9

Chapter 9: Meetings

The next morning, the first rays of light filtering through the windows of the Hospital Wing fell on Hermione, sitting in a chair by Nathan's bed. They couldn't expect her to leave her baby while he was confined to a hospital bed. She had spent most of the night watching her son sleep and thinking of what had made Nathan go into the Forbidden Forest. Was he dared by someone? Was he lost? Was he running from someone who had tried to harm him? She had finally fallen asleep from exhaustion some time during the early hours of the morning.

Nathan opened his eyes and didn't recognize his surroundings. His eyes traveled the room until his gaze found the woman in the chair beside his bed - his mother. She was sleeping uncomfortably, by the angle of her head. Nathan tried to call her but coughed instead, waking her anyway.

"You're awake! Thank God!" she said, standing up from the chair to wrap her arms around her son. "You scared me, Nathan. Don't you ever do that again!"

"I'm sorry, Mum," he answered, his voice muffled by his mother's embrace.

"How are you feeling?" Hermione asked, loosening the embrace to check every single inch of Nathan's body.

"Stop fussing, Mum. I'm all right," Nathan protested.

"Yes, and you're lucky to be, too!" she said forcefully. "What were you thinking, Nathan? Going into the Forbidden Forest, at night, alone?" she questioned, showing how angry she was, now that she'd confirmed he was all right. "Do you have a death wish or something? You almost got yourself killed!"

"I'm really, really sorry, Mum. I was just…" Nathan couldn't bring himself to tell her what he was doing in the Forest. It seemed so silly now that he was thinking straight. How stupid of him to go there alone; he should have known better. "I'm sorry," he repeated in a low voice.

"What were you doing in the Forbidden Forest?" Hermione asked.

"I was…" How would he tell her? "I –"

"Come on, Nathan. I don't have all day," she insisted.

Nathan sighed. "I was after the unicorns," he managed.

"Why, Nathan? Why were you after unicorns, at night, in the Forbidden Forest, alone?" Hermione emphasized, showing how short of patience she was.

Nathan knew it was better to tell her now. "I was after the unicorns to collect some of their hair. I knew Professor Snape –"

"Snape! Why is it always Professor Snape, Nathan?" his mother interrupted angrily.

He bit his bottom lip. "I know it was silly, now! But it seemed like the perfect plan at the time. I'm sorry," he admitted.

"Yes, it was a silly thing to do, Nathan," Hermione said, bringing her hand up to rub her eyes. She sighed.

"He saved me," Nathan said in a low voice, after the silence had stretched longer than he felt comfortable with. "Professor Snape hexed the giant spiders and carried me here when I couldn't walk," he continued, staring at his clasped hands lying over the white sheet.

"He is a remarkable man," Hermione added, in a smooth, low voice. "Giant spiders, you said? Acromantulas? Oh, Nathan, do you know how close to death you were? Please, promise me you'll stay away from the Forest, no matter how fascinating an idea you have," Hermione asked, crushing Nathan into another fierce hug. "I'm begging you," she implored, looking him in the eyes without letting him out of her arms.

"I won't, Mum. I've already admitted it was a stupid idea. I don't intend to be twice as stupid and do it again," Nathan assured her.

"Good." She placed a noisy kiss on his forehead, freeing him from the embrace. "Because stupidity doesn't suit you."

"No, it doesn't," Nathan agreed, smirking at his mother. He knew she was still mad at him, but it seemed that her relief was greater than her anger. He was relieved, too. His mother was right; he had escaped death because of a miracle, and its name was Snape. He was happy at his luck.

Noises coming from the door of the infirmary drew mother and son's attention from each other.

"You're awake!" said Harry, approaching his godson's bed. "So, up to telling me what the hell you were doing in the Forbidden Forest by yourself?"

"Not really," Nathan answered. He didn't want anyone else pointing out how stupid he had been.

"He was after unicorns, Harry. He wanted to take some of their hair for Potions," Hermione filled him in.

"I already knew that. That's how we got to him in the first place. Snape remembered a conversation he had with Hagrid about it earlier today and suspected that Nathan could be in the Forest after overhearing it," Harry said.

