Take Me Away, God!

I still remember that day, Raul and I would go to school early and have little conversation in the school parking until half past seven in the morning. We don't have much time but I really like the little things we do, for me Raul is my strength.

"You know, lately I often saw you go to school earlier than usual" I said to him, on the day while we were on a date in the school parking lot.

"I want to have more time to talk to you" I replied to him, my love Raul.

I have to admit this time, he has the most charming face in our batch. He wasn't a special person at school but his presence on this trip meant a lot to an ugly girl like me. And there is one story when we still being a couple, this is very difficult for me to forget when we were silent each other at my special day.

At the beginning of March, I was really lazy to go to school. I'm lazy if I meet him at school, I'm sure Raul will wait for me in the parking school as usual.

'Aah, that bastard already here' I cursed to myself when I saw him sit on his motorcycle seat.

Of course I don't see it at all, annoying people like him don't deserve forgiveness after forgetting his own girlfriend's birthday. I can see very clearly that he's been staring at me since I arrived, but I don't want to see his face or hear his voice right now. I'm sure he would say annoying things and apologize like any other playboy in this school.

"Sherly!" he call me, his voice so soft.

I kept walking away from him, pretending to be stupid, it turned out to be fun actually! Anyways I'm sure he won't come after me, a soft guy like him doesn't need a girl like me.

"Sherly, wait! Stop there, please!" he shouted while trying to catch me up.

I want to go into the classroom after seeing his face in the parking school, it seems he was waiting for me on purpose. But I'm angry, it's not the right time to talk with him.

'Aah.. whatever it is, I don't care anymore!' I said to myself.

"Sherly, wait! You walking so fast, I'm surprised" he talks little louder, suddenly he standing next to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, but I'm still doesn't want to look at him.

"Haha, you're so scary. Are you still mad about yesterday?" Raul is a strange man because I think he can read my mind, but I don't know he teasing me on purpose or he is truly super stupid boy.

"Hmm" I replied without looking at him.

"I.. I.. yesterday I,-"

"It's okay, I'm not angry to you" I replied him, but still not wanting to see his handsome face

February, twenty five is the date that I get older every year and on that special day, for the first time I had a boyfriend and I turned seventeen. I was looking forward to the special day, hope that Raul would surprise me but in fact he spent his great time with his friends without send me a message or call me at all.

"I'm sorry, I was wrong for ignoring you yesterday. Don't angry anymore, okay?"

'Huh, why are you so confident and you can talk like that? Your friends more important than me, right? Then why are you say that shit like this!?' I said to myself.

Because I didn't care anymore with his apology and kept walking to my class, Raul took something from his bag while trying to following my footsteps.

"Oh this one, I almost forgot. I have surprise for you" he said with sparkling eyes, his smile wider when he looking on my curious face.

Raul took out a dark green box, I see the color of that box is not pretty, the box looks like usual box to me.

"What's that?" I asked curious, I'm still angry but I'm curious about the thing inside the box on his hand.

"Here, open it," he said, handing me the dark green box.

I open the box slowly, the thing in the box looks so shiny when reflected by the sun. A perfect object in a cute silver pad, Raul gave me a watch as a birthday gift.

"This thing looks expensive" I said after trying the gift he gave to me.

"Haha, you're so funny! Was that how you thank me?" he said, struggling and trying to hold his laughter.

"I.. I.. This is really pretty, I don't know what to say to you"

I'm so unlucky! Very easy to calmed me down even though a few minutes ago my anger trying to punch every student who look at me. Now I'm full of joy because the gift he gave me, my eyes sparkle looking at the watch non-stop.

"Don't be mad anymore, okay? I didn't mean to hurt you, hahaha" he said, his smile showing his teeth.

"Heeh, so yesterday you tease me on purpose huh!?" I asked, I would punch him if he say the truth.

"Haha, you're cute" he replied then he walked towards class.

He's really good at teasing me, but I know he's not type of guy who gets along easily with other girl.

My short beautiful love story at the end of high school while preparing for graduate became a sweet memory in my life. His presence able to create various colors that blend into a beautiful rainbow, I can't realize that every day I spend with him is a reality, not a dream because I never had that kind of feeling. It felt like I was trapped and unable to distinguish between reality and dreamland, what a beautiful high school love story.

