Chapter 10: Ch10: Evil Genius

AN: As always, Reviewer Replies! :D

Reptil: Right you are! Cana will indeed take to Crash magic like a duck to water because it is in fact in her genes. Remember in a previous reply I mentioned that genetics had a role in determining a person's magic? This is an example of that. As for how bad Jerry messed himself up, no permanent damage due in large part to Porlyusica's healing and the fact that he's a lot tougher in Earthland due to the presence of Ethernano and the effects that has on human physiology. He'll be back to normal in about a month, although it will take a bit longer for his hair to grow back properly since it isn't faring so well against the sticky on the bandages, and Porlyusica actually has a temporary hair growth inhibitor in the healing salves she gave Jerry for his head to keep from having hair in her way when she checks his stitches. It'll grow back normally once Jerry stops using the salve, but until then he's totally bald under those bandages. As for his magic, no giant light avatar, no logia body, and the closest thing he can get to a clone is more like a Shadow Clone. You know that semi-solid thought projection thing Jellal can do? Jerry can learn how to do that, although whether he will or not even I'm not sure yet. As for Light being his main magic affinity or something deeper, the answer is yes.

Raidentensho: He will advance his Celestial Magic to that level eventually, but he might not use it the way Lucy does in canon due to things which will be explained in this chapter. As for Saint Seiya, can't say I've ever seen it, but the designs would be different because the pictures I found of the Gold Cloths honestly all look kinda the same to me when activated. I'm sure they're very interesting and unique in universe, but I'd have to mix it up more and tailor them to the spirits as they are in Fairy Tail. And yes, if Erza thought there was a special armor that could only be accessed by having a Celestial Spirit, she'd probably go find herself some Gate Keys. Yes, more than one because we all know that deep down Erza is an absolute hoarder.

AnimeMyWorld:Correct! I update on Fridays barring exceptional circumstances such as: I fall asleep as soon as I get home from work and don't wake up til the next day, there's a holiday so I update on Thursday, or I just feel like updating on Thursday. Basically Jerry and Mira are currently friends with benefits although they have yet to get friendly enough for any benefits beyond an occasional kiss/make out session. She likes him and he likes her, but neither of them are ready for a committed relationship. They're still feeling each other out. Yes he will be able to learn more Crash magic, but due to how much of his power it wipes out, and how much it upset Cana, he may prefer to explore other avenues.

And now, without further ado...

Chapter 10 – Evil Genius

…

…

That night as Lucy and I walked home, Lucy looked over at me, uncharacteristically serious, "Level with me Jerry. Can you actually fight with the shape you're in?"

I was quiet for a moment, "I'll do whatever's needed."

"Even if it kills you?" Lucy asked sharply, "You know nobody would ask that of you."

I chuckled and slid my gaze over to her, "What brought this on?"

"What brought this on?! You got buried alive!" Lucy exclaimed, "I was there when we got you to Ms. Porlyusica! I saw what your body looked like! I know you're not healed!"

I was quiet for a moment, "You're right. I'm nothing like healed. If it comes down to a fist fight, I'll be at a glaring disadvantage. I'm not as strong as Natsu or Gray. Everything on the right side of my body is going to be a major weak point, and with my ribs like this I'm not sure how agile I can really be. In all honesty, I wasn't planning to go out again for at least a few more weeks, it's not like I need the money after all."

"So why?" Lucy demanded, "Why push yourself like this?!"

"Because whatever Erza's on to, it's BIG," I declared grimly as I looked at my one good hand, "You've seen how Natsu and Gray are. You know as well as I do that putting them in the same room is asking for trouble, and you know what they're capable of. What does it tell you about how bad things are that Erza specifically asked for those two to be on the same team?"

Lucy's stride faltered for a moment and I nodded, "Exactly. Something's got Erza spooked, and anything that can spook a wizard that powerful badly enough to get reinforcements from those two, especially at the same time, is something that they need every ounce of power they can get in order to deal with. Even if I can't fight as well as normal, I can still summon Leo and Virgo. I can still use my cards, were you on the Everlue job? No, no that's right…I went with Team Shadowgear on that one...yeah, I've gotten a lot better with them...My Archive will grant us a huge edge in coordination, and if this big brain of mine can contribute anything at all, I won't feel right unless I do."