"So Professor Snape knew I was there for the unicorn hair?" Nathan said, as realization struck him. Professor Snape believed he would be stupid enough to try to fetch the ingredient himself. "God, how embarrassing! I've made a complete fool of myself!" he added, hiding his face in his hands.

"Yeah, you did," Harry agreed. "Why did you do it alone? That's what I don't understand. Don't you know that the Forbidden Forest is dangerous? You should have taken someone with you for backup; one of those friends of yours, maybe."

Hermione was eyeing Harry in disbelief. "Harry, is that the best advice you can give him? To take someone with him? You're supposed to be his godfather, not his best mate!" she admonished.

"Okay, you're not to enter the Forbidden Forest again. Not even with your best friends," Harry told Nathan, and the boy rolled his eyes at his godfather.

"I've already said that I don't intend to go in there again, okay! I won't!" Nathan assured them once again. The fact that Professor Snape knows of my stupidity is punishment enough to even think about doing it again, he thought. That was when he realized he hadn't been punished for breaking the school rules yet. "I don't think I'll see the grounds for the rest of the school-year, anyway. I'll probably be in detention until summer," he said sarcastically.

"You're probably right," Harry agreed, and Nathan sighed.

As the time that breakfast would be served in the Great Hall approached, the castle gained life once more with students all around. The three occupants of the Hospital Wing hadn't noticed the boys lingering by the infirmary door, murmuring to each other. Hermione was the first to acknowledge them.

"Are you looking for Madam Pomfrey?" she asked from where she stood by Nathan's bed.

"Er… no," said a nervous Kevin. "We're here to see Nathan, Ms. Granger."

Hermione smiled at the boys, then. "You must be Andy and Kevin. Come in," she encouraged.

"Hey guys," Nathan greeted his shy friends, who were approaching his bed slowly.

"Hey Nathan, we just wanted to see you before classes," Andy said.

"Mum, this is Andy and that is Kevin," Nathan introduced. "This is my mother, Hermione Granger," he added unnecessarily.

"We know, Nathan," Kevin affirmed. Extending a hand, he said, "Nice to meet you, Ms. Granger." Andy followed suit.

"We heard you were in the Forbidden Forest last night," Andy said, curiosity evident in his voice.

"Yeah, I was. But I don't want to talk about it now," Nathan answered pointing at his mother with what he thought was a discrete flick of head.

"But what – ah!" Andy was cut by Kevin's elbow hitting his ribs.

"You must be tired now, we understand," Kevin said quickly, while Andy rubbed his ribs.

Madam Pomfrey entered the infirmary by the small door that led to her office. "Good morning, Mr. Granger. I can see you're much better than the last time I saw you," she said and started casting diagnosis spells over Nathan. "Much better, indeed."

"I have to go to the Great Hall for breakfast," Harry said to Hermione, and to the three boys, added, "I hope to see you in my class later today."

"If he eats his breakfast and still feels well after that," Poppy answered for Nathan, who rolled his eyes.

"Why don't you walk with me, boys?" Harry asked and was answered by two enthusiastic smiles. Harry smiled, too, and gave Hermione a quick kiss on one cheek before leaving the Hospital Wing in the company of the Gryffindors.

Mother and son ate their breakfast together. They talked while waiting for Madam Pomfrey to release Nathan, which finally happened a couple of hours later. Hermione accompanied her son through the castle corridors and halls with a sense of nostalgia. She really missed Hogwarts, her second home. Stopping in front of the Fat Lady portrait, Hermione gave Nathan another hug and kissed the top of his head.

"I miss you so much. Be a good boy and stop getting yourself into trouble, okay?" she said, playing with Nathan's hair.

Nathan smiled then. "Thank you, Mum," he said, and giving the password to the portrait he disappeared behind it into Gryffindor Tower.

Hermione had one more thing to do at Hogwarts before going back to London. She had to find Severus Snape.

