Chapter Four/Part Five

Lines of Love; Chapter 4/ Pt 5

Cait/

How naive must I be thinking everything would be fine when I came back a better person. But my best friends right here breaking down, I should have been stronger. I should have been here because she needed me but I left her behind again. It hurts hearing the truth more than a lie that's for sure but all I can do for her is breathe and listen. I'm surprised that Gina would kiss another and that other was Ash's brother no less. So what do I say about everything she just dumped on me and how do I handle it.

"  Uhh... So you have been doing a lot of thinking I see, I never knew how you felt so I guess that makes me a bad friend. I should have known but I was consumed within myself thinking you were just fine, I'm sorry... It's hard grasping Gina though. She loves you we all have seen it but to kiss Percy, what could have come over her... Is that what you asked her about?."

" Not exactly I more so asked her what she felt in that moment... Because that has a lot of meaning to it, I just wish I knew sooner to ask that, even though she said how she regrets it."

" Is that worth losing what you have Ash?... You could lose what you have, everything you built could be gone over a silly question... Surely you can see this isn't worth it. "

" For year's I was the cautious one always considering everyone else. Gina did a lot for me and my feelings were not fabricated, because of her I could feel them... Just like when I kissed Joy, her feelings were not fabricated for me, neither were her sacrifices for me... Even now she's always been here for me, take care Cait."

She walked away leaving me speechless at her admitting to kissing Joy. Has that been the Ash I knew for so long through the years, has Joy given her so much without me noticing. How much of her is hidden from me, am I so unreliable to you Ash. Pulling me from my thoughts I got a text from Victoria she had sent several worrying over me. Either way, I should head home since I can't do anything and I wanna cry so hard right now, I think I'm losing Ash and it kills me inside. After I told Victoria where to pick me up at we sat in silence for the entire ride home. A shot into the wind I send Joy a text hoping she will have answers that I can't find because I don't know this side of Ash at all, and that scares me.

After arriving home I didn't have much choice but to talk with Victoria. So I explained everything but she had no answers to give and Joy didn't respond to me. So I told her to meet me at the old park another shot into the wind but I want answers, I don't wanna lose Ash again. Joy has often had the answers I struggled for when it came to Ash like she was always by her side. It infuriates me to think of that especially since they were once enemies. I once more find myself organizing my thoughts trying to rationalize everything but it doesn't help with so many possibilities. If I asked Ash to tell me the truth would she, there has to be more to this. That's when I hear Joy call out after waiting so long I expected her to not show up at all.

" Hey, Joy it's been a while."

"Hmm... Yeah, something like that Cait."

"Help me understand her Joy... I'm losing her."

"The moment she could free herself from the noise inside her head was the moment you risked losing her. I'm sure you had to know that much."

"No, I didn't Joy how was I supposed to know what was going on. How was I supposed to know she would distance herself from me like this?"

"I don't have all the answers Cait, but when I see her everything becomes clear. She's sorting out everything she buried because she was always angry at things but never spoke up, or when she did, she never let them be known. You and Gina had it easy to know her but after so much time you both still struggle to see it... Gina is her first love but the moment she decided to kiss Percy spoke volumes. How angry do you think Astra was when she finally faced that reality."

" But Gina didn't even like it, Ash told me what she said and how she apologized... That doesn't make sense Joy"

" Don't be naive and childish Cait, you slept around with anyone the same as me back then. Do you expect to understand how that feels?... Betrayal when you never trusted people with your heart in the first place, the one person she trusted with her heart ignored It and trampled it... "

"Hey, that's not fair I-"

"Yeah, it's not fair how you stayed by her side complaining and running to me Cait. It's truly not fair at all, so go fix your problems this time... Have a good night."

This was a terrible idea I should have never reached out to her, but she wasn't wrong. Her truth had a sting to them that lingers long after they had been said. All I can do is talk to Ash and understand her, I don't wanna lose her like this. Time can be so cruel when you realize that you wasted so much of it because you never get lost time back. So I went to Astra's house so we could talk once more hoping I could help her for once if she will let me.