Accu-mulet (1)

—Yellow Flag—

"O-Oi! It's enough!" A rough snarl snaps Nik from his daze as he stops pouring the beer for the customer before taking a cloth and wiping the counter under the Black Lagoon's stare as they enjoy a night off after another job well done. But he wasn't alone in such a daze.

"Hey~! Ray! What's with you? Some gin would be nice."

Ray glances at the brunette sitting on the counter before staring in the distance, "Pour it yourself."

"Here, it's empty," Nik hands Ray a half-filled bottle of rum as Ray tosses it in the trash can, making Bao snap at them, "What the fuck is wrong with you two? Don't work if you wanna waste Rum!"

Nik and Ray stare at Bao before untying their aprons with stale looks and walking out of the pub.

"They were like that during Mr. Chang's job, too," Dutch mutters.

"Wasn't that something," Benny chuckles. "We almost got blown up in the office."

"Well, it's always something crazy with him," Revy snickers, putting her smoke aside for a sip of rum. She notices Benny and Dutch staring at her until she snarls in annoyance, "What?!"

"Nothing," Dutch sips calmly. "Ray and Nik were in South America at different times, and both returned like that. That's too much of a coincidence, don't you think?"

"What about it?" Revy puckers her lips. "I have nothing to do with that."

"Could you check on them? Nik, at least?" Benny offers when Revy glares at the unkempt man.

"And why would I do that?" She questions coldly, only for a mischievous giggle to answer her question. "Because ya caught some feelings, Rev~!"

"Say that again!" Revy loudly threatens as she pulls her pistol on a blonde sitting beside the counter. Eda grins at the threat, flipping Revy off while drinking her whiskey. "I can smell it all the way here." The blonde nun remarks with a teasing smirk. "Hmm. Yes. It smells like a bitch going through her high school phase."

"Shut up," Revy scoffs. "All I'm smelling is a trashy Nun from a Rip-Off Church."

"Oh, hey, Nik. Over here!" Eda looks past Revy before waving with a grin, prompting Revy to put her gun away and look back.

There was nobody.

Revy can feel Eda's smirk burning into her back, but the woman refuses to turn and acknowledge the nun. Her night worsens when she finds a familiar dark-haired woman of southeast asian descent in a red cheongsam walking into the bar.

"Fuck," Revy grumbles, returning to her seat.

---

—3 Days Ago—

"Hngh," Revy grunts, twisting and tossing in her bed. The loud newscaster on the television makes it more difficult to enjoy her bed, and the absence of another figure in her one-person bed is equally annoying.

"Is this the end? Strange things keep occurring ever since the Moon's destruction! Insects devouring large estates, multiple political assassinations, and the sudden disappearances of Nuclear Power Plants and Military Bases all around the world, leaving gaping pits in their places—I repeat! Is this the end? The World Council refuses to answer these questions. Do they not want us to know the truth? Or are they just as unaware about these happenings?"

"Turn it off," Revy moans, clutching her blanket.

"Hey, sleepy head~!" A voice coos to Revy, a warm palm gently running through the latter's hair. "It's tough, I know. But you and Nik should get a schedule or something for your nights if you won't wake up when business knocks on our door."

Revy's eyes snap open as she stares at the pink-eyed Ray. The latter smirks and continues to massage Revy's head.

"Turn the fucking television off," Revy grunts again, slowly sitting up and snatching her top from Ray's hand to wear something. "And why didn't Nik come here to wake me up?"

"Oh," Ray smiles. "Dutch thought you two would busy yourselves again. And I wanted a moment to thank you, too."

Revy tilts her head, glancing at the TV, until Ray nods and shuts it down.

"The twins?" Revy prompts after a moment. "Pay me a good commission, and I'll even help you the other 'stars' in those videos."

"It's fine," Ray grins. "Those girls are the sweetest once you get to know them. I'll surely introduce you to them once they settle down."

"Like I want to meet a pair of psychopaths," Revy scoffs.

"Yep, you'll love them," Ray grins. "And get ready. A Mister Chang is waiting for us."