Miss Granger's presence at the school had disturbed Severus more than he wanted to acknowledge. She brought back memories of the worst year of his life. He had spent many hours in the Astronomy Tower before getting back to his quarters in the dungeons last night. He hadn't entered that part of the castle since the day Dumbledore died; the day he had killed him. But last night he had returned to the place; he had just stayed there, watching the full moon and the stars that surrounded it, torturing himself with things long done, long gone, long lost.

Could he have done things differently? He certainly could. He had come up with dozens of possibilities for that night's events, and all of them ended with his death. Not Dumbledore's, not Potter's, not Malfoy's; only his death. Yet, he had lived to comply with Albus' request. He had killed the man who had trusted him with his very soul, and had buried his honor in that white tomb together with his only friend.

A little more than a year after that, Severus found himself being redeemed from his atrocious crime by the Wizengamot. Potter was right; he should be in Azkaban with the remaining Death Eaters. That was his place, with cold-blooded murderers; not in a school, teaching innocent children.

And then, there was Hermione Granger, the one responsible for all of it. She had trusted him when no one else would. She had contacted him after he had left Hogwarts that night. She had brought him back to the Order's meeting and had explained and proved his loyalty to Dumbledore, even after the old wizard's death.

In spite of that, he had once more proved his honor was buried that night he had killed Dumbledore. She had trusted him as much as Albus had, and he had broken her trust. He had violated her; he had hurt her in order to save her. Oh, how he hated himself and his damned choices. Even more because she had never blamed him; on the contrary, she had prepared his defense for his hearing. She, Hermione Granger, had freed him from Azkaban, where he belonged.

And now there was the boy, Nathan Granger. She kept telling her son how honorable he, Severus Snape, was, how much of a hero he was and all that crap. The boy was supposed to be afraid of him - the cold-blooded murderer of the dungeons - and not feel comfortable in his classes, in his detentions… in his arms. The boy was so desperate for his acknowledgement that he was willing to risk his life to receive praise from him. Him, the greasy git! And it was all her fault.

He had passed by the infirmary after leaving the Astronomy Tower and had found her there, sleeping by her son's bed. He hadn't entered the ward, not with her there. He had watched her from the small window in the door. She had slept at Hogwarts to be with her son, and that had made the rest of his night a living hell.

He was still avoiding her the next morning. He was in the middle of a double lesson - the very same one her son should be attending if he wasn't trapped to a hospital bed... because of her, he added mentally. Yes, because it's all her fault. It's all Hermione Granger's fault.

Snape was brought back from his musings by the sound of a pestle hitting the floor. He stood from his chair and growled at the unfortunate student. "Now, is it so difficult to hold the utensils while using them, Mr. Bucknall. Five points from Slytherin for your incompetence!"

Surprise was on the face of every student in the classroom. "What's wrong with him?" Andy used the lowest voice possible to ask Kevin, who was seated just behind him.

"I don't know and I don't want to find out either, if he's taking points from Slytherin like that!" Kevin answered in a whisper.

The class passed in absolute silence, and without any more incidents. No one wanted to get on the wrong side of the Potions master at the best of times, let alone with him in such an awful mood.

"You have ten minutes to turn in your samples, clean up your mess and disappear from my sight!" Snape said to them all when the class was ending.

The students did as they were told as fast as they could; no one wanted to be the last to leave the classroom and be left alone with Snape in the worst mood they had ever seen. When the last two students were hurriedly leaving the room, Hermione Granger appeared at the doorway.

"So, you're still here," Snape said in acknowledgement of her presence.

"I was looking for you before going back to London," Hermione said entering the classroom and walking towards his desk, where he sat.

He stood up and started to collect the vials the students had left on his desk. "You found me," he said in a dry tone of voice.

Hermione was observing the man in front of her. She hadn't seen him since his hearing at the Ministry, more than eleven years ago; the father of her son. "Yes, I did," she said, a little lost for what to say now that she was in the same room as him.

Her hesitation was irritating him further. She could end this torment right away, he thought, but continued to ignore her.

"I wanted to thank you for what you did yesterday," Hermione said, watching his hands while they worked, placing the vials in the crate now resting on the desk.

