CHAPTER VII

Jack enters the room’s small bathroom and locks the door, slow movements, careful not to wake Vince and not to get caught by the doctor who already told him he should go home.

He swallows dry when he looks at himself in the mirror. He looks like shit. He feels like it, too.

He washes his face and tries to ignore the growing nausea on his stomach as he gets more and more sober and aware of the smell of alcohol and smoke impregnated on his stained shirt. It disgusts him. He's disgusted with himself.

What would've happened if he was too drunk to answer Theo, or if he was too far to get to Vince's house in time? He wasn't even supposed to be with Theo's car in the first place.

Jack feels like the universe knows all of his thoughts and is setting a trap that makes him go to what he’s been trying to escape the most: Vince.

And if he keeps trying to escape, it's Vince who suffers.

And he doesn't deserve that. God, if there's someone who doesn't deserve suffering, it's this boy who he barely met, who can still show such a sweet smile even though it's no secret he's been through so much pain.

Jack dries his face with a paper towel and stares at himself in the mirror again. He hates what he sees. He hates what he has become. And even if he doesn't understand why, he can't stomach the thought of showing Vince this version of himself.

That's why he lied when Vince asked about his soulmate, that's why he couldn't tell to his face that to him everything is a joke and love isn't real anymore. That's why he goes out of his way to make him think he's nice, even though they’ve barely met and he doesn't care what everyone else thinks.

Maybe he could still see something in Vince's eyes that were similar to what he had on his own once before. It was faded, but it was there. A small spark that told Jack that the other still believed in love, happiness, hope, and all the things he had lost long ago.

And Jack wouldn't - No, he could not be the one to swallow that spark with his overwhelming darkness. He takes a deep breath, making a decision, right there, keeping eye contact with his own reflection. He will never hurt Vince. The rest of the world has done it enough.

He leaves the bathroom just in time for the doctor to knock lightly on the door and partly open it, signaling Jack to come outside. He glances at Vince's sleeping figure one more time. He looks so peaceful. Doesn't even move. Jack smiles, quietly leaving the room.

|||

The doctor is waiting for him in the hallway, Mrs. Taylor and Theo also there.

"How is he?" Mrs. Taylor asks Jack, still sniffling.

Suddenly he feels uncomfortable. He has no idea how to deal with this situation. Should he smile sympathetically and pat her back?

He makes a joke out of every situation not to show real emotion, it's his way of protecting himself from people. He didn't need others to know him in such emotional level, because he didn't want to have to know them too.

Emotions go away and leave painful bruises behind.

But he spent so much time hiding, that now, when he wishes he could show Vince's mom what he's feeling, show that, for reasons he’s still trying to figure out himself, he cares for her son and he's also afraid, he doesn't know how to do it.

He looks away from her.

"He was awake for a few minutes. But he fell back asleep."

Mrs. Taylor keeps looking at him, waiting for him to say more. "And... Uh… He looked tired. And he had this bruise-" Jack shakes his own head once he realizes where his mind is going. He doesn't want to remember the angry purple bruise he saw on the other's delicate skin.

"But he was smiling!" Jack says, more to himself, cutting his own thoughts. "He's gonna be okay..." He looks down.

Mrs. Taylor wipes her eyes with a tissue, Theo rubbing her shoulders and staring at Jack with a puzzled expression.

"Won't he?" He asks, small voice, looking up at the doctor.

The doctor sighs and clears his throat, turning to face Mrs. Taylor.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Mrs." He adjusts his glasses and starts reading some paper files he's been carrying. "You said his episodes are getting more frequent these days, yes?"

"Yes." she replies, calming down. "Now he has them every day, sometimes twice a day, mostly at night. He had a coughing fit earlier today but I put him on oxygen and he was better. But then a few hours later it started again and I couldn’t- I couldn’t help."

The doctor writes something down.

"Right. What I recommend is that we keep him under observation for two nights, and see if he has any episodes."

"Two nights?" Mrs. Taylor asks.

"Yes, starting tomorrow. We'll see how he does in that period, so then we can proceed to consider a permanent admission of him in the hospital." the doctor's calm tone isn't enough to make Mrs. Taylor less nervous, as the woman starts crying again.

She nods weakly and the doctor excuses himself, smiling apologetically.

"Mrs. Taylor... Want me to take you home?"

Theo asks her, worried.

"I... I want to be here."

"The doctor said we have to leave." Theo explains to her gently. "He's not gonna wake up until tomorrow, anyway."

Mrs. Taylor takes a deep breath, and wipes her tears with the back of her hands.

"Yes. You're right." She sighs, staring at Theo. "God, it's just so unfair. He's all I have." She sniffs.

Jack swallows dry. He feels like he's watching the entire thing from a closed window ever since the doctor said Vince might have to stay in this cold, lifeless hospital forever. He feels like he's inside a nightmare just from thinking about it.

"I’m sure it'll be alright." Theo says, looking at her.

Jack finds the way she hopelessly shakes her head terrifying.

"Jack, you're coming?" Theo asks him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He knows he has to leave, but the thought of Vince waking up alone makes his chest hurt.

“Just a minute. I'll be right back." Theo looks unsure, but goes with Mrs. Taylor to wait for him outside.

Jack goes back inside the room where Vince is, the boy still sound asleep. He gets closer, smiling, and softly pushes the other's fringe away from his forehead. He looks beautiful. Jack doesn't understand how he always does.

He looks around and sees a small open notebook and a pen beside his bed, probably used by nurses to write down notes. He takes it and thinks about what to write. He looks at Vince.

He wishes he was better with his words. He never thought that one day he would want to say something with meaning to someone.

But Vince is in front of him and he looks beautiful and he has to write down something. So he does.

"Hi, Vince!

Sorry I’m not there. I promise I’ll be there soon, so wait for me, okay?

P.S.: I might not be there, but I’m thinking about you, so you’re not really alone.

- Jack"

He folds the piece of paper and puts it on Vince’s hand.

He kisses Vince's forehead once again, lingering a little longer this time, knowing he'll only see him again the next day.

"Sleep well, Vin." He whispers before leaving the room.