Revy's eyes almost pop open as she tumbles around to find her clothes. "Start with that, you bitch!"

The duo enters the office to find a Chinese man with slicked black hair occupying one couch piece across Dutch as Nik stands near the window with his arms crossed. He smiles at Revy. Meanwhile, the Chinese man, with two bodyguards behind him, finishes his sentence after noting Revy's and Ray's arrival.

"— What can I tell you, Dutch? Those 'Things' hit the underworld just as much. It isn't the military bases alone, but many gangs faced absolute decimation in these few days. The Triad alone lost almost 10% of our network. And wouldn't you know it? The Baby Yaga singlehandedly took out the Tarasova Mob based in the States. That alone hit the Russians more than I did when Balalaika and I were active."

The Chinese man momentarily smokes before glancing at Revy, smirking, "Late as usual, eh?"

"As long as I complete the job on time, nothing else matters," Revy shrugs before grinning, "Looking healthy, Boss Chang."

"A bad sign in our industry," Chang muses, crossing his legs on the table between the couch pieces. "And you two are the newbies with stellar records, huh? Dutch, are you sure they won't slow you down?" The man questions without feeling the need to take his shades off.

"They won't, Mister Chang."

"Hmm. Well. The job is simple," Chang pats the briefcase beside him. "Delivery of the documents. It needs to reach the other side in two days."

[Nut-Cracking-Messiah: I thought I was supposed to get to Japan after returning from South America.]

The two hosts start chatting through the mission details of Hezbollah attacking the Triad for the documents and the conflict between the 'political' party against the States.

[Smexy-succu-succu: Give me a break! Everything won't work out the way I think. There are three known verses in one travel. Who knows, there might be more. Besides, we both confronted other hosts once already. I can do without doing the same again in Japan. Didn't you watch the news? The Japanese Military is scrambling. Things are the worst there because of the Main Mission's location.]

*Tuc*

Nik's response stalls when he feels a gun pressed into his waist. He glances at Revy as she leans on him and whispers, "Don't let other skanks in my room next time, Boner Nerd."

[Smexy-succu-succu: Boner Nerd? Can I call you that, too?]

Ray snickers, more than capable of hearing Revy's whisper as Nik ignores the former.

"Your definition of skanks is too broad," Nik shrugs. "Ray's a porn addict virgin."

Ray's smirk stiffens while Revy blinks, glancing past him to get a good look at the petite seductress.

"She is?" She slides her gun back into her holster, slung across her shoulders.

Nik smiles and glances through the window to find a few cars stopping outside the Lagoon Company's building. Various men climb out with a questionable object in their hands. Revy and Ray notice the commotion as Revy warns loudly the second she glances at the weaponry in the enemy's hands.

"RPG!"

The men in the building move instantly, including Ray—but nothing happens.

"Oh, look at that," Nik points out. "That weapon doesn't seem to work."

Ray slowly peers through the window, observing the RPG launchers crushed from the middle. She glances at Nik as he shrugs.

"RPG launchers failing?" Chang chuckles, pulling two guns from his holster worn similarly to Revy. "It might be my luckiest day. Dutch, my men will get your group to the docks."

They leave the office when a loud explosion destroys their building's front.

"Great, they had more," Dutch grunts, glancing at Chang. "Mister Chang, the cost—"

"I'll foot the bill," Chang smirks as he points his gun at the hall's exit, open firing for a while before frowning. "Hmm?" He notes the unusual lack of enemies bursting in through the entrances.

"What did you do?" Revy glances at Nik, who defends his innocence.

"Aside from standing behind you? Nothing," Nik cocks his head sideways. "Maybe there aren't any more enemies."

"Boss!" a few more Asian men in black suits burst through the bullet-riddled door, shouting, "They're all unconscious!

[Smexy-succu-succu: Let me guess—Earthbending with Toph's Seismic Sense?]

Nik eyes Ray with a smirk as the group walks out unscathed. They see a dozen men with their faces wrapped in scarves lying on the floor with injured heads as if knocked out by a solid right hook.

