Chapter 20.1 : Déjà vu

It was 12 P.M and I just finished making the film's budget report with Alice, there was still more polishing that could be done, before we submit it to miss Marie tomorrow, but Alice said that I could go first. She knew that I wanted to hang out with Jane and Anne after school.

I thanked Alice for doing the polishing bits of the report and waved her goodbye as I went to the school's studio where Anne was.

Still was busy with her, painting... or so I thought!

She said that she would be stuck on the sketching part for a couple of days, but from the looks of it now… it's actually done!

"And you said that the sketch part would be done tomorrow, at the very least!" I teasingly said to Anne.

"You and me both! Hahaha…" She said to her surprise of her skills.

After my arrival, Anne knew right away why I was there and asked me to wait a bit, as she went to the mini sink of the studio to clean her hands and painting equipment.

While waiting for her I went and observed what she has sketched.

It was a simple painting of a sunrise over the horizon, but the way she lined the division of the light and darkness was quite intriguing. The line she had sketched was overwhelmingly on the sunlight's side.

"Okay, I am done! Let's go!" Anne informed me.

Soon as I heard, I turned my head towards her, but I notice… the floor was suddenly, sand… then my skin… felt a breeze that can only be either felt from the top of a building or… the beach.

I began to move my feet, move my body, my head, to see that I was indeed… on a beach…

"Anne…?" I confusingly asked for her.

"Yeah?" She responded.

"When did we… got to the beach?"

"Just, now… something wrong El?" She went to me with a concerned tone.

"It's just…" I couldn't find the right words to respond.

"You're such a worrywart El! Haha… I am going to play with the water now." And as I heard her say that… something just feels wrong suddenly.

I don't know what it is… as I feel every inch of my body alerting me of some sort of danger, sirens inside of myself is just ringing so loudly, so annoyingly, so… worryingly and… Anne, already out of her shoes and socks, was ready to play in the water.

But again… this weird feeling is still there and when I looked at her shoes it kept growing until I saw… a letter… ANNE!!!

I saw her, walking further and further beyond to the sea. I rushed in a panic and yelled at her to come back, but she didn't respond. I remembered now… I remembered clearly now! She drowned herself, she went to the sea and drown herself, leaving only a letter.

"ANNE!!" I yelled at her again, still to no avail to get her to responds.

I still kept yelling out her name, kept trying to reach her, to save her, but… she was getting further away.

More into the sea, more into her end… but then she stopped. She turned around with a smile and… the waves swallowed her.

I was stunned, frozen stuck in the sand, and dropped… I just saw her die… I…

"What's wrong El?" Suddenly… she came to me, wet, drenched in seawater, and… covered by all kinds of moss and seaweed…

"I… should've noticed earlier, I was your friend, I was always beside you! and yet…"

"Yet… you didn't notice… you should have noticed El, if you had we would have still hung out more, still eating spicy food with Jane, still playing baseball and basketball with Arthur, still singing horribly in the karaoke with Martyn and Alice, and… I would have finished my painting! You know…"

"I know, I know… I am sorry…" I can't take it… everything that we lost together…

"Well, I am going to sleep with the fishes again! I'll be waiting for you in hell, Eleanna!" Out of nowhere, seaweeds from the depths it came from, took her back, dragging her again to the cold unfeeling ocean.

"NO! Please!!!" I ran after her, but I couldn't as the sand suddenly sank my feet. "Anne! Please I am sorry, don't leave me…"

I extended my hand, trying to reach her, clawing the sand out of my way, I was trying… trying to get save her, but… I can't, I…

Why… why can't I save you… Anne…

I then opened my eyes and knew of course that it was a dream, another… dream to reinforce this guilt I have, a guilt I deserve for not noticing early.

I really miss her…

With my conciseness regained, I could clearly see Martyn beside the bed and from his movements, I think he was trying to wear his shoes.

I was scared, cold feet, and just starved of warmness. So, I crawled towards him and hugged him from the back, crashing my face towards his soft green tunic shirt, trying to feel his warmth, my love's warmth.

"El!" He was surprised and turned towards me where he could clearly see my actions, from my saddened eyes to how tight I hugged him. "What were you dreaming of?"

