We Are Nothing

This morning is quite bright when compared to yesterday which was shrouded in dark clouds all day, or commonly called cloudy weather. The perfect day to start the day like work for example.

And here Zulfa, seeing Farel who was wearing his work coat, wanted to go to work this morning. The man seemed to have difficulty buttoning the top of the shirt, seemed stiff considering Farel who likes to buy new work shirts every week.

"Can I help you, Farel?" Zulfa offered help in a slightly hesitant tone. The reason, they have a bad relationship considering the cold nature of her husband.

She was also a little hesitant to offer help, but was that possible? She will always be a wife who helps her husband's activities. She just wants to be the best, and learn to be the best. That's all, she doesn't ask for things like luxury items or going to the salon every week.

Farel glanced at Zulfa with a deadly gaze, with very sharp eyes staring at Zulfa. "Not needed," he said modestly and managed to button his shirt neatly and correctly. According to him, he doesn't need a wife like Zulfa at all.

Zulfa sighed, Farel had always been very cold since the beginning of the marriage. She had tried countless times to come to terms with the situation, but the man always acted as if she was against her actions.

"What kind of food do you want to make later?" Zulfa asked trying to change the topic. She was always at a loss for words if Farel had rejected all her struggles so easily and without the slightest heart. She was also not sure to offer the menu that she had to cook for this handsome man with a very authoritative stature.

How lucky she was to have such a handsome husband to look at. Unfortunately, the man's heart was too frozen to marry her.

Farel is now looking at the tie that has been successfully attached to his collar neatly made by his own hands, he just shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't care to answer Zulfa's question. "What for? I don't eat someone's strange cooking, something like poison might be in it," he said very calmly as if what he said had no bearing on the day of a woman who had done everything in her power to liven up the atmosphere of their marriage.

Not important. It was a fitting description to show Zulfa. Even if it was important, Farel never wanted to take any interest in that woman. A waste of time and energy, he thought.

Zulfa's chest tightened at Farel's very emotionless words. Why did the man seem to reject her presence so much? She just wanted to devote her entire life to being filial to her husband, why was it so difficult?

Is Zulfa that bad in Farel's eyes? To the extent that no method works to make her husband happy. It seemed that she wanted to ask God to give herself the breadth of patience and also a way out of her troubles this time.

"I am your wife, Farel," Zulfa whispered with her breath caught in her throat. She held back the clear crystals on her eyelids from falling. After all, she couldn't look weak. This is just the beginning of the marriage, shouldn't she feel many times happier?

"And I'm not your husband, Fa. Please understand." Farel denied with an increasingly sharp gaze, without any expression. He hated being in a situation like this. He becomes seen as a person who is very guilty for bringing a bitter fate into his life. Zulfa's presence wasn't even something he expected, and he would never want to be around such a woman for any reason.

Zulfa smiled bitterly. This fact had stabbed her several times and left a very deep wound. Even her marriage to Farel, which was not even ten days old, was already this heavy and painful. Surrender? That's not Zulfa's character. She always obeyed the commandment in Islam to maintain a marriage, once in her life.

It did sound stupid because she had desperately maintained a relationship that fell into this 'toxic marriage' category. But what can she do? There is not any. Everything she would do to have a little space in that man's life.

"Oh yeah, will you accompany me shopping later, Farel? Looks like the kitchen needs for this week are running out." Zulfa said still trying to melt the ice cubes that were now in front of her. She swallowed her saliva with difficulty, gosh Farel is handsome and smells masculine!

She had failed to focus on imagining the handsome of God's creation that managed to become her legally in the eyes of law and religion. Unfortunately, Farel's heart of stone is unwavering to maintain a relationship with his wife.

Farel took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. "How many times have I told you I have a girlfriend? I don't want my girlfriend to be jealous of a woman like you." he still has a straight face. To be honest, he was very annoyed with Zulfa for forcing himself to love her.

Zulfa gave Farel a pleading look. "But Farel, just a moment. Is it that hard to make time for me?" She asked with her already misty eyes. It is undeniable, she wants to be accompanied by monthly shopping with her husband. Ah indeed she always wanted simple little things but none of them ever materialized.

"Yes, because you are nothing to me, Fa," Farel said coldly, his eyes getting sharper. He didn't care that his words would sound so hurtful to Zulfa. He just didn't want to cultivate the feelings the woman had for him. Causes excessive expectations, and makes women later feel misunderstood if given a sweet nature by him.

Wicked? Probably not. This is a form of assertiveness as a man, that's all. He didn't want to make other women hope for more certainty that of course, he would never reciprocate those feelings.

Zulfa's chest tightened. "But Farel--"

Farel took the suitcase beside Zulfa. He revealed the woman's face intensely. "You're much better off silent than like this." He cut off Zulfa's words that had not yet come out of her mouth.

"But, Farel--"

"Again, we are nothing."

Again and again, Farel interrupted Zulfa's words, as if not giving the woman a chance to say what she wanted to say at this time. There was no chance of getting an answer to what had become restless in the woman's heart.

Sick, sick, and sick...

That's how Zulfa feels right now. The marriage she had previously imagined was perfect when compared to her current one. Bearing the title of a Brahmana family is certainly a matter of pride for her, the material she has achieved so far has been fulfilled. Everything is luxurious. But not with heart, what is all this luxury for if Farel doesn't care about her existence?

"But--"

"Later I want to eat out with my girlfriend." Farel interrupted Zulfa's words for the third time. He just wanted to get off the topic that this conversation didn't need to be extended.

Her chest was getting tighter hearing that, Farel chose his lover over herself. Pathetic. No matter what, she always seemed to be trying to budge.

"Don't come home late at night, Farel," Zulfa muttered with a small smile. She now felt better than when she came there vaguely from discussing similar things every day. Maybe she should take fate slowly.

Farel just raised an eyebrow feeling uncomfortable with Zulfa's words just now, then without saying anything else, he immediately left the room and left the woman alone who displayed a bitter smile. He just doesn't like it when Zulfa talks about unimportant things. Ah, indeed that woman is not important to him.

Zulfa squeezed the hem of her shirt, holding back the tightness in her chest that was getting worse. She covered her face with her palms. And finally, she cried in silence which was her most powerful mainstay. Everything just feels like that. No, she hasn't been destroyed. It will still last. It was painful at first, but who knows after that she will feel happy, right?

Hopefully, that's all she can do.

This is all just the beginning of thousands of stories about Zulfa and Farel. She would never let what had become destiny go to waste.

Yes, Zulfa hopes so too.

Farel's every word was able to pierce her heart very deeply. She's not a weak girl, but how do you feel when your husband says that? Will you accept? Aren't you going to cry?

"What for? I don't eat someone's strange cooking, something like poison might be in it."

"And I'm not your husband, Fa. Please understand."

"How many times have I told you I have a girlfriend? I don't want my girlfriend to be jealous of a woman like you."

"Again, we are nothing."

Those hurtful words from Farel kept replaying in her mind. Strong, not strong, she will wear an invisible layer of mask. She is very good at lying to other people. Because according to her, the issue of marriage is a matter of privacy. Whatever the situation, it must be resolved with both parties concerned.

However, what can Zulfa do? Her marriage was very confusing.

This matchmaking is only because of inheritance. Her life may soon be full of twists and turns that strangle the cavity of the heart. Perhaps after this, she would truly become a very strong woman.

She only knows if her soul mate has been arranged by God. But what kind of obstacle she would face, she had absolutely no idea.

There is not anything.

...

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