C32: Lancelot

Evangeline's breath rises and falls with each second as she struggles to handle the pressure ever since she entered her uncle's dungeon. She moved her head to face me, and her eyes reflected a pain that I can't even imagine. Her wounds are soul-deep, and not simply an agony alone. She isn't the cheerful Evangeline I've known for a while now, but a simple woman who managed to climb out of an oubliette, and I feel responsible for everything.

"I feel like I'm overreacting, getting carried away with his words like that," she confessed, sensing that her level of pressure lessens with each second that passes. The longer it takes her to speak, the better I feel. I've heard some parts of their conversation when she hid her phone with an ongoing call with me for me to hear everything, and with the knowledge that she got afraid when her uncle asked, 'What will you do if you happen to know who the murderer is? What if he's been watching you all this time?' has an impact.

And that's no one else but me.

He knows.

The question is, how much does he know about me? Everything? He must've known that I'm the one who murdered his son by his own orders, and if he hasn't completely lost his head, he wouldn't bother to reveal that, because if he'll push me to the gates of hell, I'm going to drag him with me. The only thing left for me to do is to find supporting pieces of evidence that can point out that he's involved.

Eve let out a sigh as she looks at me expectantly, hoping to hear what I had to say about everything. I broke eye contact and turned on the car's engine, stepping on the accelerator right after switching the gear to drive. She may be expecting me to say something, but she's not the only one struggling at the moment. I need to gather my thoughts, just like she does.

"I don't understand how can you be quiet after everything," she commented, hints of disappointment recognizable from her voice. "Look at you, your eyes are as cold as ice once again. Aren't you going to say anything?"

"I will. But let me help you using my ways. Be patient," I advised, and she sat back quietly.

Around 20 minutes later, I stopped the car in front of an ice cream shop, and she looked up to me in disbelief – with her eyes, asking, 'are you serious that you're bringing me here?'

"What, don't you like it? C'mon," I held her cold hand and entered through the glass door, with the guard opening it for us. Eve loosened up a little as her stiff hand softens.

"How long are you planning to hold my hand?" she tried to withdraw her hand, but I refused to let it go.

"Not until you're completely calm," I tried to smile, and she did the same. "That's better. Now choose any flavor that you want to eat, and we'll talk about what happened earlier. I wouldn't tease you about being fat when you eat too much, so go ahead and choose whatever size will suit your heart's content." I let go of her hand as I went to the counter and I let her find seats for us.

"A cup of strawberry ice cream please, topped with chocolate syrup. Also, a cup of blueberry ice cream." I ordered, and the cashier nodded.

"Anything else?"

"Those two comes with real strawberries and blueberries, isn't it?" the cashier nodded once again, and I pulled out a 500-peso bill from my wallet.

"You may take your seat, sir. We'll serve it to you when it's done."

"Thank you."

I left the counter and found Evangeline sitting in the corner-most high chair of the shop. Her elbows are on the table, her phone in her hand.

"It was like earlier you were upset and now you're looking on your phone, smiling alone like an idiot," I shook my head as I sat next to her, and fortunately, it was also the time where the staff gave us our orders.

"Seriously? You're calling me that right after I experienced being tormented?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're not supposed to take that to the personal level. I was trying to mess with you."

She scoffed as she took a spoonful of her strawberry ice cream, as I did.

"I finally got the picture of how your uncle is really like that caused you to fear him. Honestly, I regret letting you come to him. It's like entering a trap voluntarily. I'm at least grateful that you weren't murdered inside or got hurt in any way. Oh, aside from the tormenting, that is."

"His question had me thinking, you know? Because what if it's true? And why would he bother to bring that up if it's nothing to him? Part of it sounded true. I kinda feel like I'm missing a puzzle piece."

The truth is, I AM the missing puzzle piece that she's looking for. If only life has an undo button, I wouldn't do it. If I only knew that she's related to him, I wouldn't. If I decided not to follow my parents' ways, I wouldn't have lived this life in the first place.

But there's no point regretting now. I brought it all to myself, and the only thing I should look forward to is how to fix this mess. Are there even other ways for me not to end up in jail? It's the obvious consequence of all my actions.

"I can't talk on his behalf, because I'm not your uncle. But if there's anything I can guarantee you, it's …" is it even right to tell her that I can protect her? It doesn't seem right, coming from me. It's like saying, 'I'm going to protect you from the murder which is me.'