"I saw, Anne… I saw her being swallowed by the sea, I saw her drowned… And I couldn't do anything… God, It's all my fault, I was her friend Mar, I should have noticed it earlie-"

"Stop." He grabbed my head and piercingly looked into my eyes. "You know for a fact that this is her mother's, and only her mother's fault! And if you want to blame anyone for the lack of attention, blame me!"

"Mar…" I depressingly said.

"I am the most sharpest in the class, the most observant among the six of us and those other twats… but yet…"

"No, it's not your fault Mar!" I got up and hugged him.

"…" He was silent for a moment. "You're not the only one who misses her you know…"

"I know…" I wept slightly while hugging him… the pain was still there, still hurting, but yet it's not that painful, maybe… it's because I am not alone in this.

* * *

After that somewhat somber… morning, I left Eleanna and Arthur with Amadela, Kristof, Sofía, Sir Fionn, and miss Marie, who tagged along to keep an eye on me, to go back to the banquet.

Though technically we are still going there for social purposes, as it is still a social event, we or actually me want to go back there, the den of desperate noblemen and ladies, to… know more about the political situation of Tuath and maybe even other regions of Albion.

"So… you guys, did it?" Miss Marie asked.

"Did- Ohh god, no!" I realized what she meant.

"Then why did I only count 10 out of 12 from the box?" She began to ask seriously.

"How… how the hell am I in any way related to this?! I know you used one last night and I don't even know where you keep your condoms."

"Okay you're right, I never told you where it is, but I did tell Eleanna! And for all I know, she might have made you steal one of them!"

"And why would she want me to steal one of your condoms?!" I was irritated at this point.

"Because she wanted to do it with you!" She answered and I could only be baffled. "Look Mar, it's okay if guys did it, you use protection after all, but, as her Aunt, I have the responsibility to make you be responsible for taking her virginity!"

"We didn't have sex like you did last night miss Marie…" I shook my head in an annoyed manner. "We only snuggle and then sleep like logs last night, which… okay fine, I get if it sounds like I am lying, but, I swear to the god that summoned us here, nothing happened last night! Plus, we were just too mentally and physically exhausted to do anything after that damn banquet…"

"…okay I believe you, you're not the type to lie about things like this after all." Miss Marie finally believed me.

"Thank you! And… huh… so El wants to do it with me…" I pondered on the revelation.

"Of course, she wants to do it with you! You made her feel left out and threatened after all."

"…" I could only nod in silence. "So… what should I do then?"

"As your guardian, just do it, properly of course, so you kids won't do it in a very risky and inappropriate place. But as her Aunt, don't, call me old fashion and/or a hypocrite all you want, but ideally I want to her to pop the cherry after you both knot the tie. This is for the fact she's is still Elizabeth's daughter, I don't want her to rush things like how Elizabeth rushed things with Lucas, her father."

"Ouch… am I that sketchy?"

"No, you're still Felicia's kid after all, and as much as your hate towards her is justified, she is still an upstanding woman, to... well, some degree of course. But… you are also Henry's kid."

"Well... I do want to do it with her, but! It's going to be well thought out and romantic of course!"

Miss Marie chuckled. "Romantic how?"

"Maybe... in a nice cabin near the beach, sitting on the wooden floor while drinking wine in front of the fireplace…" I blushed as the shit I just described is sickeningly gooey and romantic.

"Hahaha…" She of course laughed at my idea. "Not bad, not bad... your kind are rare Martyn! but… seriously? Hahaha…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, laugh it up! Laugh for wanting to be a good boyfriend!"

* * *

There's one thing I've gotten a hang around and will pretty much be accustomed to these kinds of social events. A straight stature, well-mannered speech, a nice smile and listening, is all it takes to converse with these people.

Listening is the important part, as Arthur ad nauseumly reminded me, because it's the key.

What they say, what they gossip about, and what they accidentally slip, can be used to befriend or attack them. Arthur taught me that alongside the well-mannered speech and mannerism, but… Christ… it's exhausting by all means.

But of course, I have to endure, and with a goal already in mind… it, still won't be a walk in a park, but it sure as hell isn't a crawl in the mud.

