132. Wheel and Deal

Wheel and Deal

[Laney was outside with Squeals playing frisbee]

Laney: Okay, Squeals. Catch! [She tosses the frisbee and Squeals runs to catch it. She catches it and comes back with it] Good girl. Okay, try to catch this one! [She reeled back her hand and throws it really far.]

Lincoln: [Offscreen] Ow!

Laney: Uh oh! [Runs over to the garage where Lana was working on something covered in a tarp] Sorry, Lincoln. I guess I don't know my own stregnth.

Lana: [Grabs the frisbee] Ooh, this will make for a great steering wheel.

Laney: Steering wheel? What are you guys up to?

Lincoln: Lana and I are working on a go kart for the Royal Woods Go-Kart Grand Prix.

Lana: And whoever wins gets to ride with Bobbie Fletcher!

Laney: That's great. Well, I leave you to it. [Leaves but Lana stops her]

Lana: Wait! We can use your help.

Laney: Me?

Lincoln: Now that she's mention it. You've had a dream of being a famous racer last year. [Cut to a picture of Laney at a go-kart course tearing up the track. Cut back to Laney]

Laney: Well, I was quite the speed demon back then. But I gave up that dream to focus on becoming a pro E-sports gamer. Don't forget to follow ArtisticLaney45 and smash that like button!

Lana: Come on, Laney. I need you awesome karting skills.

Laney: Well, I guess I can put on the racing helmet again just to help you. So what kind of rod are we dealing with here?

Lana: Presenting, Loud Lightning! [Pulls the tarp away, revealing a bathtub.]

Laney: Uh... Well, I'll give you points for creativity... The bathtub's a nice touch...

Lana: Don't focus on what it is, Lanes. Focus on what it will be!

Laney: Okay. It's obvious you guys need my help. Squeals! [Squeals zooms in with a toolbox in his mouth. Laney picks up a wrench.] Let's build us a winner.

[Laney and Lana glue the frisbee to a golf club. Later, Lincoln pulls a roll of duct tape, and Lana puts a tennis ball on the stick shift. Lana screws a bolt in using her wrench and closes the bonnet. Lincoln, Laney, and Lana look at the final product, which looks more like a car.]

Lincoln: Wow, this thing is starting to look like an actual car.

Laney: Thank you.

Lana: It's gonna drive like one too. [Hops in] Let's take it for a spin. [Lincoln and Laney get in] Buckle up.

Lincoln: The feather boa seatbelts were a nice touch.

Lana: Thanks, now let's get outta here before Lola realizes they're gone.

[Lana drives off.]

[Later, Laney and Lincoln were walking over to the race track talking about thier cart]

Lincoln: I tell you, sis. None of the other drivers stand a chance against Loud Lightning.

Laney: I bet all the other drivers will feel pretty stupid after seeing our hot rod. [Just then, a car whizzes past them. Three real go-carts stop in front of them, the final one being driven by Chandler.]

Lincoln: Yep, pretty stupid... [Laney walks up to Chandler]

Chandler: Hey, Laney. Come to check out my hot rod?

Laney: First off, saying hot rod is my thing. Second how did you build a cart like that?

Chandler: Oh I didn't build it. I bought it. [Holds up a catalogue] Pretty impressive right?

Lincoln: What about building your car from scratch like Bobbie Fletcher?

Chandler: [Laughs] Who's got time for that?

Laney: But what about the spirit of the race? Don't you care about winning with a car you made?

Chandler: No. We just care about winning with these cars. You know, I could use a co-driver. We can ride to the winner's circle together. You in?

Laney: Not even in your dreams freak!

Chandler: You know you love me... [Blows a kiss and Laney blocks it. Then he drives off.]

Laney: AAARRGGHH! That Chandler makes me so mad! I just want to run him over with Loud Lightning! Over and over and over and over and over and... [Lincoln stops her]

Lincoln: Laney, remember your breathing excercises.

Laney: [takes a deep breath and sighs] It's fine. Our car can beat those other guys... right? [She and Lincoln looked at each other in worry]

[Back in the garage, Lana is tightening a bolt when Lincoln and Laney walk up to her]

Laney: Lana, we need to talk.

