Barbie who stinks

Saturday, June 10th 2006

09h00am

The two days after the end of my shooting, as I didn't feel like eating or sleeping and as everyone complained that Lara was even more capricious than usual, Maï asked a doctor to come to the beautiful house.

The doctor who came, asked me a lot of stupid questions and then, he asked me to lift my nice t-shirt. However, how I didn't want to, the belly exam has become a bit complicated.

It was a very difficult fight between a little girl who refused to show her belly button and a foreign man who was a little too curious and finally, when he has received enough blows of Mister who stink on the head, the doctor gave up.

As he was angry, he told Maï that I was suffering from...

"Mister who stinks, can you remind me of the terrible disease that struck Lara? Well done, Mister who stinks. Although you are not a beauty, your foam brain knows how to register important things."

In the kitchen where Maï was waiting with great anticipation for the doctor's verdict, when she saw the Mister too curious approaching, with his head down and all disheveled, immediately, her thoughts considered the worst possibilities.

So here it is; I'm suffering from acute post-production depression and to get out of this state, I have to keep my little head busy.

That's why the idiot gave in to the pressure of my lovely Mommy who is very worried and that's also why I'm currently in a small studio in Los Angeles where everyone is running around.

Mister who stinks is hiding under the little pink and white table in front of me and we are holding back our laughter as we watch them foolishly wiggle around like crazy little dogs.

As I am bored because I have nothing to do, sitting on my little pink chair, I swing my legs in the void but, a lady with a big button on her nose and small blue glasses, comes towards me with a very worried face.

"Lara, honey, where did you hide Barbie's head?"

"Huhuhu."

This is the third lady to come to me because Barbie's head flew off. Me, I don't care because it's watching them freak out, I still find it much more fun than shooting a ad without an ugly old dog.

"Ladies and gentlemen, until we find Barbie's head, filming of the ad is suspended.

"Vivian, have another one. We brought an extra doll, I believe."

"No way. Our lovely little actress cut the hair off the second one and if we don't find that head, we won't be able to shoot the ad this morning."

As I listen to the screams of these funny people, I bend down to pick up one of the lollipops that is sitting on the little table and thinking about it, what did Maï say to me again?

I know! Barbie hired me to help her make her publicity because I supposedly look like her little sister. At first, I was very hesitant because I don't like this show-off doll, and all her friends, I find them all very ugly.

Maï said that if I shoot this ad, my head would go around the world.

Huhu, I immediately thought of my head in a package that would travel the globe in the hold of a plane. Not convinced by Maï's words, I asked the idiot who was responsible for all this commotion.

The idiot wanted me to play in this ad because supposedly, besides curing my post-production depression, it would also be a very good showcase. I think he confused me with a store.

Still unsure of what to do, I called my lovely Mommy who kindly advised me to follow my heart. As usual, apart from my Mommy who always knows how to give me the best advice, all the others are really very useless.

As for the stupid idiot, I told Mommy that he wanted to put me on display in a butcher shop. Mommy laughed then asked me again, to be nice to him. "Yes my lovely Mommy" I reluctantly replied, while not understanding why I would act nice to someone who confuses such a pretty little girl with a calf's head.

"Guys, I found Barbie's head. Someone had cruelly thrown it into the water dispenser tank. Give me five minutes to dry her hair and we can get to work in earnest."

"Huhuhu, I guess that three small stones were not enough to make a head sink, Mister who stinks."

10:00am

"Sweetie, take Barbie in your arms. No, don't shake her with two fingers like if Barbie smelt bad. No, don't shake her by the leg either. No and no Lara, don't pull on Barbie's head. Let me explain again, how you should do it. Bring her against your chest, like this and hold her lovingly. Look how happy she is, Barbie."

A woman over forty holding a Barbie with a goofy smile, is definitely worth seeing.

"But it reeks of plastic. Is this the serie Barbie who stinks or what?"

Maï, who until then was busy talking with a man who had approached us when we arrived at the production studio, intervenes to prevent the members of the film crew from suffering from brain dysfunction, caused by the little plague. At least that's what she just said when she thought I couldn't hear.

"Lara, if you're obedient, later on you'll get one of those chocolate maxi-ice creams that are usually forbidden to you."

Upon hearing this good news, my eyes open wide and I show my teeth.

Oh, for real?

The other day, we were walking down the street with Maï and that's when I discovered the truth which deprived me of my favorite ice cream.

Maï had put on one of those ugly jeans with low pockets and the bottom of the legs flared but very tight on the buttocks. I was quietly walking behind her by having fun throwing Mister who stinks in the air and catching him when I noticed a big thing waddling in front of my eyes.

Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut instead to comment on the horrible thing that was burning my little eyes.

"Madam fatty buttocks, in addition to your small chest, now you also have big thighs and it's very ugly."

Usually, after a pat on the head, Maï would have left me in peace, but who knew she would take it so seriously and run to weigh herself once I got home.

The result was very not very good.

I was in the living room watching television when, I saw Madam Fatty buttocks come back in a large jogging suit and snatch my cubs cakes from my hands. She had just started our diet without telling me and yet, I already knew that my snacks would never be the same again.

Since that day, since Madam Fatty buttocks is jealous of my adorable little buttocks that can eat as much teddy cubs cakes as they want, to get back at them, she confiscated all my sweets, huhu.

Cubs cakes, candies, and even the big chocolate ice creams that I love so much, the girl with the big buttocks is depriving me of everything because of her new complex.

"Okay Madam fatty buttocks. Madam glasses, I'll hold that stinky toy, but put some perfume on it first."

The woman with the blue glasses smiles gently at me and as if I were a small animal, she ruffles my hair.

"Hairdresser! The lady you saw earlier is going to do a touch up before the photo shoot, then immediately after, we'll get started. Here honey, take your Barbie."

Adults always think that because kids are small, it means they're dumb, but who's the idiot whith glasses who just dishevel my hair?

"No, put that away. It stinks too much! I'll take this pretentious doll when the shooting photo starts."

I ignore Madam glasses who is still holding her doll against her heart and when the hairdresser takes care of my hair, it makes me want to yawn.

"You look perfect my darling. Now hold the Barbie against your little heart and you declaim the final line of the ad. Okay?"

I nod but I pout a little, because really, this stuff right here doesn't smell good and it's going to permeate my new pretty purple sweater that the production gave me.

Honestly this job is not that complicated, I smile, I squeeze Barby who stinks and say:

"Barbie, she's my best friend."

"Ooh, how beautiful you both are my darlings. Lara, you are so cute that when I see you, I kind of regret putting my career first and rejecting having kids. Ready my darling?"

Ever since Madam glasses put her ugly doll in my arms, my little nose has been wiggling on its own, but if I keep pushing that silly toy away, I'll be late for the low-fat cream spaghetti the cook made.

Naughty Maï! Since her buttocks have grown enormously, even my cream is suspected.

"Yes Madam glasses, but my little nostrils are very sensitive so hurry up."

"Okay, sweetie, so, let's not waste any more time...

Madam glasses is leaving. Let's make it quick Mister who stinks, I'm afraid we don't have much time.

...John, it's whenever you want."

"Okay, Lara, just like before, you straighten your back nicely, you tighten your legs without giving the impression that you are tense and you raise your head slightly. Perfect my beautiful. Now, smile, take your doll against your heart and, it's... Wait a second, where are Barbie's clothes?"

"Huhuhu."