Chapter 7: Ch7: Settling In

AN: As always, reviewer replies before we get started! :D

An Old Crow:Once again, so glad that you're still enjoying and thank you so much for your kind praise. Were you able to beat back the vermintide? I certainly hope it was fun. :) Yes having Natsu mispronounce Virgo's name was intentional as it was one of his quirks that I found somewhat amusing early on in the series that he mispronounced new names. So Virgo = Birdo. Reliability is something I'm trying very hard to make a consistent trait of this story, and if I'm successful with my new method then I'll likely be applying it to several of my other stories which have unfortunately been ah...erm...well there's no easy way to say it, they've gone dormant. I've got like a dozen Naruto fics which each have great things planned for them, but I can't write once my inspiration withers, and that's put a stopper on all but one of them, and even that one's suffering a bit right now. Don't even get me started on how hard it is to write a good One Piece story... Thankfully though, this one will most likely not be suffering that problem. I can't say much about next year, but through the end of this year I'm quite certain I'll be able to keep to my weekly update schedule. :D

Reptil:I have not yet decided on future tenants, barring one whose identity I expect to be quite a significant surprise that I'm very much looking forward to springing. If anyone has any suggestions for other tenants, I'd be happy to hear them. Feedback is like a mana potion for a writer, the more I get, the more magic I can make happen. :D

me (anonymous reader): I'm glad you're enjoying and planning to continue. I wouldn't call it a "harem" per se, although it could likely be construed that way. Jerry will have quite a lot of love interests but that's just because there are so many lovable ladies in Fairy Tail, and you better believe I'm gonna be juggling Ship Teases for every single one of them, just because I can! Mwahahaha! (clears throat) In all seriousness, once Jerry actually gets into a solid pairing, he'll hold on to her like she's his lifeline, and the only way he'll ever let go is if tragedy strikes and something happens to her *coughDEADcough* and that would utterly destroy him, so it would be a while before he could even consider falling in love again. As for my updating schedule, yes, I update every Friday unless there's a holiday on Thursday, in which case I will do a holiday special that Thursday.

GrayWolfDen:You need morrree? THEN MORE YOU SHALL HAVE! ON WITH THE SHOW! :D

Chapter 7 – Settling In

After I woke up to Mira and Lucy giggling, the three of us went out furniture shopping. Thankfully Mira knew a shop and quickly led us there. The shop keeper greeted us warmly and quickly began to show us around.

Lucy gravitated towards the mahogany furniture, and immediately backed away like it was a poisonous snake when she noticed the price tag. I went straight to the cherry. Cherry reminded me of home, everything in my family's home had been a nice dark reddish cherry. It was also I noticed after a quick glance around, the cheapest wood there aside from pine. The owner explained that about half the forest around Magnolia was cherry trees, and the other majority was pine. Since they were easy to come by, they were much cheaper than the mahogany which had to be shipped from the other side of the kingdom and was extremely hard to get on top of that. Lucy immediately moved over to the pine furniture and started looking through it, much more pleased with the price tags there, although she still balked a little over the price of a three piece bedroom combo.

She bought it anyway though, a dresser, bed (mattress included thankfully) and writing desk. She also bought a table and chairs and called it good since her apartment had come with a stove and refrigerator. I had been a little surprised to learn that they had refrigerators there until Mira explained that they ran on temperature regulating lacrima, the same way a lot of stoves and heaters did actually.

I bought a chest of drawers, a bookshelf, and a bed (again, mattress included), as well as a small table for the kitchen that I'd probably never sit at, two chairs, a couch, coffee table and a little stand for in case I found or figured out how to make a TV (I very much intended to try). After explaining the concept of a TV to Mira and Lucy they realized I was talking about a lacrima-vision (what a convenient name too), which was sold right down the street or could be simply made if I could lay hands on a decently sized lacrima. I shouldn't have been surprised, the existence of magic ovens and refrigerators should've been a giveaway, but…(shrug) who knew?

So after moseying down to the lacrima store and getting myself a decent little lacrima-vision, Mira headed back to the Guild Hall to make sure everything had gone smoothly while she was out, and Lucy and I toted our furniture home using my cards to form a little train of floating wagons behind us. It was a little heavy, but I had carried much heavier things. It didn't take long to get everything moved in and set up. We slid over to the market and went home with a lot of towels and sheets.