In spite of having been waiting for this, Snape felt as if he had been punched, her words making him sick. He stopped pretending he was busy. "You don't have to thank me. It's my duty to protect the students," he said without taking his eyes from his desk.

"I know, but I want to thank you anyway," she insisted, taking a step closer to where he stood.

Snape lifted his eyes and looked at her. She was different from the last time he had seen her, as he had noted last night. He felt uncomfortable with the way she was looking at him and lowered his eyes, resuming his task. "If you've said what you came here to say, you can go now. I'm very busy," he said, dismissing her.

Hermione lowered her head, too, also uncomfortable with the man in front of her, but for completely different reasons. "I'll leave you to your work, then. Good morning, Professor Snape," she said softly and turned to leave.

He didn't answer, just lifted his head to observe her leave. When he couldn't see her anymore he sighed and loosened the grip on the vial he hadn't realized he was crushing. She is gone.

On the third floor, Nathan was waiting for his friends by the Defense classroom. He spotted them at the end of the corridor. They saw him and smiled, increasing their pace to reach him.

"So, you're back!" greeted a happy Andy.

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey said I could go back to classes," Nathan said.

"That's good, but you were lucky to skip Potions. Professor Snape was really scary today," Kevin said.

That piece of information left Nathan uneasy. "Do you think so, too, Andy?" he asked.

"Well, yeah! You should have seen how he treated Bucknall for letting the pestle slip. He took points from Slytherin and called him incompetent. A Slytherin!" Andy said in exasperation.

Well, that's not good, thought Nathan. His mother had made him promise that he would look for Professor Snape and apologize for his idiocy, and he'd agreed. He wanted to apologize as well, even knowing he would be punished. Hell, he even deserved the punishment. "That's too bad, because I'll have to see him later," he said.

"Why is that?" asked Andy.

"I have to thank him for saving me yesterday," Nathan explained.

"He saved you? I thought Harry Potter did!" Kevin said, surprised with the news.

"No, Professor Snape found me and saved me from the giant spiders. He also carried me to the Hospital Wing because I couldn't walk. You should have seen how he hexed those spiders!" Nathan couldn't disguise his awe.

"Wait a minute. You're saying that Snape - the same Snape that teaches Potions, the Slytherin bastard - saved you? A Gryffindor! That doesn't make any sense!" exclaimed a confused Kevin.

Nathan rolled his eyes. "That's the only Snape I know," he said, matter-of-factly.

At that moment, Harry Potter entered the classroom from the side door that gave access to Lupin's office. Seeing Nathan seated with his friends, he smiled and said, "I'm glad you could make it to my class, Nathan." His godson only smiled in response.

"Well, I don't think an introduction is necessary. Let's start with the lesson, then. We'll be learning some defensive block spells today. Take out your wands," Harry instructed. The class was quiet, looking at him intently. He sighed. "Okay, fire away. What do you want to know?" he asked in resignation. Every time he came to Hogwarts to cover for Lupin, it was the same. All the students wanted to know was about his heroic acts.

"How was it facing You-Know-Who?" a girl in the front asked and everyone strained to listen to the answer.

"It was something I had to do, so I did. Voldemort wasn't going to leave me alone while I lived, so I had to destroy him," he explained.

"Did you really use the Killing Curse?" asked a Slytherin.

"Yes, I did," was Harry's short answer.

Nathan knew his godfather didn't like talking about the war so he raised his hand. "Yes, Nathan?" Harry acknowledged a little surprised.

"Why did you stop playing Quidditch and become an Auror?" Nathan asked.

Harry smiled at his godson in a sign of gratitude, "I thought it was time to put my Defense Against the Dark Arts knowledge to use, and that's what we are going to do now. Wands out!" The class progressed to the defensive spells then.

Snape hadn't shown up for the meals in the Great Hall. He didn't want to see anyone else that day. He was now sitting is his poorly-lit office, waiting for curfew to make his round of the castle before retreating to his quarters to try to forget this blasted day.

