Chapter 153 - Words of Comfort

"You think keeping it yourself would help?"

Neana called him out.

In fact, she had long decided to do such a thing when the opportunity presented itself. Based on what Oliver had told her before, Rynold wasn't one to talk about his problems. Unless that is, he was prompted by a question.

That explicitly meant that Rynold wasn't a person who shares. He was blunt, sure, but sharing personal thoughts weren't Rynold's strong suit. He would generally say what's on his mind. But, when it comes to problems, he always felt the need to keep it to himself.

However, Neana didn't want that for him.

The girl cared for Rynold — something that Oliver warned her to be wary of. He was experienced in dealing with Rynold. Experience that had taught him to leave Rynold alone.

Still, Neana didn't seem to take much heed in these warnings. Even though Oliver had described the possible consequences in excruciating detail, Neana didn't waver.

"Well, since you asked me that, I'm compelled to say no, right? But, yeah... I'd rather keep it to myself."

Rynold, on the other hand, didn't want to say anything.

More often than not, he would find comfort in his own thoughts rather than sharing them with someone else. Case in point, even with the Emissary of Order, he didn't really share much about what the hell he was going through.

So, what the hell does he do now?

Neana didn't seem like she would leave anytime soon. The look on her face changed as soon as Rynold had answered.

"Look," Rynold quickly added, "Whatever happened out there, I have to be the one responsible for it. I'm the one who's out there, so you shouldn't have to worry about it."

From Rynold's perspective, that was a fair explanation.

It might be a little one-sided, sure, but Rynold didn't really want Neana to worry about him. He'd much rather process the thoughts in his head by himself. In doing so, nobody apart from him would have to know about it.

Anger and frustration started to surface in Neana's heart, but she quickly quenched those emotions.

When Rynold was away, she had often thought of how to approach this. That being said, Neana already expected some resistance from Rynold. It was something that she had to remind herself of and to be patient when it comes to dealing with this situation.

Getting angry would only give Rynold the confirmation he needed to keep it to himself.

"It doesn't work well."

Neana finally said something after the expression on her face softened. But, what she said surprised Rynold.

"What do you mean?"

Rynold quickly asked, curious to see as to what she had meant.

"The whole acting tough and keeping it yourself thing. That whole facade doesn't really end well. Trust me on that."

This was the first time Rynold had seen Neana so vulnerable. Her eyes seemed to be full of regret. It was the first time Neana ever showed something like this to him.

Throughout the time that the two had spent together, Rynold never really asked where Neana came from. And, unsurprisingly, Neana never asked Rynold the same thing.

The two had gotten to know each other for who they were, rarely mentioning their background. It was just that the personalities of the two had gotten along together so well.

"I'm surprised that you feel that way. We haven't really known each other for that long, but you've never mentioned anything."

"I didn't want to talk about it because it was in the past. But, it still haunts me to this day..."

Neana trailed off. She didn't finish her thought, but the look on her face expressed severe grief. Whatever did happen back then, Rynold knew it wasn't sensible to ask.

"Okay. I'll talk."

Rynold felt guilty. Right in front of him was a beautiful girl that really cared about him. Even though he actually didn't want to say anything, having her relive some traumatic experience was much worse.

"People died."

But then again, Rynold was never really great at monologues.

Immediately after starting with those two words, Neana stared directly at Rynold. Her expression changed from grief to utter shock because of how Rynold had phrased it.

"I uh...," Rynold bumbled his words, "Whatever happened out there, I don't really know how to deal with it. There were so many things that happened way too fast, and I couldn't do anything to stop it."

Laying his head on the pillow, Rynold closed his eyes as he slowly relived what had happened.

"There were people. Thousands of them. Almost all of them died. And... I couldn't do anything to stop that from happening. I know that I shouldn't blame myself for what happened. And, yes, I did what I could. But... what the hell could've been when I moved a second faster? If I were just a little bit stronger.

"This...," Rynold opened his eyes and looked at the bandages wrapped around his body, "None of this would've happened."

Rynold wasn't an idiot. He knew as much that he did what he could've done, and he couldn't really go back and change anything.

But, his heart couldn't help but ache at the possibility of being better.

Time and time again, Rynold reminded himself that he was no hero, that he was no powerful being that could've saved millions with a snap of his fingers.

No, he was human. The pain that he was feeling right now. All the guilt and frustration weighed heavily on his shoulders. It all made him feel every inch of his humanity.

Without meaning to, Rynold let out a heavy sigh.

"I uh... I...," Rynold was speechless as to what to say next. So, he spoke the first words that popped into his head.

"I'm sorry," he said with a rather guilty and miserable tone.

Neana's eyes widened as Rynold's closed.

She didn't really have any expectations as to what Rynold could have said before this conversation. All Neana knew was that she wanted to be around Rynold for whatever might happen.

