Happiness Is Not The Same As Positivity[4]

Chances are you know someone who always appears to be insanely happy regardless of the circumstances or situation. Chances are this is actually one of the most dysfunctional people you know. Denying negative emotions leads to deeper and more prolonged negative emotions and emotional dysfunction.

It's a simple reality: shit happens. Things go wrong. People upset us. Mistakes are made and negative emotions arise. And that's fine. Negative emotions are necessary and healthy for maintaining stable baseline happiness in one's life.

The trick with negative emotions is to 1) express them in a socially acceptable and healthy manner and 2) express them in a way that aligns with your values.

A simple example: A value of mine is to pursue non-violence. Therefore, when I get mad at somebody, I express that anger, but I also make a point to not punch them in the face. Radical idea, I know. (But I absolutely will throw a socket wrench at the neighbor's kids. Try me.)

There's a lot of people out there who subscribe to "always be positive" ideology. These people should be avoided just as much as someone who thinks the world is an endless pile of shit. If your standard of happiness is that you're always happy, no matter what, then you've been watching way too much Leave It To Beaver and need a reality check (but don't worry, I promise not to punch you in the face).

I think part of the allure of obsessive positivity is the way in which we're marketed to. I think part of it is being subjected to happy, smiley people on television constantly. I think part of it is that some people in the self-help industry want you to feel like there's something wrong with you all the time.

Or maybe it's just that we're lazy, and like anything else, we want the result without actually having to do the hard work for it.

This brings me to what actually drives happiness….