"Another unusual instance," Chang mutters, glancing at Nik and Ray before leading them into a car.

"We can't fit in," Benny blurts.

"I call Nik's lap~!"

Ray smugly smirks, sitting atop Nik's lap under Revy's annoyed stare while Dutch takes the front seat, leaving Benny in the middle and Revy to occupy the remaining portion.

"A-Ah!" Ray moans as the driver takes off. "Oh, dear. What a bump!" The smug traveler glances at the fuming Revy for the umpteenth time while Nik stares off through the window.

'Chang wants us to deliver the documents on another Island?' He thins his lips. 'I don't like—

---

*RRRRRRRMMMMMMM*

Their raft 'flies' through the sea as the cold wind refreshes Nik and Revy after their earlier chase after getting the Lagoon running.

"So," Revy works the raft's direction while staring at the distant Lagoon moving toward the rendezvous point for their extraction. Their destination, Basilan Island, is not far, but it would certainly take them a couple of hours. "Do you know what's going on?"

Aware of what Revy's implying, and it's certainly not the boats that sank for mysterious reasons while chasing them, Nik stares at the night sky.

"Somewhat," he replies. "Someone is getting greedy."

He doesn't know how much a Nuclear Plant is worth, but a few must be enough for any Rank 1 Intern. Yet the mysterious host keeps devouring such large bases. It's rightly spooked the world after the Moon's destruction. And then there's the host attacking the underworld. Oh. Nik is sure that it's not just one host doing all that.

The one taking care of the underworld should be after one of the side missions about the High Table's destruction. What about the other one? Nik isn't sure. And when it comes to other Hosts, Nik doesn't want to meet them to ensure anything.

"Look," Revy warns calmly, letting her bangs whip around, allowing fresh, salted air to fill her lungs instead of the smoke. "The more you keep on doing whatever it is you're doing, others are going to catch on to you and that skank. It's better if you just pick a gun and put a bullet through their skulls. Even better, just stand aside and let me do it."

"I don't care about others," Nik smiles at Revy. "But what kind of a man am I if I cannot even do things how I like?"

"A smart one," She jabs.

He grows silent while Revy keeps to herself for a while. The sound of cool gusts fills the void until Revy exhales deeply, "Did you tell them already? About me?"

"And Roberta," Nik smirks.

"Why her?" Revy furrows her brows.

"Why not?" Nik wags his brow. "I have monthly appointments with the Lovelace family, remember? Oh, and you won't be concerned for my safety this time. So, it should be me traveling alone, right?"

"When did I say I'm concerned?" Revy gives him a sidelong glance. "But there's no way I'm letting you alone with dangerous animals."

"Oh," he blinks. "Does this mean you're joining me for Balalaika's job, too?"

"Why not," Revy calmly mutters. "Anego is an animal of a different breed."

"A cougar?" Nik offers.

"Pfft," Revy chuckles. "A fucking tank is what she is."

"Oh?"

"Oi. What's that look on your face?"

"Nothing."

"You just thought something about Anego!"

"So what if I did?" Nik challenges the woman. "Scars are hot."

Revy speechlessly stares at Nik before looking away, scoffing, "Your funeral."

"I may even confess some of my sins in a church before I do something about my fascination for scars."

Revy's expression stills until she barks, "Oh, yeah? That works for me. I haven't had the chance to peg a man in a long while. I might ask Anego to spare you just for that."

"That's pretty trashy."

"Not more than a man whore sticking his dick in every fucking animal on the planet!" Revy snaps back, causing Nik to snicker.

What can he say? The truth can be funny.

---

The duo arrives on the Island the next dawn, stepping into the ruins of an abandoned village while looking around.

"I'd be stupid if I didn't ask you," Revy grumbles, finding his presence more convenient, "So? You're the weird one. Tell me the few things you can do aside from making things appear out of your asshole."

"You forgot that 'please' in that request," Nik hums, holding onto the documents instead of Revy.

"That wasn't a damn request, you diabetic cummer," she groans.