Lana: Hang on, tweaking an axel. [Finishes] There, I'm one step closer to that ride with Bobbie Fletcher. [Realizes] Oh, I made something for you guys. [Tosses red helmets at Lincoln and Laney. Lana and Hops appears with the helmets.] Loud Lightning helmets. I even made one for Bobbie! She and I can wear them everywhere. The movies, the racetrack, the Burpin' Burger.

Laney: Wow, Lana. These are great. But... there's something about the race you need to know about.

Lana: What do you mean?

Lincoln: We've seen the competition. They're all driving crazy fancy cars from this catalogue. Maybe we should, too. Just to be safe.

Laney: Not that your current car is bad. We just need one that can beat Chandler- err! I mean, win the race.

Lana: Pssh, we can't worry about what others are doing, Loud Lightning has got this.

Lincoln: Does it though? Just leaf through the catalogue. I circled some models you might like. [Lana takes the catalogue...] If we get a loan from Lola- [...and confidently tosses it away from him, making Lincoln angry.] Hey! You didn't even open it!

Lana: Don't need to, I have faith in our car, I know Loud Lightning can win this thing. [Just then, Charles takes the frisbee off the car and runs away with it. She chases him] Charles, you little scamp. Get back here with our steering wheel!

[Lincoln and Laney groan facepalm themselves]

[Later, the two were at the racetrack again keeping an eye on the competition. The fancy cars cross the finish line and Lincoln checks his stopwatch.]

Lincoln: [Angrily] Ah! We'll never beat their time! [Throws the stopwatch away.]

Laney: This isn't fair! Lana has worked harder than anyone else and now she's gonna get humiliated in front of her hero.

[Fantasy of all the other racers on the pedestal, laughing as Lana's car slowly inches to the finish line, and falls apart just before crossing. Bobbie Fletcher walks up to Lana, disappointed.]

Lana: But, but I'm the only one who built my own car.

Bobbie: But, you lost, and Bobbie Fletcher only rides with winners.

[Gets in her car.]

Bobbie's Car: Sorry kid.

[The car flies off and Lana starts to cry. The fantasy ends and Laney has tears in her eyes. Just then, Chandler drives by]

Chandler: Hey Laney. Since I'm gonna win the go-kart race tonight, how about you and I go on a drive in date? After my ride with Bobbie Fletcher. [Laney's eyes turned firery red. Chandler gulps in fear] Okay, I see your busy. I'll put a pin on it... [Drives away]

Lincoln: [Determined] No, Lana is not going down like that. If everyone else is gonna cut corners so can we, but I'll need help. A lot of help. I understand if you don't want to do it, Laney. I know how much you don't like chea- [Laney grabs Lincoln by the shirt]

Laney: [furious] Lincoln, I will be ding dang darned before I let Chandler crush my sister's dreams. We are winning that race, no matter what it takes...

Lincoln: [Smiles] Have I ever told you that I love it when you're angry?

[Race day]

Race Announcer: Welcome to the Royal Woods Go-Kart Grand Prix! Racers to the starting line.

[Everyone pulls up, Loud Lightning in the back. Lincoln, Laney, and Lana pass their family, who are cheering.]

Lynn: [Chanting] Team Loud! Team Loud! Team Loud!

Lola: [Realizes something and becomes angry.] Hey! Those are my feather boas!

[They pull up next to Chandler.]

Chandler: You're seriously driving that? It looks like you made it yourself.

Lana: Uh, yeah, we did.

[Chandler laughs. The camera zooms out to Lynn.]

Lynn: [Angrily to Chandler] You just wait 'til the race starts, punk! You're gonna eat their dust! -Ah, nanana-naa!

[-She makes a visual reference, causing Chandler to whimper.]

Lincoln: We got this, Lans.

Lana: Glad you finally believe in Loud Lightning.

Laney: Oh we belive alright... [She and Lincoln confidently smile at each other]

[Lincoln opens a map of the racecourse, with 'OPERATION WIN' detailed on it. He takes out his walkie talkie and whispers.]

Lincoln: Everyone in position?

[His and Laney's friends speak over the walkie talkie.]

Zach: Affirmative.

Liam: Yee-haw.

Stella: Let's do this.

Karla and Quentin: Twin power!

Squeals: [Oinks]

Race Announcer: Let's all give a warm welcome to our guest of honor... Bobbie Fletcher!

