34

O(I)O(I)

"Searing Temblor!" The dwarven-god roared.

"Clan of Death!" The other god roared adjacent to him.

The first god created a waved of ground and searing yellow fire that rushed towards Saitama. The second god unleashed a flurry of metal birds soaring towards him cawing in a metallic chorus. Saitama could just let them hit him instead he waited until they were almost to him before he jumped up and let them collide right into the other.

Saitama was met with the hilarious sight of every metal bird cawing one last screech of vigor before a hot yellow rock ripped them apart. It went on for a good funny moment before the gods eventually ceased their onslaught.

"Let that be a lesson that combining your moves together doesn't always reach the satisfying outcome."

Their retort was another whish of spells.

"Horns of Fervor!" The beard god roared.

"Blades of Fervor!" The younger metal god roared as well.

And joining the two gods in their incantations was the pink-haired and cladded god Ghephine.

"Phosphor's Hole of Amalgamate!"

For her spell she used both her hands then suffused it. A small black charcoal stone was chucked out of a black spell circle conjured by the dwarf god. It hurtled right into the wall imprinting a portrait-esque black smudge all over the wall that was made of something solid and not smoke. Ghephine grew lone vines colored orange while the metal god shot two long blades with tiny jags on the tips. Their magic went right into the black smudge, it closed up once the flurry was complete.

Suddenly, a bigger smudge—a wormhole of purple nigrescent color—tore open in the ceiling!

Coming out was the hackling mocking face of a buggy eyed; small mouth betraying its almost missile-like teeth, heavily spotted, garguantuan entity of sickly green coiled with vines and had the prongs of sharp claws. Its tongue kept swishing around while its eyes although stony and lacking freshness kept growing and shrinking from adrenaline in its body.

It roiled out a heavy cloud of a sight before thrusting its right claw right towards Saitama. He looked, didn't feel any adrenaline so his eyes were unwavered nor did he furrow when he cocked his hand back.

"Not Quite As Serious But Still Trying Punch."

He punched to the right side of the entity's arm—just that little tap caused his body to explode with chunks of flesh on his right side. In no time the materialized entity went from intimidating to dead all from one punch.

Most villains would shudder or tremble in fear after witnessing what Saitama could do, but for the three gods it just incited them to slow clap.

"Very good," Naeir the metal god summoning a compliment as if volleying a piece of chicken down. "You have everything a hero summoned from another world should have: strength and bravery. You may be stronger than our most pinnacle of demi-gods but this is our realm; you couldn't defeat us in it no matter how strong your punches are. And really what are you even hoping to discover from a book you can't even read from?"

"It showing me proof you were not born gods but became them committing sacrilege—and you with the pink hair were an iz'ba just like that sweet Gava lady."

Although a gods' face wasn't flesh and they didn't feel thinks like embarrassment or pain he could've sworn Ghephine blushed when he said that.

"PSHAW! What are you talking about?" She was a terrible liar; the other two gods looked at her with pity. Ghephine's face flushed red as the adrenaline caused her eyes to enlarge. "Impossible! You can't even read our textiles!"

"No, but I've seen enough soap operas to know things about hypocrites and everything about you spelled out you being one. Although I can't fight all three of you forever I'm still capable of just walking out of here without any of you stopping m-"

A sharp curved blade made its way up to his face. It didn't take long for his eyes to flit in the direction of the blade came from; the wielder was Baragon. Saitama never though of him as an enemy or a friend so he wasn't sure how to take this.

"Give the book back, please. Do it before I have to do something I'd feel depressed about on my happiest moments—never having children who would see me as anything other than morbid."

The baldly blinked. First his eyes flitted to the bearded god, returned to the not so bearded forty-year old and he smiled.

"You want to claim you can sever my arm from my limbs go ahead, but you do know that guy behind you isn't your father."

Baragon's skin vibrated for a fleeting moment before he choked to speak.

"I know he's not my father...he is my uncle. What that means is he's family and the closest one to take me to see my biological father. Ergo, help me find my father by being complacent with what these gods ask for."

Saitama looked at him as best he could, his mouth changed from frowning to a wry smile, opened his mouth for his big answer.

"No."

He elbowed Baragon with the strength of an ox hoof sending him tumbling to the ground.

And then—he dashed as hard as he could to the other side of the room. The gods stood and played witnesses to him about to run right into a wall. Doing so would end with him either knocking himself out or fall right through it. If he swerved there would be raining bayonet's, large stone hammers of a wall of the most poisonous plant for him. He moved so fast and was already so close to the wall they thought he really was going to hit the wall. But then—a big sable door with white outer stripping materialized before him as he charged straight through.