"What?"

"I'll … do whatever I can to protect you," It's easy to admit that I meant it, but it feels wrong.

Perhaps what I can guarantee at least is to protect her from them.

The corner of her lips rose as usual, her eyes blinking some tears.

"Thanks," she took another spoonful of ice cream. "It's funny how you can be a warm and cold person at the same time. You're weird, but I like you. Though I know you're only trying to be nice."

My eyebrows knit as I hear her words. I'm not trying to be nice, but I want to …

Right, why am I doing all of these, anyway? Is it only because I feel responsible for killing her cousin, and this is a peace offering of some kind?

I closed my eyes to shrug it off.

"Whatever," I replied, which sounded cold for someone who said that she likes me. It's usual to like someone when you enjoy their company, and it doesn't have to be in a special way, right?

"There you go again, the classic cold you. Pfft," she sighed. "Anyways, thank you for bringing me here. I feel a lot better. I love sweets. I mean, who doesn't?"

"I don't," I retorted, which is true. "Not only that sugar can cause diabetes, but I don't enjoy it that much. Not as comfort food. I don't mind eating sweets, but they're something I won't crave for."

"Ugh, seriously! I can't believe I'll ever hear that from any normal human," Her tone finally sounded like the Evangeline I know, and I can't be thankful enough for that.

"You said it yourself, haven't you? You said earlier that I'm weird. You even said that you like me even if I'm weird," she looked at me with her eyes opened wide, as if in shock. "You looked surprised. Why's that? Did I say something wrong?"

"You heard that? I said it that loud?"

"Keep asking yourself that," I replied, as I scooped the last of my blueberry ice cream with my spoon.

"This is so embarrassing. I should learn how to speak my mind less."

"So? It's not like that little statement changes everything. You like me as a friend. Is that wrong?" She blinked as she looked at me as if processing her thoughts. "You … you haven't moved on yet from him, correct?"

Evangeline's facial expression falls, her happiness completely fading. "I …"

"I shouldn't have brought that up. I'm sorry, I've been insensitive," now I feel like I've been more stupid than ever. Why remind a girl of what she's been through when she's trying to move on?

"It's fine. It's the hard truth, after all. You're right, perhaps. I like you as a friend," she forced a sad smile, trying to look like everything's fine. "How can anyone not like you? You're too nice not to be liked." clearly she's making things up to avoid the awkward topic that I brought up.

"We both know that's not true. Besides, people liking me is the least of my worries. Shall we go?"

She nodded and an awkward silence surrounded us on our entire trip back to her home. When we arrived, she opened the door to step out, but I know it's not the right way to end the trip.

"Eve," I called, and she stopped, looking back to me. "If there's anything I can do to help you, just call me. I might've said something like that before, but I'll keep reminding you that if I have to. I'm going to listen if you want to vent or anything."

"Thanks," she replied as she steps out of the car and shut it gently.

----------------------------------------

A week passed and it's Wednesday again – our day off. Eve said beforehand that she'll spend the day painting which is fine by me, because I want to use this day for my own business to accomplish, too. But then, my phone chimed, revealing Evangeline's message on it.

---

Evangeline: I know we're not going out, but can you drop by for dinner? I'll cook something and … I'll need a guinea pig.

Me: Sounds like something I'll say. Stop copying me.

Evangeline: Woohoo! My impersonation worked, huh? I haven't used guinea pig for years now.

Me: You're crazy.

Evangeline: I know, thanks. Aren't you though?

Me: You think I'm crazy?

Evangeline: Yeah.

Me: If being crazy for you count, then that is.

Evangeline: What?

Me: If being crazy because of you counts, then that is. Sorry, it's not for, but because. Autocorrect.

Evangeline: I wasn't far from believing! They sound the same to me. You convinced me for a second!

Me: That?

Evangeline: I was hoping that you'll say the same from what I said last night. Now I'm disappointed.

Me: Disappointed by what? You said a lot of things last night.

Evangeline: You're too slow.

Me: That's my line. I remember telling you that twice in my lifetime.

Evangeline: You counted?

Me: What do you think?

Evangeline: Whatever. Just drop by later.

---

Even though I'm expecting this day to be full of pressure, it seems like she'll be the cure before this day ends. What did I even do to deserve meeting someone like her?