The sound of Hermione's voice thanking him was still playing in his mind, along with the things he had heard yesterday in the Hospital Wing. He wouldn't ask her, of course, but her saying he had saved the boy at least once before was puzzling him. He tried to recall every single boy he had helped in all those years. There weren't many, and he still couldn't figure it out. He shook his head, purging the thoughts from his mind. He didn't want to think of it anymore. He tried once again to concentrate on the third-year essays he was grading.

He had managed to finish a couple when he heard a tap on the door. He lifted his head from the parchment and cursed the interruption. "Enter," he growled.

The door opened and the figure of a boy was outlined by the torches in the corridor. As the figure advanced into the room, Snape recognized him. "Granger," he spat. That was all he needed to complete the infernal day; another meeting with another Granger.

"Good evening, Professor Snape," Nathan greeted.

All Snape wanted was to get rid of him as soon as possible. "What do you want?" he asked impatiently.

"I want to apologize," Nathan said in a low voice. He moved with hesitation, avoiding Snape's eyes, his unusual shyness betraying some of his feelings.

Snape sighed. What's wrong with these Grangers? he thought, but then noticed the boy's attitude, or lack of it, actually. Is he… ashamed? He smirked then. "You should feel ashamed of your idiocy. I thought you were more than a stupid, reckless Gryffindor, but it seems I was mistaken. You're just another dunderhead." He saw the boy physically flinch for the first time. It didn't please him as he had thought it would, and he frowned.

"I'm sorry," Nathan said, with his head down. "I was a Troll of an idiot and I'm here for my punishment, sir."

He's here to be punished? That was a confusing thought. No one ever comes to my office seeking punishment, unless they were sent here… or dragged here. "Who sent you here?" he asked then.

"No one, sir," Nathan jerked his head to look at the Potions master in confusion.

"So why did you come? Do you want me to punish you?" Snape asked, more than a hint of his sarcasm in his voice.

"No one else has more right, sir," Nathan answered firmly. "You're the one who saved me from the spiders and carried me to the Hospital Wing. It's only logical that you should be the one to punish me," he added.

That declaration made Snape arch an eyebrow. "Fifty points from Gryffindor and a month of detentions," he stated. Nathan didn't utter a sound in protest. "Do you think that will suffice?" he added with a smirk.

"If you're asking if it'll keep me out of the Forbidden Forest, then yes. But if you're asking if it will compensate for my idiocy, then I should just as well spend the rest of the year in detention, sir," Nathan said, his eyes shining in the hearth's light.

Snape noted the rage in the boy's eyes and couldn't stop himself from admiring Nathan's wit. "I think I can skip the sermon, then," he said, vaguely amused.

"My mother covered that, sir," Nathan assured the Potions master.

"Perhaps, but she is only one parent. What about your father?" Snape asked.

Nathan fidgeted for a moment, averting his eyes from the Professor. Snape noticed and came to his own conclusions. "He is a muggle, then. I understand."

"No sir, I…" Nathan trailed off, not knowing how to explain. Perhaps it would be better to stick with the truth, "I don't know who my father is," he said in a very low voice, hoping Snape wouldn't hear him.

But Snape had heard, and he was frowning. "You don't?" Snape said, almost as a reflexive response to the revelation. He doesn't know who his father is? His mind was trying to process that information. Miss Granger doesn't know who her son's father is? That seemed impossible. Of course she does! he admonished himself mentally. The know-it-all would know the father of her son, wouldn't she?

His mind's ramble was interrupted by Nathan. "But there's always someone to fulfill his role when discipline is concerned. This time it was Uncle Harry."

Snape just sat there, staring at the boy in barely disguised disbelief.

Nathan was starting to feel some discomfort. Although he was used to the situation, he always felt uneasy the first moment people found out he didn't know the identity of his own father. Almost as if reading Snape's thoughts, Nathan said, "My mother knows who my father is, of course, but she won't tell me."

Realizing his opportunity, and only hesitating just a little, he asked the Potions master, "You knew her when she was a student here, sir. Do you remember if she dated someone in her seventh year?" and then he added in a sarcastic tone, trying to cover for his nervousness, "I know she dated Uncle Ron, but I'm most definitely not a Weasley."