"Besides," I added in a slightly more upbeat tone, "Natsu's our teammate. We can't just let him go haring off on his own without us! On top of that," I grimaced, "What if Erza decides she likes having those two for backup and is actually capable of controlling them? If we don't get on that team now, at its conception, then we might lose our big gun. I don't know about you, but I like the balance our team's got. How many times would we have died now if we hadn't had our favorite fire munching idiot? I can think of at least two or three times I owe him for. I can't just ignore that and not back him up when he's probably going to need it."

Lucy was quiet for a moment, "But what if you get hurt?"

I gestured at the bandages around my head and arm in the sling, "Not like it's never happened before. I'll survive and if I don't then that's as far as I was meant to go." I smiled, "These last few weeks have been absolute Heaven for me, if the price I gotta pay for that is my life to do what's right…" I shrugged, "So be it."

"How can you be so casual about this?!" Lucy exploded, "You're my friend! One of the first friends I've ever had aside from my Celestial Spirits! I don't want to see you get hurt!"

I paused and looked at her quietly for a moment. Then I reached out an arm with a smile, "Come here."

"W-what?"

"I'm a hugger," I declared with a grin, "You need a hug!"

"I DO NOT NEED A- oh wow that is a good hug…" Lucy's tirade fizzled out the instant I wrapped my arm around her. The faint pulse of magic I was putting out to calm her down certainly didn't hurt. I think I might've overdid it a little because she almost turned into a boneless mass of relieved jelly as she returned my hug.

"I'm not going to die Lucy," I told her quietly, "We've got Natsu, Erza, Gray, all our spirits, and each other. If you're going to worry about anyone…" I stepped back and winked at her with my best grin, "Then worry about whoever Erza's aiming us at. They're going to have a very bad day tomorrow."

Lucy grinned, "Yeah, you're right. Just…promise me you'll be careful alright?"

"I'll be effective," I hedged, "Best defense is a good offense and all that."

Lucy gave me an unamused flat stare and I sighed, "Fine. I'll be as careful as I can be without risking everybody else…but if I see a golden opportunity to nip the baddies' plan in the bud, I'm takin' it!"

Lucy sighed as she opened the door to our building, "That's the best I'm going to get out of you isn't it?"

I nodded, "Most likely."

"I guess it'll have to do then." She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, "Night Jerry."

I'm not sure exactly when she got to the top of the staircase, but suddenly she was up there looking down at me asking if I was alright. I blinked a few times, my brain rebooted, and was my face red? It felt red. Then a devious little smirk spread across Lucy's face as she leaned over the rail, "Hey Jerry, I'll make you a deal. If we make it through this without anyone getting hurt, I'll give you a kiss that'll blow. Your. Mind. How's that for a bribe?"

I think my hand set itself a new speed record as I shot her a thumbs up, "DEAL!"

…

…

The next morning Lucy and I met up with Natsu and Gray at the train station. Erza hadn't set a time, so we just tried to get there early. Lucy and I were the first ones there, followed by Gray and then Natsu and Happy. Gray and Natsu immediately started to bicker, their rage manifesting through little auras of magical energy around them as they got right up in each other's faces. To just sit there listening to them, you'd think they hated each other every bit as much as their constant quarreling and fighting would imply. I had a hunch that they actually trusted each other quite a bit, but that didn't mean they liked each other, and I'd no sooner put that notion to them and risk having to fight them both in my current state than turn down a make out session with Mira.

"Let's just sit here and pretend we don't know them…" Lucy muttered as we watched the two argue from a bench with a fish munching Happy.

"What made you decide to come along Lucy?" Happy asked around his fish.

"Same reason Jerry did," Lucy replied, "You and Natsu and Jerry are my teammates now, I can't just let you all go haring off without me. What kind of teammate would that make me? It's fine when it's something that I really need to stay back from, like that job with the rogue's guild the week before last, but other than that I need to come along and help however I can. Besides, Mira asked me to come along to try to keep Natsu and Gray from killing each other when Erza's not around. She figures Jerry's as likely to start fighting with them as they are each other."

