I stopped the meds but I began the nightmare

Once I dedicated myself to the choice I realized there was no going back it took a full 48 hours for my system to fully detox months and years of medication but little did I know the path to the detox was volatile and deathly to others. It caused alot of problems and I had read that those that took meds for the amount of time I did normally took 7-14 days to detox depending on length of usage and so for me to detox in 48 hours was phenomenal. the more I learned the more I had cause to believe what I read so I read that book front back and forward and even reached out to the author to find out more but had heard he had died rather gruesomely not to long ago and that the management company publicating his work was only doing so for his family to retain support profit wise. I then realized if I wanted to know I'd have to wait and see I kept an eye out for the various different signs he mentioned and the differences between holly wood fiction and actual facts of our kind and that which others have surmised of us and what actually is. As my system was cleared of the medication and it's years of effects i felt better than I had ever felt. I took heed and started out slow in P.E just so it wouldn't seem abnormal when I displayed, abnormal to my former health crisis, behaviors and health that was far better than before and then pushed forward far faster once safe. as my body started back up to what it was I began noticing the small signs almost the same as hitting puberty at 10. it started with the strength stamina and speed and reflexes. then it moved to the senses getting acute and finally the insatiable urge that was unsatisfiable and indescribable and completely off the wall rage response. before long I even noticed the urge to randomly piss when I smelled something I didn't like. my body odor coming off me even changed. I never owned a dog but kids complained that I smelled of wet dog. other dogs pissing gave me a compulsive urge to piss over their piss and I couldn't deprive my hunger for raw flesh. before blood and gore made me squimish then all of sudden it now excited me and beckoned to something deep and dark inside me. the nightmares started right back up again but this time I awoke knowing I was a monster in these dreams I'm running from myself whose a monster to face my father at a fire as he makes me face myself and realize I was unable to run from myself. I didn't know if it meant I was supposed to accept myself but the truth of a saying I had read rang true in regards to my now new life. by day the monster lives within the man and by night the man lives within the monster but neither lives very far apart. we were two halves of a whole but I continued to treat the beast separately hoping to cure it or dissect it from within me. I consistently was battling myself and anyone I told thought me crazy. I gave up and lived life with the best attempts I could as I made friends with many and things started going good for a few months that's when the sign I was really watching for happened. my best friend was asked out by the chick I was pining for and we were arguing but my anger got to far to fast and triggered me and my fist went through a steel locker. as I tried to walk away I hadn't thought the words I had said carelessly were fighting words to my friend as I walked and he didn't. he pushed and pushed and I told him to walk away that I couldn't and I wasn't sure what would happen to him if he didn't. he swung at me and it was like he was moving in slow motion but my rage wasn't it tore through and as I grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back forcing him to his knees I blacked out. I was told later after I forced him to his knees it was like I was a different person as I then slammed his head straight through the steel lockers following suit of some primal urge and character warping my features and something within me. when I stepped back I knew what I had done and looking at him and all the witnesses knew It wasn't crazy or insane just humanly impossible to do for I had killed him repeatedly smashing his head through a steel locker. I was bound in cuffs and escorted to the mental hospital cause I played frantic and said I was a lycan to help me. my grand parents knew nothing. they thought they had delt with me slipping the meds in my food and drink. I wasn't done yet though and once the beast was awakened it would require a larger dose than before to subdue it and they didn't know that. one night I learned that though as I went to bed and laid down it happened the final stages of the change. I was starting to feel extremely warm inside and out and begged for them to turn the AC to 65 once there I was still hot though and eventually fell asleep but It kept going. my face itched and hurt like sore or stiff muscles stretching and I was itchy really bad in certain areas and it felt like my skin was too tight and I was strangling myself I started to dig till the skin ripped away to the hairy figure under neath. I got up and ran to the mirror seeing the flesh hanging in shreds from my clawed fingers and off my body like old clothes and looked in the mirror stumbling backwards and as I looked, I lunged at myself. instead of a scream a roar came out bellowing through the building all I heard as my ears pricked to the sounds was that of the staff who was issuing a lock down for me. they said the meds weren't working and I'd need to be put down. a part of me wanted to be primal and animalistic but I retained control and acted smartly which wasn't normal to my kind apparently and showed as being of alpha strength. I moved behind the door then ripped the attendants apart once they came in. I shoved my claws in the stomach of one feeling the wet gooey blood and organs ripe for the picking as the walls painted themselves with it's contextual color. I ripped the man in half and went after the other.i snapped his neck in two feeling the soft skin under my tongue and teeth as I ripped his throat out blood stuck to my fur and rolling down my face as I looked in the mirror it seemed, with my monstrous face I was staring at, I guess what was to be a smile on my face like this was enjoyable. I howled and then tore through the window ripping metal bars in a screeching ear splitting scream in a skin flaying type of sound the glass hit the pavement outside jingling like windchimes in the rain as cuts rapidly healed over my body. I took off into the night headed back to God knew where as the hunger got to much despite my room having been the intended destination to arrange other ocommodations. I awoke laying