Chapter 12

Shawna

You know the worst part of being a bartender?

People.

Tonight, is an exceptionally annoying night. Not only was I ten minutes late, not realizing the time when I was spending time with Max, but Mickey, my boss had the audacity to call me on it.

Granted, being late is never okay, but after I've given this job my all for almost two years and not to mention him banging the new waitress Heidi, that is late to every single one of her shifts, he didn't have the right to give me a fifteen minute lecture.

Mix that anger in with some annoyance from the same group of men that think it's cute to pinch my ass cheek every time I turn around to grab their next piss bottle of beer, and I'm more of a ticking time bomb.

"Hey baby cheeks, we need another one over here." The loud mouth hollers from across the room.

I've already told Mickey about these guys and he has spoken with them but to no avail. They are still a bunch of drunken idiots and unfortunately, Mickey only cares for money. He won't stop someone from drinking themselves into an oblivion then allowing them to go drive somewhere. I briefly think of the few times I have seen someone get cut off at Sin, and how a brother made sure a cab was called for their patron.

"Your sorority boys need you again." Dana, one of the waitresses tells me as she slams down her tray.

Dana has been going back and forth between the bar and the patrons seated at the tables, and since there was not only a bachelor party but some kind of amazing football game at the local college, the bar is mostly made of horny drunk men.

"Yeah, I hear them. What do they need?" She rambles off the list and helps me to bring the drinks to her tray. After making sure she can walk with all twelve of the drinks, I head back over to see if Heidi needs any help.

"I can't believe how many men are here. Mickey won't even make the ones that keep touching us leave. Apparently he can be bought." Heidi says filling a mug of beer.

"It's just profit for him. Why the hell do you think we are in these outfits?" Seriously if I didn't really need this job, I would have told Mickey a long time ago where he can go with his smug ideology of how women need to dress to earn more money. Again, I compare it to Sin's uniform and how classy the black dress is compared to this virtually pathetic cheerleading outfit.

I'm in the middle of helping a customer when the door opens once again. It's nearing closing time, and we are still so packed it's hard to tell what time of night it is. I glance over to the door and notice Max walking in.

I place my hand on my heart at seeing him here once again, remembering the last time when he practically attacked everyone around him. I watch him saunter over to a lone table and chair made for two and lean his head down into his arms. Immediately my feet take me over to his table to make sure he is alright.

He lifts his head up when he sees that I have approached and I clutch the order tablet closer to my chest. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah, just thought I would come in and see how you're doing. I know you drove yourself and there's a brother here watching you, but I wanted to see you."

"That's nice of you. Did you drive here yourself?" I can tell he's been drinking and don't want him to have to attempt to drive himself home.

"No. Had one of the prospects take me." He says slurring his words. Yep, definitely been drinking and apparently a whole lot. Max is a big guy, so it takes a whole lot to get him drunk. I'm guessing he started soon after I left tonight.

"Mind if I take you home? I only have another thirty minutes on my shift." I see him nod his head then lean back into his arms, so I head straight to the bar. Mikey may be a crap bar owner, but he's smart enough to know the girls he's hired shouldn't be staying late by themselves to clean up the bar if he has no security and no men working here. So he hired a crew to come in and clean up for us each night.

I walk back over to the bar and walk around circling it, letting everyone know that it's last call. I hear a few boo's but for the most part, people begin paying their tab and heading out. I glance at Max every few minutes, one to make sure he is alright, and two, to make sure no one messes with him. When people get drunk they tend to think they can pick a fight with anyone, and I for one, would never fight with a former army man, that also has a VP patch for the largest motorcycle club in the state. But that's just me.

For the most part no one says anything to him and he barely lifts his head up to acknowledge the few people that ask if he is alright. When we finally have the room cleared, I head to the back room to grab my purse and head back over to a now sleeping Max.

"Max?" I shove him awake and watch as he takes me in with a worried look in his eyes.