I opened my mouth to protest that, then closed it back. I couldn't even begin to deny that when I wasn't injured, I wound up facing off against them in the brawls almost as often as they did each other. I didn't harbor any actual animosity towards them, except Natsu when he was being a complete doofus. Then I felt a strong urge to deck him. For the most part though? I just enjoyed fighting, and those two put up the best fight. It was just good practice.

Before Happy could make a smarmy comment in response to Lucy's reason for being there, Erza walked up, "Good morning everyone. Have you been waiting long?" Lucy and I took a second to gawk at the literal wagon load of luggage Erza had with her, and then Natsu and Gray threw their arms around each other's shoulders and started dancing around like idiots.

"It's time to go good buddy!" Gray exclaimed in a voice loaded with false cheer. "Aye! Haha!" Natsu agreed in an equally fake voice. "Listen, one Happy's enough!" Lucy barked.

Erza declared that it was good to see them getting along so well before turning to introduce herself to Lucy. I thought about paying attention, but I was having too much fun watching Natsu and Gray flip flop from glaring daggers at each other, auras blazing when Erza's back was turned, to the arms-over-shoulders-dancing routine when she glanced over her shoulder. It wouldn't have been quite as hilarious if they hadn't switched back and forth at least five times in ten seconds. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing as Happy and I sniggered at them.

Then Natsu spoke up, "Hey Erza." Erza turned to him and he continued, "I'll come along but on one condition." He held up a fist with his going-to-set-things-on-fire grin, "When we get back I want a rematch." Gray tried to talk him out of it in hissed protests, but Natsu plowed right on, "I've gotten a lot stronger than I used to be, so it's not gonna be like last time. This time'll be way different, cause this time, I'm gonna beat you!"

Erza smiled slightly and agreed that he had gotten stronger, "As to whether or not you can beat me…I guess we'll just have to see. I accept your challenge."

Natsu was so fired up that his head spontaneously combusted…

…which was a pretty stark and kind of amusing change from his queasy expression twenty minutes later as the train rolled out of the station. I grinned at him as I leaned over the back of the seat. The booths only seated four, so I had to sit on my knees and lean over the back of my seat to be in on the conversation. Gray called him pathetic, Lucy was sympathetic, and Erza offered a cure if he'd sit by her. Natsu and Lucy switched seats and Erza gently laid the ailing Natsu's head on her shoulder. I was just about to think it was sweet, then Erza's fist slammed into Natsu's gut and knocked him soundly unconscious. "There," she said with a smile, "That should make the trip a little easier on him."

I grinned and Lucy grimaced as we realized Erza was just as batshit crazy as the rest of Fairy Tail. Then Gray spoke up, "Erza, I think it's about time you start filling us in. What kind of mission are we going on here?"

Erza nodded, "I have reason to believe the dark guild Eisenwald is planning something big. I'm not sure what exactly, but it has to do with a magic item called Lullaby." I frowned as the gears in my brain started churning. Erza continued, "I overheard some wizards talking in a pub in Onibus a few days ago. I thought they were on an unsealing job. It wasn't until after I had left the pub I saw them at that I realized who they were talking about: Erigor the Reaper. He's the ace of Eisenwald and only takes assassination requests. When the Council outlawed assassination requests, Eisenwald decided that money was more important than the Council's rules, and they were kicked out of their wizard league six years ago. That didn't stop them though, they've disobeyed orders and remain active to this day."

"Oookay I think I should be going home now…" Lucy whined. "Lucy's slimy all of a sudden," Happy noted. "It's sweat," Lucy growled.

Erza smacked Natsu's head like an armrest, "If only I hadn't been so foolish! If I had only recognized Erigor's name I could have pulverized them and forced them to reveal their scheme to me!"

"So let me get this straight," Gray mused, "You think Eisenwald's up to something with this Lullaby thing and given what you overheard you think it's gonna be something bad."

