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"Why would I do such things? Haven't I accepted this destiny of mine? Am I not supposed to become stronger and helpful? What the hell am I doing here... What am I trying to do, to achieve? I'm no longer human. I can't even call myself a friend, even less a son. I don't know anything anymore, I can't feel anything anymore. God I hate myself."

Lanternnn · 都市
分數不夠
21 Chs

Chapter 1

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In this time and age, living is hard. With my college studies, the apartment I need to rent, my part-time job and sending money to my dad, I'm quite busy everyday. In the last 2 years, I never got to take a break. I would wake up early every morning for school and work late at night at the convenience store. When there were no customers, I would pull up with my notebooks and study for my medicine classes. This was my daily life for 21 years.

I locked the door of my apartment and came down the stairs of the building. I looked at my phone. 9 p.m. I still had a few minutes before my shift would start, so I decided to head to a random park and study a little bit.

It was June, so the sky was clear and I could easily read the sentences on my books. The refreshing wind caressed my face as I yawned. I could hear the leaves of the trees moving and the regular calming sound of the water falling down the fountain next to me. At this very moment, a warm feeling took me away and I dozed off for a few minutes… before brutally waking up after my phone started ringing loudly.

I looked at the screen, still half asleep. It didn't last long, as the name shown made me feel like cold water was thrown at me. 'James Matthews'.

Why was this bastard calling me? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I answered and he immediately started talking.

''I need 300$. Send it asap.''

''..Not even a hello? Why do you need that much?''

''Don't ask useless questions. I'm your father. Just do what I say and send me the damn money.''

I looked away and shook my head. We only exchanged a few words but my state was already bad. My hands were shaking and cold sweat was going down my back.

'' I don't even have that money right now. I need it for my rent and food and I already struggle surviving. I also have to send money to mom and you know she needs it more than you. Go ask someone else.''

''Why should I care? Stop fucking arguing you dumb fuck. I don't have time to spare for your bullshit. I'll be waiting for the transfer. You have until tomorrow.''

I heard a 'beep beep' and sighed deeply. It was starting to get dark and big clouds were hiding the moon. I looked at the time. 10 p.m. I was almost late. I quickly took my stuff and headed to the convenience store, thoughtful.

I had to send money to him, or I would get in big trouble. I know, being controlled by your father at my age is a bit embarrassing. But I didn't have the guts to fight back and stand for myself. I had to think about my mom too, who was also working her ass off all by herself after the divorce. I couldn't let myself make a move and make a mistake. Moreover, aside from asking for money and threatening on the phone, my dad didn't do much. He was too busy gambling and drinking all day.

I still opened my bank app. In my account, I had 4,000$. I had to save up a lot or I would be on the street. I also had debts, and like I told him, money to send to my mom.

We couldn't live together, but I still cared about her. She was always protecting me from my dad when he would get violent, thus she was sent to the hospital often. Now, she lived with my grandmother who had brain cancer and had to pay for her healthcare.

I closed my phone as I arrived at the front door of the convenience store. Thankfully, I was on time. I took my work uniform and went behind the counter. My co-worker greeted me and went to the backstore to take their stuff and go home. I was pretty exhausted and felt dizzy, but I still took my books and studied as there was no one else in the store.

[Neurology]

[Neurology (from Greek: νεῦρον (neûron), "string, nerve" and the suffix -logia, "study of") is the branch of medicine dealing with the diagnosis and treatment of all categories of conditions and disease involving the nervous system...] (see author notes).

[blah blah blah, scientific stuff..]

I sighed in slight despair. This was just basic knowledge, but I was too tired to understand anything. Although it was interesting, I didn't like studying medicine. Too many words, too many topics and my future would consist of working overtime and taking care of sick people. Not the happiest life, if you ask me. I wasn't even interested in saving lives. But since I already started it, I couldn't go back. I kept reading the content of the book.

A few minutes passed by while I was taking notes and memorizing the terms, and my eyes were starting to close by themselves again. That's when someone entered the store and rapidly went in the back, where the beers and other alcoholic drinks were. I followed the person by my blurry eyes and when they came back, they seemed nervous holding a bunch of beer.

Before me, a girl was standing. She looked especially young and I asked her to show me her card. She hesitated a bit before pulling it out and handed it to me.

I stared at the card, then at her again. A little bit perplexed, I started speaking.

''It doesn't really look like you..''

she tilted her head like she wanted to gain courage.

''W-Well, I had plastic surgery. Please just let me pay I swear it's me.''

''I'm sorry miss, but I can't. As you may know, many minors give fake IDs to buy drinks or cigarettes. I am not in the right to sell you those if I'm not sure about your age. I'm sorry but these are the orders I received.''

she frowned and seemed very angry… or scared? Anyways she didn't seem happy at all and brutally took the beers and ran towards the exit.

…What the heck?

I quickly ran after her.

''YOU LITTLE PUNK–''

She ran in the dark streets before going into an alley. Unfortunately, luck wasn't on my side. My damn asthma made me stop running and I was left alone panting and gasping. I didn't have my inhaler and I felt like passing out. Damn it. How would I face my boss? Not only did I let a potential minor take alcohol, but I also let someone steal our store. I was about to lose my job for sure.

After a few minutes, my body finally calmed down and I sadly came back to the convenience store. I was feeling numb. I went back behind the counter and stared at my medicine books.

I was trying so hard for everything but nothing seemed to go my way. As I started feeling even more frustrated and my eyes watered, a notification popped on my phone. I miserably looked as I thought it was James, but my face brightened.

''Sasha sent you a message.''

I may have complained a lot, but I was never alone to begin with. I had Sasha, my childhood friend. She would always cheer me up when I had a fight with my dad and protected me from bullies at school. Sasha was my sunshine and I couldn't thank her more for all the things she did for me.

I opened the texting app and read her message.

[Sasha: Hiiii how are you? :) Texting you to say that I won the art contest!! Without your support, I wouldn't have made it this far. Thank you so much.''

I smiled at my phone.

[Yuri: What seriously? Congratulations! I wish I could throw a party for it, but I'm too busy..]

Wait… I might get kicked out of my job, so wouldn't that mean I will get more free time until I find a new one?

I quickly erased the last part and wrote something else.

[Yuri: I'll probably have some free times from now on, so we should throw a party some day.]

As soon as I sent it, she replied.

[Sasha: Yes!!]

followed by:

[Sasha: Wait.. Don't you have that job at the convenience store? What happened????]

I chuckled and told her the truth. We kept texting each other as I told her how I would even study at work and she seemed to feel bad for me. I then started feeling guilty and tried to change the topic.

[Yuri: Isn't it really late right now? Don't worry about me. Just go to sleep, I'll update you tomorrow. I'm probably going to be fine anyways.]

Of course, that was a lie. I was worried like crazy and expecting the worst. She told me good night and I closed my phone. I still had one hour to go.

As I was starting to feel down again, I let my head fall on the counter and closed my eyes. I was tired. I wish I could end it all.

That was with those dark thoughts that my sad life ended, before starting my new one.

Far away, there were sounds of explosions. Then cries of people and more explosions.

My heart started beating quickly.

…What was going on??

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credits for the Neurology text: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurology

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