Magic

Ealga had run as far as she could. She couldn't hear a single thought above the pounding blood in her body or the pain in her legs. In some way, she was grateful for the distractions of her body. Exhaustion was a familiar friend by now. The lantern was too heavy now and fell from her grip as she slumped to the earthen floor of the woods. Nimby buzzed and whirled in wild patterns around her trying to push forward more but there was no more left to give. Then was the dagger. The blade was still covered in a dark ichor of blood from the goblin woman she'd slain. The fluid had poured along the metal cross guard and marred the pale flesh of her hand in dark veins that stained the sleeve of her dress.

Then the echoes of the dying in her mind clawed to the surface of her memories. The horrible sound of it. The panic and anger of it all. Ealga squeezed her eyes shut ignoring Nimby who still spun around trying to make her move.

There was no way to know where she was now. Nimby was her only way of getting back to the road and to the safety of her grandmother's cottage. Still, she couldn't force herself to move. Fear had stolen her soul. There was no fear now, but what remained in its wake was a hollow girl who no longer cared if something happened. The nightmare of this journey had sharpened into an edge that cut into her and bled her to will to death. Her body even seemed to give up.

If she remained here the wolf monster would kill her and perhaps that wasn't so bad. Maybe dying was more like falling asleep after one final hellish moment. Peace could be what remained. Some sort of oblivion of nothingness that had no pain or anything else. Just a submergence into deep dreamless, eternal sleep.

"HAT SEEKER!" Nimby shouted.

She'd halted in front of Ealga drawn exhausted face and hovered there looking extremely distraught. Ealga just smirked mirthlessly.

"I can't move," Ealga stated flatly.

"I'm so tired. So very tired right now."

Nimby slowed herself and came in closer touching Ealga's cheek. "I can't," Nimby stumbled on her words, "I can't do anything about this. You need to get up. Please." Nimby pleaded.

The tone of Nimby's voice made Ealga aware of something about the situation she had almost missed. Nimby had seemed very different from her in so many ways. This urging to get moving and earnest concern for Ealga's well-being was different from that. And there had been other times that Nimby demonstrated a more grown-up demeanor. It was like Nimby was two different faeries.

"I don't know what to do, Nimby," Ealga could feel her eyes getting heavy. The fatigue was becoming potent.

"You must. You have to get up. Please. You mustn't die here in this place."

"I can't!" Ealga snapped. "I can't move! I just," Despair swelled from inside as she tried to speak.

"I can't do anything."

"Yes. You can." Something hard emerged in Nimby's voice. It was the cold steel of something like anger but not entirely directed at Ealga.

That did shock Ealga a little.

"What can I do then?" Ealga's eyes met Nimby's who still rested a hand on her cheek. Nimby was so warm to the touch for something so small.

"You have magic, Hat Seeker. You can find a way to use it to give you strength. But you mustn't just sit there." Nimby pulled back slightly taking the warmth with her.

Magic. Ealga did have magic. Though it seemed that she only ever used it when she wasn't supposed to which had gotten her scolded by her mother or she'd be terrified, and things just happened by themselves. The sticky blood on her hand reminded her that she'd also used magic to kill, but that wasn't even something she'd meant to do. It simply occurred when her emotions took hold and there was something threatening her.

"What does it matter, Nimby? I can't seem to use it when I want to. Or I hurt people." Tears threatened to come but apparently, she'd already done too much crying and nothing happened.

Nimby's expression softened, "You can control it. You just haven't tried yet. You've used magic before you came to the forest right?"

"Yes, of course, I have."

"How did you manage it then?"

"I don't really know. I just saw what I wanted and then something would happen in me that would allow me to reach it."

"Exactly! Don't you want to get to your grandmother?"

"Of course, I do!" Ealga felt a stirring in her, but the despair still clung tightly to her heart.

"Then you have to get there! You can't stop now."

Ealga struggled to find a way to back to what magic felt like. Whenever magic came forth in the beginning it was something like a dream where her world opened into possibilities. She never dreamed of using it for hurting someone. More than anything she wanted to know what animals talked about or what it was like to fly into the sky to see if she could touch clouds or not. So much had happened now that it felt like those dreams were just childish. The reality of magic was something dark as well. Her mother had been right to scold her. The evidence of her misuse of this power showed itself as the dying eyes of a goblin who must have been as frightened as she was at the time.

Is magic something worth having?

"Hat Seeker, you must find a way to use it. We can't stay here like this."

"Why should I? What if I hurt someone else again?"

"Child," Nimby's tone radically shifted into something maternal and wise, "you have the gift of sages, seers, and witches. It is strength you carry. A strength to use as you wish. You cannot allow yourself to fear your own strength or it will twist and bend inside you becoming a poison that rots you from the inside out."

Nimby came in close again offering a small kiss on Ealga's forehead, "You must choose for yourself what you will do with your strength or to wield it at all. If you choose to abandon your gift it will remain regardless. If you do nothing when you know you should do something the regret you feel afterward will only feed that poison of fear further. If magic can be used to do harm then it can be used to do good as well."

Ealga stared at Nimby in a state of confusion. Her words true. In some deep way they were right to her. It didn't make complete sense, but Ealga understood something in her being that heard what Nimby said. This trial was about understanding magic. At least, that's what Ealga had thought at first. Now though she couldn't be sure that was really the point.

There was another purpose for being here. Magic was a gift. One that she'd been given. I wouldn't take away her guilt for the past. However, it could at least be used to give her a chance to really understand what she was doing here in this forest. Perhaps she could understand why she had this gift, or even learn how to assist those who needed it.

Yearning to be free of the woods and to be somewhere safe sparked to life again. With clarity now she could see what she wanted. She wanted to live. Wasn't that enough?

"All right. I'll see what I can do."

"Good!" Nimby's behavior flipped back to being carefree instantly. It still confused Ealga but she didn't have time to think about that right now.

Ealga closed her eyes and sought the feeling she would feel when drawing her magic. Excitement started to come through. She took in a deep breath and listened to the forest around her. The air moved in her lungs as she breathed. Her body relaxed a little and she felt how her breath moved something inside. Like a force or energy began to come to life. Breath moved it, nurtured it, and fueled it.

Ealga lost herself in this feeling for a moment. Her attention was solely on this energy that brewed within. There was a connection in this space inside herself that she'd never known was there. As though she were light and fire jumping from cloud to cloud in the sky like lightning. It could become whatever she wanted it to be.

In her mind she played with this energetic force. Every breath shaped it into what she wanted. The safety of firelight. The warmth of good company. Escape from the darkness where she could rest. Her intent to find this escape and safety was mounting fast. Her breathing on the other hand slowed. She drew it in slowly and deeply molding the magic into her desire.

The air moved around her now in a swirling breeze. Ealga opened her eyes and could see where she wanted to be. Luminescent vapor spun forward in her vision linking itself a great distance ahead. It was like peering through the center of a spring. One end had attached to a point beyond and then the power of that spring drew it towards her. A golden light near the center of the glowing spiral drew closer rapidly. Ealga felt as though she were moving but she remained on the ground as she was before. The sensation of movement increased as the rings of the magic collapsed in soft wumping sounds until the light she saw was clear. It was a campfire.

The rhythmic sounds stopped then and Ealga lurched forward as though she'd come to an abrupt stop. The man who sat on the other side of the fire was wide-eyed in shock. Nimby burst with gleeful sounds hailing victory.

Ealga knew she'd traveled somehow but couldn't be sure how. All she could really do was let herself collapse from the exhaustion. Darkness took her far too quickly for her to do anything about it. The world just disappeared into blackness.