Episode 10

#THE_JESUS_SLAY_QUEENS

#Episode 10

"Can you imagine? It looked as if I was insane. It was as if I was a liar. What would I gain from telling a lie?" I said as Fejiro and I walked back home.

"That's seriously ridiculous!" She replied.

"You mean you don't trust me?" I asked staring into her face.

"Ask a friend, the first thing they would say is you sound ridiculous!" She said grinning.

"Girl! This is not a time for jokes! I mean what I said. This was exactly what happened at the school toilet!"

"And I believe you", she replied.

I looked at her to be sure she was not pulling my legs. She had that convincing expression on her face. Convincing enough to knock me out of my doubts.

"But, if that was what happened, that makes me to ask a question?"

"What question?"

"Is the girl a spirit?"

My eyes popped wide in surprise. Truth be told I was also thinking in that direction.

"That's what I've been thinking ooo! Does that mean I was been seduced by a spirit lesbian?" I asked.

"Thank God you stood your ground ooo! Because if you had fallen, you would have come for me. You would have seduced me and I would have fallen for it as well", she replied.

I gave her a cold stare.

"It's the truth! The girl is a spirit. And if that's truly what she is, then you would have been initiated into the lesbian occult. You would have been a Princess in the lesbian world".

I was irritated by what she was saying. Now I was angry with her. How could she imagine me becoming a lesbian and coming to seduce her or should I say, initiate her.

"I am a child of God! How can you say they would initiate me! I am a child of God!"

"A child of God without fire!" She replied.

My eyes went wide in shock.

She giggled and ran off. She was already close to her house so she left.

I stood agape, trying to swallow what she had spoken.

A Christian without fire! Was she truly referring to me? I was born again, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost. So what was she talking about.

"God! Am I truly powerless? Are those girls in the classroom more powerful than me? I carry Zoe! I have the Almighty deity living in my bowels. Who dares to tell me that with the Holy Ghost in me I am powerless?

Well, Fejiro is just a small girl who knows nothing about the power of God. She's still a lazy Christian compared to me. I have gone ahead of her and instead of her to humble herself, she's busy telling me that I'm powerless.

Some people have big mouth! How can you that have not received the baptism of the Holy Ghost call someone that has been baptized in the Holy Ghost a powerless Christian?

Thank God she ran away after saying it. I would have finished her with scriptures this afternoon", I said within me.

I entered the house and quickly went to the kitchen to get my food. I took off my bag and forgot it on the kitchen counter as all that was in my heart was to get rid of the hunger that threatened to snuff life out of me.

I was still eating when I heard mummy's voice.

"Who left her bag on the kitchen counter?"

I almost vomited what I was eating. How could I be that careless?

"It's me oo!" I shouted and ran into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry ma!" I apologized as I grabbed the bag.

I placed it beside me on the dining table and continued eating. I completed my meal and sat down to meditate. Just felt like pondering over all that happened recently.

Soon, my heart remembered something important. I had a question for Ella. I quickly ran to her room and knocked on her door.

I opened the door and entered without waiting for her permission to enter.

I stepped in and looked around. The room was dark and had a faint brightness due to the closed curtains.

"Why is this place so dark and empty?" I asked.

"Who told you that this place is empty?" Responded a male voice.

I turned around to look and immediately, a bright light filled the room.

I had to protect my eyes from rays with my hands. I looked around discovered we were more than 20 people in the room.

I saw different angels are different positions in the room. Some were so tall that their heads touched the roof. Some held swords in their hands and stood ready to pounce on anything that needed its butt kicked.

I was so scared that I fell on my knees immediately. What kind of room is this? There were up to, or more than 20 angels in the room. Twenty angels to just one 17 year old girl? What does this mean?

I felt like crying. I just couldn't believe I was in such a place on fire for Jesus and I was not catching the fire. How can I be around people in fire for God and I was not catching the fire?

"I can hear what you're saying?" A voice replied me.

I turned to see the angels all looking at me. It was as if they could hear what I was thinking.

"I didn't say anything! I don't was only thinking", I replied.

"You ought to know by now that in the spirit realm, your thoughts are words and everyone can gear them clearly", he replied.

"I'm such a disgrace! I'm a waste! I'm useless. I just can't serve God the way I ought to. Look at everyone around me. They're on fire for Jesus. Me I'm here eating and sleeping anyhow. I'm still wasting God's precious time. I thought I had fire. But when I got to school, it was as if the fire fire from the pit of Hell that I met there quenched my fire and set me on another kind of fire.

I have been having immoral urges at intervals today. I don't think God has anything to do with a waste like me. I have been nothing but a sure waste of time. Why would God want to continue wasting his precious time on me? How can I be lusting after my fellow gender? And at the same time hate the practice with passion.