By the time we made it back to our shared building, the sun was on its way down and we were both quite tuckered out. It wasn't until our stomachs growled at us that we realized neither of us had eaten all day and we hadn't bothered to purchase any food. I looked at Lucy, "I haven't eaten since last night. Have you?"

Lucy made a face as I fished for my key, "I ate a little breakfast, but I haven't had anything since…" Then she looked at the armful of sheets and towels in her hands and sighed, "I really need to take a job soon, this totally wiped me out…"

I unlocked the door and pushed it open, quickly switching keys and opening the door into my apartment, "Well go on and set your stuff down. I've still got more than a plenty to buy us some dinner."

"What?" Lucy asked in confusion, "But…aren't you and Mira…?"

"Friends?" I replied, "Yes we are. As are you. Friends don't let each other go hungry."

Lucy looked a little guilty about accepting and then her stomach almost roared at her. I smiled gently as she blushed in embarrassment, "Lucy, it's fine. I'm a young bachelor with a fair deal of money. It is perfectly natural and fine for me to spend that on a beautiful young woman. In fact, it's something I don't do often enough, so please, let me buy you dinner."

Lucy blinked and then her blush intensified, "Wait, are you…asking me on a date?"

"Only if you want it to be. It can just as easily be merely two friends having dinner," I replied with a smile before turning and tossing the towels and sheets at the couch like a ball, "Alley-oop!" I turned back to her a hand extended with my smile unwavering, "So, dinner?"

Lucy's blush faded as a smile spread across her face, "Let me throw these into my apartment. I'll be right back."

I half wondered if she thought I wouldn't notice the fresh coat of lipstick and the way she'd quickly done her hair up when she came back down the stairs. The other half wondered and hoped it was for me because she looked extra cute like that. We stepped out and I locked the door behind us. We made our way down the street hunting a restaurant and wound up wandering through town for nearly an hour. After a while we were both tired, and a bit frustrated and hungry too.

We had walked in silence for several minutes and then I paused and sighed, "Well, this is taking longer than I expected." I looked over at Lucy who was still looking extremely cute even as she shot me a weary glance. I sighed through my nose, Eh what the hell… "You wanna make out? We might as well sate at least one appetite."

Lucy immediately froze, turned as pink as Natsu's hair and her neon blush faintly glowed in the moonlight as she stared at me in shock. I smiled wanly and went to walk on, "Sorry, that was probably a bit too forward of me…My brain-to-mouth filter doesn't work so well when I'm hungry."

Then Lucy caught my sleeve and said quietly, "I didn't say I didn't want to."

We both started off a little awkward, it wasn't the best lighting, and neither of us had much of any experience. We both gave it our best though and pretty quickly we hit our stride. We might've gone farther than what rapidly became some extremely hot kisses, but we were interrupted by my stomach growling. I wanted to ignore it, but then Lucy's growled right back. We both grimaced. Lucy rested her head on my shoulder with a sigh, "I'm so hungry…"

Then something occurred to me, "Hang on, lemme try something." I reached out with my Archive's telepathy, "Okay, looks like every restaurant in town is closed, but," I added with a grin, "the Guild Hall is still open and serving. I guess it's the happenin' place in Magnolia after sundown." We quickly stepped out of the dark little alley we'd ducked into and headed for the Guild Hall.

About fifteen minutes later, we pushed through the doors to find what seemed like half the guild chanting for either Natsu or Gray. Natsu and Gray were sitting at the table glaring daggers at each other.

Lucy quickly caught Cana and asked what was going on. "Oh that?" she laughed, "Master didn't want them wrecking the place so late in the day, so he and Mira set up a contest. They're gonna have an eating contest. The hottest curry Mira can make for Gray and ice cream for Natsu. See which of them gives up on eating their opponent's element first."

By then though, I was already at the table. I was sold from the moment I heard 'eating contest', "FEED ME!"

"AW MAN, YOU'RE GETTIN' IN ON IT TOO JERRY?!" Natsu exclaimed excitedly. Gray declared that I was going down. I laughed and declared that I'd take them both on, hit me with everything.

