I Saved Myself

Zhao Fu played dead on the ground as his body trembled. 'This damned world is really screwing with me!' His mind was in turmoil as he cursed the world. 'Sure I was reincarnated, sure I was turned into a cool little snake, sure I have powers, but like what the hell! I would rather die than meet this beast! Whatever it is!'

His two eyes stared at the ground, tears could see beginning to form. His breathing was slow. 'Bloodline System, please help me! What the hell should I do?'

[Preparing Funeral for Master! Commencing Shut Down! Future Equals 'No More'!]

'You bastardly system! If you want to say sh*t, you could just say it later! Why the hell you cursing me dead!?' His mind filled with anger as he lashed at his system which showed no support.

"Little snake, I know that you are not dead! Show me your face!" A deep voice, resembling crashing waves, came into Zhao Fu's ear holes.

'Don't move Zhao Fu, just play dead. He is bluffing, he could only be bluffing.' He was set on playing dead, not moving in any way even after the voice spoke.

"Snake, if you don't move I will kill you! I will give you to the count of three! One... two... " As he reached the third number, his voice became loud and the monster growled. "AH! Now you have done it! DIE!"

'F*ck, is this it? Well, I was able to live a bit longer, so that was fun. But damn, they could have at least let me meet some snake babes, maybe like my new food taste, I may find them sexy! In the future, I could also play with girls by entering them while they sleep, haha, that would have been great.' His fantasies went wild as he silently awaited death. After the first time, he didn't really fear it.

[Host is Analyzed as Perverted!]

'Shut up you damned system! I know you like what I like, hehe! No need to be ashamed, we are all guys here!' he snickered in his mind. No one could imagine that such a snake existed which thought only perverted thoughts at his end.

BOOM

Suddenly, a smashing sound came from right in front of his head. 'F*ck! Did he miss? What a retard! I am right here, how could he miss such an easy target, hehe! But still, that sound made me sh*t myself.'

"Seems like you are really dead, weird. You just shot this weird white stuff on my face, maybe you died from fear?" The beast growled lowly as it thought aloud.

'Keep thinking that, you are right, you are right. I died because you are a scary b*tch! You even made me sh*t myself out of fear.'

After waiting for a few minutes, the beast made somewhat loud steps and walked further away. Zhao Fu waited for a bit before sticking his tongue out quietly and scanning to see whether he was still around.

[Unkown Being's Presence Gone! Host Shall Die Another Day!]

'F*ck you, system!' Knowing that the coast was clear, Zhao Fu got up and quickly looked around. He sighed in relief knowing that nothing was here. "Haha! I will never die!" He moved away from his spot which had a bit of poop. He didn't feel humiliated in any way and only felt happy to be alive.

"System, help me find a way out of here. I need to find some other prey, I don't want to eat fish for a long time now." He felt a little sick of the taste of fish.

[Turning On Map!]

Soon, a map appeared in his mind, which showed the way out. There was one way out, which made Zhao Fu worried. 'Great, that monster is probably still on the path. Who knows how far it is on the path. Damn.'

"System, how long can I go without eating now?" Although he knew the average snake's diet and meal timings, he was a little different. Maybe he could go a lot longer than others, or maybe he would die early.

[Death from Starvation will Occur in a Month!]

'That's pretty good. I can last a while, plus the monster should be gone after that!'

"Hehe, I knew that you were alive!" Suddenly, he heard a deep voice from behind. it was familiar. "Don't act all dead now. I am not going to fall for it twice."

Zhao Fu froze and felt fear fill his heart. 'Damn, I got caught!' He turned his head slowly and slowly stared at the beast.

A large nose, razor-sharp teeth, ominous black eyes, and green skin. It was a large crocodile! Without thinking even twice, Zhao Fu opened his mouth.

"Eat my cold sperm like venom, you bastard!"

[Using a Large Amount of Cold Venom Spit!]

The white liquid, which Zhao Fu compared to sperm, landed on the crocodile's eyes and Zhao Fu made his escape. "Go go! But where! Sh*t, I should have planned this!" With no plan at all, he rushed towards the little pond. 'Maybe those suicidal fish can help me!'

Just as he slithered into the pond, the crocodile was able to rid of the liquid on his eyes. its eyes showed fury and bloodthirst. "You little d*ck! You better get away quickly or you will die!"

"Death! Haha, not from a sperm-filled face like you! Haha!" Zhao Fu couldn't help but laugh and then entered the pond. He slithered deeper. He was being rushed at by different fish, but he nimbly dodged them all.

The crocodile entered as well, but his body was huge, so it didn't take too long for it to reach the half way point. Fish from every angle attack its body. "What the hell is wrong with these fish?! They are fricken suicidal! Ah! My mouth!"

'Haha, that's how it feels to be chocked by a retarded fish! System, which angle is the best to escape from?' he looked around the tangled and blocked crocodile, hoping to find a place to escape from. Once he got out without the crocodile, he would be home free.

[Calculating Best Escape Route... Ding! Must Escape From Under the Crocodile Crotch! Ninety Percent Chance of Escape!]

He Felt stunned, but he knew that this was the best chance he got. 'Screw it, I threw my dignity away the second I was born!' He then silently slithered under the large crocodile, trying not to make a sound or cause many movements.

A few minutes passed and he finally reached the surface. Quickly slithering onto the land, he sighed heavily.

SPLASH!

just as he thought he escaped, he felt his body fall on the ground and something heavy land on him. It was crushing. He turned his body with pain, and the sight scared the living daylights out of him. The crocodile was on top of him, staring at him viciously.

"AHH! I'm still a virgin! Don't f*ck me! I am saving myself for someone else!" His voice became high pitched, almost like a banshees scream.