Each time Max has ever came to me when he was inebriated and making terrible decisions, I never asked him what the reasoning behind it was. I knew Max battled demons, I knew there was something he was hiding from me and all the other people that cared about him. Knowing Max, he wanted to protect us from said demons and that was why he was keeping us at arm's length. He always had a hero complex, but this time, I think the hero died overseas and Max is still looking for him.

"I'm sorry Shawna. I'm so sorry I've done nothing but hurt you. You deserve so much more than me." My nose burns as I take it what he is saying to me. It was the same words he said to me two years ago when he broke my heart, then I had no choice but to break his.

Instead of telling him everything, telling him the truth, screaming at him and telling him how much I need him, I simply drag his arm out and place it on my shoulder and pull him towards me. "Lean on me, kay?"

"I'll crush you, I had forgotten how tiny you are." He jokes and I nudge him with my fingers. I'm still wearing my uniform so thanks to my six inch heels, I'm closer to his height now.

"Don't you worry about me. Just focus on walking big boy." We slowly make it out of the bar as I wave to the cleaning crew walking in.

It's frigid outside, Fall is settling in and it's definitely noticeable. I make the slow and heavy walk to my car sitting under the only lit lamp. I slump Max onto my car, as I grab my keys out of purse, cursing at myself for not thinking of this before.

"You better not do this when I'm not here."

"Do what?" I find my keys and unlock the door, making sure not to let Max just collapse into the seat. It's not the biggest car and he's definitely a big guy.

"Wait till you come out here, then grab your keys out of your purse."

"No. I normally don't but there was kind of a giant blonde on me, couldn't get him off if I tried."

Max chuckles and the sound goes straight through my body. These last few days have been incredible confusing and hard and I still don't know what to make of them. I should be afraid that someone is after me, threatening my life, and yet, all I can think about is the man currently in front of me.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah you said that already. In you go." Max collapses inside and I hop into the driver's seat and start the car.

It's quiet on the drive back to his house. I asked him about the person watching over me but he waves me off and tells me that he's still on duty. It feels strange to be watched and even stranger that I haven't even noticed someone watching over me. No wonder this mystery guy was able to find me at the studio and slash my tires so easily.

We are half way to his house when I hear him ask the question I have been dreading since running back into him at the clubhouse.

"Why don't you dance anymore?" His voice sounds so much more sober than fifteen minutes ago. I don't know if he is suddenly more awake or aware but it's causing me to nearly crash the car. Doesn't he know not to mess with a girl when she is driving?

"What?"

"You work constantly, and when I went by the studio tonight, it was all boarded up. Looked like no one had been in there in a long time." His voice is deep and groggy and if I didn't know any better judging by his sway when we were walking out of the bar, I wouldn't think he was actually drunk. In fact he sounds angry.

"I still dance Max. It's just a little more complicated now." There, that wasn't a complete lie.

"Your lying, I can always tell. Your nose twitches." Son of a bitch! Why can't I lie?

"It doesn't matter anyways Max."

"See, here's what I don't understand. You want to have a truce between us, but it seems like you're still a manipulative bitch that lies. You can't tell the truth for one fuckin' minute. You think I can't tell when you're hiding something from me? You think I don't notice how you answer your phone away from me, or how you rub your ankle constantly?"

I grip the steering wheel even tighter as he continues his onslaught of hurtful insults.

"And what about you Max?" I say cutting him off. "What about your secrets and lies. What about all the times you haven't been honest with me but wanted me to smile and act pretty while you closed me out?"

"So, now I'm the problem? As soon as shit hits the fan, you want to turn it around on me? Fuckin' typical Shawna."

"Don't you dare categorize me Max. You have no idea what I'm dealing with and don't pretend you do. You left me alone and never spoke to me again. So you don't get to now come after two years and act like things never changed."

"You cheated on me! I came back from overseas, after losing everything I had in me, only to come home and find out that you can't keep your fuckin' legs closed. Did you want me to send you a fuckin' postcard?"