Erza nodded, "That's right. I'm not foolish enough to think I can take an entire magical guild by myself, that's why I asked you all to come along. The wizard who was going after the Lullaby said he would be back with it in three days. That's today, so there's no time for subtlety or doubt. We're storming the Eisenwald Guild."

I casually blew and popped a bubble with my gum before declaring, "Don't wanna burst your bubble Erza, but if that guy said three days, then we need to be figuring out where their target is, not their house."

Erza's gaze snapped to me and I met it calmly, "If a dark guild wants something called Lullaby then Lullaby is most likely dangerous magic. Judging by the name Lullaby, I would wager it to be a sound based magic, probably related to sleep or just as likely eternal sleep. If their boss Erigor's an ace assassin, then he's already bad news even without the Lullaby. So the question is: what does he need Lullaby for, and the only answer I can think of is that there's a target he's not sure he can handle without it. He's probably very cocky, so the target must be extremely dangerous for him to be wary enough about it to be hunting down this Lullaby thing. So ask yourself, what's going on right now at the end of this rail line in Clover?"

Erza thought for a moment, then her eyes went wide, "The Guild Masters' Conference?!"

I raised an eyebrow, "The heads of every guild in the league his guild got kicked out of are all gathered in one place, probably in one building, and all within earshot of each other. If they're all as strong as Master Makarov, or even just strong period, then nobody would be stupid enough to attack them without an ace up their sleeve. If Erigor's got a magic flute that can put anyone who hears it to sleep though…"

"Then he'd be able to massacre them while they were unconscious," Erza finished as the color drained from her face, "That's brilliant…How did you figure all that out?!"

I shrugged, "I'm an evil genius."

Erza raised an unamused eyebrow at me, "Evil genius?"

I shrugged, "We all have our quirks. I enjoy trying to anticipate the twists and turns in stories, which usually boils down to figuring out what the villain's planning. I've gotten good enough at it that I'm certain I qualify as an evil genius myself now since what so many so called "evil geniuses" plan is just common sense obviousness to me. It's like when we call Gray a pervert because he's always trying to get naked. Like right now, he's ditching his coat."

Gray froze halfway out of his coat and looked down at his arms halfway out of the sleeves. He sheepishly and slowly slid back into his coat, looking out the window to conceal the fact that he was blushing as pink as Natsu's hair. I nodded, "Ya see there? Gray's a perverted streaker and I'm an evil genius."

Erza smiled, "I see. Well, I'm glad you're on our side."

Then the train shook and began to slow down as we rolled onto a long bridge across a wide river. I thought for a second and then I felt the color drain from my face as we finally stopped and the roar of the engine faded, "Someone just uncoupled the car…That means…" BOOM!The whole train shook as a storm of solid shadows slammed into the bridge beneath us.

"EISENWALD WAS IN THIS CAR!" I shouted as the train started to tilt, its weight crushing the now crumbling bridge beneath it, "GRAY! FREEZE THE RIVER SOLID OR WE'RE ALL GONNA DROWN!" Grays magic roared to life and a moment later the lower side of the train car was covered in ice.

…

…

…

It took us almost half an hour to evacuate the train cars that were still there, we couldn't just leave the other passengers to fall whenever Gray's ice melted, and then we took off on my card car as fast as I could zip us along down the tracks, using the screens from my Archive magic as windshield and windows. Once I amped my intake I was able to shoot us along down the tracks like a rocket.

Natsu had tried to protest, but one glare from Erza had him hopping aboard, pale as a ghost and quiet as a mouse. Thankfully, it turned out his motion sickness did not apply to my card car. He was actually quite excited when he realized that, but Lucy and Gray shushed him as they were in the backseat together while Erza rode shotgun.

Erza was silent for several minutes as we zipped along, her eyes focused miles down the tracks on the train engine and the last car that was surely holding the Eisenwald wizard that had tried to eliminate us. I didn't mind. It was slightly unsettling how tense she was, but the others being quiet allowed me to really put the pedal to metal. Then Erza brushed her hair back out of her face and looked over at me, "This is terribly useful magic. I see why Mirajane wanted us to bring you."

