03

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. Months turned into years.

I'm now on my fourth year in college of dentistry. Still single, and still not welcoming the thought of having a relationship. Busy din kasi ako kaya hindi ko na rin na'iisip ang nga bagay na yan. Minsan ko lang naman din na fe'feel na single ako eh; Valentine's day...

Kagaya ngayon. Halos lahat ng tao na nakikita ko dito sa loob ng campus ay naka red. It's an indication that they're in a relationship. May pakulo kasi ang student council namin ngayong Valentine's day na dapat you'll wear the color of your shirt base on your relationship status.

Obviously, red is for those in a relationship. Blue for single, green for "it's complicated", yellow for searching, white for idgaf, and black for "shut up, not in the mood to explain" or basically broken hearted.

Wala naman talaga akong pakealam sa color coding na yan eh but Isla kept on pestering me to wear yellow. She said, and I quote, "kung wala ka talagang pakelam sa color coding, then I dare you to wear yellow". Kaya eto ako ngayon, naka yellow na shoulder puff dress. I don't really care but these people staring at me like I'm doing something fascinating is annoying the hell out of me.

Alam kasi nila na talagang hindi ako pumapasok sa isang relasyon. A lot of guys from both my department and not attempted to court me, especially on my freshmen and sophomore years. Pero I turned all of them down. Some are still persistent, but as years passed by tumigil din sila dahil nakita nila na seryoso ako sa hindi pakikipag relasyon kahit kanino.

Yep, after I rejected Psyche wala pa ring pagbabago sa akin. I'm still the same old Asther who forbids herself from entering a relationshit, I mean relationship.

Speaking of Psyche, hindi na kami nagkita pagkatapos noong birthday niya. Naging busy din kasi ako sa pag'review para sa entrance exam for dentistry at pumunta pa kami ng Siargao to check on Lola's possessions there. I spent my whole summer at Siargao, bumalik lang kami ng Cebu a day before my entrance exam.

Wala na din akong balita kay Psyche. Isla told me na he went back to Manila to study college at para na rin daw hindi na siya malayo sa mom and dad niya. As far as I know, both his mom and dad lived in Manila, pumunta lang sila dito noon para mag bakasyon. But Psyche fell in love with Cebu kaya he forced his parents na dito niya tapusin ang high school years niya. Pumayag naman daw agad and parents niya dahil na rin sa parents ni Isla na kaibigan nila.

It's not really discomforting whenever someone is looking or even glancing at me. Pero iba ata ngayon. I just feel like there's a pair of eyes staring at me. I looked around to find the owner of the eyes pero wala naman. Kaya I decided to stand up and walk towards the nearby cafe.

Sweet Fury Cafe became my haven ever since I entered college. Eight am to twelve midnight kasi ang operation nito kaya after class dito ako dumi'deretso para mag-aral. Okay naman sa bahay kaso lang my bed is really inviting making me crawl unto it and sleep instead of studying. Kakilala ko rin ang may-ari nito; si tita Lucy. She's a good friend of my mom. Though hindi na sila masyadong nag-uusap simula nung nanirahan si mommy sa Canada.

"Hi ma'am! Happy Valentine's day!"

Bati sa akin ng isang crew na nasa cashier. I smiled at her and looked at the menu to take my order. After that I went towards the farthest end of the cafe. Wala kasi masyadong tao doon kaya makakapag-aral ako ng mabuti.

As I was making myself comfortable, may isang babae ang umupo rin sa katabing table ko. She's familiar with me, though I can't remember her name... Ahh siya yung girlfriend ni Miru; the son of tita Lucy. Parati ko silang naaabutan ni Miru sa table na yan. Ewan ko ba, wala naman nang ibang gumagamit ng table na yan kundi silang dalawa. Miru and I only talked occasionally. Hindi naman kasi kami magkaibigan pero tita introduced me to him a long time ago. Kaya kapag nagka-salubong kami, tamang tango lang sa isa't isa.

Kinuha ko na ang mga syllabus na dapat kong pag-aralan. Wala kaming pasok ngayon dahil Valentine's day. Pinapunta lang kami sa school para sa attendance at announcements. Rest day na din daw namin 'to kaso lang duda ako sa rest day na sinasabi nila. Kaya naman mag-aaral nalang ako kasi wala din naman akong ibang pupuntahan. May mga nagyaya na gumala, some asked me on a friendly date but I turned them down politely saying na marami pa akong pag-aaralan. Totoo naman din kasi eh.

