Understanding

I made the potions that I needed to make and sent them off. Part of it was preparations but I really did want to make sure she was protected the best she could be.

She may live in a relatively mundane society in her own opinion but you can never be too careful. I would rather cover all my bases with her than lose her because I could not be bothered to send her potions.

What kind of precedent would that set? I had the ability and the will to help my loved ones with potions but I refused to do so. I could cure cancer and fight even the whims of time. So why would I not do my best for the girl I held dear?

There was a person that I was not treating with the same care. My mother. I felt quite conflicted about her. On one hand, her relationship threw me in to a hell of her own creation. On the other, she was just a foolish woman in love and was too scared to leave the one who held superficial power over her.

She played a rather pivotal part in how my story turned out. Yet, she was just a victim in the end. So how could I hold her accountable for her weakness?

I was just as weak I went back to Lily despite her breaking me first. I thought she was worth forgiveness while I pushed the nails of my crucifixion in to my own hands. I knew exactly what it felt like to love something horrible for you.

Lily proved to me that she was willing to hurt me all over again. I broke out of the cycle but my Mother never could. I should relate to those painful principles that built her life.

Yet, I stood far away and avoided her on principle. I did not want to see her because she always brought up painful emotions. She reminded me what weakness brought and showed me exactly how weak I was. Every time I saw her I felt like that scared boy who bottled every thing inside. The boy who could only cower as his father tore in to them, that was the weakness that defined me before. So weak I could not even save my Mother.

No matter what I said or did she would find her self in the same rut she always found herself in. I hated my father with a passion but I did not rush to her rescue when I could have done so already. 

I allowed my self to fall in to a routine with her. I was never able to help before so why even bother? She did not want the help and would prefer that I stayed far away from the abusive piece of shit I called a Father. When I came to Hogwarts I had the opportunity to poison that man, to take him out of the equation.

What did I do instead? I ran. I ran from the feelings she brought me. I ran from the hurt that he was inflicting. I galavanted by Lily's side because it was far less painful to do so. It was a weakness and a sickening one as well.

I needed to see my Mother. To close the pages of this terrible book. I was not only doing it because the woman who raised me needed me. I was doing it to bring my self some closure.

It was a selfish desire. I was unsure if she would even want the man to die despite all that he had done. I could never gauge the feelings that she had. She might very well want the cycle to continue despite my own wants.

I did not care any more. I was closing the book and making sure she was safe. No, more talking. No, more planning. I was going to make sure that everything was settled. Even if she might hate me for the rest of her life. If only for my own satisfaction.

I took out The Death Cloak as I planned on using it. As soon as the item was within my sight I froze. The shimmering soft cloth was just as invisible as it had always been. A useful tool but not something that really was that shocking. At least I thought it was not that incredible in comparison to something like Star Burster Star Blaster.

The sight of the thing now was indescribable. When I saw magical things I could understand them instantly. Nothing could hide from my gaze. All the small details that built a spell or item were as clear as day. The Cloak was nothing like those mundane spells.

Under my new found sight the Cloak was just that. A cloak, my eyes could not understand why it was invisible. In fact they all but screamed at me that it should not be. The thing made no sense to me as it was utterly mundane but still doing the impossible.

I knew that my eyes could only understand magic crafted from the hands of mortals. I just never expected that they could not even see the unnatural state of an item. It was like trying to find the difference between colors when you could not see any of them.

It was a fascinating concept and one I wanted to explore. As far as I was aware the Cloak did offer true invisibility but it was just that. A legendary item but not something that I could not live without. I had other ways of achieving something similar after all. Now the Cloak offered a brand new avenue of research.

Still, I had other things I wanted to do so I put on the Cloak so I could leave this place with out people bothering me. It may have been late but I knew that someone like Dumbledore was more than capable of monitoring the castle and finding me given the chance.

Lily might have already spilled the beans. Lives were on the line as far as she was concerned so she should take action quickly. She might have only told Potter but it would end up being heard by the old geezer rather quickly.

If Lily told Dumbledore instead of Potter it would have been far less cutting. Instead, she brought up the one person I would never want my secrets told to. That crushing moment was built from desperation and she was just spit balling her thoughts for a solution. I knew that but it did not hurt any less.