Snape was examining Nathan carefully now. The boy said nothing else and just stood there. These were the kind of puzzles the Potions master liked to solve. No, the boy was definitely not a Weasley.

He eyed Nathan as if seeing him for the first time. He observed his slim form, tall for an eleven year-old, and his long fingers. He let his eyes travel from the boy's hands to his face; square chin, full mouth, nicely outlined nose and coal-black hair. And then his eyes met the blackness of the boy's. It seemed as though he was staring into a mirror, and Snape finally confronted his remembrances of that year and everything he was seeing in this boy standing in front of him. His eye widened. "No!" he said, little louder than a whisper.

Nathan didn't miss the strange look that crossed his teacher's face, but only said, "It's all right, Professor. No one seems to know, except my mother." He now felt exposed. He didn't want to stay there any longer. He went to the door, leaving a frowning Snape staring after him. "I'll see you tomorrow, sir. Good night," he said, just before closing the door behind him.

Snape was still staring at the place where the boy had been standing moments ago, as if still seeing him there. He closed his eyes and every similarity between Nathan Granger and himself played in his memory like he was viewing a Pensieve. Nathan working in his classroom; Nathan arching his eyebrow at him during the meals; Nathan's eyes and hair and slim hands... "No! No! NO!" he roared the last negative as he was forced to acknowledge what was now blatantly obvious – he was Nathan's father! He covered his face in his hands.

How could she do this? Why would she do this? She kept a child of a… he was suddenly finding it hard to breath. His chest was aching, his eyes shut tightly. He abruptly rose from his desk, knocking the chair back behind him. He clutched the ink-bottle sitting on the desk. "How could she do this to me!" he roared, and red ink stained his office door as the bottle shattered.

He rested the palms of his hands on the corner of his desk, searching for some balance, and lowered his head. He was feeling sick. He tried to breathe again, but it hurt. He hurt with every intake of air, with every thought. I've ruined her life. And suddenly his legs couldn't hold his weight anymore, and he fell to his knees, gripping the desktop with white knuckles.

Images of the night Hermione had been captured by a group of Death Eaters were playing in his mind. He could see it as if he was there all over again. A group of four masked men, two clutching her by each arm while she fought in vain to be released, entered the gathering of Death Eaters reunited by the Dark Lord. He could barely disguise his terror for the girl as she was thrown forcefully to the floor. He could see the satisfaction on Voldemort's distorted face. "Potter's number one groupie, what a pleasant surprise," he had said in that reptilian voice.

Snape had put his mind to work on a way to save her without exposing his position as a spy, after all he had been through to keep it, but couldn't think of anything. He watched in concealed horror as the Dark Lord cast the Cruciatus on her, and as her screams penetrated his mind, he knew he had to find a way to save her.

Voldemort had declared that she was of no more use to him, after thoroughly ransacking her mind for valuable information. He had seen his opportunity then, when a Death Eater approached the girl on the floor, already unfastening his trousers. He had to do it if he wanted to keep her alive. So he did.

He broke from the gathering that had formed around her and proclaimed, "She is mine." He had to remember that it was the only way. He unfastened his belt, opened his trousers and knelt by her. She met his eyes with her tear-strained ones, and he averted his eyes from hers to concentrate on the task at hand. He had to do it if he wanted to save her life.

He pulled her closer to him with force, and his body met hers. He moved inside her and with every stroke he felt a piece of his soul escape his being. She spilled silent tears while he violated her. The assembled Death Eaters were enjoying the show nonetheless, and when it was over they were hungry for more.

That was when Snape clutched Hermione's arm hard and brought her to her feet with him. They approached the Dark Lord and Snape said, "I want this Mudblood for myself, my Lord."

The snake-faced creature seemed to consider his request for a moment. The others were waiting in expectation. "Why do you want her, Snape?" he asked then.

"She tormented me for six years, my Lord. I want her as my personal slave. Revenge, my Lord," he answered and tightened his grip on Hermione's arms to show he was serious.