I stopped my car in front of my parents' house – Lilith and Than's house. The very idea that I lived a lie all this time already stings, and yet, I'm still visiting – not because I want to, but I need to. I pulled out my phone and tapped on the recording app and its red button as I hide it in my pocket.

"You're finally here," Lilith said, and Than's eyes found mine from his seat, wearing a facial expression that I couldn't read. As always.

"What brings you here?" he asked, putting down his cigarette in his ashtray.

"It's been weeks since I met my real parents which happen to be not either of you," I began, as I sit across them. Than's expression became grimmer and grimmer, with Lilith remaining speechless.

"Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"

"What do you want to hear? That we're sorry for making you believe that all these years, we pretended to be your parents? You should be thanking us for raising you," I can't even sense any hint of regret from him. I want to believe that there's a single chance that they'll even feel sorry about fooling me all these years, but nothing. It makes me wonder what I'm supposed to feel at the moment – should I be angry? Disappointed? Hurt? Think of what I can do to pay for their crimes?

What?

Probably all.

These people … never treated me as a son anyway, but a servant.

In each murdering operation, I wasn't always alone. In fact, killing Giovanni was my first time to be alone in the entire crime scene. When I first got involved with murder, we were requested for the person to be killed to be cut by limb and have the body be burned until there's nothing left – the girl's name was Sorayne. Seeing someone doing that was traumatizing, and up to this day, I can still see how my 'co-worker' did it so that I'll have an idea. I squeezed my eyes shut to shrug off the memory, but it suddenly repeats again and again.

Thinking of those now makes me shiver, and I can't imagine doing anything like that ever again, and I certainly won't.

"I would appreciate some explanation. I couldn't believe that the vice mayor is my real father, and according to his wife, I was given to you as a payment. Payment for what?"

"28 years ago, your grandfather was also running for a political position, and in order to get rid of the competitors, they had to be wiped out. You might be thinking … 'That early? You were doing crimes like this that early?' and the answer is yes. We all know this family's motto –

whoever gets in the way should be wiped out. You know how we're like. We live according to orders."

"Therefore, it's about political dynasty? Of the Castillo family, as well as the Perez family?"

His eyes widened for a second after hearing 'Perez,' which is surprising because I was expecting that he shouldn't be surprised about this anymore.

"Is this about mayor Richard? You're asking if he's involved that early?"

"Am I wrong?"

"He wasn't. When the current vice mayor Chris and mayor Richard teamed up, that was the only time when your father referred us. It's the main reason why Richard won the elections because we had someone kill him. His second order was his son, thanks to you."

I gulped. It's about Giovanni again. Seems like his case will haunt me not until I'm buried six feet under the ground.

"I still don't understand why he wanted his son killed. He's a monster. Richard Perez is a monster."

Than laughed out loud after hearing my opinion.

"That's interesting, coming from you who killed his son. You only thought of that right now? He's more dangerous and powerful that we thought. Not to mention, insane."

If he wanted Evangeline gone when she was a kid, does that mean … he was teaming up with another set of murderers to do the job, and not the monsters in front of me? What else am I missing?

"Why would he want his son to get killed, anyway? That's the worst thing any parent can do to his own child."

"Why are you interested?" his answer isn't what I want to hear. "Fred, his assistant, didn't go deeper but mentioned something about his son's drug usage. Who knows? Maybe they had their father and son conflicts. It's not like it still matters. Why are you asking us all these things anyway?"

I curled my hands into a fist and tried to keep my cool. "I just need to have those questions answered. The curiosity is killing me."

"Speaking of mayor Richard, he gave us another order," he said, lighting up another cigarette from his breast pocket. "His assistant told us yesterday that he wants to have his niece dead. Since you mentioned that you won't get involved again, I won't expect anything from you."

"Niece? How many nieces does he have? Which one? What's the name?" my chest tightens as I thought of Evangeline, who's a niece of Richard himself.

"Why would I tell you? You're out of the business. The details of where the niece lives or anything else wasn't mentioned. But then again, you're out of this."

I grit my teeth as I process the things that he just said, and made up my mind.

"If … if I'm going to take the job, will you let me?" my question felt like a dagger stabbed in my chest. Evangeline … you're going to understand why I'm doing this.

When the day comes.