"You could at least not be a dick with me right now. You keep hurting me Max. You show up at my job, get me in trouble and then push me away. You're like a dog with a bone."

"You deserve to be hurt. You deserve every ounce of pain I give you and you know it. Your fuckin' nothing Shawna."

The car rides becomes silent once more, as I attempt but fail to reign in my anger and tears. I want to shout the truth at him, but I know if I do tell him, it shouldn't be under these circumstances. Max didn't get drunk tonight because he felt like it. He's still chasing his demons and as much as I want to be what he accused me of, I know I couldn't do that to him. I hate everything about this, but unfortunately I did it to him.

We arrive at his house in silence and Max opens the door for us. I head straight for the guestroom as I hear Max walk into the master and slam the door. My heart is beating so heavily and as tired as I was when I first got off my shift, anger has taken over that emotion.

I slip out of shoes and grab some clothes from the luggage bag that I never emptied. Max never told me to unpack my things and make myself at home and now he's treating me like I'm the one that sought him out to live here. He's treating me like I'm some plague or disease he caught but can't get rid of.

I hop in the shower and spend the twenty minutes crying as the water cascades around my face. I am normally an emotional person but I try to let optimism keep me afloat. After the crappy night I had at work and now how Max is treating me, all I want to do is cry and fall asleep in bed, belonging to a man, that no longer cares for me.

Hoping out, I stay in my towel and head back to the bedroom. I haven't heard Max moving around in his room and can only guess he has already gone to sleep. I haven't looked at my phone yet, but I can assume it's around two in the morning.

I stay in my towel in the guest bedroom and contemplate if I should just leave. Surely the MC could still protect me even if I weren't living with one of them. After all, Inette and Ivan have someone watching over them. Being around Max, in this way, is too painful.

I grab my phone and before I can even think about it, I am calling Inette. She answers on the fourth ring.

"Shawna?" She answers sounding panic. Shit, I didn't mean to make her worry.

"Yes. Sorry I didn't want to wake you, I just needed some advice."

"Sure, what's up." She says and I hear movement as she's most likely now sitting up in bed.

"Max and I had a fight. I just don't know if I can deal with being this close to him."

"About what?"

"He asked me why I don't dance anymore. He went by the studio tonight. Just before coming to work tipsy again."

"Shit. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I can't tell him the truth Inette, especially now. When he showed up tonight, he looked different than any other time I had seen him. He looked destroyed. Whatever he is going through, I couldn't possibly add on to it with something I know would kill him to find out.

"If you don't tell him, what are you going to do when he starts figuring everything out. I mean no offense Shawna, but you went from living on your own in a nice area and teaching children dance and ballet, to working almost three jobs and living with two people he's never met. If you don't tell him and he figures it out, wouldn't that be worse?"

I think long and hard about what she has to say but change the subject. I'm not ready to admit how right she is.

We talk for another thirty minutes about Ivan taking a new job at some magazine and how her editor loved her story on Timmons so far. Apparently the man has a hard on for her and has given her free reign on doing everything she can to figure out if there is indeed a crooked cop in our mix.

"So you haven't been to the studio since that asshole slashed your tires?"

"No, not that I want to. Still I hate that I can't stick to my routine because of this mystery joker." I had changed into my pajamas consisting of an old big shirt of Max's, and some panties. Since I don't expect to go out and see him anytime and can change in the morning it didn't seem like that big of a deal.

"Good thing Miss O'Neal knows not to go in there. How did she take the news of not being able to go as she pleases? Let me guess, she told the big giant biker guys off?" She laughs at her own joke but panic reaches me instead.

"Oh shit. Inette, I never told Miss O'Neal everything. Do you think the guys did?"

"Oh honey, I'm sure they did. Austin probably already went to the studio to take a look around. When Miss O'Neal found him I'm sure he explained everything and told her to not come around, even though I'm sure, she told him to fuck off."