Voldemort seemed to like the possessive display. "You can have her, Snape, but you have full responsibility for her. If she escapes, you die."

"Of course, my Lord," Snape said and lowered both of them to kiss the hem of Voldemort's robes. "I ask permission to leave, my Lord."

And he had left the gathering with Hermione, Apparating them both to his shabby house at Spinner's End, he took her to one of the small rooms on the second floor of the house and examined her for any serious injury. She hadn't said anything since he had first touched her. He had healed her minor cuts and bruises as best he could, trying not to touch her any more than necessary. Draping a threadbare blanket over her still form, he made to leave the room for a moment. He had his right hand on the doorknob when she decided to break the silence, "Thank you."

He had frozen in place upon hearing those undeserving words coming from her mouth. He had closed his eyes for a moment and had left her in the room, only coming back to bring her food and some books for the remainder of her stay. He couldn't face her.

And yet today, the consequences of those actions had just left his office; a child, his child, a rape child. Rage built in his guts, escaping from his eyes when they snapped open once more, glowering in the fire light. He rose from his kneeling position, taking his anger out on his desk in an attempt to lessen his frustration. If he felt he couldn't forgive himself before, now he just wanted to bury himself with his honor and Albus Dumbledore in the white tomb by the lake.

Hermione sat by her desk in the study in her apartment, unaware of the man raging in his office back at Hogwarts. She had left the castle soon after she had spoken with Snape that morning. Her work at the university had kept her mind away from the day's events, but with no distractions now, she couldn't avoid them anymore.

Severus had saved Nathan not knowing he was saving his own son. A freak of destiny, she thought. Seeing Snape had brought back feelings she thought she didn't have anymore. She had felt uneasy in his presence. The fact that she bore a secret of catastrophic magnitude didn't help matters in anyway.

He hadn't changed much from the last time she had seen him. Not physically, and not in his behavior, from what she had learned from Nathan. The way he treated her in the classroom was yet more proof of that. Why can't he accept gratitude? she mused. He always comes up with the done-my-duty speech. She shook her head.

The image of his hands working with the potions vials came to her mind then. He's still skilful in every movement, she thought. It reminded her of the first time she had seen Snape, in that first Potions class back when she was just a first-year. His passionate speech, the way he manipulated the ingredients and utensils… It reminded her of Nathan. She sighed, her secret once again haunting her.

The fact that she had met Snape after such a long time had brought the night she had been captured by the Death Eaters to the front of her mind. It was a painful memory that haunted her dreams and made her wake up with tears in her eyes. While conscious, though, Hermione had no dread at the remembrance. She was thankful for Severus' presence at that gathering, for she would be dead otherwise. He was the most courageous man she knew.

His courage had exceeded all her expectations that night. She had already been resigned to her fate of being raped and killed, when she heard his voice saying she was his. When he had knelt by her she knew what he was going to do and, though she was scared, she also trusted him. She knew he hadn't liked it any more than she had, but he had done what he had to do to save her life, and she thanked him for that.

She knew he regretted what he was forced to do by the way he treated her afterwards. The nine days she had spent as his guest, he had barely directed a word to her. He didn't look her in the eyes or spend more than the necessary time in the room he had arranged for her. He had permitted her access to his extensive library, but she had never met him there.

Even after the war had ended, during his hearing, they had exchanged very few words. By then she already knew she was pregnant and had decided not to tell him. He would never have permitted her to continue with it, and she wanted to have the child. She had promised herself that she would tell him when the pregnancy achieved the point where no abortion could be made safely, but hadn't had the courage. The same happened when Nathan was born and the secret haunted her even now.

But through all of that, she was left with Nathan, the most precious gift life could have ever given her. She longed for the day she would be able to tell him about his father, but feared the day would never come. What she saw today at Hogwarts wasn't very encouraging. Snape didn't seem to have changed at all; how could she face him? She didn't know.

The night she had spent on the chair by Nathan's bed was starting to get to her. She was tired and her back ached. She stood and left the study for a most deserving bath. She had to catch up with the work she had neglected to attend the Headmistress' call. Tomorrow will be a full day, she thought.