Expectations (II)

Chang Dumont stood awkwardly next to Jean-Jacques Dumont as he introduced her to her plethora of cousins as well as her aunts and uncles, both closely and distantly related.

Although they wore bright smiles and greeted her genuinely, their eyes were cold and calculating. Chang could feel sweat gathering at her lower back standing in the warm room subject to all the cold gazes in her fine dress and heels that cost god-knows-how-much.

She knew that Jean-Jacques Dumont meant well, introducing her to the family she never knew she had, but all she wanted was to be alone.

To be alone would be better than the cold scrutiny she felt herself subjected to.

'Would it be rude to excuse myself early?' Chang looked at her grandfather from the corner of her eye. She sighed in her mind as she plastered the fake smile she had worn all night, her face was starting to ache with the charade.

'I wish he was here.. No stop it stop it! You promised yourself you would stop thinking about him, he's not coming.' Chang felt another stab to her already mortally wounded heart thinking about him again.

'..If he's even alive still, which I assume he is, his company is doing fine according to the stock market. If the ceo died I'm pretty sure there would be something. Which only means, he's alive and chose not to come.

'I waited, but he didn't come. God if he showed up now I..

'No! Stop with your hopeless expectations, move on girl.' Chang felt her composure slip and without caring if it was rude she slipped away before introducing her to another person and slipped outside.

She heard a few voices tittering and whispering amongst themselves, but she ignored them as she ran out avoiding running into anyone and embarrassing herself further.

The uncomfortable heels made loud clicks through the hall calling attention as she fled outside. The chill air hit her bare shoulders and goosebumps rose up on her skin, her breath clouding the air. The sharp cold hit her lungs and it finally felt like she could take a breath.

Wandering further into the gardens she took off her expensive heels and hiked up the long skirt, so as not to dirty it as she meandered aimlessly into a tall hedge labyrinth. As she walked she let the tears she had been suppressing start to roll down her cheeks. She quickened her pace so that she could find somewhere someone wouldn't find her and see her.

In the darkness deeper in she finally couldn't see the light from her grandfather's manor and the party.

Finally she could let it out without fear.

Chang hiked up her skirt and knelt down and wept into hands. She wept openly for her loss, the people she missed but would never see again.

'They're also who I want to see most. I can't ever see my mom or dad again but I really want to see Jian just one last time. I wish I could have told him myself that I really didn't want to go or write another stupid letter.

'I wish he had been there when my mom died, I needed him so much. I need him so much.'

Chang crossed her arms across herself her fingers touching the thin straps that held the long silver gown as she shivered. She knew it was stupid to stay in the cold in such a thin clothing, but she couldn't go back in as she was.

'Just a little more time, I'm just not ready yet. Just a little more time..'