Everyone laughed.

Then the first round came out and I inhaled both my dishes before Natsu and Gray had their third spoonfuls. I tilted back my head and just poured the contents of the bowls in. I must've instinctively used my transformation magic, because it was like something straight out of a cartoon. The trick was to mix the two and let them mitigate each other, just like how I later learned it was easier to fight Natsu and Gray while they were fighting each other. I set my bowls down and grinned at them smugly with my cheeks puffed out to the size of my head like a squirrel as they and everyone else gaped at me with identical expressions of shock and awe. I swallowed, "Don't just sit there, eat up. The food's great, can I have some more Mira?"

Mira set down another bowl of each and watched as I threw them back like shots of whiskey. Mira pouted at me as Natsu and Gray redoubled their efforts, "Are you even tasting the food?"

I swallowed and smiled, "Yes. It's extremely good. I do apologize for rushing my bowls, but it is a contest. May I have another round?" Mira thought about it and shot a meaningful glance at Master Makarov.

Master nodded, "Yes, but you must use a spoon so you don't outpace these two quite so badly." I grinned and replied that that was no problem, but that it wouldn't help 'em much. Mira brought me a fresh round and two spoons. My hands dissolved into blurs of motion turning the contents of the two bowls into a steady stream of food down my gullet. I almost started getting dizzy from switching from one to the other so quickly. "SO! FREAKING! GOOD!" I declared happily between mouthfuls.

In a matter of minutes, I'd cleaned those two bowls as well. It was then that I noticed a hush had fallen over the room. I blinked and realized Natsu and Gray both had their heads down on the table, each halfway through their second bowl. Steam was coiling out the corners of Gray's mouth and Natsu looked… kinda dead really.

Master strode across the table to stand between them and looked from one to the other, "Well boys, it's official." A mildly sadistic grin spread across his face, "You're both wimps. This contest is over! The winner is Jerry! Somebody take these two knuckleheads home! They'll have their punishment game in the morning!"

I tilted my head in surprise as Macao and Wakaba dragged Natsu and Gray out, "Punishment game?"

Makarov looked at me, "Have you never been through one before?"

I shrugged, "Not a thing where I'm from. Care to enlighten me?"

Makarov chuckled, "Well it's lucky you won then! You would've been in for a nasty shock otherwise. You see sometimes bets are made where the only real reward is ducking the consequences of losing. Those consequences are the punishment game. Natsu and Gray's bets usually involve such games because they like to laugh at each others' misfortune whenever they get the upper hand in their rivalry. Tomorrow's punishment game will be embarrassing for both of them since they both lost."

I quirked an eyebrow curiously with a mischievous smirk, "Whatcha gonna do to 'em?"

Makarov raised an eyebrow, "Me? But you're the winner. That means you get to decide their punishment."

I thought for a minute and then a wicked grin spread across my face, "Dunking booth?"

"Dunking booth?" Everyone chorused.

"You've never seen a dunking booth?!" I exclaimed, then my wicked grin returned, "Ohhh…you guys are gonna love this. I'll need some help to set it up though."

The next day truly was awful…for Natsu and Gray.

They were both wearing tutus, floaties and snorkels, and everyone in the guild got to take a turn at trying to dunk them in my giant evil vat of blue gloop. I couldn't make a suitable dunking mechanism, so instead everyone threw bags of feathers at them while they stood on a round log over the vat. Every time one lost his balance he'd start to fall, grab the other one and yank him in too, then on the off chance one managed to avoid getting dragged down with the other, they'd knock each other in when they tried to climb back up! Then they'd get all sticky and the feathers would stick to them until they looked like funky chickens. At least that was the idea.

Of course, being Natsu and Gray, they started fighting immediately and somehow wound up baking themselves into a giant loaf of chalky blue no-longer-gloop. The vat fell apart from the force of their (mostly Natsu's doing I think) explosion and left them sitting in what looked like a giant block of blue chalk. It took them a minute to realize what had happened, and then they exploded out of it. If I hadn't realized what was coming, I probably wouldn't have been able to get my Archive Screen Shield up and keep the entire guild hall from being turned as blue as them. As was, I crossed my arms and grinned as they realized they were blue, "Gents, ya done been smurfed."