[Bobbie walks out on stage.]

Lana: [Gasps with her pupils dilated in affection] There she is. [Hops slaps her to stop her being distracted.] Right, okay Lans, focus.

Bobbie: Fire up those engines, folks. First one around the Royal Woods raceway will be the winner. On your mark, get set... Go!

[The racers set off, Chandler admiring himself in the mirror, and Loud Lightning quickly falls behind. Lincoln looks at the map.]

Lincoln: [Whispers into his walkie talkie.] Go for Operation: Cone Zone.

[As soon as the other racers pass around a bend, Rusty and Clyde, dressed as construction workers, come out of the bushes and place cones and a detour sign, pointing towards a path through a forest, on the road. They dive back into the bush.]

Lana: Detour? Has that always been here?

[Steers into the Detour.]

Lincoln: Yup, it's right here on the race map. [Lana looks at Lincoln's map instead of up ahead.] Eyes on the road, Lans.

[Hops gets suspicious. They come out through a bush, now in front of the other racers.]

Lana: Whoohoo! Nothing can stop us now!

[Suddenly they go up a steep incline. Loud Lightning slows down and the other racers pass.]

Lincoln: And we're stopping.

Lana: [Pumps the accelerator] Come on Loud Lightning, you got this.

Lincoln: [Whispers into his talkie again.] Go for Operation: Magna boost.

[The racers pass by a dumpster. Zach pops out of it and takes out a rope attached to a plunger. He tosses it down. The plunger catches Loud Lightning and pulls it up.]

Lana: Yeah! I knew my baby could do it.

[Hops looks at Lincoln.]

Lincoln: Ssh.

[Zach gasps and dives back into the dumpster. Loud Lightning passes and the plunger comes off.]

Zach: [Whispers] Yeah. [Suddenly the plunger lands on his mouth. He tries to get it off, but his struggle shakes the dumpster so much that it starts rolling down the steep incline.] Whoa! [It crashes, making Zach wearily] I'm okay.

[The other racers are still ahead of Loud Lightning.]

Lincoln: [Nervous, get out his talkie.] Go for Operation: Pig Parade.

Liam: [To his pigs] Showtime y'all. [Opens their crate] Sueeeey!

[Squeals dumps some mud all over the road and and leads the other pigs into it. They all dive in and began to roll around in it.]

Lana: We're so close to the other cars I can smell them! [Smells] Wait, that's not exhaust, that smells like... [All the other racers are stuck in mud.] Mud! [She becomes distracted with her pupils dilated] Sweet, sweet mud.

Lincoln: Not now Lana, this is our chance. [The other racers drive past them]

Laney: Don't worry, Lincoln. I'll handle this. [Grabs Lincoln's walkie talkie] We are go for Operation: Traffic Jam.

[Karla and Quentin place a painting of cars on the road, Karla puts on a tape of traffic sounds while Quentin created a fake detour. Then the two dressed up in bright vests. The carts then stop in front of the twins who blow whistles at them to turn left and the did so. The twins fist bump. Then Loud Lightning then drives through.]

Lincoln: This is it, Lana. [A ramp drops] Gun it for that ramp!

Lana: Right! Right!

[She goes over the ramp and is now in the lead, she and Lincoln cheer. The finish line is in sight, but the other racers are catching up.]

Lincoln: The finish line is just ahead! We can't let them pass us now.

Lana: Relax. They won't. I've been saving my secret weapon for the home stretch. We're going turbo! [Activated the lever, but it doesn't do anything.] I said... Turbo! [Tries the lever again, but still nothing. Starts fiddling with it.] Go turbo!

Lincoln: [Into his talkie] Go for Operation: Wingman.

[Stella heard that and swaps her talkie for a remote. Two drones come behind Loud Lightning and give it a boost.]

Lana: Turbo boost! [Lana's still in the lead.] We can win this! [Hears something behind her and looks to the side of the road.] What's that buzzing sound?

Laney: Nothing! Keep driving!

[She pushes his head aside and looks behind her car. She notices the drones buzzing away.]

Lana: [Shocked] Drones? What the heck's going on here?!

Lincoln: I'm just as baffled as you. Where could those have come from?