Clearly, the gravity of Rynold's emotional state was nowhere near what she could've thought.

"Why apologize?" she said with a rather unsure tone to her voice.

"I don't know," Rynold snickered slightly, "I guess it's just hard to justify all that happened."

The sight of the corpse in his hands popped into his head. The corpse that he had come across and buried. Rynold remembered holding it with excruciatingly painful detail.

As Neana stared at Rynold, eyes unblinking, she noticed Rynold tensed up as he relived that moment. It felt everlasting for him, only to stop as soon as Neana grabbed Rynold's hand with both of hers.

The two locked eyes as Neana opened her mouth and spoke honestly.

"I have no idea what you went through. So, anything that I say might be completely baseless. But... whatever did happen out there, you shouldn't be the one justifying it."

Rynold was surprised by the answer and raised an eyebrow.

"You're right," Neana continued, "The things that happened out there wasn't your fault. And, I get that you wish you could've done more. But you shouldn't be the one who has to make sense out of all the things that happened. You-"

Before Neana could finish her thought, Rynold smiled. He wanted to laugh but opted to hold back on it. Truthfully, Rynold was quite glad.

"What's wrong?" Neana asked, worried that she might've said something offensive.

"Nothing, nothing. I just thought that you, holding my hand and speaking your mind, is actually a nice change of pace. So... thanks."

Rynold told the truth. Well, half of it.

What actually made Rynold smile was the way how Neana treated him. It was still the same as before, sure, but, at the very least, there were no signs of sympathy. Even with Rynold's current sorry state, Neana didn't treat him any differently.

She basically treated him like how he usually was. In fact, Neana might have gotten slightly more outspoken towards him.

Neana, though, didn't know what to say. Her face suddenly flushed in a slight tone of red. She was confused and embarrassed at the same time.

Immediately letting go of Rynold's hand and turning her gaze away, Neana cleared her throat.

"As I was saying... You shouldn't feel the need to explain everything that happened. You're not the one responsible for the series of events that did happen. If anything, you were as much a victim as everyone else. The only difference is, you have to live with it."

Finishing her thought, Neana's gaze seemed to have spaced out. It was as if she herself knew what she was saying from experience. Perhaps, one event that seemingly shaped how she came to as a person.

"That...," Rynold spoke as he struggled to sit up. "That's a harsh way of looking at things, don't you think?"

As of this moment, Rynold's feelings of frustration changed to compassion. Whatever Neana had gone through, Rynold felt compelled to do something about it.

"I... guess it is," Neana's face eased up slightly as she faced Rynold.

Without thinking, Rynold slowly raised his injured arm. His movements were slow and awkward, but his hand soon made its way to Neana's head. He placed the weight of his hand on her head and patted ever so lightly.

"Thanks," Rynold said with a smile on his face.

"Not everyone has the guts to say things like that. I appreciate it. Really, you don't know how much this means to me. Being honest and speaking openly takes a lot more than people might think. And, I'm honestly grateful that you're able to do that with me."

The pain that seemed to haunt his every movement eased up a bit. Thanks to Neana's help, Rynold felt slightly better.

Rynold felt that Neana brightened the room whenever she was in it.

Neana embraced the warm feeling from Rynold's hand as she stared back at Rynold. Her expression remained blank but, this time around, it was because of Rynold's response.

She never expected her haphazard response to be so well-received. Naturally, she was glad that Rynold had been so understanding.

Seeing Neana's expression turn into one of happiness, Rynold let down his hand. The two smiled at each other as Rynold eased himself back into lying down.

"I'll uh... stay here for a little while. If that's okay with you..."

"I don't really mind. So, by all means."

The two continued to converse as they got to know each other a little better than before. The relationship between each other gradually grew with each word they said to one another.

Meanwhile, Oliver's expression didn't seem to relax as he and Leo went up the Tree.

Considering the path that they were using, Leo determined that they were going to the Library. As to what they were going to do there, however, was a mystery.

"We're here."

The tone of Oliver's voice was maddeningly consistent. It never seemed to lighten up as he spoke. Clearly, the guy was still upset at Leo.

Getting off the Floating Platform, the two went into the Library without knocking. As soon as they went in, they were greeted by the sight of Margareth and Lissa, both of which were minding their own business.

"We're back."

Oliver announced their arrival with a simple remark, to which Lissa's face immediately lighted up as soon as she saw her older brother. Following this, Oliver approached Margareth to discuss what had happened.

"So, you don't really know what happened?"

Oliver asked Leo as soon as he explained things from his perspective. Margareth had heard both his and Lissa's explanation. Unfortunately, despite all that information, there were still massive gaps in the overall story.

"It seems that we have to wait until the Lord recovers."

Margareth had been keen in managing affairs of the Tree of In-Between. During Rynold's absence, there really wasn't much that happened. Things only started ramping up when Lissa had appeared.