, if nanobots are invented then cancer is basically like the common flu. If you look at it in a way, Bruce and Steve should suffer from stage-19 cancer by now. Yet one is a popsicle and the other has anger issues.

Maybe I should invent a cure… but I can't really earn any kind of money from that honestly and if I did sell the cure for probably billions to a large multi-billion dollar corporation. I will no longer call myself a man. But then again, I can just make somebody release the cure to the public.

"In the future, but before that I need to earn some money to clear out all our debt." I muttered while looking at the bitcoin screen. Its price now is at an all time low of 120$. In this world it's a bit different but I know how much this thing is going to go big. I have to earn some money to buy this now.

"But how…" I muttered while looking around my room. 

Soon I got an idea, a bright fucking idea. To create a fucking RPG that everybody would like. Specifically Undertale. Maybe fear & hunger if it's received well. I've seen their code and with RPG maker, I could make the game in about 4 or 7 months but the soundtrack and diagrams are going to take a fuck ton of time…

"Making just, candy crush will probably earn me millions" I knew that was true.

But I hate that game with all my heart, I don't want to associate myself with that cancer.

"Sigh… undertale it is. I should look for some artists on fiverr."

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Sheesh.. using Skype is nostalgic. I finally managed to employ 7 artists to draw me the character sprites from the ideas I gave. I'm going to make the maps and sans myself through. 

I told Ben about my idea and unlike what I thought he was totally fine, even proud about my new idea. It honestly made me emotional when he gave me a 1000$ bucks without even being sure that I would succeed. He was just happy that I finally did something I liked.

I won't lie, I cried in my room after that. That full night I worked on stuff like crazy and like I thought, 2 of the guys on fiverr ditched me and one of the guys finished the sprites of Papyrus, Alphys and Undyne. 

It wasn't anything perfect but after I modified the sprites it was perfect, even better than the og game in my standards.

Before I knew it the sun was already up and the day had already ended, meaning that it was monday and I had to go to school. I was mentally exhausted and sleepy as fuck.

"Nothing a can of red bull won't solve right?"

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