I laugh thinking it's most like true, but still I will have to remind myself to talk to Max about it in the morning. He knows Miss O'Neal, knows how stubborn she can be but he would still surely get someone to watch over her. I remember not being able to find her that morning but I'm positive she was just out.

"Well, I'll let you get back to sleep. Sorry I woke you in the first place."

"Hey, don't worry about it. That's what girlfriends are for. Don't let him make you feel badly Shawna. If he knew the truth he wouldn't ever speak to you the way he does."

I nod my head even though she can't see me. She's right, which is why I surely can't tell him now. Max isn't in the right state of mind and dropping a bomb on him isn't right.

"Thanks Inette. Love you."

"Love you too."

I hang up and lay back on my bed. It's nearly three am and I'm still wide awake. I contemplate going out to the living room to watch some television but decide against it. It's always been a way of simply keeping me awake because I always watch the news of what's going on overseas.

It was my go to thing when he was over in Afghanistan and unfortunately I was never able to turn it off.

I toss and turn for a few moments but eventually begin drifting off to sleep, only to be awaken by a knock at the door. I jump up, kicking off the blankets as I do so and scramble to the ground. There's no way a burglar got in here and wasted time knocking on my door so I snap out of my pathetic fear, put my big girl panties on and crack the door open.

Max stands on the other side of the door, looking ashamed and embarrassed. He looks completely sober and I can smell the masculine body wash of his that used to drive me crazy.

"Hey, is everything alright?" I ask as I open the door wider for him. He scrambles in quickly and that's when I see he is wearing nothing but his boxers which does absolutely nothing to hide his abnormally large package.

Hello my old friend.

"Yeah, I just. I needed to come and apologize." I haven't yet taken my eyes from his cock and once I hear him chuckle I final meet his gaze.

"Eyes up here babe."

"You sound better. Did you drink a shit load of coffee?"

"Something like that. I wasn't just a little drunk, I was depressed. It's been strange having you here. Guess I was feeling a little shitty." My eyes go downward again but this time they meet my feet. Maybe I should leave.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that Shawna. I meant, I like having you hear, but because I'm still pissed, it's fuckin' with my head. I just needed to vent a little, which turned out being a total fuckin asshole to you and for that I'm sorry." I nod my head in his direction. Max was being an asshole but I know what he believes from that night. Hell I shouted it at him to get him away, and even though I thought it was a good plan back then, seeing how broken he is, is making me regret that.

"So, I just wanted to say that I was out of line earlier. And I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that Shawna. It's been two years and clearly things have changed but your right, we agreed on a truce and I still want to help you with all this bullshit surrounding us."

Again I nod my head. This is what I have missed the most about Max. My ex's were all the same, didn't want to speak, couldn't get them to have a decent conversation with me. I'm not a talkative person but being able to talk about your day with your spouse is one thing I always craved. Max filled that for me. All he ever wanted was to be there for me.

"You've got that look babe." I look back up at him with curiosity. "Same look you used to give me when you read your little smutty books and got turned on."

"They were not that smutty. And I don't remember you complaining." I cross my arms at my chest.

"That my shirt darlin'?" I look down, knowing damn well it is but I need something else to do than concentrate on how dark his voice just became. Max always loved when I wore his clothes.

"I.." Yeah I've got nothing for why I still wear his old shirts.

"Come here baby." I stay frozen, not sure if I heard him right. "Now, Shawna."

Did I mention Max likes to take control in the bedroom. Yeah, that was always something I enjoyed as well. We always fit perfectly in that department. He always got what I needed and always took what he wanted. I loved every bit of it and something tells me we are about to reminisce.

I move my feet automatically towards him and stop just before his body. I can feel the heat waving off him and try and remember if I brushed my teeth while on the phone with Inette.

"I'm going to ask you again Shawna, why do you have my shirt on?" I look down automatically starring at the giant white tee that looks as If I'm not wearing anything under it.

"It reminds me of you Max." That's all it takes. Before I can whisper anymore words, his mouth collapses down onto mine.

