Chapter 9

NORA

My thoughts had been veering off course for the past week after the fashion show. I had become quite distant with everyone, even though- it is worse than it usually is. I stood in front of my frosted glass mirror, trying to keep my already haunting thoughts from wondering to HIM. It had a lot to do with the day, I knew that today would be particularly, DISTURBING.

As my thoughts spiralled, I stood there in the same spot, fighting the urge to allow my intrusive thoughts take over me.

I started seeing him 13 hours ago. At first I was aghast, the images so vivid I couldn’t close my eyes, too afraid that I would finally cross the line of insanity. The frosted glass mounted on top of my sink, created a ghostly reflection of me and I couldn’t be bothered enough to clean it up for a clearer vision.

My hands shook as I gripped the edge of the sink, hard. No- no, no-… he is not here. I can’t- think about him. I keep on chanting as I fish desperately for my anti-depressants.

The small bottle fell out of the cupboard and the little pills spilled out. I groaned in exasperation, bending down to pick it up when a hand grabbed my shoulder. I froze, my body was too still to comprehend what was happening to me.

I turned slowly, and there he stood towering over me, he was in the same white dress shirt, the red liquid; changing the purity of the shirt. He smiled down at me and I gasped, falling down on my ass.

The image disappeared again and I blinked to clear the tears away from my eyes, as it streamed down to wet my cheek. I scrambled quickly to pick up the pills and once I had all of them in my palms, I tilted my head and swallowed all of it.

I winced as the tiny pills went down my throat. After some minutes, my vision became blurry, and my hearing foggy as the pills started taking effect. I knew that it was the side effect but I also knew it’s the very heavy feeling of despair, guilt and pain swallowing my consciousness as I felt the doom of darkness taking over my senses.

FIVE HOURS LATER

‘Doctor how is she?’ I heard my mother’s distant voice ask someone as my body stayed in that trance like state. It felt like I had sleep paralysis, my body wasn’t responding to my brain.

What was happening?

‘Miss Nora is fine at the moment- but you would have to keep a close eye on her, she shouldn’t get that pill into her system again. I’m afraid the next time she might not be as lucky.’’ My mind registered that I’m probably in a hospital and judging by my mom’s soft sobbing I probably messed up big time. I don’t remember.

I don’t know what happened and even as I tried hard to recall, my mind drew a blank line, separating me from my exhausting memories. A hand draped over my shoulder- warm and loving. A vague memory of my mother trying to catch me as I ran around our garden comes into mind. The giggles, the adrenaline as my six year old self tried a possible best to get away from her. Now here we are; many years later and I'm still running- but this time she hasn’t been able to catch me yet.

**************************************

JUNIOR

I walked briskly into the emergency section of the hospital. Doctor Mark needed my assistance in convincing a suicidal patient the benefits of receiving psychological assistance.

I glanced at my watch, responding to the greetings of several nurses along the way as I entered Mark’s office. He looks in my direction in a double take as I close his office door behind me and my eyes immediately shift to the woman sitting across from him.

He acknowledged me and as expected the woman turned in the direction of Mark’s line of vision. Recognition.

That was the first word that made its way to my brain and her eyes indicated that she recognized me too.

‘Mrs. Gabella, meet Doctor Nathaniel.’ Mark introduced as I sat in the chair close to the middle aged woman with dried tears on her face. I gave her a quick nod as I directed my attention back to Mark. ‘We have already had the pleasure of meeting.’ I told him and he mouthed an ‘O’.

After a few seconds of awkward silence Mark broke it and spoke ‘Okay, since we all know each other, let’s skip to the medical issues at hand.’ I nod at his statement and so does the woman.

The tension in the room only heightens the discomfort we all feel but I push it aside as Mark starts to speak. ’So- Miss Gabella here has a daughter at the emergency currently and by my diagnosis based on the test I run, she overdosed on some anti-depressants. I called you here as the expert in clinical psychology to give us further advice on what she should do for her daughter.’ As Mark ended his speech a heavy sigh involuntarily escaped my lips. ‘Well…from the little I’ve gathered so far from your diagnosis and Mrs Gabella’s visit to my office some few weeks ago- I can conclude that your daughter is suicidal.’ She barks out a cry at my words, even worse ones from the one she let out in my office few weeks ago on her visit.

I’ve seen a lot of cases over the years of my profession, in fact I am probably a case, but this woman’s grief is new and heart wrenching.

After a few minutes she calms down with just a few sobs and sniffing as Mark handed her a tissue and I spoke mildly ‘In cases like this the patient would have to be willing to seek psychological help. But I can help by talking to her first.” She nods at me and the room falls silent.

Little did I know that this was a hurdle in my life I was not willing to face or control.