Nobody knew what a smurf was, but they all knew what Natsu and Gray being turned blue was, so they all laughed anyway. Then Natsu and Gray started fighting when Gray blamed Natsu for knocking them in and it was back to business as usual.

…

…

The next day we took our first job as a team, Natsu, Lucy and me. The job? Hunt down and dismantle a rogue's guild that had set up shop near a nearby town and started terrorizing it. For 100,000 jewels each (the total reward was 300,000), I had no qualms about busting some heads. Makarov begged me and Lucy to keep Natsu from burning down the town when we accepted the job. Lucy and I agreed to do our best and then headed out to the town that had sent out the message for help.

It didn't take long to find the rogue's guild. Natsu had run one down in less than half an hour after we got off the train. I grinned as Natsu started threatening to burn the rogue guild's location out of the rogue in question, "Hang on Natsu, I got this." I grabbed the rogue's head and dove in with my Archive. A moment later, I knew way more than I wanted to about the Rogue's Guild called Red Ravens. I pulled my hands back in disgust and glared, "Natsu, forget burning this bastard for information, let's castrate him."

Natsu looked at me in surprise as I glared at the suddenly terrified scum bag, "You'll see when we get there, but I'm starting to wish we hadn't brought Lucy for this one." Lucy nervously asked what I was talking about. "They've been kidnapping girls to be their playthings, and they're looking to get into slave trading," I snarled as I started glowing angrily, "If it weren't for the fact that they've got hostages I'd ring their base in fire and blow the whole thing to Hell with them in it."

Lucy looked appropriately horrified. Natsu looked appropriately pissed. The pickpocket in Natsu's hand immediately caught a Fire Dragon Iron Fist to the face hard enough to crack his skull on the cobblestones. Lucy flinched and Natsu snarled, "Let's go."

I pulled Leo's key and swished it, "Open Gate of the Lion." Leo popped through and immediately took stock of the situation. He looked at the thoroughly concussed pickpocket, looked at us, "I'm guessing slave traders?"

"Wannabes," I growled, "We've got their location, could you take Lucy and go get the local division of the army? Natsu and I are about to go light those scumbags up."

Leo nodded, "Sure. I'll be able to sense your location through my key."

"Why do I have to go get the army?!" Lucy demanded, "I can fight too!"

I turned a hard look on her, "Because Lucy, if these pieces of shit get the drop on you and manage to separate us, they'll probably have you at gun point, naked and begging them to stop in less than five minutes." Lucy went ghostly pale and I hugged her, "Please, stay with Leo, summon Taurus and stay safe. Anything else, we'd bring you, but not this one okay?"

Lucy nodded and I stepped back to give her a reassuring smile, "We'll win Lucy. Get the army and have them ready to tote what's left of these sorry pricks to jail. If there's anything left, I intend to leave these bastards worse off than the ones we ran into in Hargeon." Lucy nodded and I turned to Leo, "Keep her safe and catch up as soon as you can." Leo and Lucy agreed and Natsu and I turned and took off at a run.

…

…

Natsu and I arrived at the Rogue's Guild's headquarters about fifteen minutes later. Happy was flying Natsu, and I was using one of my cards to sky surf. They'd set up shop in an abandoned chapel. Some part of me took offense to that. Add it to the list of reasons for them to burn in Hell, I snarled internally.

I'd come up with a plan on the way. Natsu wanted to charge right in and beat up everything in sight, but I persuaded him to let me evacuate the hostages and enact a pitfall trap to keep any of them from getting away.

When we arrived, I summoned Virgo. It gave me a small throbbing headache above my eyes but it was worth it, "Hey Virgo, how big of a hole can you make?"

Virgo tilted her head, "Pretty big." "Big enough to completely engulf that building down there?" Virgo glanced and nodded, "Yes I can do that." I smiled, "Good. I'm about to do a lot of teleporting to save the hostages they've got in there, and when I give the word, or if you see men start coming out of there, drop the whole building. Natsu, keep your guard up and when I've got all the hostages out, Virgo's gonna drop the building down the hole, and I want you to set it on fire. I know you want to bust some heads, but a simple Fire Dragon's Roar will be more than a plenty."