I blinked and then smiled, "Thank you." "Can it go any faster though?" Erza asked with a hint of nervousness, "We still haven't caught up to them yet." "Erza, we're already going over twice as fast as that train was," I told her bluntly, "We're currently moving at around a hundred miles per hour. If we go much faster then we'll catch up to the train faster than I can slow us down, and probably go splat against the back end of it."

Erza blinked at me, "A hundred miles an hour? Really? But it's so smooth…" I nodded, "You're basically riding on a cloud, and I'm a good driver anyway. The only reason I'm not going faster is because I'd probably get tunnel vision if I went too much faster. If I judged the speed of the train right and assuming he didn't force them to speed it up, which I bet he did, then we may catch up in about five to ten minutes. Depending on how fast that train can go, we might not be able to catch up to them from down here…" Then I frowned, "Hang on, I'm taking us up. We'll see if we can spot the train from the air."

Before anyone could protest, we shot into a steep climb and a moment later the entire countryside was laid out beneath us. My eyes shot down the length of the track until I spotted the train slowing to a stop at a town nearly twenty miles away, "There!"

"That's not Clover though!" Erza protested. "Two possibilities," I declared, "Number one, he's stopping to pick up the rest of Eisenwald, and number two, they may be gearing up for a test run with the Lullaby! If they use it over the loud speakers while they've all got earplugs then they might be able to put the entire city to sleep and pillage it while everyone's out cold! One other thing, Natsu! Happy! I want you two to wait outside when we get there! If we get bogged down in a fight in there, then there needs to be someone out here who can go after anyone they send sneaking away while the rest of us are distracted, and you're the only ones who can fly besides me!"

Natsu started to whine and then Erza shut him up with an over the shoulder death glare. I explained to him that it was the most important job available, as whoever he went after would almost certainly be not only powerful but also the one going after the Guild Masters, and he seemed slightly mollified.

…

…

We strolled into the train station on our guard and found Eisenwald waiting for us in the lobby. It looked like the entire guild was there, the numbers were probably at least ten to one in their favor. At the front was a shirtless guy with white hair in a goofy do cross between "cockatoo" and "combover" with a scythe, a flute and wearing a robe like the bottom half of a dress. Goofy do in the dress was apparently Erigor the Reaper.

He immediately embarked on a very long winded speech about unfairness and the lost rights of his guild. He was able to fly, which Lucy and Gray quickly chalked up to wind magic. He alighted on top of a speaker pole when Erza asked what he was planning, "What do all train stations have?"

"Speakers and a PA system, which makes it a good thing our friend is currently cutting all the wires in the control room doesn't it?" I declared with a smug little grin (not actually a lie! Cancer actually was currently heading straight for the control room), "Nice try Airhead, but your evil plan was a little obvious there. Also what was your name again? Very Boring? It seems rather fitting. You're quite the talker aren't you?" Erigor flinched at the blow to his ego and then colored up with fury as I blew a bubble with my gum and popped it with a bored expression in his direction, "We gonna do this thing or what?"

Erza, Gray, Lucy and the entirety of Eisenwald were looking at me like I was out of my mind.

"I guess you Fairy Tail flies will make a fine trial run for the Lullaby," Erigor went to raise the evil flute to his lips and I casually spat out my gum before grinning evilly as it landed exactly where I wanted thanks to my teleportation magic. Everyone else immediately stuffed their fingers in their ears. I just started counting down in my head, 3…2…1…

The instant the flute touched Erigor's lips he immediately yanked it away, "WHAT THE HELL?!" He looked at the flute in revulsion and then exploded, "WHY IS THERE CHEWED GUM ON THE LULLABY?!"

I started chuckling, "Evil…" I teleported behind Erigor and blasted him point blank with an explosive dose of my light magic from my good hand straight to the base of his skull as I shouted, "GENIUS!"

Erigor slammed into the floor like he'd been shot face first from a cannon (which he basically had) and then I teleported to the ground in the center of the Eisenwald mob before letting my light magic explode from all points of my body. The resulting explosion was Natsu worthy and sent the entire Eisenwald guild flying, burned, blasted and mostly unconscious when they hit, with the few who weren't out cold being so dazed and stunned that Gray was able to freeze them all solid in about twenty seconds flat.

