Chapter 31 - Guilt

The city lights were gorgeous at night. I slurped my drink outside Dan-Oh's supermarket. Since she wasn't doing her shift today, I had no one to pick groceries with. The others left after having dinner but I had to buy some things. 

"Hey"

I jolted and turned almost nose-to-nose with Taeyang. 

"Hi", I said scratching my head, "What're you doing here?"

"My shop's right across the road", He said pointing to a large building. 

I dropped my empty can, "That?! That's your company?"

"Mmhm", He said, "And that's only the Korean branch".

It was literally a ginormous building where rich dudes often went into. I have never ever stepped in there. 

"Wow…." I speculated. 

"If it wasn't so late, I could've taken you in for" he smiled shyly, "A tour of sorts?"

"Ah, yeah", I agreed, "I just don't want to carry an empty can all the way since the dustbin's just there".

I pointed to a dustbin near the wall. 

"I see", he said, picking up my can. 

I took it from him and threw it. It clanged against the rim but fell inside. 

"So, you went to Min Joon?" I asked. 

"Well, I actually saw your text in the morning and I had already fixed some work today. So I couldn't go today but I'm definitely going tomorrow".

"Ah", I said.

"Was he drinking?" Taeyang asked. 

"I…don't think so", I said, "He might've been in a bad mood…for some reason maybe…?"

"What?" He asked. 

"What what?"

"You paused", He said, "When you said some reason. ….for some reason. Like, you think it was related to you or something…?"

I sighed. The memories of the last meeting I had with Min Joon came flooding back. 

What if he was upset about what I said. What if it was because of my answer?

"It might be…", I said, clutching my grocery bag.

"How?" Taeyang asked. His whole attention was focused on me. 

"Well", I started, "I don't know how to put this but. He confessed to me, you know?"

Taeyang remembered perfectly well, I confessed to Mae!

"And?"

"And I-I didn't know what to say", I said as guilt overwhelmed me. 

This entire time, I had been chatting with my friends trying to be happy. But… this had been nagging the corner of my mind every time I thought of him. I just had been postponing my guilt and now it all came crashing down on top of me. 

"I-I told him that my feelings were different now", I said as my eyes filled with tears, "He looked so upset. And it's true! I did like him. I liked him so much Taeyang. But…everything just changed".

"What do you mean?" Taeyang asked. 

"Why do you think!" I yelled. My groceries crashed to the ground. Shopping bags and all. 

"Why did you have to come too…" I sobbed. 

His eyes widened. As I sobbed, he reached out for me. For some reason, I didn't want to detest his touch. I folded into him as he pulled me into his embrace. 

"I'm sorry", He whispered. 

I clenched my fists upon his chest. 

"Everything is such a mess", I continued between sobs, "What if I was the reason he almost died? Should I-should I have said yes, Taeyang?"

Taeyang bit his lip. His arms were firmly wrapped around Mae.

You did the right thing, He wanted to say, I want to hear you say yes to me….not to him. 

Instead all that came out was-

"I…don't know Mae".

He didn't know much better than Mae. He saw him drinking that day, with his friends. But…that was some time ago. 

I looked up from his chest. My nose grazed his chin. 

"Do you…want to tell me the same thing he did?" I asked, "Do you want to confess too?"

Taeyang stared down at her eyes. With all those city lights around them, when she looked up, he could literally see the stars twinkling in them. She was so close to him that he could easily pull her up to his lips. But he didn't want to. And he knew why. Because no matter how much he wanted her, what he cared about her the most…was her happiness. 

And that was exactly why, all those centuries ago he tried to spare her life along with Min Joon's. Because he thought she was happier with him. Together. 

'Father please! Let him live!'

He didn't want to add more to the pressure she was already dealing with. 

"No Mae", He said, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, "I won't confess to you right now because you have so much on your mind. I don't want to become another burden to you".

I looked up at him. 

"But", He said. 

He pulled me closer and placed a kiss on my temple. 

"When you're ready, I will come for you. I just know that now's not the time. So forget about me and deal with him first. If you like him, then I'll gladly wish you luck and cheer both of you on your wedding day. But…if you ever, feel like coming back to me…I'll be there, waiting for you. I'll know when you need me in your life".

That's when I remembered Jae-Sung's words….

But, I love you enough to let you go.

It was funny how the tables have turned this time. 

Dissolved in my own thoughts, I stared at his eyes. 

I knew there was more to come. 

Do I still care for Min Joon like I used to?

Or is it him? The one whose eyes I'm staring back at. 

Two hearts, both longing for a single soul. Still lost in their past rivalries and feelings. One has to let go and I must choose my side. 

I definitely found the beginning I was looking for but…when will I find the end?

Every story has its ending.

And mine, is yet to come. 

                        End of Volume one

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