Natsu nodded, "Right." I closed my eyes and turned, searching with my Archive. In less than a minute I had a map of the entire area in my head with friendlies in white and shit-stains in red. Calculate trajectory…power levels…time consumed…I didn't open my eyes, I had to keep them shut to keep the map up. "Get ready…" I breathed as I extended my hand.

There was no real thought for the next thirty four seconds, in, out, in, out, in, out… When I had gotten the last one, I felt like my skull was about to explode from the strain, "VIRGO! NATSU! NOW!" I heard an almighty crash and then Natsu charged forward, "FIRE DRAGON…ROOOOOOOOAR!"

I felt Virgo dismiss herself as soon as the building collapsed into the massive hole that opened under it and the pressure in my head lessened considerably to about the range of a mere migraine. It was enough that I could crack an eye and squint through the pain. I grinned as I saw Natsu turn the pit into a maelstrom of flames. Natsu turned and walked back to me and I was surprised that he looked angry. "They're all gonna die now, you know that right?"

I grinned viciously, "Good. Serves 'em right. If you're having doubts, go check on the girls. I'll put out the flames in a minute since it's bothering you." It took me a second to amp my ethernano intake the way Precht's thesis had taught me, but once I did, the pounding headache faded almost immediately as energy raced back into my system. I rose to my feet and threw five cards out over the flaming pit. I tilted them and grew them so that they formed a giant fan. A few minutes of spinning later, the flames were sucked away into the sky and dispersed.

I strode over to the edge of the pit and nodded in satisfaction as I saw over two dozen flash fried bandits and rapists lying stunned and unconscious in the rubble down below, "And there's even bodies for the army to count. Perfect."

Lucy and Leo showed up about twenty minutes later with about twenty soldiers and a small crowd of townsfolk. After the girls had been given blankets and loaded into the back of a wagon for a ride back to town with the local doctor, ladders were brought and the thugs, some of whom were even still alive, were carted away. The mayor of the town and the head of the local guard thanked us and gave us the reward money.

…

…

We were halfway back to Magnolia before Natsu spoke, "I won't deny that they deserved it, but I didn't like doing that. Not like that. Fighting's one thing, that was…" he trailed off. Lucy was watching nervously from where she sat behind me on my flying card (walking that far was for Natsu and chumps). An uncomfortable silence had settled over us the instant we were away from the grateful townsfolk.

"A slaughter?" I supplied dryly.

Natsu glared at me and then turned his gaze back to the ground, "Yeah."

I sighed and thought for a moment, "Sorry Natsu. It was the most efficient and effective plan I could think of. If we had gone in guns blazing and busting heads, then some of the hostages could've been caught in the crossfire, or used as human shields, or some of the targets might've escaped. The pitfall would've been sufficient to trap them, but then the guards could've been captured and used as hostages when they went to retrieve them, and then it would've been back to square one. We had to put them down and put them down hard or it could've gone very wrong, very quickly. For the record, I am quite satisfied with how the plan turned out."

Natsu looked up at me with a hard, searching look, "You are one cold dude, you know it?"

"Actually," I said quietly, "right then? I was pretty fired up. Trust me, I wanted to beat the hell out of them too." I crossed my arms and sat back with a sigh, "If it makes you feel any better about it, think about those girls we saved Natsu. They were in a living Hell there. We saved them from that. Now they can get back to their lives."

Silence reigned for a few minutes and then Lucy finally worked up the courage to ask, "Um, guys? What happened before I got there?"

"I had Virgo collapse the building into that pit the instant I got the last hostage out with my teleportation," I said quietly, "Then I got Natsu to set it on fire. Fish in a barrel doesn't even begin to describe it."

Lucy took a moment to grasp the import of that and then her eyes went wide as the images started flashing through her head of what that must've been like for the people caught in it, "Whoa."

I nodded grimly, "When I say I'm sending somebody to Hell, that's where they're going, and I'll get express tickets." Lucy looked at me in shock as though she'd never seen me quite properly before and I sighed, "For the record, I reserve that sort of treatment for the worst of the worst, monsters in the most despicable sense of the word. If they were just thieves, I would have left it at collapsing their building on top of them and dropping them down a great big hole. Those were murderers, rapists and would've been slavers like those bastards in Hargeon if we hadn't gotten there when we did. A plague cannot help being a plague, and a hurricane can't help being a storm. That is their nature and I bear them no grudge. Those men could've been good, but they chose to be monsters. For them, I have no mercy."