I exhaled heavily. I hadn't even realized I was holding that breath. I panted, why were there spots? Yellow and black spots, my suddenly hazy mind bubbled up, like an old film strip burning… I swore under my breath, "I really overdid it…" I only narrowly managed to catch myself as my knees tried to give out on me.

"This is new…" I ground out as my ears started ringing. I felt like my head was in a vice and the rest of me was full of burning sand. My arms were like soaked rolls of heavy felt and I could feel the moisture in the air sticking to my skin like an itchy wet blanket. "So this is what Master was talkin' about…"

Then the coughing started. It started off as just a little hacking, then it stepped up to a bone rattling, gut shaking BOOM of a cough, and I felt my bowels heave in protest as the sheer force of the convulsions began to make me vomit. I tried to hold down what little breakfast I'd eaten, but it didn't work. Then I realized hazily that vomit wasn't supposed to be red as it stained the ground in front of me. I vaguely wondered if it was the ground shaking or me…

…

…

I cracked my eyes open and my ears were still ringing slightly. I couldn't hear anything, but I could register that I was lying on my back in a very familiar bed. I tried to raise my hands to my eyes to rub some of the sleep out of them and massage the fuzz out of my head and the ringing from my ears. My hands refused to move at first and then as I tried much harder they came up and slapped me in the face very hard, poked me in the eye, and earned a frustrated growl as I started to thrash about trying to make my horrid stupid body move.

It felt like my whole body was asleep, not just my arms, but all of me, so I thrashed about trying to get some feeling back. I threw my forearm to my face and desperately bit it to try and regain some feeling. Then someone pulled my arm away from my teeth and the pressure on my skin was awful enough that I gasped in pain and let them pull my arm away.

I felt two hands press to the sides of my face and my eyes popped open in pain to reveal Mirajane looking at me with desperation. I went still as I realized, Oh, I was hurting myself…why was I…then it hit me and everything came rushing back.

"Ears ringing…" I forced out, "Can't hear…" my voice must have been gravelly as an old dirt road and either a shout or a whisper judging from how hard it was to speak. Mirajane's eyes widened and she glanced up at someone and then suddenly something miraculously, wonderfully cool was being smeared all over the side of my head. I let out a little moan of appreciation as the ringing faded and my sense of hearing began to return.

"He should be getting his hearing back any second now," I heard someone, Porlyusica, declare quietly. "Can you hear me Jerry?" Mira asked loudly as Porlyusica rubbed something else on my throat.

I winced and cracked my eyes open, trying to give her a reassuring smile as I mumbled, "Loud and clear Mira…shhh…Porlyusica's stuff worked really good, I can hear again and I've got a headache from hell. Whole body feels like its asleep and my head won't quit pounding."

Porlyusica sighed exasperatedly, "Okay, Mira, Erza, help me roll him over." A moment later I was face down with a pillow under my chest as, I guess it was Porlyusica, it could have been any of them, rubbed something down the length of my spine and began to massage it in. Then I realized it was at least two of them as the third one took hold of my head and began to rub something onto my temples and forehead. As they worked, all the pain started to quickly fade away and the strength rushed back to my limbs.

I shuddered slightly as the feeling rushed back through my body. It was the best thing I'd ever felt, "Ohh god that feels amazing…" I groaned. A few minutes later Porlyusica told them it was okay to stop and I looked up, "You can keep going if you want to…I haven't felt this alive and good in…" my head slumped back down onto the mattress, "…ever."

"You should feel a lot better!" Porlyusica snapped, "You came this close to dying because of that horrible flute demon."

"Flute was a demon?" I asked as I raised my head for a moment before letting my face flop back down because keeping it raised was too much effort and honestly hurt a little bit.

"Yes a rather giant one with a curse that ripped open all of your wounds from that avalanche you caused and was doing serious nerve damage on top of exacerbating your magic exhaustion," Porlyusica declared dryly. Then she jabbed a finger straight into a pressure point I hadn't realized was there and I yelped in agony as it felt like my whole body was on fire for a second. "And that's for disobeying your doctor and using the exact magic I told you not to!" she hissed acerbically.