[Lana sees Lincoln holding his walkie talkie, Lincoln and Laney nervously laugh. Lana stops the car and lets the other racers pass. She jumps off.]

Lana: [Outraged] Cut the baloney! You're making us cheat! [Gasps] And you've been doing this the whole time! All the weird stuff that happened during the race, it's been you guys!

Laney: You don't understand! I really wanted to beat Chandler! I mean, help you win.

Lincoln: Besides, everyone else was cheating with all those fancy cars. We were just leveling the playing field.

Lana: Zip it! You guys are fired as my co drivers! [Throws the other lever, which are the passenger ejector seats. Lincoln and Laney get thrown into a bush.] Come on, Hops. Let's go do this the right way.

[As Lana drives her car back to the finish line. Lincoln and Laney emerge from the bush feeling guilty]

Lincoln: Laney? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Laney: We really messed up. [Sighs] I let my lust for revenge at that jerk who shall not be named, distract me from what's really important.

Lincoln: The spirit of the race.

Laney: I just wanted to beat Chandler.

Lincoln: Me too. But when we did all this, we were no better than him.

Laney: To be honest, I didn't really think of that.

Lincoln: Me neither.

[Lincoln and Laney chase after Lana in desperation]

Laney: Lana! Wait!

Lincoln: We're really sorry. We just thought that you're car wouldn't win the race and you'd be embarrassed in front of Bobbie.

Laney: It wasn't fair that those cars were fancier than yours.

Lana: How many times do I have to tell you? I don't care about the other cars.

Lincoln: But I thought you wanted to win.

Lana: Yeah, but not like that. I wanted to win like a true racer, like Bobbie. And that's why I'm starting over.

Lincoln: That's, really honourable. We should have let you do the race your way in the first place.

Laney: Chandler really got under my skin. I just really wanted to take him down a peg. I didn't think about what you wanted.

Lana: [Understanding] It's okay, Lanes. I know how much you hate Chandler. And I understand why you did all that stuff, you were just trying to be good siblings.

Lincoln: So, uh, you still need co-drivers?

Lana: Hop in. [Hops is startled and jumps out of the way while Lincoln and Laney get in.] Alright, let's do this!

[Lincoln gets ejected again.]

Lincoln: Whoa!

[Lana looks at the ejector seat lever and becomes shocked.]

Lana: Hops!

[It turns out Hops has stuck his tongue on the lever. Hops retracts his tongue and croaks, smirking a little.]

[That night at the finish line, the Loud family are all asleep, and seemingly the only ones still there. The trio finally cross.]

Lincoln: We finally made it! Too bad no one's awake to see us cross the finish line.

Bobbie: [Offscreen] I am. [Lincoln and Lana gasp as they see Bobbie Fletcher is still here.] Congratulations! I gotta say, I'm impressed. You're the only team who built their own car. In fact, I'd love to take it for a spin.

Lana: [Nervous] O-Of course Bobbie. But wait, I made you something.

[She takes out a helmet from the trunk and gives it to her.]

Bobbie: [Takes it] Wow! I love it! I could wear this everywhere; the movies, the racetrack, the Burpin' Burger. [Lincoln gives his little sister a thumbs-up as the goes to live her dream.] Whoo, let's ride.

Lana: Get ready to burn some rubber! [They start, and Loud Lightning falls apart.]

Bobbie: Oof!

Lana: Heh, oops.

Bobbie: Don't sweat it, Lana. My first car broke down all the time too. Want some help with repairs?

Lana: Oh, that'd be great!

Laney: Uh, Miss Fletcher? Since your offering to ride with us, can I suggest we make one stop? [Smirks at the viewers]

[Later that night, Chandler and his crew were coming out of Gus' Game and Grub]

Chandler: Did you see that other racer? Talk about slow right? [He and his cronies laugh]

[Suddenly, Chandler hears a honk. And driving by them was Loud Lightning. With Lincoln, Laney, and Bobbie Fletcher inside driving in slow motion. Chandler's jaw drops in awe while Laney smirks at him.]

Chandler: [Slow motion] Are... you... kidding... me...?

[The scene resumes in regular speed as the four drive off.]

Laney: [laughs] Oh man! That felt good!

Bobbie's Car: [Flies to the moon] I love a happy ending!