This love story still continued until we graduated from high school and started a new life on campus. However, this beautiful story must end in tragic, the second part of this story was never I expected before.

"You... seriously can't be with me?" I asked before he left.

"What else we can do? This is the only way, I would never against my families order, honey" he said that kind of word before leaving.

It is the fact, at that time I'm confused and scared because we would be separated for about four years. Raul had to go to college in Jakarta, but he tried to find the same college before on the same city as me. Many times he went into test in Surabaya's college, but he fail again and again. Meanwhile about me who was actually not good at thinking a hard lesson, was accepted at one of the great Universities of the Surabaya City, Indonesia.

We had to separate and go through a boring long distance relationship that I couldn't even imagine, I have to admit that I'm not ready to face the fact that we were going to separate which meant I wouldn't be seeing him for long time. I have to admit that I really depend on him for my life.

After he left to the City I never know, I couldn't stand alone face of my new campus environment, I knew I was too dependent on my boyfriend. I'm afraid, I have no one I know here but Raul the one who always accompanying me and being the shadow of the failure of our long-distance relationships.

"I promise I won't leave you. I'm a real man, I'll never make you cry" was the last sweet word he said just before he left, really left me.

I have to tell the truth that my family isn't a great family like other people, my father meet other woman and he left us, at that time I still believed in Raul every day because I'm a broken girl with broken family. I believe that he will never betray me no matter what, I still want to prove that not all men are bad at keep promise, I'm pretty sure that Raul is not a cheater like my father. I truly believe we can through the relationship distance until we get married.

But all my beautiful dreams blow away after a year I tried to keep our relationship. I knew very well from the start his family was against my presence being his girlfriend, I don't know what they were thinking until they refused me to date with their son. But Raul still make me believed to him to continue our relationship even though his family hate me more than before.

In early March, 2015, we had a big problem because his attitude suddenly changed drastic since the beginning of January. More and more he started to sheer of from me, I don't understand why he was act suddenly like that but his annoying attitude made me grumpy all the time.

"Why are you like this?" asked Raul on the phone while we were in the middle of big fight.

"Why are you like this!? I tried to call you but you were never pick up, I send you a message but you never replied them, what do you want!?" I can't control myself this time.

"I'm tired off with you, this is not true!" he said, his voice seems angry.

Raul hung up the phone then leaves me, who was still dumbfounded holding my non-smart phone aka the old school Samsung type, the word he said made a big hole in my fragile heart.

'Don't.. don't leave me..' I said to myself after our call was disconnected.

'If is not you then who else will give his love for me? Please don't go.. I don't want you to go'

I said in my heart until I didn't realize that my tears had dripped many times from my left eye. This feeling more hurt than before, oh finally I got pure love and he will leave me.

'My father left us for the sake of new woman he found, my father's debts were so huge at the bank and all of his debts by my mother's name, the debt collectors from various banks at my town visited my house every day, my brother and sister worked late at night to help mother pay off father's debts. I also have to struggle alone to pay for my studies at college, my family has been destroyed. I hope you still want to accompany me even though I am broken like this… I beg you to come back.. Raul.. I beg of you' only those sad prayers that I say every day hope he will come back to me.

Until late at night I was still waiting for a sweet message from Raul like usual, even though I knew very well he would not contact me like the previous day. In my fear of being alone again, the fear of failing to achieve a beautiful future that I must realize, he will never come back even if I cry until my tears dry up.

At that time I cried a lot until dawn came over, my tears turned turbid with pink color but I was not the least bit worried. Even though my eyes were tired and swollen, the pink tears kept coming out of my left eye. I still clearly remember that fateful day, in last month of March I tried to kill myself by drinking a mixture of insect exterminator and water, I drink it as soon as possible.

'I'm tired, dear God. I can no longer face the cruel world that You created' I said after drinking the poisoned drink.

'Take my life away and just put me in hell, God. Besides, I never asked to be born, I know my mom would crying over my death body but once again I never said I want this life' I said again after my throat burned, then I fall a sleep.

*****