"Lord Protector! Can I have a minute?" Sir Fionn, said with quite the shameful tone, came and wanted to borrow me from the group of nobles that I was conversing with.

"Ehh… Sure…" I was concerned what his tone meant.

And soon leaving the group of nobles, to a more private part of the ballroom, I realized that shameful tone he is giving was not a fluke as Sir Fionn… knelt in front of me.

"For all of my life, I have strived and kept trying on being an honorable knight of Albion. But as you already have heard… I, have… defiled your teacher, it is unforgivable for a man of my caliber!" He then draws his sword and put it on the floor for me to see. "I intend to make things right! I, Fionn macDùghlas of Caerisel, son of Séamus macDùghlas of Caerisel, forfeit my life to you Martyn Wulf, Lord Protector of Albion, The Second Hero of Lumenter!"

"Ehh…." I… I mean… yeah, I knew that this would probably happen after their bed activities last night… but… ehh…. "Sir Fionn it's okay! Sheathe back your sword please!"

"I can't do that! Please… my pride as a knight of Albion is at stake here…" He was genuinely in regret, even if he said it out of pride of his knighthood.

Seeing that this is going to be a scene, I quickly took his sword and sheathed it back. "Sir Fionn, I really mean it! It's okay, I am not her son after all and she's just my, Eleanna's, and Arthur's guardian. Well actually she's Eleanna's aunt, but again! It's not something we three will hold against you!"

"But…"

"Look there's no harm foul done! You didn't get her pregnant, you certainly didn't defile her, and I am not mad if you're worried about that."

"But I still dishonored her! I can't live knowing that she can't be wedded because of me!" Hearing that I wanted to laugh honestly, because he's not the first and be the last to exempt her from being a valid marriage candidate.

"If you really are bothered by this, then... you could always take her as your wife." I sarcastically said.

"…you're right! How could've not thought of that!"

"Wait, wait, wait! Hold your damn horses ther- Sir Fionn! Goddamn it!" And my poor timing on being sarcastic, backfired as I have to chase him before he made a goddamn scene in front of miss Marie and the crowds.

* * *

After… a disaster averted, I sat down on one of the chairs prepared for the ballroom.

Stretching my legs and hands, I then went back to enjoy the view, enjoy the happy couples on the dance floor dancing cheerily, while being in tune with the upbeat picking of the lute and fiddling of the violin by the bards.

"Fancy seeing you relaxing, Lord Protector." Sofía out of nowhere appeared, with another woman to introduce nonetheless, again.

"What could I say Your Highness? These people are one hell of a siphoner!" I sarcastically replied. "So, who's the lucky lady that you just scouted?"

"Lord Protector! It's a pleasure to meet you!" She with a passion of a million sun, introduced herself while bowing quite gracefully at me. "My name is Ana d'Silioaldo of Aguidad, second daughter of Count Sancho III of Aguidad!"

"Martyn Wulf, Second hero, your Lord Protector." I got up and nodded. "By the way, Lady Sofía, what happened to Pere, last time I saw him he was in a very sad mood?"

"Ohhh… that… ehh… I believe Lady Chloé turn him down last night."

"Wait, why?" I was genuinely confused.

"Pere said she was already taken."

"OHH!!!" And now, I was genuinely, mortifyingly even, shocked. "Holy… well, I guess I owe him an apology…"

Sofía chuckled slightly hearing my response. "It's okay Lord Protector, Pere isn't one to hold grudges and I have a wonderful Lady here! That would love the Lord Protector still being here rather than running back off to Castle Feannag!"

"Your Royal Highness…" She blushed a bit in appreciation for Sofía's compliment.

"Well, I'll take my leave now! Kristof is dying to dance with me again." She then left us both.

Though I know Sofía is just helping me out on finding interesting people here, It's really annoying on her part that she just up and left without giving something for us to talk about.

I got a hang around of it because thankfully, all of them started the conversation first, but this… ugh… we're just sitting here idly, watching her dancing joyously with her fiancé, while still not knowing how to break this ice.

"So… what do you think of the Winter Banquet, Lady Ana?" I broke the ice myself, because I couldn't take this awkward atmosphere for too long.

