Chapter 14

Paige didn't remember the drive home. The entire drive was consumed with thoughts of her and Nathaniel's kiss. Paige had never been kissed like that in all 25 of her years of life. She was stunned. She was also upset with herself. She shouldn't have kissed him. She definitely should not have unbuttoned his shirt. Paige inwardly groaned at her forwardness. She had never been like that in the entirety of her life.

Her phone beeped and there was a message from Nathaniel. 'Did you get home safely?' he asked.

Paige thought about not answering him, but she felt a smidge of happiness that he cared enough to ask if she was safe. 'Yes' she replied.

'I want to talk to you tomorrow. Please let me know what time you could accept a call. Or, we could meet, if you'd prefer?' was his next message.

Paige read the message and decided to wait to reply. She walked into her bathroom, turning in the shower. She removed her makeup, brushed her teeth and took out her colored contacts. She stepped in the shower and let the water wash over her. 'I can never be with him, even if it was something I wanted,' she thought. 'It's not just the ethics and professional boundaries. I could never be honest with him, not completely. He's such a high profile person that it would attract too much attention and it would be dangerous for us both.'

These thoughts depressed Paige. When she ran away from home at age 18 she just wanted to survive. But, she knew she needed to go beyond surviving and live her life. Carrie had lectured her about this frequently. She had attempted to date a few times but her boyfriends never lasted long. Her longest relationship was 6 months. He broke up with her because he felt like she was holding part of herself back. Paige couldn't be mad at him; he was right. No one knew her entire story, not even Carrie. Carrie was just the only person who knew that she ran away and helped take care of her afterwards.

Paige finished washing herself and got out of the shower. She dried her hair and put on her pajamas. She would reply to Nathaniel's message tomorrow. She went to bed, but she didn't sleep. Paige tossed and turned all night long, thinking about Nathaniel. It was a break from the nightmares that usually plagued her, but she felt so overwhelmed by everything that she couldn't make a decision on what to do. She felt paralyzed.

Her alarm went off and she got out of bed, exhausted but determined to go in to work. Besides, it was Friday. She picked out her outfit, applied her makeup and ate breakfast. She grabbed her phone from its charger to put in her purse on the way out and noticed another message.

'Good morning. I hope you slept well.'

Paige sighed. She texted Carrie to come by her office if she had any spare time today. 'Carrie can help me figure this mess out' Paige thought. She threw her phone in her purse and went out her front door, locking up behind her. Paige got in her car and drove to a local coffee shop near her office. She went in, ordered her usual latte with an extra shot of espresso and Carrie's favorite latte. As she waited for her order, her thoughts drifted to Nathaniel again. She thought about the ways his eyes softened when he looked at her and his smile, which caused her stomach to flip. She knew that he liked her and she knew that no matter what, he was going to be hurt by her.

Once her lattes were ready, Paige grabbed them, thanking the barista, and left. She got in her car and drove to her office, parking in her usual spot. She walked in the front lobby and greeted the security guard that was there before unlocking her office. Paige was usually the first one that arrived at the office. Sometimes, she was also the last to leave. She perused her emails while drinking her latte and started writing a list of tasks. About a half hour later, her door opened. It was Carrie.

"Alright, Paige, what's going on that you're asking to meet today?" Carrie asked.

Paige handed Carrie her coffee in silence. There was no use beating around the bush. Paige asked for help, so she needed to get to the point quickly. Besides, Carrie would find out eventually, anyway. She knew Paige too well. "Well, I've sort of gotten myself into an absolute disaster with our benefactor," Paige said in a small voice, hanging her head in shame.

"Honey, I'm sure it's not that bad. Tell me what happened and we'll figure something out," Carrie said confidently.

Paige recounted last night's events to Carrie without going into graphic detail. Carrie listened patiently until Paige finished.

"Paige, first of all, you need to talk to him. Don't go making decisions about hurting people before you give them a choice on what they want. It's not fair to either of you," Carrie said sternly.

"Carrie, it will never work. There's so many reasons, but he's so high profile. There still could be people looking for me. If they find me, they could hurt him to get to me," Paige argued.

"Paige, honey, it's been 7 years. I know that you are always going to worry about being found, but I think it's time to live your life. Talk to him. He might surprise you. Just start and get to know him," Carrie encouraged.

"I'll think about it. I need some time," Paige said.

"Ok, well make sure you tell him that and let him know when you can talk. I'm going to get to work. I love you like you're mine, honey, and I just want you to be happy. Work is fine, but you're drowning yourself in it to avoid every other aspect of life. Speaking of, I'm going to go to my office. Thanks for the coffee," Carrie said, making a cheers motion and smiling as she left.

Paige felt a little better, but she wasn't ready to text Nathaniel. She worked through her day and avoided her phone. She saw there was another message from Nathaniel, but she didn't even read it. She finished up her day and headed home, washed up and went straight to bed. She was exhausted. 'I'll text him in the morning,' she thought to herself. 'I'll tell him we can meet. I'll hear him out, and then ends things. It's the only way.'