"How do you even come up with these names?" Nik glances at the woman, causing her to stick her nose slightly higher.

"I know you hate them. Tell me what you can do, and I might drop it."

"On the contrary," Nik grins. "I admire that ability. Keep them up. I love it."

Revy stares at Nik until he points in a particular direction while stepping back. Revy hears the sound of an engine igniting from around the corner as she steps back, too, while a jeep punches to a stop near them—much too close for someone if caught by surprise.

Both her guns ready, Revy glares at the driver as his windows roll down, revealing a middle-aged Asian man with receding black hair. He smiles warmly despite staring down the barrels of two pistols.

"You two must be the delivery guys," he offers. "Get in."

"Without the password?" Nik stares at the man until he chuckles, "Ah, right. Sometimes I forget the Triad is Super Awesome."

That's the password from Chang, a rather Lame one, too. Unfortunately—

"Phew," Revy grins, her shoulders relaxing until she glances at Nik.

—Chang changed the password before the Lagoon dropped Nik and Revy.

Nik's hand grabs the driver's head before tearing him out of the jeep with enough force that the metal door snaps out of the hinges.

"Agghh!" A pained cry accompanied by snapping of bones leads to the driver's unconsciousness as Nik tosses the man away, glancing at the stunned Revy.

"What?"

"I didn't pull the trigger because your panties would twist into a bunch. And you just killed that spy?"

Nik glances at the bleeding middle-aged man, shaking his head, "He'll live. Let's go."

He grabs Revy by the hand as she hears shouts from behind the several ruined huts and alleys—

"What the—?"

"Who slashed our tires?!"

"Move! Move! We need those documents!"

Revy scoffs and pulls her hand while sneaking her head out from a corner to see a dozen armed men surrounding the previous driver and searching the duo.

"Boss promised there'd be a pick-up," Revy frowns. "Where is it? And," she turns to stare at Nik. "I'm definitely going to find out how you did that."

"Want a clue?" Nik offers.

"You won't hear me bending over and saying 'please.'"

"Why would you ever want to have to say 'please' once you bend over?" Nik scoffs. "But the clue IS bending."

She stares at him suspiciously before scoffing, "Nice try. We aren't fucking here no matter how exciting it sounds."

"Aw," Nik mocks. "Who wouldn't want to have sex in an abandoned village surrounded by armed enemies?"

Revy considers the idea again before shaking her head. "Nope. Those porn videos are fake."

"What kind of videos do you watch?" Nik grows speechless as he walks out of the alley.

"Hey! What about the—?" She gasps and follows after Nik with guns blazing, only to find every man lying on the ground. Revy stares at them before looking at her prized pistols before reluctantly sheathing them into her holster.

"I should have stayed behind," she mutters while walking over and kicking one of the men.

Nik didn't know he would ever see Revy acting like a butt-hurt child, but here they were—what a day to live.

***

Alternate Title: Depressed Ray and Nik?; Wasting Waiters; Ray and Nik Earning No Tips For The Night; Eda Smells A Bitch; The Honest Nun?; It Can't Be! Revy's High School Phase Is Here?; Blasted Office; Ray's Got Some Hands; Revy Likes Her Nights in a Cramped Bed; Disastrous Happenings; Ray May Not Be a Know-It-All; Mister Chang; Another Job; RPG; Using Seismic Sense To a Good Potential; The Escape; Lame Password; Delivery Job; Different Hosts; The Side Mission; Eager Hosts; Nik Loves Revy's Naming Sense; Revy's Gory Kink; Searching For Animals; Anego's a Damn Tank; Nik: Scars Are Hot *He Hears Doom OST as Revy Pulls Up With a Strap-On*: So Is Pegging! Square-Up, Asshole!; Revy's Kink; Fake Driver; Nik After Demolishing An Enemy: Oh, As Long As He Breathes; Why Ever Would Nik Banter With Revy To Distract Her *Earth Pew-Pews In Distance To Knock The Enemies Out*; Revy Entering Her Depression Arc; Revy's Version Of ED

***

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