"It's… quite fine, fine…" She paused all of a sudden. "I am sorry my Lord, it's not that you're a boorish person, it's just that... I am quite tired of it Lord Protector!" She piqued my interest with this respond.

"Huh… none taken! To be honest too, I am quite tired actually! Last night was a headache and now is just… wow, it's somehow more worse than a hangover!"

She chuckled first before replying. "I know that feeling very well! I've been dragged through many of these kinds of social events by my father, and though it is nice to meet and talk to many people, It's just… well, tiring!"

To this day there are a lot of things in myself, that I've always tried to find a reason on why it is exactly like that, but none were like these sorts of conversations.

I get that my soft and everyday man like face can butter people back in my world, but here… I am pretty much someone you shouldn't be honest towards.

In this time period, class position even! honesty is not something you want to show outwardly, because it's a weapon for the recipient to use first and foremost against the giver.

I am not saying that I would use it liberally, but what I am saying is… it's just weird, for a lady that's not far from my age, to… open up.

But, the hell with that! Getting to know people is interesting and I don't really care much about the politics, I am a manager, though with a really great range of authority, in this kingdom first and foremost.

"Then… how about this! I know a nice place to wind down for a bit!" I proposed to her.

"I… am sorry, Lord Protector, but I am not that kind of Lady!" Ana aversely responded.

"Ohh no, no! The sun is still up and I already have a girlfriend! I was more suggesting we wind down alone on this room's balcony! And… well, to see if Lady Sofía was right!" I fixed up some wrong impressions.

"Ohh! Then, well… it would be nice to finally be introduced to that nice breezy cold Tuath air!" She said blushingly.

We then left, somewhat sneakily to the balcony, to have a quiet and relaxing moment from the loud and exhausting things inside of that room.

Ana, relaxed by all measures, as she went over the railing to enjoy the view.

"It still baffles me to this day, that these foreign merchants like trading more here than in Aguidad! Even though Aguidad's ports and taxes are much more appealing than Geamradh!" She ranted.

"Well, Grand Duke Alaxandair I, was more than just a savvy adventuring merchant! He's a diplomat who uses his silver tongue to not only make partners, but also friends! Sentimentality, which yes, is, by all means, a liability in this line of work, is still something that can drive a person. We're still humans after all, only thinking in logic is as stupid as only thinking with emotions."

"I wish that was true…" And from that somber reply, I could feel I hit some sort of landmine. "Well, in the end, logic will always dominate the field, I mean you can't argue with something that's normal right?"

"Hmm…" I only mumbled, maybe agreeingly, maybe even disagreeingly, I can't really argue back nor want to accept it.

"Again… I wish it was true." She went silent and I too went silent, pondering on what she said, but it was cut short as. "Thank you, Lord Protector! At least I got to have a nice conversation before I go."

And out of nowhere, I was blindsided by her, who… went up to the railing and was about to jump. "Whoa!! Take it easy there Ana! I know that philosophical conversation was a bit of a downer, but ending it all is a bit of an overreaction!"

"IT IS NOT AN OVERREACTION!" She screamed at me. "I… I have for all of my life been nothing but a tool of logic, duty, and whatever words my father use to make me his chess piece! I am tired Lord Protector... But don't take this the wrong way, I have planned this from before I met you and I am sorry for showing you this." She then looses her balance.

My mind, my muscles, everything in me went overdrive in that split second to grab one of her hands, to save her!

"Let go of me, Lord Protector!" She said while smacking the hand that was holding her from her certain death.

"No one's killing themselves again in fuckin FRONT OF ME!!" I snapped at her.

"Lord Protector please!! I want to-"

"DIE?!" I cut her off angrily. "WHO THE FUCK ALLOWED THAT!!!"

I then summoned my strength, the same strength that I used back in the Oer Forest's cliffs, and like before, like with… Anne… I am not gonna let her kill herself in front of me!

After I finally brought her back to the balcony, she cried.

"Ohh, Gods… I am sorry brother…" Hearing that, I was now beyond just seeing into things.

"Wait, you've planned a double suicide?!" She nodded. "God fuckin!!!!"

I then grabbed her hand and drag her to find her brother inside.

She pointed at her brother, somewhat taller than me, and somewhat hairier than me.