When you walk through a door the last thing you expect to see is all white and in that white space was a person lying on a bed Facetiming on their laptop. He was wearing a white shirt with the name of the store etched in black but the shoulders of the shirt were orange, blue jeans, multitude's of spikes protruding from his blonde hair, and a scar was almost hidden on the right side behind his ear. He was looking at a black screen but a voice boomed from the speaker of his laptop.

"I really like talking to you," the other person said. "Can you tell me your full name?"

"Right, so you can record it and order things un my name? Goodbye loser."

That annoying disconnect sound echoed through the void.

It was as if Saitama was boxed in a four-walled room and the plaid was hiding where the walls were. The stranger used a claw-esque three-finger grip to lift his laptop by the ridge under the power button. A bag materialized under him for him to drop his laptop inside.

And then—he gave Saitama his fullest attention.

"Saitama, so nice to finally meet you. I'd tell you my name but it got banned on live streams." He paused for a moment. He looked at Saitama's unhappy face. "You probably have many questions for me."

"Do you write fanfiction?"

He blinked at that question.

"I do; why?"

"It just seems bringing me back and forth to another world is the persistence of a fanfiction writer. So thank you for considering me in your isekai fantasy now use your powers to send me back to the church I was in before you opened that door."

"Saitama it is with the utmost regret I cannot take you to either of those places. When you were outside my domain I had the power to choose where to send you. Now I'm completely dumbfounded on what to do when your in a world where non-fiction is the lifeblood that keeps everyone powerful and boring. But where are my manners? Would you like something to eat?"

OI)O(I)

There comes a time in every marriage where a husband says something so idiotic it makes their wife just want to hit them with a pillow.

Nolb almost got that asking his wife to walk outside in her true form. He was saved from death-by-lovetap by seeing two people—Lenise and Pief. They were both flesh and blood and had a look of anxiety on their faces.

"Is Saitama around?" Pief asked the couple.

Gava answered for him—she moved up as her rear got farther and farther away; he still had a little eye candy with her body armored in its true form.

"I'm afraid he's nowhere to be found. I tried looking for him with my mana sense but his is nowhere to be found—though his was pretty miniscule so that's not to be unexpected. Is this urgent?"

Pief nodded.

"While we were still ghosts...something happened."

Flashback:

Lenise and Pief were playing a fun game of moving arms and legs through each other when a male ghost with an all too familiar face appeared—their kins. Even before his brother teleported out of the kingdom with his daughter—their princess—he was the one they respected as the acting ruler.

"Hello. I know we've never met before but I am...I was the king of Yakime—and it is with utmost urgency I get your help."

Pief put her hand on her chest when speaking.

"I know who you are because I am from Yakime. My name is Pie—-in death I want to speak to you not as a commoner but as an equal, Darilyly."

He was impressed by how upfront she was. And it brought a refreshing smile on his face.

"Okay, Pief. I wanted to ask if you could fly to Ravenbreach Valley and give a warning to a former guard in my castle: there is an arrow camouflaged by the trees—it's in a path only his new elf friend knows about."

Before Pief could give him her answer Lenise interrupted for her. "Why can't you go there yourself? You can fly just like we c-"

"He won't let me."

Pief and Lenise could see how hurt he was when Lenise asked him the question; it was bringing up an uncomfortable person associated with him.

"Who?"

"He doesn't say who he is only that he needs help from someone who ruled a kingdom, and he also spews some malice about once being human but being reincarnated here as a poor boy turned into a vampire. Anyway; he said if I abandoned him he'd go after my daughter."

Lenise shivered.

"Won't he go after you now because really your far away from him talking to us?"

He may never need to sleep, but he can't be up traversing this world without someone to tell him when the sun is out and warn him. No one is coming to disturb him. I have one sun stroke left to speak before he comes looking for me."

He told them one more piece of information to say to his guard Roui before vanishing in a whish of air. Pief immediately floated in the direction while Lenise stood solemnly on the ground. It was probably for the best they got themselves killed; ghosts could fly or just move to places as easily as drifting asleep. But they better hurry or they would be reborn soon.

Suddenly, a bright white meshed orange pale light flared up inside Pief. It was painful and yet making Pief stronger the longer it brimmed in her. She could feel heat, smell her own sweat perspirating from the excitement of this miracle and her body started to descend lower and lower—soon losing her ability to fly as she plummeted to the ground at a height she once could see where the toppled trees were all over the forest. If she failed to land properly she would be dead again very soon.

She didn't have much choice but to morph into her grey fur ridged feral form; her long talons pronged into the ground as her body jerked from the gravity of falling.

Once all that torment stopped getting under her skin, Lenise watched as her sister went from ghost to beast only to turn from beast to her former self. She couldn't believe her eyes...

"Your alive again."

Flashback End

Gava listened to the sisters relay the story with a foreboding sense of fear. She wasn't the one who brought them back to life.