"Sorry…" I grumbled, "Had to stop Erigor."

This time it was an armored gauntlet karate chopping me in the back of the head. I groaned in pain. Erza packed one hell of a wallop, and I could tell she'd been holding back with that one. "As amazingly cool as you taking down the entire Eisenwald guild almost entirely by yourself in less than a minute was," Erza told me firmly, "It was still terribly foolish of you to ignore Porlyusica-san's orders simply for the sake of impressing me."

I went 100% stiff, "Have I been sleep talking?"

"No you've been still and quiet as the grave for three days," Mira told me calmly, "We've been very worried because you were barely even breathing." Then she added with a hint of accusation creeping into her voice, "Lucy's the one who figured out that you were trying to show off for Erza, and you just confirmed it."

I'm certain I blushed and I was very glad I was face down in mattress. "Em…Can't really deny it now. Sorry. Just, erm…hell." I thunked my head onto the mattress. What was I supposed to say? In retrospect it was selfish, stupid, pig headed and probably a shortsighted blunder that could've gotten me killed if I had missed one of the Eisenwald guys. "I'll…try to be a little more careful from now on…"

"I should certainly hope so," Erza told me sternly, "How will you get your hero's kiss if you go and get yourself killed being heroic?"

Aaaaand there went my train of thought screaming and skidding and flying off the track into the land of WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! My brain hadn't been so derailed since…since…hell when was the last time? I certainly couldn't recall anyone ever throwing me that badly with a simple sentence.

I tilted my head slightly so that my ear was angled up a little more towards Erza as I glanced at her out the corner of my eye and immediately shut my eyes because I knew that if I met those eyes I wasn't gonna be able to ask, "Erm…sorry, run that one by me again?"

"Your hero's kiss," Erza repeated, "Everyone knows that the most heroic person gets a kiss. That's why I try to be the most heroic, so I don't have to kiss anyone unless I want to. This time though, I think you and Gray and Natsu might have equaled me in that regard, given that you took down an entire dark guild almost entirely by yourself and the three of us took down a giant demon. Since it was a tie, Lucy doesn't have to kiss any of us. Although, now that I think about it, you might have to kiss her, since she's the one who guarded you and got you out from under the Lullaby demon's feet while you were unconscious. It was quite upset with you for spitting gum in its face. That's probably why it went after you first."

Mirajane sniggered, "He did what? You didn't tell me about that part!"

"He spat his gum onto the flute so that Erigor couldn't play it," Erza explained, "The look on Erigor's face when he realized it was truly priceless and all the proof I needed that Jerry is indeed the evil genius he claims to be. The Lullaby was so furious it didn't even notice Natsu until he decked it." Mirajane began to howl with laughter and I think even Porlyusica was laughing a little.

Then something occurred to me, "Hey Erza, how much of a mess did fighting the Lullaby make? My attacks on Eisenwald didn't do much damage to the station I don't think other than maybe getting some blood on the floor, but I know I felt the ground shaking right before I passed out."

Erza was quiet for a moment and then she laughed a little nervously, "Weeell…we kind of destroyed the entire train station and the Council's demanding a written apology. It could've been a lot worse. Gray froze its feet in place when we realized it was trying to stomp you, and Natsu set the gum you had spat on its face on fire, so it was too busy trying to get the burning gum off to really do too much to the rest of the city. It only took us a few minutes to dismantle it, so amazingly the damage was kept to a bare minimum. The worst thing that happened was the train station being destroyed when the Lullaby revealed its true form."

I actually did manage to look at her without getting flustered then, "So they want an apology for us handling it in the best way possible?"

Erza thought about it for a moment, "Yes, that does sum it up rather accurately."

That ground through the gears in my brain and then came out my nose as a snort with a wicked grin, "Let me write the letter. I wanna get expressions out of this persnickety council just as good as the one I got out of Erigor."