This is what I don't understand. I am just here wasting God's time. Look at Ella's room. It's filled with God's presence and ministering angels. She's only 17. Just a year older than me. My mates are busy making progress with their walk with God. While I'm here wasting precious time.

My mates are seriously ahead of me spiritually. But I'm here, struggling with my prayer life. I'm struggling with my bible study. I read the bible and I don't understand. I'm praying but not concentrating. Infact I'm a hypocrite. I'm just singing away the time to complete one hour.

I'm just so tired of living a wasted life. Why would God have time to waste on a foolish girl like me. Instead of me to grow up spiritually, all I do is to waste his precious time".

The angel smiled and shook his head.

"So who is putting you under pressure?" He asked.

I looked at him and was actually shocked to see him smiling at all I had just said. What could actually make him smile. And yes! Wasn't it a good thing that I'm under pressure to meet up with wasted years?

"Under pressure? I don't understand", I replied.

"Who is giving you marking scheme? Who is comparing you to your spiritual siblings? God or you?"

I was more confused now. What was going on?

"Have you seen or heard God comparing you with Ella?"

"No!"

"Have you heard him telling you to go and be like your mate?"

"No!"

"Have you seen him telling you to go and immitate Susan?"

"No!"

"Is God comparing you with someone? Telling you that you're such a naughty girl or a waste of divine investment?"

"No".

"So who is telling you all these?"

I opened my mouth, unable to utter a word.

"I know you are so used to it. Especially when you find yourself standing before your dad and all he's doing is talking about your neighbour's daughter who is doing better than you. Why can't you be like Ngozi? Ngozi is such a good girl. Is she not your mate?

Does Ngozi have two heads? She's taking the first position in class and you're take the 34th position. You're a disgrace! You're nothing but a waste of my hard earned money. I spent so much on you, pay your school fees, drive you to school, consuming fuel everyday. I also give you pocket money after allowing you cook and take food to school. I would still give you money to eat in school to make you comfortable and learn properly. I buy you textbooks and do everything in my power to make you a better person in life.

All you have done to thank me in return, is to carry the 34th position in class. After all my investment on you, you wasted everything. Why can't you be like Ngozi? Why?

Do you think that is what God is saying? Do you think God is like your earthly parents? All he wants is to see you doing all you can to meet up.

I know all parents desire to see their children do exploits. But God is not like your earthly parents. He's not comparing you with another person. He understands you're still growing and you need to remember that he's a patient God. He's a what?"

"A patient God", I replied.

"Your sister is sixteen years old and she's strong enough to carry a bag sachet water in her hands. You that is two years old, you also want to carry a bag of pure water, because your elder sister is doing so.

I'm not saying it's not good to desire spiritual growth. But why would you allow the devil to fill your heart with guilt? Ever since you started thinking in this way comparing yourself with other people, has it helped your spiritual life?

2 Corinthians 10:12. For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

God is not rushing you. I'm not saying he condoned laziness or lukewarmness. But he loves you and relates with you just as you are. You don't have to kill yourself to impress him or do him eye service.

Just continue with the spiritual process your mentor has put you under. If your mentor gave you an instruction, follow it like your life depends on it. If she says pray for one hour, follow that instruction. If she says write a report on a daily basis, don't play with it. Your obedience to every instructions you are given in this mentorship is the number one secret to your spiritual growth.

Not all these guilty conscience and comparison you're putting yourself through".

I woke up and discovered I had slept off after eating.

To be continued....

So many of us have finished ourselves with our conscience. Not really us actually, the devil has filled us with so much guilt that when we try to pray, we are so depressed.

We allow him to fill us with guilt and at the end of the day, we are so discouraged. We are crippled and made stagnant in our spiritual lives.

Who told you God is comparing you with those who are doing well? Look at Ada! Look at Chioma! Look at your mate! Aren't you ashamed of yourself. You have been born again for the past 7years! You don't have shame. Up till now you cannot pray! Shame on you!

That voice is not God ooo! I'm not saying God doesn't chastise. But that voice that does nothing to challenge you to rise up and build your spiritual life and move closer to God, but makes you depressed and more and more tired of pressing into God is of the devil.

The bible says that godly sorrow leads to repentance. But this kind of sorrow that leads you into hanging yourself on a tree and commiting sucide like Judas Iscariot, is the spirit of depression from the pit of Hell.

You become so depressed that you cannot open your mouth to pray. That one is not God oooo!

God relates with all of us based on our spiritual level. So grow up as a Christian and stop trying to cripple your spiritual life with depression. Keep moving forward, you're still on track. Don't give up! God hasn't given up on you! He still believes you can make it!

So what makes you think you cannot make it?