Love Is Depressing

Mother's sweet smile greets me when I walk inside my room. In her hand, she holds a... Red wig.

"I'm glad your back honey." She looks up at me, grinning. For some reason, she doesn't ask where I was.

"Look what I got you." She holds up the wig excitedly.

She walks over and stands behind me. I feel her tie my black hair in a tight bun, before proceeding to carefully put the wig on me.

With one quick motion, she turns me around. Her cold hands hold my face, scanning.

"You almost look perfect dearie." She says blankly.

"Here." She hands me a box and waits patiently as I open it. Inside, are brown contact lenses.

"Go on, put them on." She whispers.

My hands tremble as I bring the lenses to my eyes. Flashes of the first time I did coming back to me. My eyes felt like they were on fire. I'd had scratched them so hard that I bled. But I'd withstood it all, just to make mother happy. Just to be her perfect little girl.

"You look perfect honey."

"Thank you, mom." I smile as brightly as I possibly can, making sure not a single sign of doubt or regret is apparent in my expression.

Her arms wrap around me affectionately.

"You're welcome, dear."

♦

As expected, at the dinner table, I take Isabelle's seat, right next to mother.

Her gaze stays on me throughout dinner.

"Do you know where I got that wig of yours honey?" Mother asks,

"No. Tell me."

She gives a chilling smile.

"It's actually your sister's very own hair. I had it shaved off a day before the funeral, and created into a beautiful wig just for you."

I sense my father's discomfort, but as usual, he remains quiet.

"Thank you, mom." The words flow out naturally, but she gives me a look, expecting something else.

"You're really smart and resourceful."

I add and she smiles, satisfied.

"You're too kind honey."

♦

The next morning, mother is nowhere to be seen again, so I head out.

"Hey, Lili." Reeve smiles, ushering me inside.

"Hey, Reeve."

I enter, not hesitating this time, taking my usual seat on the couch.

Reeve joins me soon after, with a surprised stare.

"You look... Different."

"Is it that bad?"

"No. Of course not." He replies almost immediately.

"It's just..."

I know he remembers it just as well as I do. After all, it was just four years ago I had this same exact look, the only difference is, mother's the one behind it this time.

"Let's leave it as it is," I say, but he gives me a persistent look.

"I'd rather not talk about it. Please."

Reeve nods silently, but a somewhat guilty expression crosses his face a second later.

"Sorry I couldn't come to your sister's funeral."

"It's not your fault at all, you know that."

Mother definitely wouldn't have approved of his presence there.

He runs his hands through his hair.

"I know... I just wish I would've been there to support you."

"I'm fine," I say, but Reeve gives me a look saying he doesn't believe me at all.

He thinks I'm hiding my distress, but I'm not. I feel... Nothing.

"Did you come to see him?" Reeve suddenly asks, and I notice the slight flash of ire in his eyes.

"Maybe. But I also came to see you too." I gleam lightly at him.

He nods then stands to his feet, holding his chest in a dramatic bow.

"I'm honored."

My smile grows as I watch him.

"Would you also be honored to make me a small snack?"

His face brightens up.

"Of course. What would you like?"

I pause to think.

"Cookies...? NO! Muffins! Definitely muffins."

Reeve laughs pleasantly at my enthusiasm.

"As you wish my lady."

"May I come with you?" I ask getting to my feet.

"May I ask why?"

"I want to watch the master at work." I smile.

"Also to make sure you don't poison me."

He chuckles again.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He says seriously.

"Well then, shall we?" He holds out his arm, I smile, grabbing onto his bicep, and we head to the kitchen.

♦

"Do you need help?" I ask, watching Reeve curiously.

He looks up at me, clearly not expecting to hear that.

"Do you want to help?"

I nod.

"Alright. Come here then."

He stands behind me, his hands holding mine as he helps me fill the muffin tins. Suddenly, I feel him freeze, seemingly realizing how close our bodies are. I hear the loud beating of his heart, and feel the comforting warmth of his body heat.

I turn my head, meeting his enthralling turquoise eyes. My hand moves hesitantly to his chin, caressing him tenderly.

His gaze on me is questioning and intense as our faces are only inches apart, our breathing irregular.

Before I realize what I'm doing, I lean in, and kiss him.

I feel him freeze only for a second, before his arms wrap possessively around my waist, pulling me ever so close. My hands move on their own, wrapping around his neck, fingers digging into his hair. I feel his hands travel lower and a second later, he lifts me onto the kitchen aisle, simultaneously exploring my thighs. I feel him groan as I wrap my legs around his torso rapaciously.

"Reeve... Stop." I pull away abruptly, breathless and teary-eyed.

I briefly recall the day he'd confessed his feelings for me. It was no less than a year ago.

I'd told him never to bring it up, to forget whatever feelings he thought he had for me, if he didn't want a definite end to our friendship.

He moves as far from me as possible, avoiding my eyes. "Forgive me Lili—"

"No." I cut him off.

"It was my fault. I'm sorry."

"I just... can't... I can't love you Reeve. I can't..."

My voice breaks as I say that depressing, but true fact.

I can't love him...  Because I really don't know how to.

And even if I did, he would never love me back, if he found out the unnerving truth about me.

√