Chapter 47: Trial of the Heart.

I was at home, my real home, where I had spent twenty-five years of my life before moving out, my body was smaller, way smaller than I was used to, sitting on the very familiar couch with a very familiar person by my side, watching the TV with a random program on.

It looked completely out of place since I was pretty sure that the Titanic didn't have any action scenes with ray guns, but I had never seen the film, so I couldn't be completely sure.

I looked down at my hands, they were my old hands, but there were none of the hairs on them that I was used to, they were smaller and with far fewer scars.

I looked at my arms, no tattoos, so younger than sixteen, but there was a scar on my hand that I received when I decided to blow up a firework in our bathroom together with my father, so older than thirteen.

Between thirteen and sixteen…

"Ow!" 

I got pinched.

"That's what you get for ignoring me, dumbass, what are you so lost for?" Asked the feminine voice that I heard every night in my dreams, but it was higher and less mature.

And there was less love at this age.

I glanced at her, short hair, we were fourteen, and memories flowed through my head, this was a nice time in my life, no worries, just fun and games with the girl I had a massive crush on, who would later become my life partner, "Nothing, Erica, don't worry about it." 

She narrowed her eyes at my answer, "Trying to keep secrets from me?" 

"Nope, I just like being together with you, no matter how old we are, even if this is just a dream," I replied, the look in my eyes something that would have never appeared when I was fourteen, it was a gentleness that came from over a decade of loving this same person, every day more than the one before.

"This isn't a dream, dummy!" She replied, looking at me weirdly.

"Do you remember the day we met?" I asked out of nowhere, seeing her so young, rather than the way she looked the last time I saw her made me want to reminisce, like the old man that I was.

"It's been, what, eight years? I don't even remember what I had for breakfast today!" She replied with a chuckle.

I chuckled back, this was exactly how she was back then, lying to hide things she felt were embarrassing, acting as if her memory wasn't even better than mine, "Yeah sure, I do remember it though." 

"But I do remember that you were weird." 

"Hey!" I fake-punched her arm, "Weird is good, being normal is boring." 

She gave me a look as if trying to call on my bullshit, "You came to school dressed like a banana."

"So you do remember!" I smirked.

"Who could ever forget a kid dressing up as a banana on the first day of school?!" She protested on being called out on her very obvious lie.

I replied calmly, my smirk ever-growing, "My plan worked, I made a bunch of friends that day." 

"And they all still think you're weird." 

"And they all love me for it!" I replied with a chuckle.

"Whatever…" 

We watched the Titanic ripoff with alien invasion incorporated, it seems that the Phoenix's illusion couldn't wrap its mind around Earth's entertainment, it looked like a Z movie.

After a few more seconds of silence, I eventually continued the conversation from before, "You know, I've had a crush on you from the moment I met you that day." 

Her head snapped back to me, "You're serious?" 

"Yeah," I replied unashamedly, something that I was far too shy to admit at this age, it took two more years before she made the first move and pinned me to a wall and kissed me.

Damn, I missed that woman.

"B-but why now?" She stuttered, her face red as she struggled to keep her smile down.

I couldn't blame her, she later told me that she had a crush on me for almost as long, she was just too shy to ever confess first, until she wasn't, of course.

"Because I don't think I ever told you how long I've been in love with you, it was long overdue, I think." I continued, glancing at the knife that appeared in my hand.

The Phoenix wanted me to stab her? 

Seems that gods here were just the same way those cultivators were, just as barbaric and bloodthirsty as everyone else, letting me meet the person that I wished to see again more than any other, just to tell me to stab her.

I let the knife go.

"You know, you could stay here forever." The girl by my side suddenly said.

"What do you mean?" 

"Isn't it awful? The world outside, so bloody, so evil, so disgusting? What did those bandits do to that village, to those men, the women in those houses? The children? You can just stay here with me, forever." She continued.

Oh, so this was the trial.

It was unfortunate, truly, I would have loved to take this offer, hold her hand, and leave everything behind, leaving this body behind so that Jasmine could give the Green Pearl to one of the kids and train them to whatever realm she wanted after I was gone.