in bed but I was immaculate and didn't remember taking a shower didn't notice the dirt on the sheets but the scars from the glass rang my memory alive as in my head I stared in the mirror at the beast. I was a monster and they didn't tell me. the drugs we're an alternative medicine for the disease in my system. I grabbed up the book and looked for his other works and found an auction in south Dakota was selling them in a week and decided to go get them. I needed to know more and I needed to know now. I jacked my neighbors unregistered vehicle he had rebuilt and I started my journey. I stopped at a gas station and went inside when I was coming out the bathroom there was cops at the car and I panicked and went out the back door of the store. I had figured he'd call the cops and that they wouldn't catch up to me not before i made it across the border anyways. I was so preoccupied by the thought that I didn't see the guy till I was slammed against the wall. a mean old biker bloke that brought dread in me as he said words I couldn't believe "I was sent to beat you for stealing that car from it's owner. he says give his regards and to tell me where you wish to be buried." I knew I couldn't change during the day due to my body being sensitive to light and that it could kill me but I couldn't stop myself from trying. he swung and his jaw connected with my face turning it away from him as waves of nausea rolled through me temporarily taking my vision with. I turned to look at him and he stalled before swinging again and that's when I heard the deep growl roll like thunder from me. he swung anyways and I grabbed him with a clawed hand and then slammed my fist straight through him. blood sprayed my face and the grounds as I managed to then start tearing him to shreds. the rage clouded my mind and vision as I tore him apart limb from limb the screams barely registered with me before I heard gunshots. next thing I know I felt searing burns all over me as the bullets tore through me I turned and looked at the cop and seen in the reflection of his eyes that I had full shifted and couldn't remember what it felt like or even that I had and ran towards him fast grabbed him by the throat and with the other arm ripped him in half. I heard distance sirens and moved to take off not turning back. I moved fast on foot faster than a human the wind ripping across my fur as I alternated between running on two and running on four legs. I eventually wore out my mind unable to keep up with my body and as I slept I awoke to begin my nightmare of a life. the news at the motel I awoke in told the story of what was described as a massacre. seeing it gave reason to my fear of myself which was justified enough for me to say I'd never lose control again I'd find a cure or a way to control it. from the study in that book I understood that many of our kind lose themselves to the mindless instincts of beastial behaviors which was what gave way to cause the unafflicted to believe we one change at night and only during the full moon. those myths and rumours were actually not true. as I read through the book I had found in the library I learned that how lycans came to be was from a human with a genetic disorder making him immune to diseases and when he caught lupus from a dead wolf he had found and decided to eat his body mutated the disease. they started calling it the lupine parvovirus because they could spread it like a virus through blood spit or even other bodily fluids. the virus was very empowering so much so anyone not killed by a fatal blow that a normal person can't arise from would arise from the dead but wouldn't be a Lycan they call them vardalaks. lycans were born not made the virus couldn't be administered through any means cause back then when they first came to be there was no methods that didn't end in death for the victim. now they extract it through blood no need for a lycan to be shifted and bite them which is fatal. no we have lycans we call blooded they aren't as strong as those born and less likely to give their children get the gene for the virus but they increase our populations considering vardalaks had started to rise up attacking us. only the oldest and strongest of our kind can control themselves during their shift and shift during the daytime with minimal effects to them. it normally takes a lycan to be in their 40s before they can shift during the day time. I thought about that and the fact I wasn't shifting for long and already I could do it during the day with minimal effect on me. I read into alot from this book such as their was one type of born lycan born from a vardalak having children that was possible and strong. it was a slim but possible chance that the virus that mutates them into an unshifted walking dead mutates itself genetically back to the original virus that brought the vardalak back. there was a few requisites though first the vardalak had to be at least a hundred years old in his new birth as undead second he'd have to had sex with a human multiple times and cause they were animalistic in base urges such as mating and feeding due to the virus that wasn't possible except through sperm donation cause they would tap it and run and finally third if the other parent was a lycan the first two requisites could be null and void and the child would be born shifting from birth cause the virus is far stronger in the child. I wanted to learn more the more I read that book I also wanted to know my heritage I knew my mother wasn't a lycan and I didn't really know my father he left not long after I was born. my heritage though wasn't as important as knowing about my kind and why my mother just let me think I was insane and uncontrollable and a danger. maybe she knew maybe she didn't sometimes I wondered if she wanted to believe it or not if she did. I didn't know and it wasn't at the top of my list after I took off from the hospital I do stop and I didn't find out. I needed the rest of that authors books. my next stop after my fiasco was Oklahoma City. there I was asleep on a bench when a stranger woke me. " where you from son?" "around" " where you headed?" "south Dakota" the stranger pondered me then he said "here you'll need this and be careful where you sleep or you'll be behind bars." he tossed me keys and left. I thought he was crazy till I seen the Harley they belonged to and something about the bike sang with the animal in me like my blood was the bikes blood and vice versa. the trip truly was to begin now and I needed to go. I started my trek with the bike and as I was getting to the northern oklahoma border I got pulled over and I knew that was the end.