She proved that when the chips were down she would choose Potter over and over again. I was not anything really special to that girl. Just a distraction, something that could and would be replaced with no issues.

It was why I wanted to break her. Having her desperately want my attention. Having her begging for any scrap of affection I could show her. How replaceable would I be then?

That was an interesting prospect. I did not necessarily have to do something to break her. Lily was probably in a completely vulnerable state. I could have her desperately trying to find my forgiveness. I could steadily have her chasing after me instead.

I could move on and there was not a thing she could do to change that. I could dangle the hope that things were better between us but they never would be. I would become more and more distant from her and she would hate every second.

She had no one to blame but her self after all. I could do that and it would not interfere with my relationship with Ashley. That was certainly something I was more than willing to do.

I was going to table that plan for now. While I assumed that it would not affect things with Ashley I was not going to take chances. I was going to have a frank conversation with Ashley about it. If she was not fine with me spending time dangling that hope in front of Lily I would not.

I could think about another way to break her if that was the case. Even if I found that this plan really was fitting. Who knows Ashley might find the whole thing amusing and agree.

God, I could picture a moment where Lily caught Ashley and I fucking. How would that feel? 

I was going to ignore those plots and thoughts for now. They were delicious to think about but it all relied on Ashley agreeing. I was not going to hurt her just so I could break Lily apart.

I went about my night stroll through the castle. The place was relatively quiet as people slept. Even the portraits were silent as they rested or were doing other activities. The ghosts that haunted these halls were completely unseen as well.

It made sense as they wanted attention and would actively wander about in the day time. After centuries of being trapped in the same place, the only amusement they could get was from the living. So they had to match their schedules with the student body.

Beyond the non-living no one else was out and about. Well, there would be Prefects patrolling but they covered so little ground. It really was more of a symbolic patrol. 

I was on my way to the secret tunnel leaving this castle. I was planning on spending another long night traveling on 'my' broom. It was going to be a pain in the ass but it beat the Floo. I really needed to learn to apparte. 

With that thought, I stopped walking. Apparition is something I really really wanted to learn. Teleporting is massively useful and I wanted it. It would save me hours of broom trips or a nauseating Floo ride. Sure I did not know how to do it but I was a different person now.

I had the Alpha Stigma. With one look at the magic I could master it. All it would cost me was finding a person that could do it and forcing them to do so. I suppose I could bribe them as well.

The issue with that was it was currently one in the morning. Tracking down someone who could apparte and getting them to show me would be annoying. 

I did have another option. I started to walk to a completely different location as I thought about it.

There were other forms of teleporting that I could learn. The Alpha Stigma was able to learn any form of magic that was born from mortal hands. There were two beings that had far more impressive teleportation capabilities in this castle.

The first one is Dumbledore's phoenix. How it could travel in a burst of flames was rather impressive. It would certainly be an interesting way to travel. The only issue I had about that one was I did not want to be any where near the old man right now.

I decided not to kill him but the sight of that condescending prick might change my mind. It was in my best interest to avoid anything to do with him for the moment.

I was just going to have to settle for the second option. House Elves could teleport anywhere, wards might as well be nonexistent to them. They also had an innate sense of when someone magical was looking for them.

They could teleport to the location of anyone who wanted their presence. I was sure that there was some semblance of choice there as the alternative would be ridiculous. 

I also wanted to learn some other forms of magic from them. All of the magic that house elves casted were non verbal. They also did not need a wand. They could do some rather impressive things with a snap of their fingers. I wanted the same capabilities and now the matter of race would not stop me from learning from those ankle biters.

So I found my self once more in front of the portrait that housed the kitchen. I quickly entered the portrait and looked around.

The kitchen was fairly empty as there was no need to prepare something this early in the day. There were a couple of house elves cleaning things and chatting with each other. They all stopped as the portrait opened up.

I was sure that a lot of students popped in to get a late night snack. I was probably the only one that came here completely invisible. So I flicked off my hood and looked over at the silent house elves. 

They looked at me quietly before one of them said something and popped away. I was rather worried that they went to snitch on me.

It would suck but I already learned what I came here for. When the elf popped away I learned what they were doing. I had to say I had a brand new fear of these creatures. 

They were not really casting a spell. They were emitting Mana and massive amounts of Will to have the outcome they desired. No, wonder they were parasitic creatures. All the spells they casted took massive amounts of Mana as they were crude.