Erza was silent for a moment and then she and Mirajane both burst out laughing. I grinned mischievously. If the mere thought of it made Erza and Mira laugh this hard, then I was going all out. Erza told me after a moment that I really shouldn't do that because they could do all sorts of horrible things to the guild if we mocked them too much, but she thanked me for the laugh.

…

…

==The Voice of an Angel==

…

==Three Days After The Battle at Onibus==

…

Erigor seethed within the prison wagon as it trundled down the road beneath the full moon. It was heavily reinforced and he was shackled hand and foot with magic sealing stone. The incarceration was bad. The broken nose was embarrassing. The method by which said incarceration and broken nose had been delivered, THAT was unforgivably infuriating. He still couldn't get the disgusting feel of chewed gum off his lips.

In retrospect it was obvious what had happened. That Fairy Tail fly in the bandages had teleported his gum onto the Lullaby right before baiting Erigor into trying to play it so he could get an opening. He would never have beaten me if I hadn't been distracted! Erigor raged internally, I'll make him pay for this! Nobody mocks Erigor the Reaper and gets away with it!

He then began lightening his mood with the thoughts of all the horrible, horrible things he was going to do to that masked wizard if he ever got a chance. He had just gotten to the idea of pulling out the masked wizard's teeth so he could never chew anything (especially gum!) ever again, when the carriage slowed to a stop.

Erigor was immediately alert and readied himself for a fight. Like hell he was letting them throw him in prison without a fight! If I can just get the keys, I can rip the guards to shreds and get out of…what is that? The sound sent shivers down his spine. Is, is that someone singing?

He listened carefully and as the sound of bodies beginning to hit the ground outside the prison wagon reached his ears, he began to be able to make out the words…

Come out moon…come out wishing star…

Come out, come out…wherever you are…

I'm out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake…

Come and find me.

I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break.

Come and find me…

I need you to come here and find me,

Cause without you I'm totally lost…

Though Erigor would never, ever, EVER, not-for-a-single-moment-how-dare-you-even-imply-it admit, tears actually started to well in his eyes at the sheer heartbroken longing of the song reaching his ears as it wafted through the prison convoy. For the first time in over a decade, he remembered that his heart had once had strings as the mysterious singer effortlessly tugged on them with nothing but her voice. His sharp ears actually picked out the sound of some other Eisenwald wizards in the adjacent wagons beginning to openly sob at the beautiful but heartbreakingly sad melody.

Just as the final verse ended, the voice suddenly changed tones and it was like a completely different person speaking, "Eeerigooor…are you in there?"

Erigor lunged to the window, his eyes wide. The mystery singer smirked up at him from among the crowd of unconscious guards, all laid out colder than ice by the magic of her song. It might've had something to do with those lingering wisps of pink fluff Erigor's eyes picked out, but surely it was mostly that utterly enchanting voice that belonged to the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, "Are you an angel?" he asked reverentially.

She just laughed, "Awww! Just for that, I think I'll let you live. Provided of course," her hand snapped out, fingers easily curling around his neck, and with an absolutely shocking amount of strength for such a petite form, brutally yanked his face into the bars of the wagon and down to her eye level, "You tell me exactly where the vault that held the Lullaby was and how to get in."

Erigor felt his heart begin to quiver, not in awe this time, but in absolute terror as he realized he was staring not at an angel, but at one of the most infamous dark wizards in the country.

==Next time! On Mad Little Slice of Heaven!==

I spent the afternoon that first day digging through the archives to see if there was anything else on Slayer magic. If there was any way to jack my magic levels higher so that I could do what I needed to without rendering myself nearly comatose, I wanted to know immediately. Levy came down to see what I was up to when she found out from Mira that I was there. She quickly wound up helping me search, but not until after she had read Precht's thesis on the matter. "Do you really think this conversion process will work?" she asked me with a thoughtful frown.

I nodded, "Oh the absorption rate increase I know for a fact does. It's the only reason I haven't been collapsing from magic exhaustion on an even more regular basis than what I have. As for the elemental conversion, I haven't had a lot of opportunity to practice with it, but I'm certain I was able to turn light into ethernano and absorb it the day I found that."

Levy almost dropped the paper in her hands, "What?! Show me!"