"You still put out the flames though," Happy pointed out.

"Only because Natsu was uncomfortable with it," I replied quietly, "I would've let them burn."

"How can you be so comfortable with just killing them like that?!" Natsu exploded, "I would kill for my friends sure, but that was…"

"BECAUSE EVERY ONE OF THOSE GIRLS LOOKED LIKE MIRA, LUCY AND LEVY TO ME, OKAY?!" I shouted. There was a stunned silence for a second, I'm pretty sure people would've been staring if anyone was around. I took a few deep breaths and I'm not sure I wasn't shaking a little, "It doesn't matter what they look like. It doesn't even matter if they're pretty. When I see someone hurting a girl, or a kid, or even just a harmless animal, I'm not seeing what's actually in front of me so much as a nightmare image of people I care about experiencing the same thing, and I think you react to people messing with your loved ones about the same way I do." I snapped my fingers and made a little explosion.

Natsu, Lucy and Happy stared at me and I continued with a sigh, "You're right. I'm cold. I'm cold, brutal and honestly just a bit plain damn mean, but that's because I know that losing control and going off half-cocked will only make things worse. I…I just…the plan worked okay? It worked perfectly. I know it was brutal and horrible, but…they…GRAAAAAH!" I couldn't anymore, I just couldn't. My logic was all logic'ed out and the emotional half of my brain had gotten a foothold and that was it for my rationality.

"Look, I'm a results guy! You tell me squash the bug, I squash the bug. You tell me move the mountain? I may not be able to, but I'll damn sure try! You tell me stop the bandits? I make sure they never ever go again! I take things to their logical extr-finish! I make sure that the problem is solved in such a way that it won't ever be a problem again! When the problem is bugs, that means kill the bugs. When the problem is bandits, that means permanently incapacitate the bandits so they can never ever hurt anyone ever again! I can break their legs, I can flash fry them, I can just out and out pull a queen of hearts and OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! But I can't just risk them getting out of jail and going right back to it. That-that's a problem where I'm from. People go to jail for doing bad things and then they get out and go right back to doing what they went to jail for! Except they're better at it because they've had other criminals to compare notes with!"

I gestured desperately, "Do, do you see what I'm saying here?! I can't instant rehabilitate them, I don't have that much control and power with my telepathy or I could just rewrite their brains and turn them into like soybean farmers or something, so I have to go for the beat down! The ones that died went down in seconds, the ones that lived were only on fire for a few minutes and were probably hurt by the building falling on them as much as the flames, that was actually a very quick takedown! I didn't drag it out, I didn't take any pleasure in it aside from a job well done…I..I just…why are you upset with me when we won quickly easily and thoroughly?!"

Natsu, Lucy and Happy were all quiet for a moment and then… "Huh," Natsu mused, "I guess when you put it that way there's no reason to be." He smiled, "You're right! Thanks Jerry, that did go off really well!"

"YOU GOT ME ALL RILED UP FOR THAT?!" I roared. I was starting to really see why Gray enjoyed punching Natsu in the face so much…

Next time on "Mad Little Slice of Heaven"...

...

I had more papercuts and puncture wounds than anyone should ever have courtesy of a swarm of paper butterflies that despite looking like they should be flimsy and harmless were as hard as steel and acted like a swarm of itty-bitty fighter jets. Natsu and Happy were trying to outfly an apparently fire proof origami dragon the size of a rhino that could apparently unfold itself into a giant razor sharp blade at speeds too fast to even see. The paper shield and sword she had summoned were letting her go toe to toe with Taurus effortlessly and I couldn't tell if she was just that strong and capable of turning into paper or if we were just fighting a magically animated paper… puppet…

I cursed as the thought occurred to me and spread my telepathy, trying to pinpoint our foe's real location.

Then time seemed to slow down and I whirled, not even needing my telepathy to spot her as I realized where she was… right behind Lucy with a javelin...