Still, while the method was crude the outcome was amazing. I was now capable of doing the same teleportation without the massive Will or Mana cost. I knew the principle behind what magic was doing to accommodate the unwavering will of these creatures.

If these creatures were more academically inclined they would be a terror. The amount of Will they could enforce in their Mana was insane. They would put people like Dumbledore and Voldemort to shame if they were less simple minded.

I was going to put my hood back up and leave when the elf that teleported away came back. It was accompanied by an elf that I recognized. It was the elf that helped me make food for Ashley.

All of these guys looked relatively similar but I could at least recognize this one. The little guy was rubbing his big eyes as he looked around. He was holding on to a little pillow so I could only assume that the other elf woke him up for this.

After a moment of looking around the elf Mimpsy finally looked over at me. His eyes were still a little unfocused but they were gaining focus quickly.

"Mr. Snapey should be sleeping." The elf let out sleepily as he carefully put his pillow down. He was right as I really should be sleeping right now but I had things I needed to do.

"Sorry, I was just looking for a quick snack before bed." I spoke out slowly. I was not sure how they would take it if I said I wanted to copy all of their magic. It was better to masquerade my motives behind a simple excuse.

These guys were not on my side they were just helpful in general. If Dumbledore wanted more information about me they would be more than happy to snitch on me. The old geezer did offer them a literal life line after all.

House elves needed to receive Mana from Wizards to live. If they did not get that Mana they would slowly wither away and die painfully. The house elves that worked at Hogwarts were not serving any one family but sapping the massive amount of Mana the castle generated.

So they barely managed to live off of the good will Dumbledore was providing. Some of these guys probably had some good reasons for not wanting to be involved with magical families. On the other hand, some of these elves were looking for families to serve as they would operate better off of a proper bond.

"Mimpsy will make Mr.Snapey something to eat." The sleepy elf said as he shuffled in to the kitchen. I knew that if I asked these guys would go out of their way to make me something to eat.

House elves were not able to conjure food either. They simply cooked various things out of the ingredients in the kitchen. I watched as the elf floated various things into their proper places in the kitchen. Then the various ingredients were cut and prepped in moments. They seemed to be cooked instantly as well.

I knew several charms that could do similar things. Yet, seeing the crude and monstrous way they used magic was fascinating. Every single one of their spells seemed to touch upon higher concepts than a simple charm.

When they were cutting the ingredients they were not just using imaginary blades or using condensed wind to cut. No, they touched upon the very concept of Severing every time they chopped potatoes.

Similar things were happening when they moved things or cooked things. It was not a conscious decision on their part. They simply threw Mana and Will at the wall until something stuck. These creatures were the keys to higher tiers of magic and we regulated them to serving wenches.

I could not imagine how we had overlooked these simple creatures for so long. I suppose it was how they held themselves. They were literally made to serve. If they could not do so they would die. So in the minds of Wizards and Witches, they would always be lesser.

Another part of it was probably because no one could really understand what they were doing. I used to have something similar to mage sight and it did not come close to what the Alpha Stigma could see. Before I could tell they were moving Mana out of their bodies and it was doing something but it was completely incomprehensible to me.

My people must have taken one look at that and decided that the magic house elves could do was bound to them. We were already capable of doing everything a house elf could do. The wandless capabilities were the only thing worth studying to the average person.

The true monsters of my own race would have already touched the realms of wandless magic by the point they would care. So studying them was probably not on anyone's list.

As I munched on the little assortment of snacks Mimpsy provided for me I contemplated how much I have grown. The concepts that they touched upon were explained plainly to me. I could do so much damage with what he had shown me. The way they used their very Wills taught me a shit ton as well.

I was no longer bound so tightly by my wand. It would cost more Mana but I could do everything I could do with a wand without one.

"Hey Mimpsy, do you want to be my elf?" I spoke seriously. The little elf sputtered and blushed furiously but I simply looked him dead in his big eyes.

The things I could learn as this little guy just existed would be amazing. If he did not accept the deal I would just have to procure an elf in a different way. I did have enough gold now.

Beyond acquiring an elf I was now capable of teleporting seamlessly to my Mother. So it was now time to take care of dear old dad.