Traces of an old fire(3)
The night crawled on slowly. A light drizzle settled after the heavy shower , along with it a cool breeze and a peaceful silence. I was still in a trance, recalling memories, locked down in unknown corridors of my mind, for so long, enough to rust and rot; But they were still fresh, just as much as the last minute which went by.
Slowly, the void in my mind started to get filled with sounds, lights, flashes, of the past I so longed to be forgotten. Every experience that pained, every lesson I learned in the hardest way possible, every hurt that was hidden away clashed against each other in my head, creating more noice.
A beautiful painting out of a mix of contradicting colours, an epic drama with very vivid charectors, an opera with all available instruments; the chaos in my head was an artwork in itself , and I was the only spectator.
I was frozen on the spot, unable to move at all. It's been a while since I went back to myself. Usually I did everything and anything in my grasp to try not remember; and if incase something came up, to divert my mind to anything other than myself. I never even allowed a moment of silence to break, relax or reflect; but kept on going, filled up my ears with blaring music and pretended, to be fine, awesome and perfect.
Even then some sounds, like that of a conciousness, rose above all noices, to correct, advise, warn; but then again, hearing and listening is different, I only heard; Intention to act and action are different, I never did any. So, here we are.
Is this how a reality check is like ? It hurts like hell. My breath constricts, tangible pain seeps its way through my chest, along with a few other emotions. Anger, disappointment, fear, possessiveness, craziness, a wierd combination, if I may comment.
My emotions are changing from a peaceful walk to a desperate chase. They tumble down my soul and sweep me in a sandstorm. I can't open my eyes, can't stop it anymore, I have finally snapped.