I immediately melt into his embrace and bring my arms around his neck causing Max to put his hands on my waist for balance. When I feel his giant hands move over to cup my ass I jump up on his waist and wrap my legs around his back. I've missed this and it's most likely a terrible idea, but it's been so long since I have felt like this with him, and I don't plan on stopping if he doesn't.

Max breaks the kiss after a while only to move his lips down to my neck as he moves us towards the bed. I put my fingers in his hair and pull, knowing how much that turns him on. Max has always been a beast in the bed and I for one, like it a little rough.

"Fuck Shawna." He says laying me down and immediately pulling off his shirt. "Want you in this every fuckin' night you're here, understand?"

I nod my head and close my eyes in pleasure as his lips find my nipples. His hands squeeze and I lift my back up and push his head down even further. I don't have the biggest cup size, but Max has always loved teasing me this way.

"Max, please." I don't even know what I am begging for but apparently Max understands my needs more than I do because his lips find mine once more and I begin rocking when I feel how hard he is for me as his cock lines up against me.

I break the kiss enough for me to find his boxers and pull them down. Although I have seen it enough times, it's been so long, it's like seeing it again for the first time. Max smirks at me when I bring my eyes back to his and I laugh when he wiggles his eyebrows at me.

It's always been easy with him. He's always made me comfortable being in the bedroom. Max can be a serious person and everything he has gone through has pushed that side of him forward, but he's normally a laid back joker. It's something I've always adored about him.

"Need you now babe. Don't think I can hold on with you rubbing me out." I look down, not even noticing that I have indeed began stroking him. I immediately let go and he stands and pulls his boxers all the way off.

Holy Lord

Max wastes no time as he grabs my panties and pulls them down then stands back up to take me in. Something he has always done and also something I have always loved.

"Fuck Shawna, you're beautiful."

"Come show me how beautiful."

Max leans back down on the bed but instead of aligning his cock, he kisses me on my lips and begins moving down to my neck and chest. He focuses on my nipples for a while, biting them as I jerk at the small bite of pain. He continues to move down my body as I begin riving under him. I don't know how much longer I can take this teasing. Finally he reaches his destination and begins kissing my thighs.

"Max, please." I beg and hear him moan.

A second later I nearly launch myself off the bed with the immense pleasure of his tongue on me. Max pulls my legs back to him as I attempt to scoot away from the amazing feeling.

"Fuck. Max. I. I'm going to come." My orgasm meets me seconds later as I come all over his tongue.

Before I could even come down from the high, Max matches us up and pushes himself right into me. I scream out at the sensation of once again being filled by this man. Max stops as soon as he hears me and looks down at me with worry.

"Fuck babe, did I hurt you?" I shake my head and caress his cheek. Max always put me first in and out of the bedroom.

"No, it's just been a while."

Max smiles then begins to thrust in and out. I've just come but I can already feel my walls tightening around him. I pull his head down and my lips find his in a flurry. He automatically speeds up as his tongue finds mine.

"Fuck babe, need you to go again darlin, can't wait any longer."

"Max."

"Come now Shawna." At his words I come all over his cock and seconds later he joins me.

We lie there, attempting to catch our breath. Max pulls out and I immediately feel his cum dripping down my thighs. Shit. We weren't careful.

"Shit. We forgot to use a condom." Max says as if reading my mind.

"I'm on the pill." I tell him, not mentioning that I never stopped using it even after we broke up. I used it because of heavy periods but he doesn't need to know that. "And I'm clean."

"Me too. Obviously not the first part, but I'm clean." I laugh and he joins me. "No one since you Shawna."

I look to him with shock. Max moves over to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and then comes back in bed with me and covers up with the blankets. I turn to him as we snuggle and tell him what I think he needs to hear in the moment,

"It's only ever been you Max." I'm not sure if he understands what I'm saying but a moment later I drift off to sleep on his chest praying in my sleep that this all ends without my heart being broken.