Valentine's day or what they call heart's day. Pero meron pa akong ibang alam na kahulugan ng Valentine's day. That was about Saint Valentine. Pinatay daw si Saint Valentine dahil nagkakasal daw ito ng Christian couples in secret. In the end, he was beheaded. Of course people would opt for a romantic story. Sino ba naman ang gustong i base ang valentine's day sa isang santo na pinatay? I mean, hindi naman kasi appealing ang pagpugot ng ulo diba?

I'm not an anti-valentine's. I'm also not bitter. It's good nga to see couples celebrate this day pero I think the concept of Valentine's become overrated. For couples, parang naging responsibility na nila na dapat mag celebrate sila tapos dapat bigyan ng gift ng lalaki ang babae; may that be a flower, teddy bear, chocolates. Wala lang, ang pangit lang tignan na naging responsibility siya instead of volition.

For single people naman, dapat may ka date ka or may kasama ka kasi kung wala, ibig sabihin lonely ka. I just don't get it. Pag ba mag-isa lonely na agad? Hindi ba pwedeng mas comfortable lang siya nang walang kasama?

"Here's your order ma'am."

I looked up at her and smiled.

"Thank you." I said.

"Uhm wala kang date ma'am?" She asked.

I pointed my syllabus. "Eto oh ang dami."

She chuckled. "Napaka studious mo naman ma'am. Mag break naman po kayo ng konti. Valentine's day pa naman ngayon."

"Eh may exams bukas eh so cancelled muna ang Valentine's ko this year." I joked.

"Ito talaga si ma'am ang hilig magbiro. Sige ma'am hindi ko na kayo iistorbohin." She said and then left me.

While eating, I browsed on my social media accounts. Even if I'm grade conscious, I always see to it na may social life din ako. While scrolling down my news feed on Instagram, I saw Psyche's recent post. It's a picture of their ancestral house here in Cebu. The caption was "I missed you". Hmm ilang taon na din siyang hindi nakaka-uwi dito kaya siguro miss na niya ang bahay nila.

Before I could scroll again, I got a text from Isla.

Isla Evangelista:

Saan ka? Mommy invited you for dinner.

Ako:

Sweet Fury. I think I need to decline. May date ako later.

I teased her. Pero nag text din ako agad ng

Ako:

Si Marco.

Isla Evangelista:

My goodness Astherielle! Akala ko totoo na hahaha Anyway, tell Marco I said hi.

Ako:

Hoy off limits ang pinsan ko! At isusumbong kita kay Iñigo!

Isla Evangelista:

Baliw! Sabi ko lang hi. At asa ka pa. Mahal na mahal ko si Iñigo para ipagpalit sa pinsan mo noh

I chuckled at her reply. Isla's so whipped to Iñigo. Sana lang talaga sila na para sa isa't isa. I don't know what'll happen to Isla if they break up. Kaya Iñigo naku umayos ka talaga.

Hindi na din ako nag reply. Pero totoo na may date kami ngayon ng pinsan ko kasama si lola. It became our tradition to have a dinner outside every Valentine's day. Nami'miss kasi ni lola yung mga panahong buhay pa si lolo at palagi silang kakain sa labas sa tuwing may ganitong okasyon. Kaya me and Marco promised lola na kami nalang ang kasama niyang kumain sa labas on special occasions like this.

Hindi na din ako nagtagal sa cafe. I went home right after I finished reviewing for tomorrow's exam.

While walking towards the parking lot, I saw a familiar man. Kakalabas lang niya sa sasakyan niya which is parked beside my car. My eyes widened when I recognized him. It's Psyche. Kailan pa siya nakabalik?

I wanted to approach him to say hi pero mukhang nagmamadali siya. May kausap din siya sa phone habang tumatakbo papunta sa kabilang entrance ng cafe.

I was a bit confused because first, nakabalik na pala siya. Second, anong ginagawa niya dito sa cafe? At bakit parang nagmamadali siya? Third, bakit ako bothered sa presence niya at anong pake'alam ko sa kanya?

***

:)