Foreign Feeling

Rin

While searching this bare room for anything that may be useful, I find myself lost in thought. If I'm being honest, the last 24 hours have been pretty jarring. I don't know how to feel. I'm grateful that I am alive, but guilty for taking over someone else's life. I really don't deserve a second chance. My view of the original Rin is that he was a decent person. Where did he go? Why am I here and not him? I also feel bad for Parker. I made this decision to be Prince Jay's bodyguard without even thinking about Parker. I mean, his only relative and roommate got in an accident and lost his memory. Now I'm starting a new job, which doesn't suit the Rin he knows, and I am now moving out. It also seems I am causing a rift between Anon and Prince Jay. I haven't wrapped my head around this new world and life yet. I am feeling extremely overwhelmed.

I'm not an emotional person. My father basically trained me to suppress everything since I was a kid. In times like these, I feel so lost. I think this knot is forming in my throat, and I can't breathe. I want to punch something. I finished packing my bag with clothes and necessities. Before I head out, I decide to take a break and sprawl out on the bed. I clutch my chest and close my eyes. I hate this. This doesn't make sense. I can't tell if this is a punishment or a gift. The longer I lay here, the more I feel like crying. I haven't cried since my mom abandoned me. Mom, why did you leave me? Why, after seven years, did you decide I was too much? Would this be where I ended up if you had been there for me? These questions have always been hiding in the deepest part of my heart for years; why am I asking them now? I curl myself up into a ball and begin sobbing. I wish I had just stayed dead. Rin, where did you go? Take your life back, please.

-knock, knock-

"Rin, are you ready to go?" Prince Jay asks as he opens the door. 

I try to calm myself, but I can't. Honestly, his presence makes me lose control. I find myself crying even harder. The way I feel around Jay confuses me. I wouldn't say I like it. I feel vulnerable. Jay walks over to the bed and sits down. He rubs my back and stays silent. I thought he would try to cheer me up or ask stupid questions. I'm glad he didn't. I don't think I could handle it. After a few minutes, I began to calm down. I wipe my tears and rollover. I stare at Jay and don't say a word. He puts out his hand and helps me out of bed. 

"Ready?" Jay asks with a sympathetic smile. I nod.

We head out towards the living room, where Anon and Parker seem to be staring each other down. Yikes, this tension is no joke. 

"Parker, can I talk to you for a minute?" I ask him, gesturing toward the kitchen. 

Parker walks over and pats my back. It must be evident that I cried. 

"I feel bad about all this. I decided without thinking about how it would affect you. I'm sorry." I say, bowing my head. 

"Look, I get you are going through a lot right now. I want to help you as best I can. I don't know how I can do that if you're not here. I can't say I am happy about all this, but I understand. All I ask is you keep in touch. Anon is going to get you a new phone, so you better call and visit me. You will always be welcome here. I won't change the lock or code. So come over anytime. This will always be your home." Parker says with a sad half smile. 

Parker pulls out a thick envelope and hands it to me. 

"I put together some paperwork you will need and wrote down some things for you to try to help you remember me. I convinced Anon and Prince Jay to let me visit you at the palace. You bet I will bug you any chance I get. I will miss you, cuz. I love you." Parker grabs me and hugs me tight. 

I want to tell him what he wants to hear, but I haven't told anyone I have loved them since I was a kid. I hugged him back and hoped it was enough.

"See you, Rin! Bye-bye, Prince Jay and Anonymous. See you soon." Parker says with a shit-eating grin. 

He waves at us as we enter the elevator. 

"Anonymous? It seems you two got close while we were gone." Jay says to Anon. 

Anon scoffs and crosses his arms. "As if. The man is a child. He actually thought my full name was Anonymous. Can you believe that? What a fool." 

I locked eyes with Jay, and we burst out laughing. 

"Wow, I can't believe you two are such flirts. Love is in the air." I say as I punch Anon in the shoulder. Anon blushes and says, "UGH! Gross! That man will never be good enough for me!" Anon stomps out of the elevator and out the front entrance. 

"Haha, it's fun picking on him." I chuckle as I wipe away tears. 

"I know, right!?! He is too easy to tease. Always has been. Melony and I used to gang up on him all the time." Jay walks toward the car and opens the door for me. 

"Who is Melony?" I asked as I fastened my seatbelt. 

"She is my baby sister." Anon turns to me and glares. "She is off limits, understood?" 

I chuckle. "Understood." 

Honestly, I wanted to say not to worry because I like men, but I feel like that would make them uncomfortable, mainly because I am about to be living with them.

"Rin, wake up! We are here." Jay says while tapping my knee. 

I must've dozed off. I rub my eyes and try to focus. When I look outside, I am greeted by the most beautiful and majestic palace I've ever seen. There is a fountain and a beautiful garden in the center of a circular driveway. The path toward the front door is lined with gorgeous flowers and black-silver decorative lights. A man walks over to my door and opens it. He bows to me and tries to take my bag. In reflex, I pull it away. 

"It's ok. This is Marcus; he is my butler. He will take care of anything you will need while you work for me." Jay says as he squeezes my shoulder. 

This is all nuts! I have never in my life experienced something this grand. I feel like I am royalty myself. I can't help but grin. 

-pfft- 

Jay laughs at me. "I know. My life is pretty awesome, huh?" 

I roll my eyes and smile. "Yeah, it suits you." 

Jay looks at me, confused. Why did I say that? I hope he doesn't take it the wrong way. 

"Uhh, I mean, you are cocky and rude, so I say it fits you. Typical royal." I say in hopes of backtracking. 

I really don't get why I said that. 

"Well, I hope I suit you too." Jay winks at me and walks inside. 

-Badum- 

What? Why would he suit me? What does that even mean? Why did he wink? Why did my heart do that? This man is going to be my demise.