I would hate myself for it for the rest of my life, leaving behind people who were my responsibility, but I would have done it for her.

If only it were real.

"I'm sorry." 

"B-but why? Just stay here, there is your family here! Your friends! The world you grew up in, you have your own body instead of just someone else's!" She protested, tears streaming out of her eyes, as if my refusal was the greatest betrayal possible.

It broke my heart more than words could express.

But it had to be done.

"This is not real, none of this, this body, this world itself, all fake." 

"But I'm here! Your Erica! I'm here and I'm real! Don't leave me alone, not again!" She shouted at me, punching my chest with all of her strength.

I grit my teeth, I hate the Phoenix now.

Forcing me to go through my worst nightmare again.

The world around us warped, turning into that same hotel room where I had last been together with her, now back to looking like the adult me.

And the adult here was there in front of me, still crying.

"Why? Why did you leave me?! We were meant to be together forever, that's what you promised me!" The way she looked at me, her eyes puffy, glaring at me in confusion.

There was the same knife I held not long ago in her hand.

"I'm sorry." It was all that I could bring out, nothing I could say would be able to express just how much it hurt, knowing that while this was an illusion, while this wasn't my real Erica, the words she said were right.

I had left her, I had broken my promise, even if involuntarily.

Maybe it was a selfish desire for atonement, a wish to pay for what happened, to take the fault on me and free myself from the guilt that weighed on my heart since the moment I opened my eyes in this world.

Maybe it was all of that and more that I didn't know, but I stayed completely immobile as she came to me and stabbed me right in the chest.

This is just an illusion, none of this is real, she can't hurt me.

That's what I told myself, but why did it still hurt?

The world turned to darkness once again, and in front of me, the gigantic, divine eyes of the Phoenix returned.

I stayed silent, waiting for the superior being to start.

"Your soul tells me that you knew it was an illusion from the very beginning, you could have stabbed her at any moment, breaking out of the illusion and claiming the power of the Phoenix as your own, why didn't you?" 

"The power of a being that wants me to stab the person that I've loved the most in my life, my love that lasted twenty-five years, I don't want to keep alive such a thing, to taint my entire life just for a sliver of power," I replied resolutely, my eyes red from keeping in the tears.

That illusion was excellent, it knew how to strike where it hurts the most.

"That's admirable, even if stupid, power is power, no matter the source." The being with too much power and too little feelings replied.

I chose my words carefully, afraid that the bird that wanted a monster as her inheritor could strike me down for a wrong word, "A human is nothing more than the memories he has, they are what gives meaning to my life, the people I've left behind and those that are waiting outside for me, they are what keeps me going, not lust for a meager amount of meaningless power." 

"Even so, you didn't dodge or push her away when she stabbed you, why?" She asked, her voice not offended or angry, just puzzled.

"It was just an illusion, the pain was not real, none of that was real, and it wasn't even remotely realistic for the woman that I love to stab me," I replied.

After a long pause, where the golden eyes seemed to be staring at the deepest corners of my very being, she eventually continued, "She must have meant a lot to you, to have such trust. I do not know how an outsider like you came into this corner of reality, and even if you hold a Heavenly Profound treasure, I do not know of any way for you to go back." 

Those words left a very bad taste, not that I was expecting anything, because, of course, the fragment of the soul of a God would be able to see that I come from another place, especially since she probably saw the foreign stuff in my last trial.

But it still stands that not even a being of her level would know a way back.

"Can I leave now?" I asked, after that last trial, I didn't like this Phoenix God at all, I wasn't even sure that she couldn't read my mind, so I had to cut low on the mental curses.

"Why would you, you have passed the trial, it's time for your rewards. Congratulations, the outsider who bears the Evil God's strength. Within the ages, you are the eighth practitioner who has chosen to give up the allure of strength rather than hurt an illusion of your loved one. You deserve the Phoenix's gift."

Huh.

Maybe she wasn't so bad.

Hey~ give them stones please and leave a comment, I always read them all.

Love you~