Chapter 16

She swallowed hard. "I­I'm sorry about the note." She shored up her confidence, knowing she had to own up to the fact that she had run this morning. "I had to leave because I was running late to get here. There wasn't time for"

"For goodbye?" He cut her off, and the way he whispered the word, she heard the hurt in his voice, the wounded acceptance of what they'd shared coming to an end. He shrugged, as though trying to rid himself of a great weight that rested there.

"Yes." It felt like she was sinking into the floor. She'd just left him without an explanation, yet it felt as though they were talking about something deeper, a more permanent issue that lay between them. It was scary as hell to think about.

"It's just one little word, Felicity." His tone was still soft, hurt, and it shocked her. Her leaving really had upset him.

It was supposed to be this way, this goodbye­but suddenly the idea was unbearable.

"I'm sorry," she replied, her voice shaking. "We both know that this thing­whatever it is­won't work out in the long run. I'm not staying in Chicago, not if I get the job I want in Los Angeles, and you've built your career here. The deeper we go, we can't­" She struggled with the words. "So I thought I'd just make a clean break." There, she'd said it.

"You never even gave us a chance. You don't know what it would have been like between us." Jared released his grip on the chair and raked a furious gaze over the room before settling on her.

"What would have been the point of that? I'll be leaving next year. This isn't permanent for me." Each word hurt as she spoke, but it was the truth. She'd never planned on staying here, no matter how much she'd fallen in love with the city and the friends she'd made. She hadn't found any museums willing to take her on here, or she would have stayed.

"What's the point? When you have feelings for someone, there's always a point, Felicity. You don't walk away from the chemistry we have. When I touch you? It makes my entire body burn. I've never felt that way about anyone else." He spoke so desperately, a quiet rage in his eyes as though he fought to hide how much he was hurting. "Shouldn't we have at least given it a shot? Hell, we might have been terrible together, but I wanted to take that chance." His jaw clenched as he swallowed whatever else he had planned to say.

"You really wanted me?" She couldn't believe it. A guy like him could have anyone. Why did he want someone like her? She wasn't good enough for him. She was­ Dark voices from her past slithered through her. Hateful words she knew couldn't be true, yet she still believed them anyway. She wasn't good enough for him. Just a mousy little girl from a small town in Nebraska. She'd been a waitress at an Applebee's in high school while he'd probably been studying in law school. It just didn't­fit. They didn't fit.

His eyes darkened. "There you go again, with that look on your face."

"What look?" she demanded, irritation and pain prickling her inside like deep-rooted thorns digging into flesh.

Jared walked around the table to stand in front of her. She'd almost forgotten how tall he was, but as he towered over her, forcing her to tilt her head back, she remembered the way his long, lean body had curled around hers in bed. Protective, warm, seductive. A combination that was fatal to her heart.

He cupped her chin and turned her face to the right where a gilt-framed mirror hung on the wall. Embarrassment hollowed her out inside as she saw her face. Eyes wide, lips trembling, a heavy sadness painted its broad brush across her features, which now flamed red with shame.

"That look," he breathed in a disappointed sigh. "Like you can't believe that anyone would want you." Anger snapped and burned in his eyes like hungry flames devouring tinder. He didn't unleash it though, didn't hurt her. He only muttered a strangled curse before his fingers dropped from her chin to the back of her head, his fingers fisting into her hair as he dragged her into his arms.

Mouth open in shock, Felicity was unprepared for his punishing kiss. The edge of violent desperation that sparked from his lips and the way he savaged her heart and soul with the pain she tasted in that kiss. His pain and hers. She had hurt him. But she couldn't take it back, could not turn back the clock to undo this morning. Her hands rested on his chest, feeling the faint thump-thump of his heartbeat beneath her palms. Her own heartbeat echoed his, like a dove cooing to its mate.

Whenever he kissed her, she lost all sense of self and time. She found herself swept into a secret place where only sensations and emotions reigned. It wasn't something she could fight, nor did she want to. If only she could stay like this in his arms forever and not have to face reality.

Jared brushed his lips back and forth over hers, and she tried to press close again. He shook his head and stepped back. "You're killing me, princess." His words were husky and a little rough. He licked his lips and then tilted his head back and sucked in a deep breath.

Felicity watched him, her body shaking with need, her chest squeezing her heart in its iron fist.

"You're afraid," he said. "You're so young. I keep forgetting that. Just a kid in some ways."

She started to protest, but he held up his hand.

"You don't know how to make a leap of faith. I get that. It's scary as hell. We probably aren't right for each other. Trust me, I know that. We'd never have time to be together between my work and your school. I get that, too." He dragged his fingers through his hair and reached for his coat. As he slid his coat on, he stepped away from her, and the feeling of that distance cut her soul deep. How could someone she'd only known a few days make her feel like this? Like her heart couldn't beat if he walked out that door?

"Jared"

"I like you." A rueful smile twisted his lips. "You made me­feel. It's been a long time since anyone's done that. But if you aren't ready, I'm not going to push you."

His words were destroying her as much as they saved her. She couldn't have anyone in her life, not anyone she loved. In a way he was right. She was afraid he'd be too perfect, and once he left her, no other man would ever measure up. The idea of spending the rest of her life someday with another man­it left a sour taste upon her lips.

A thousand words hung on her lips, yet she couldn't say a single one. He seemed to read her silence as affirmation of his accusations.

"Thank you for yesterday. It was nice." He stepped toward her again and pressed his lips to her forehead in a light kiss. "Goodbye, princess." He lingered, his warm breath fanning her cheeks and his hands on her upper arms as he held her close just one moment longer. Her heart beat hard against her ribs, and she couldn't speak past the slicing pain in her tight throat as it constricted.

And with that he left.

Felicity crumpled into the nearest conference chair, staring blinding ahead of her. Jared Redmond had cut out her heart and walked away with it. She'd practically challenged him to do it, and he had.

It was better this way.

Yet it felt as though she'd betrayed herself by not running after him. He had wanted her, but was he right about what he'd said? She believed she didn't belong with a guy like him or his glittering world. Even if she could convince herself she and Jared could be together, it was crazy to think it could work. When would she ever get to see him? Their schedules were impossible to match, so what was the point? She would leave Chicago and any relationships she had behind. Just let it go. A terrible hollowness filled her until her entire body echoed with its emptiness. She hadn't known how full of happiness she'd been until she'd lost it all, when she'd lost Jared.