I didn't see anything that could kill him until I saw his chalice, my head was screaming that he is most likely going to poison himself in front of the crowd.

I rush to him with Ana and quickly grabbed his chalice full of wine, full of poison.

"Hey I wa- Lord Protector! And sister…?" As he looked at his sister's saddened face and my livid face, he knew exactly what was about to happen.

"I am sorry, I need to borrow these two idiotic siblings for a moment!" I said to the crowd he is in, as I took his hand like how I took his sister's hand, though a bit more rougher now because I was rushing out of this room.

"Martyn what are you-"

"Call miss Marie and tell him I've got idiots to be dealt with!" Kristof didn't reply back with his usual arrogant quips, as he knew I was too damn serious to take it.

"O-okay!"

"Lord Protector I-" The brother was trying to appeal to my reason, except it wasn't there currently.

"Shut it! You both are going to explain yourself in front of me and miss Marie! I don't care how much it hurts, how painful it is, as you both almost did something beyond idiotic!"

* * *

We were in a quiet room.

Amadela, miss Marie, Kristof and me, stood menacingly in front of the d'Silioaldo siblings.

They were quiet, afraid more or less, because what they almost did was beyond sinful in Amadela's eyes and beyond stupid in front of my eyes.

Amadela questioned them, asking why they wanted to end themselves, she wanted to get to the bottom of it like I did.

Their answer of course was the same that Ana said to me, they were tired, they hated that they're only seen as a political tool by their father, but instead of becoming enemies of the world like the Rider Cultist, they just wanted to disappear from the world.

Though from how they staged it, it was quite the loud one.

I was… actually a bit impressed by what their plan was.

Imagine two noble siblings who are as close as two peas in a pod, dies abruptly of suicide at the same place at the same time.

Rumors and gossip will spread like wildfire about the manner of the real relationship they had together. It was quite genius as they could kill two birds with one stone.

Disappearing from the world and tarnishing their father's name.

Of course, in all actuality these two are idiots.

Pompous brats that had enough just because they were being married off to some nobles they don't like.

There's one thing I know about nobles in this time period, they suck it up, heck even in my world people like them still suck it up and moved on.

"You… you don't know do you! You don't know the unimaginable things that we had to endure! The many friends and loved ones that were cast away by our father, just to fulfill his egotistic ambitions! He never once thinks of us!"

"And suicide is the answer?" I snapped back. "Do you really think you're the only kid who is suffering from these kinds of atrocities by their parents? Because you are not!!! I mean, god damn it, do something! Defend yourself! Make allies! Plan an escape or something! DO-"

"DO YOU THINK WE HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF THAT!" Ana cut me off. "DID YOU REALLY THINK WE TOOK IT LIKE AN OBEDIENT SLAVE?! WE FOUGHT, WE DEFY, BUT… but… we can't escape him…" Ana fell down crying and her brother quickly comforted her.

"We have done everything we could have done and think of, Lord Protector… but, we lost…" Her brother, wept slightly too.

Miss Marie after that took me outside of the room to cool me down, I was… pissed by all means, pissed at how they somehow concluded suicide is the only answer, but… damn it, what they said... god fuckin damn it...

"They're just like Anne aren't they?" Miss Marie said.

"Yeah…" I replied miserably.

"I know you're very passionate about this, I know for a fact you want to help them Martyn. But how could you seriously put the blame on them?"

"I am sorry, I know… but… I just, just... had it! Everyone after Anne just professes their intent to kill themselves in front of me like I can fuckin take it! And now… this?! I was already pissed at what Ruith's mom and predecessor did to her, pissed that she didn't even try to fight back, but now… Fuckin hell…"

Different kind emotions were mixed in my head, I was livid, I was frustrated, but most of all I was tired, tired of stumbling these kinds of nonsense.

Though I loved throwing bad parents into the trash, I've always hate the part where their kids conclude suicide is the answer...

"Martyn, calm down, breathe, think." Miss Marie, knew exactly what to do with an overly emotional me, as she patted and caressed my head tenderly. "Now tell me this, slowly, how do you want to help them? What do you want to do?" She said with her calming and slow voice.

"I… I want to end this nonsense!"