Unapologetically Obstinate

Suhasini’s scream echoed while she squeezed her eyes certain that she will end up in the depths of the abyss. The fall was ruthless and she continued slipping until her desperate hands found a small branch protruding from the side of the gorge. Suhasini held it tightly, breathing heavily, terror cast over her face while her body shook involuntarily. She gathered whatever courage she could and tried hard to pull herself up but the thin branch she held snapped. To Suhasini’s shock she again started to slip downwards but somehow found another branch, this time a little thicker and held on to it. The courage she had conjured was long gone and so was Suhasini’s hope to live. She closed her eyes and murmured a prayer hoping to meet her maker and as she opened her eyes, she saw a familiar but hard face, worried but confident. It was Nihaal looking at her from above, he said, ‘don’t worry…don’t worry, I am here’, and those words melted in Suhasini’s ears. She forgot that she was hanging from a cliff and beneath was a deathly abyss. Nihaal taking charge, quickly lied on the ground and extended his hand at Suhasini, ‘grab my arm Ms. Suhasini, grab it!’, he said. Suhasini nodded but her hand didn’t move, fear seemed to have frozen her, ‘grab it, quick’, said Nihaal again. Suhasini scared for her life nodded and slowly looked down and gasped, ‘don’t look down, don’t…just look at me…look at me’, said Nihaal calmingly. Suhasini looked at his tense face but his eyes were calm, in control and she slowly raised her hand. Nihaal deftly grabbed it and slowly, cautiously pulled Suhasini up.

*****

The dusting cloth fell off Sudha’s hand and her jaw dropped as Nihaal walked in carrying Suhasini in his arms. He was quiet as always, expressions undecipherable and an air of duty around him while Suhasini had a faraway look on her face.

‘Ready a hot water bottle, Sudha, Ms. Suhasini has sprained her ankle’, he instructed and climbed up the stairs with Suhasini in his arms.

*****

Nihaal carefully put Suhasini on her bed, fluffed a pillow and supported her back with it. Suhasini wanting to pull herself closer to the back pillow shifted a little and squealed in pain. The protector’s instinct in Nihaal made him step towards Suhasini, his hand was about to touch Suhasini’s ankle but he stopped at the last minute, slowly withdrawing his hand back. ‘It’ll be fine by tomorrow, it’s not bad so you don’t need to worry’, he said.

‘It’s not bad? My ankle is killing me’, said Suhasini as she looked earnestly at him, probably expecting him to comfort her. But instead, Nihaal curtly almost like he had admonish a child said, ‘if it is hurting so bad, why did you leave on your own? I had told you that it won’t take long’, he said.

Suhasini’s earnest look was gone, the hope of comfort was gone and she looked upset, ‘and I had said that I wanted to go home’, she remarked.

‘Yes, home! I guess you mean that abyss because you were nowhere near home when I found you hanging’, he scoffed.

‘It was an accident, I almost died! So, you don’t have to be so mean about it’, she said sharply.

‘And you don’t have to be so bloody obstinate! You could have stayed at the office for just half an hour and the come back home with me. Do you realize that you could have died? But I guess you had to prove a point like the obstinate person that you are!’ he shouted back at her.

Suhasini’s eyes were angry, fierce and stubborn as she calmly said, ‘I am not obstinate, I am unapologetically obstinate!’

‘And perhaps that is why you are here, working for a stranger, living with a stranger and not living with your family like other girls your age do’, Nihaal snapped.

Suhasini’s face lost its color, her fierce eyes grew dark as tears shone in them and her lips quivered with humiliation. Nihaal regretted the words as soon as he said them but it was already late because as he started to speak Suhasini interrupted him, ‘please leave me alone, Mr. Nihaal’, she said firmly and averted her teary eyes from him. Nihaal feeling guilty quietly left the room.

*****

The grandfather clock in the drawing room struck ten. Suhasini sadly sitting in her room heard the faint sound of the strikes as she looked out of the window at the night sky. With a slight knock the door pushed in and Nihaal quietly stepped inside carrying a tray of Tiger Balm, a hot water bottle and a glass of golden milk. ‘I hope I am not disturbing you, Ms. Suhasini’, he said. Suhasini’s face was tear stained and Nihaal knew he had hurt her.

‘You didn’t have to bring all this’, Suhasini said in a despondent tone.

‘I had to’, said Nihaal as he kept the tray on the side of the bed and cautiously sat at the edge of the bed maintaining a respectable distance.

The two sat quietly and a few moments passed when Nihaal said, ‘I am sorry, I shouldn’t have said those things…I am really sorry.’

‘It was all true’, Suhasini said wryly.

‘No, it was wrong and disrespectful’, he said picking up the balm. ‘I had no idea about your life and the ill-treatments you had to suffer while growing up until Sudha told me. And it was stupid of me to lose my cool and say all those things’, he said looking remorseful. Opening the balm container Nihaal looked at Suhasini and asked, ‘may I’ wanting Suhasini’s permission to apply the balm.

Suhasini looked surprised and awkward, ‘it’s alright Mr. Nihaal, you don’t have to…’

‘I know, but I want to’, he said earnestly. She nodded and carefully folded her salwar a little allowing Nihaal to see the hurt ankle.

He scooped the balm and gently started applying it on the bronze skinned ankle. Suhasini drew in a breath as Nihaal surprisingly soft fingers touched her skin, the tingling pain miraculously turned in a sweet sensation with Nihaal’s touch. Suhasini affectionately looked at Nihaal who diligently treated her ankle and an earlier question – am I falling in love with him – crawled out from the depths of her heart. She closed her eyes, worried that Nihaal will read that question in her eyes. ‘What is this?’, Nihaal asked surprised.

Suhasini opened her eyes and saw Nihaal pointing towards a dark burn mark at her calf. Suhasini dryly smiled, ‘you can call it a memento my aunt gave me’, she said.

Nihaal looked shocked and speechless, ‘she burnt you?’ he asked in disbelief.

‘A long time back’, said Suhasini.

Nihaal was troubled and angry at the same time. It was apparent that why Suhasini chose to look for a job and agreed to stay in a stranger’s home as he had rudely pointed out.

‘Ms. Suhasini, I promise you that you that you’ll never have to run away from my house as you had to from your uncle’s’, he said feeling responsible for Suhasini. She simply smiled at him.